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The Texting and Follow Up Guide after a Great First Date

texting and follow up tips after a date

Are you conflicted about what comes next after the first date? Who calls first? Who texts first? When? How? Well, your answers are all written here.

So, you finally went out with the person you liked. Now that the hard part is over, it’s time for the harder part: establishing a new level of communication.

The way you talked to each other before the first date is significantly different from how you’re going to connect after the first date. First contact has been made, which means everything has changed.

At this point, you’re finally wondering how you’re going to proceed with your conversations through text, calls, and social media. Some say there’s a strict set of rules that you should follow, and failing to do so will put you in relationship limbo.

Those rules are usually along the lines of “Don’t call until after three days,” “If he calls immediately, dump him,” or “Guys have to call first!” [Read: WHEN a guy calls after a first date and WHAT it means]

And what do we say to that? Screw it, because there’s a new set of rules now, and it’s not the sort of closed-minded bull that was fed to us by pop culture and hopelessly unrealistic rom-coms.

What happens after the first date

Before we get into what you should and shouldn’t do after the first date, let’s take a look at what you can expect after the first date.

So, your date brings you home or vice versa, and you decide whether or not to kiss each other good-night. If you both decided to go for it, then it’s probably a good night. If you decide to sleep together, then it’s safe to say that it’s been a really awesome night. [Read: Sex on the first date – Should you give in to the urge?]

Scenario one shows you closing the door, sighing in awe of the magical evening you just had, and contemplating whether you should take a shower first, text your date another good-night, or wait next to the phone, hoping they’ll do the same.

Scenario two shows you closing the door after engaging in a hopefully amazing round of sex, heading off to the shower and drying off, while contemplating whether you should text or wait for your lover’s text.

Considering those two are extremely good scenarios, the slightly more difficult part comes next. Should you or should you not contact them? If yes, when? If not, why? If so, what are you going to say? What are you planning on talking about? What is the new format of your conversation?

We can’t help but ask all of these questions after the first date, but there’s no escaping it. You’ll have to talk to your date at some point, right? [Read: 18 sure signs your date really likes you after the first date]

When should you text

Isn’t this the big question? Isn’t this what everyone is dying to know? Why is it so important to know when a person should and shouldn’t text after the first date?

This is probably because when you text first, you’re considered the loser in the equation. You caved, so it’s obvious that you like that person more. But that’s just a load of bull crap. There’s no way to gauge a person’s level of liking you. You only know if they do or don’t. It’s that simple.

In order to find out which is which, you have to continue to communicate. In terms of texting, here is the answer to the question, when? Text them as soon as you can.

Even if you just closed your front door or left them at their apartment or just got into a cab, go ahead and text them if you feel like it. There’s nothing wrong with sending a small text to show your appreciation for the time you spent together. You can even text them good-night or tell them to drive safe. It’s perfectly normal, and quite frankly, in this day and age, it’s the polite thing to do.

Should you call or is it a turnoff

The more pressing question, aside from those about texting, is whether or not you should call after the first date. Since texting is the go-to mode of communication these days, there’s not much reason to even consider the idea of calling.

But that’s just what skeptics want you to think. There’s no reasonable stigma against calling a person after a date. In fact, it’s actually more sincere and can bolster your connection to the person you’re seeing.

So, what’s our verdict? Go ahead and call them. Just not while they’re driving.

If they get turned off at the idea that an awesome and attractive person is calling them to say thank-you for a wonderful evening, then they’re definitely not worth it. [Read: 11 honest reasons why you haven’t got a call after the first date]

What should you discuss

There’s no definitive topic that people need to broach when they talk after the first date. There are just a few things that you need to cover in order to seal the deal *no, not sex* and plan your next date.

#1 Everything you appreciated about that night. Do not lie and say something along the lines of “That was the best first date ever,” when you don’t believe it yourself. It’s best if you just tell your date how much you loved the food and how wonderful a conversationalist they are. [Read: How to keep the conversation going with the opposite sex]

#2 When the next date’s going to be. You don’t have to ask this immediately, but it’s okay if you do. If their answer is positive, then you’re all set for your second date. If not, then they’re probably not planning on seeing you again.

#3 Anything else. It’s a conversation. Of course, you can talk about other things aside from your date. Just make sure that your date is open to it, because they might be tired or they might want to talk some other time. It doesn’t mean that they don’t like you. It just means, “Not now.”

#4 Well wishes. Say your good-byes and good-nights. The conversation has to end sometime, so leave it on a happy note by wishing them good-night or a great day tomorrow.

When should you set the next date

If you had a great first date, you are going to want a second one. Here are two scenarios to consider for the timing of your next date. [Read: Second date tips to build the perfect romance]

#1 Within two weeks. This is the most ideal time to set another date because the romantic high from the last one hasn’t dissipated yet, and it’s perfectly normal to have a free day within two weeks. It’s not impossible to set a date immediately for the next day, but most people would rather wait a while before the next one, so they can regroup and think of more ways to impress you.

