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How to Start a Conversation with Your Crush & Excite Their Mind

When you’re crushing hard, you can hardly string a sentence together. So, learn how to start a conversation with your crush and see where it goes! 

how to start a conversation with your crush

There are few things more nerve-racking than approaching someone you like and trying to think of something witty to say. During these times, your mind goes blank and you can’t stop shaking. But, the good news is that by taking a deep breath and learning how to start a conversation with your crush, you can overcome your nerves and even get to know them as an actual human being! Remember, they’re not superhuman, they’re just like you.

For sure, you want to come off cool but not like you’re trying to be cool. You want to flirt but not so much that you seem desperate. And you want to be confident, but also vulnerable. It can be a hard balance to work up the courage to say hello, let alone have a full-on conversation. The worst thing you can do? Overthink it.

So, how do you do it? Should you do it in person? Should you reach out via text or social media? What is the best way to start a conversation with your crush? [Read: How to talk to your crush and make them fall for you]

Why do we turn to mush around those we’re crushing on?

Why is it that when we’re around someone we like, we can’t be ourselves? What is it about this person that renders your tongue useless, your brain static, and your body shaking like a leaf? They’re just like you at the end of the day, they’re just a human being. How do you know they’re not crushing on you and feel the same way?

For many who feel this way, they decide not to even try and talk to the apple of their eye. They just can’t overcome their nerves and they assume that they’re just going to make a fool of themselves, so they don’t bother. How many couples never came to be because of this way of thinking? You might have met the love of your life and you’ll never know it because you’re too scared to talk to them! [Read: 50 cute things to say to your crush and make them feel special]

So, why is this? It’s usually because when we like someone, we build them up in our minds and put them on a pedestal. Even the most confident of people start to doubt themselves at this point and they feel like they’re just going to mess up or say something stupid. What your crush thinks about you matters and you’re so hung up on it that you just can’t be yourself.

Of course, it’s normal, but you should learn how to overcome it if you want to see if you have a chance with this person or not. If you don’t speak to them, you’ll never know! [Read: Does your crush like you back? 15 things you have to do next]

Remember – it’s just a conversation

When you’re crushing on someone, your adrenaline goes into overdrive if you even think of talking to them. You breathe heavily, you may even sweat, or forget your words. That is all normal behavior. When you have feelings for someone, especially a crush, it makes you feel physically nervous.

You could have imagined having a conversation with them 100 times in your head or even in your mirror, but now when it is actually about to happen, it is so different. It doesn’t have to be scary though. You can learn how to start a conversation with your crush calmly and confidently.

Starting a conversation with a crush is just like having a conversation with anyone else. They are just a person, nothing more and nothing less. The only difference is how you have built them up in your mind.

Do you know this person? Are you crushing on them because they’re cute? Do you have a lot in common? Do they just seem like your type? [Read: How to walk up to your crush, start a conversation and get them to like you]

You probably have thought about these things. This is so much scarier than just talking to a friend because of the build-up you have created. It may seem intense but that fear is not based on reality.

Don’t think about the worst thing that could happen, because why force yourself to think about that? Instead, think about what you want to say. Don’t overthink their response. And, don’t think about how in a year from now, you could be dating or how they could reject you on the spot. All of this is what makes a simple conversation so scary.

Whether you run in the same crowd or are practically strangers, this is one small interaction. You do not need to be perfect or who you think they want you to be. [Read: How to get your crush to notice you and like you back]

Overthinking is the worst thing you can do when talking to your crush because it makes it glaringly obvious that you are not feeling confident in this situation. Even if you are nervous, which is totally fine, remember that no matter the outcome, doing this is good for you. You are taking a risk by putting yourself out there and that is a great thing.

How to start a conversation with your crush

Learning how to start a conversation with your crush does not mean you have to know every word of the conversation beforehand. It doesn’t mean you need to overthink your response or sit with a friend and ask their advice on what to text them.

Starting a conversation with your crush means having an opening line and enough calmness to continue the conversation no matter which direction it takes.

Here are some tips to help you do that from start to finish. [Read: How to tell your crush you like them – The smartest and safest ways to do it]

1. Pick the method that makes you most comfortable

It can often seem the safest option to reach out to your crush virtually. That way you have time to think of a response that is clever. But, don’t just fall back on texting or social media because it seems the least scary choice.

This freedom can lead you to overthink your answers or come off too eager. If you start a conversation with your crush in person, there is a greater chance you will make a real connection. From there, who knows where it may lead? [Read: 20 flirty ways to text your crush and get them interested in you]

2. Pick a common topic

Many people will tell you to start with a compliment. Although it can’t hurt, it doesn’t exactly initiate a conversation. “I like your tie.” “Did you change your hair?” These are nice but don’t naturally lead to a solid conversation.

