Figuring out how to get to know your crush isn’t as difficult as it first seems. It’s really about plucking up the courage to just go for it and ask questions! You can only get to know someone by spending time with them. Perhaps being a little silly and getting to know the real person underneath the mask we all wear at first.
Is your crush boring?
If you have a crush on someone, you might be keen to jump straight in there and take it further. Wait a minute! What about actually getting to know them as a friend first?
If you’re basing this on looks alone, you have no idea what they are like on the inside. Believe me, some of the most attractive people on this planet have nothing going on between their ears which leads to a very boring relationship!
Be with someone who you find attractive, but someone who you also find interesting, even fascinating. At the very least, be with someone who makes you laugh! [Read: What to talk about with your crush to keep them engaged and excited]
A crush gone wrong
I had a huge crush on someone in my first job. I made every excuse possible to be in the same place as them whenever possible. That sounds stalker-ish, I know. It really wasn’t like that. They were stunningly attractive too, to the point where I turned to jelly whenever I saw them. Not attractive on my side, I know.
When I finally plucked up the courage to initiate a conversation, do you know what I found? They might have been wonderful to look at, but they were the most annoying, irritating person on the planet. Seriously. Every comment that came out of their mouth annoyed me.
My attraction dwindled pretty quickly after that. [Read: 10 steps to get over your crush ASAP]
Why you should get to know your crush
If you have a crush, get to know them a little before you decide whether you actually want to dedicate your time and dreams on being with this person. If they’re horrible on the inside, you should be turning your attention towards someone who stimulates your mind as well as your hormones!
How to get to know your crush
You’re probably nodding along but wondering one simple thing – how to get to know your crush. I hear your problem, and I have nine steps in response!
#1 Make use of social media. Back in the days before Facebook and Instagram, how did people actually get to know about the people they were crushing on? They actually had conversations! How terrifying! Yes, we have become hooked on finding out smaller details via our smartphones and tablets. As weird as that sounds, you can and should use that to your advantage.
If you’re friends with this person on social media, have a quick look through their timeline. See if you can gauge what type of person they really are. A word of warning, most people inflate the quality of their lives on social media to impress others. Take whatever you find with a certain amount of salt pinching, and use it in conjunction with a few other steps I’m going to mention. [Read: How to stalk on social media and find just what you’re looking for]
#2 Ask around. Do you have mutual friends? If so, why not subtly drop this person into the conversation and see what response you get? If they say “oh they’re such a great person,” you know you might be onto something. But if they say “oh no, they’re terrible,” you can stop wasting your time!
If you have a close friend who knows this person, you could also enlist their help in setting up a meeting where you can actually have a face to face conversation with your crush. Terrifying, I know. If you’re going to have a possible relationship with this person at some point in the future, you do need to be able to talk to them! [Read: How to talk to your crush and make them fall for you]
#3 Watch how they interact with other people. When you’re close to this person, not necessarily talking to them yourself, watch how they treat and respond to others.
For instance, in a cafe or restaurant, are they respectful to the waiting staff? Do they put other people down behind their backs? Remember, how someone treats others is a reflection of how they will treat you. This is one of the big points in how to get to know your crush, albeit indirectly. [Read: How to get your crush to notice you and like you back]
#4 Actually have a conversation. Yes, terrifying. We’ve already established that. You need to do this, and you CAN do it! Conversations can begin from the smallest comments, even the weather or complimenting something they’re wearing!
We’re going to cover a few things you can talk about in the future steps, but actually having a conversation with this person is the single best way to get to know them a little more. [Read: How to talk to anyone and master the art of a real conversationalist]
#5 Work the mutual interest angle. Find out if you have anything in common. Perhaps you both support the same sports team, you both like fitness, or maybe you’re from the same school. Find something you have in common. Then, talk about that. If you’re not sure if you have anything in common, again, use social media to find out!
#6 Approach the situation as though you’re speaking to a friend. You’re bound to be nervous. That’s completely normal. The best way to get around this is to view them as a friend and nothing else. Okay, they might be very attractive. Try not to focus on that too much. Who knows, you might find yourself in the same situation that I did. When you have a conversation you might find them completely unattractive! [Read: Texting your crush – A step-by-step guide]
#7 Bide your time. Don’t be pushy. If you do this, you’re more likely to come over as strange. That’s not the look you’re going for! Treat every encounter as casual. Be careful not to ‘like’ photos on their social media from five years ago. That’s a sure-fire give away!
#8 Listen carefully to what they say. When you pluck up the courage to speak to your crush, really listen to what they have to say. Everyone loves a listener, and not that many people are actually that good at it! It also allows you to remember the smaller details of your chat. Then, digest it at a later date and figure out how you feel about it all. [Read: How to stop being shy around your crush and get their full attention]
#9 What is their body language saying? It’s easy to take people at face value and think they’re being genuine when they’re not, or think they’re being rude when they’re actually just shy.
The best way to understand hidden agendas is to read body language. Are they holding your gaze and smiling? Are they looking away, do they look shifty? What is their body actually doing? Are they holding their arms cross their body in defense?
Body language can say far more than words and will give away a liar in the blink of an eye. Check out the body language your crush is sending your way. Use it read between the lines.
[Read: Clearly noticeable signs of body language attraction]
So, if you’re wondering how to get to know your crush, I have an answer for you. Take a deep breath, fake as much confidence as you need, and talk to them!
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