#2 If they’re not available *really not available*, set a date as soon as they’re ready. There are some instances when traveling and work commitments can make it difficult to set a new date. If this is the case, don’t worry about not being able to go out with them. But just in case you and your date start feeling distant, keep your options open for a moderate amount of time *3-5 weeks*, so you won’t end up waiting for someone who may not be as enthusiastic to see you again. [Read: 14 ways you may be ruining your firt date unknowingly]

What should you do on your next date and what should you expect

The second date is just as crucial as the first one, because this is when you and your partner will start to test the boundaries of your semi-relationship. At this point, you should try to have a new experience together, and you may even end up talking about deeper topics too.

#1 A date that’s unlike the first. If you did something unconventional like go-kart racing or hiking, the next should be low-key and relaxed, preferably a romantic dinner date. Do the opposite if you started with the dinner date, meaning do something different the next time so you can keep things lively and unpredictable. [Read: Top 50 amazing date ideas to wow your date]

#2 Have at least three backup locations, if no reservations are available. Some activities don’t allow for reservations, and some locations have unpredictable weather. If it turns out that you can’t go out on the date you planned, you should have at least three more ideas waiting in the back of your mind.

#3 You may open up more about your personal life. Of course, you probably talked about some personal things on the first date. This time, however, you can add a few more details and stuff that you haven’t talked about yet.

#4 What you did during the week. If you haven’t talked about everything over the phone or through texting, you can discuss what you’ve been up to since your last date. If you’ve already told them about it, try to steer the conversation to your plans for the immediate future instead. [Read: 60 get-to-know-you questions to set the mood for romance]

#5 Suggestions for future dates. You can also discuss other dates that you and your partner might be into. This way, you won’t find it difficult to set any succeeding dates. And we all know how that usually plays out for most couples. Indecisive, much?

[Read: Dating material or a hookup – 12 easy ways to slot your date]

We know how stressful it is to think about what might happen after a first date. That’s why we’re urging you to just go with what you feel. Follow your gut and enjoy the time you get to spend with the person you truly like.

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Danielle Anne
Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
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12 thoughts on “The Texting and Follow Up Guide after a Great First Date”

  1. Olga says:

    A great first date is an unexpected gift and the follow up should speak to just how great it was. Texting is the most widely used form of of communication and has great value as you can save the words and read them over and over again. Another more important in my opinion aspect of my great date affect is the phone call. I recommend this as there is nothing like actual voice to voice contact to bring a bit of warmth to the burgeoning relationship. I think there is nothing better than to hear that man’s voice on the other end of the phone and enjoying a warm and flirtatious exchange.

  2. Olena says:

    I’m glad to see more articles like this that are starting to agree with the idea of calling being a pretty out of date idea. I can’t remember the last time I picked up the phone to make a call. Everything is text, IM, or e-mail nowadays… and that’s a damn good thing because talking on the phone is a skill I could never bring myself to master. It’s just awkward to talk on the phone most of the time. Never knowing when to speak, always interrupting people, and hearing background noises just makes it all the more difficult to listen. Texting all the way.

  3. Amee says:

    This is a good read. I like that the author says that texting and calling them a little after the date is okay. I usually wait a few hours afterwards. It is awkward, but at least you can let them know that you had a really good time. When you send the text, it is important to let them know that you had a good time and that you would love to see them again. Keep it short and sweet and positive, above all else. I know a lot of people like to wait a couple of days, but when I don’t hear back from them, I think the worst.

  4. Awasuryo says:

    It’s always okay to text and follow up. It really depends on how good the fist date was. Be open with each other on the first date because it is the make or break phase of starting the relationship. Start being friends with her at the start. Don’t try to be romantic, or try to be less of a romantic because you want to build a solid base of friendship here. I really want to be clear with this that you have to really get to know her first before attempting to go on a second one. Try to know as much as possible about her because she would appreciate it and would want you to go on a second date with her, of course, because you are a great listener. On her mind, you have asked a lot of questions about her and you already know so much about her in one night, she would be wanting to get to know you too. It’s only fair. Not unless the girl you are dating is a girl douche. Then, it’s better to have her not agree on the second date at all. She well isn’t worth it that much. She’s just a poster to fap on. You want a genuine relationship and that will count the most. What matters is the base, the solid foundation of the relationship. That starts on the getting to know you stage. Be wary about the things you may notice about your date. Think it over and over in your mind if that’s what you really want or need it.

  5. Ranco says:

    So, I finally asked this girl out that I’ve gotten to know this past month. I was really super into her and I think she knew that, I thought she may have had some interest in me too. I asked her and she said “Yes”. Just simple Dinner at this nice place to eat tonight. Assuming everything goes well which I see no reason at all why it wouldn’t, we have a good time just talking and laughing and we get along well at the gym (that’s where we met) I’m really considering following these tips and I hope that I would be able to get her on the second date with me. Basically I just need the best follow up plan I need advice for the best follow up plan from the minute the date ends to the following days and weeks I guess.

  6. Vince says:

    I think a call is a little bit of an overstatement for a first date. I know, I’m in the minority to think this, but I’ve never had all that many problems with shooting a quick text the next morning to say thanks for an awesome time and hope to see you again soon. Really, it’s all a guy needs to do for the most part. If it went well for her, then you know you’re going to be hearing from her shortly thereafter and hopefully she’ll be the one coming to you with suggestions for a second date (you’re really in there at that point, guys). Calls? Save it for the third date and beyond.

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