Ideally, start your conversation with a current event or common topics, like school or work. For instance, if you’re in college, ask if they have started the paper or if they know the homework, to start things off.

Then, it’s something you are already comfortable talking about and have knowledge of. It also doesn’t feel forced.

3. Make eye contact

This is only useful if you are in person, but when you are nervous or attracted to someone you tend to look at their lips instead of their eyes. This can seem impersonal and prevent you from fully absorbing what they’re saying.

Making eye contact when talking to your crush will enhance your chance at a connection and help the conversation become deeper. It also shows confidence which is instantly attractive. [Read: Prolonged eye contact when flirting – What it means and how to do it]

4. Take your time – but not too much

In-person or via text, take your time with your responses. Be thoughtful but not analytical. If you are texting, you don’t want to rewrite your answer ten times. Just type it and reread it quickly to prevent typos.

If you’re speaking to them in-person, let them fully complete their thoughts before responding. Even without the intent, when you are excited to talk to someone, it is normal to cut them off because you want to say something back. This can seem very eager or even rude. Relax and let the conversation flow.

5. Let the conversation sustain itself

If the conversation is lagging, let it be. Don’t pull in a random topic just to keep things going. This can feel awkward and forceful and not only will you feel uncomfortable, they likely will too.

Let the conversation flow from one topic to another. If things die down, do not ask, “So, what are you up to?” That is a big reach and comes off as intrusive rather than inquisitive. Know when to end the conversation and don’t panic about whether it’s the last conversation you’ll ever have. [Read: How to never run out of things to say and banish the awkward silence]

6. Pay attention to words more than the person

When you’re talking to your crush, your mind can be so focused on the fact that you’re talking to them, you aren’t even processing the conversation. They could be sharing something very important about themselves or asking you a question, and you could miss it.

Be present in the conversation. Be true to yourself. Interact. Listen. Share. Offer your opinions and ask questions. Push the thought of “oh my days, I’m actually talking to this person” out of your mind and focus on what they’re saying.

7. Don’t have a motive

It’s easy to text your crush just hoping they will make life easier for you and ask you out. Or, you might have an opening line ready to tell them you like them. This takes away from the conversation and ends up being limiting. Don’t always look for something out of each interaction.

If you do this, you are not being fair to them or yourself. Instead of waiting for a date invite, just enjoy the conversation as is. Don’t expect anything. Just get to know them naturally and see where that leads. [Read: 20 powerful ways to steal your crush’s heart by saying and doing all the right things]

8. Use the opportunity to get to know them

Having a crush on someone means you often build them up in your mind. Maybe they are cute, they do charity work and are hilarious, but it doesn’t mean you will necessarily have a connection. Don’t lean on the fact that you have a crush.

Just because you’ve put time into thinking about them doesn’t mean you would be good together. Really get to know them during conversations. Don’t pretend to like what they like or insist you like them just because you thought about it a lot.

Doing this can cause you to ignore some major red flags. [Read: The easiest guide for how to get to know your crush]

9. Let the conversation close on its own

As we said earlier, don’t force the conversation to continue when it has exhausted itself. Via text or social media, you don’t have to say goodbye if a conversation dies down unless you’re going to bed. In-person, just sitting there hoping one of you thinks of something to add is awkward.

Just let the conversation do its thing. You can feel it when a chat is over as you would with anyone else. Say goodbye or see you later and wait until your next conversation. You’ll seem bright and breezy and less stressed and uptight! [Read: 43 things to talk about with your crush and make them think of you]

10. When learning how to start a conversation with your crush, don’t try to be someone you’re not

The most important piece of advice is to just be yourself. That might sound simple but many people find it hard when they’re around someone they’re crushing on. If you try to be someone you’re not, assuming that by doing that they’re going to like you more, you’re going to have a very confusing future as a couple. You’re always going to have to keep up an act and be someone you’re most definitely not. That will be exhausting!

The more you simply relax and be yourself, the easier you’ll find the conversation. Just be you – there’s no-one else like you. [Read: How to be yourself – 14 steps to unfake your life and love being you]

They’re just a human being!

We want to leave you with one uplifting piece of advice to carry you through any nerve-wracking interactions with your crush. Remember this – they’re just a human being. They eat like you, go to the bathroom like you, make mistakes like you, and they crush on people like you. They’re not a superhero or someone you need to bow down to. They’re just the same as you.

It’s normal to build up crushes in your mind but try to keep it in perspective. Maybe when you get to know them a little you won’t actually like them anymore!

[Read: How to text your crush without being annoying]

Learning how to start a conversation with your crush does not have to be as scary as it seems. Just relax, stop overthinking and follow these steps. Use this guide, and you’ll surely be able to leave a memorable impression on your crush.

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Samantha Ann
My name is Samantha Ann. I am 28 years old. It was always my dream to become an advice columnist, so after years of off and online dating and eventually finding...