Asking anyone out is tough. But learning how to ask your crush out will make nerves run even higher. This is someone you have feelings for and the fear of rejection is amped up.
I know the feeling. You are probably sweating a bit. You try to build up the nerve to ask them out but when you’re around them the time doesn’t seem right or you just lose the courage. This is a universal problem. Even people with great levels of confidence struggle when it comes to knowing how to ask your crush out.
Why learning how to ask your crush out is so hard
On the surface, it sounds like asking your crush out should be easy or at least straightforward enough. But, the thing about asking out your crush is that you are showing your feelings. Even if you don’t come right out and say you are interested, it is implied. And with that implication comes vulnerability. This leaves you open to getting your feelings hurt. And that is scary.
But, if you don’t take that risk and let your feelings show, how will you ever know what would have happened? You cannot live your life in constant fear of rejection or awkwardness.
Life is short, taking chances is what makes it worth living. Plus, anything worth doing does not come easily. Before getting into my tips on how to ask your crush out, try to remind yourself of this. No matter the outcome, knowing how to ask your crush out will build up your self-esteem and help you live your life fully. [Read: Are you accidentally sabotaging your own love life?]
How to ask your crush out
Before learning how to ask your crush out, you have to try to get over the fear and anxiety that goes with it. You do not have power through or ignore it. Rather, take that fear and form it into a reminder that taking this chance is worth it no matter what happens.
Once you can do that, these next few things should be a breeze next time you need to know how to ask your crush out.
#1 Breathe. It is crazy how something that literally comes so naturally to us can just be completely forgotten due to nerves. We often hold our breath in times of stress, pain, or tension. So remind yourself, consciously to take a breath.
Right before approaching your crush to ask them out, take a deep breath in and out. The more oxygen in your brain, the better it will all go. [Read: 14 easy mantras that will transform your life]
#2 Get a pep talk. Even with the realization that asking out your crush is a bold move that you should make, we can still second guess ourselves. Don’t worry, it is human nature. We all have moments where we don’t think we are good enough or feel we need to know the outcome before doing something.
Instead of wallowing in that doubt, talk to a good friend. Have them pump you up. A good friend will let you know that you are bold and confident. They will let you know you can take a few minutes to ask out your crush and they will say yes, and if they don’t you will survive and move on like a champ. Never underestimate the power of a good pep talk from a good friend. [Read: How to welcome positive energy and vibes into your life]
#3 Remain calm. Something that can make you seem awkward when you are trying to learn how to ask your crush out is nerves. Although we all have them, remaining calm for those few minutes is important. Showing too many nerves can make you look unsure.
You can freak out after if need be, but during the few minutes that it takes to ask someone out, keep your mind clear and calm. I know how hard that is, trust me, but you can do it if I can. All you need are a few moments of bravery and you could have a first date around the corner.
#4 Be specific. When you are nervous to ask your crush out, you may try to be subtle and ambiguous about it. If you are specific, it could seem like you’re trying too hard. But, if you aren’t specific enough this nerve-racking ask out can turn into a big pile of nothing.
Without nailing down a time and place during the initial ask out, things tend to get canceled or postponed. If you really want this date to happen, suggest a specific date idea.
#5 Be direct. It can feel like you are being less vulnerable if you beat around the bush. If you ask your crush out to drinks after work or to hang out, you might feel like you didn’t put your feelings out there. Sure, that feels good in the moment and your nerves are not as strong, but in the long run, it fails.
If you are not direct about asking your crush out on a date, it can be misinterpreted as a friend thing. If you do not tell them you are interested in them romantically, they could get the wrong idea. That will only confuse everyone and potentially hurt you more later on. [Read: How to ask someone if they like you without embarrassing yourself]
#6 Read the situation. For those that are poor with social cues, this is a tough one. Sometimes we read signs and signals wrong or not at all. But try. Look at your crush’s body language. Are they slouching while crossing their arms? Did they smile when they saw you approaching?
Do they have a nervous smile? Or are they genuinely in a good mood? You do not want to ask out someone that is not in the right state of mind, and sometimes reading the unspoken parts of a situation is what is needed.
#7 Own your feelings. Do not second guess yourself. You can work up the guts to approach your crush with plans to ask them out, but then fall back. You may try to act as if their response means nothing to you. Do not be overly excited, but show how you feel.
You can let them know you are relieved and happy that they said yes. Be proud of your bravery and don’t turn off your feelings. Even if they say no, you do not have to take back your offer. Own the way you feel. [Read: How to ask someone out over text and get that satisfying yes]
#8 Avoid technology. Texting and social media may be some of the most common ways to ask your crush out nowadays, but there is a lack of connection. When you ask someone out online, you can’t see their reaction and they can’t read your expression.
Asking someone out in person is overlooked and taken for granted. There is a connection that comes with communicating your interest in person. It may seem scarier than sending a text, but it is also more rewarding.
#9 Make a plan. Have a date planned in your mind. You do not already have to have reservations, but have at least a rough plan. Sure, you might just ask them to see the new Avengers movie, but with a date and time in mind, it will go more smoothly. It prevents any follow-up or back and forth looking for a time. Having a plan lets you be prepared and less nervous.
#10 Reward yourself. You did it. No matter if your crush accepted your date or not you should be proud of yourself. You should celebrate. This is a big step for your confidence and your dating future.
Knowing you have the ability and courage to ask your crush out can carry you into your next anxiety-filled dating situation. [Read: 15 lessons you can learn from your own breakups and rejections]
#11 Respect their answer. This is a big one. I have experienced people’s bitterness after rejecting their offer for a date, and it is not an attractive quality. No matter their response or excuse, just respect it and move forward. Now you know whether or not they are interested and you can move forward.
Being nasty or bitter because you didn’t get the outcome you wanted is not a good look on anyone. All that does is reassure them they made the right choice.
[Read: How to respond to rejection and do the right thing]
I hope you now know how to ask your crush out successfully. And good luck! I hope they say yes.
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