In the modern dating world, guys who ghost and come back are the absolute worst. After all, why would they come back when they already disappeared and left?
There’s no easy way to understand guys who ghost and come back. If you haven’t experienced being ghosted, then you’re one of the lucky ones. Ghosting is a relatively new *but all too common* term in the modern dating world, which refers to someone disappearing without any explanation or excuse.
When someone ghosts you and comes back, do you take him back or do you ignore him altogether? While we often want to do the latter, the reality is much different. Even if he ghosted you, there was a point you cared about him.
They all say we should practice what we preach, but it’s much harder than you think. It’s completely okay to struggle with what to do with guys who ghost and come back. Maybe you’re asking yourself why he came back in the first place, or which emotion to portray since he did still ghost you.
However, you do need to learn how to handle these guys. After all, there are a lot of guys who ghost and come back all the time.
[Read: Why do guys ghost? The 15 cowardly reasons why guy usually ghost you]
Why do guys ghost you and then come back?
Honestly, this is far more confusing than a guy just ghosting you. When he ghosts you, at least you’re sure that he’s not interested and you can move on with your life. On the other hand, when he comes back, you don’t know what his intentions are.
Is he bored? Did he make a mistake? Does he want to try again with you? Did he realize your connection was real? Is he going to aplogize? Was there some big reason behind his sudden dissapearance?
These are all the possible questions to ponder upon with guys who ghost and come back. Oftentimes, guys who end up coming back realize the mistake they made in ghosting you.
Here’s a possibility, and you probably want this one to be the real truth. Guys ghost you in the fear of intimacy and commitment, and they come back because they’re now ready to face the truth that there’s a possible real connection that he just threw away.
However, there’s also the possibility that he came back because he was bored and lonely, even if just for a moment and wanted to try his luck one more time. These are two possibilities on opposite ends of the spectrum. [Read: Why you shouldn’t ghost someone and 5 situations when it’s okay]
What do you do when a guy ghosts you and comes back?
Ghosting will always be terrible, no matter who it is. When they do come back, you should know you have the upper hand.
Simply put, you have full control over what you choose to do. When dealing with guys who ghost and come back, it’s up to you whether you’re going to take him back or avoid getting together with him.
If you think it’s worth the risk of giving him another chance *with the real possibility of being ghosted again, which is lileky*, then don’t hesitate to welcome him with open arms. However, it can be challenging to trust him as you’ll never know if he’ll repeat the same pattern and disappear again.
Why did he ghost you?
You might be wondering why on earth he ghosted you. After all, it’s his loss given how you’re the ideal girlfriend material!
You’d be surprised to know that when someone ghosts you, it often has nothing to do with you.
Most often, it has more to do with their unresolved issues than anything else.
Maybe he has a fear of commitment or intimacy, so he chose to ghost you instead of risking getting hurt. Maybe he’s scared to date and have his heart broken, so he just want to get into a girl’s pants and tries to use her before she can potentially use him.
Every guy is different, but there are some common reasons for guys who ghost and come back. [Read: Why being ghosted hurts so much & what you need to do about it]
1. It was going too fast
In other words, he freaked out. You hear this line all the time in relationships. It’s either “you’re going too fast” or “let’s take it slow.” Guys have a major fear of commitment so the last thing he wants is a relationship that speeds faster than the speed of light.
You may have chemistry, compatibility, and everything he’s ever wanted.
However, if the relationship becomes too fast for him, it’ll scare him off into ghosting you. Rather than telling you, he decided that disappearing for a while would cool things down until he could come back to you again. [Read: Signs your relationship is going too fast]
2. He just wanted sex
While sex is normal in a relationship, there’s a difference between guys using you just for sex and guys who have sex with you because of their feelings for you.
Especially if he ghosted you right after getting laid, chances are, sex was all he was after. Maybe it was all roo easy for him and he didn’t get to chase you, or maybe that was his play and intention all along. You’ll never know, because he’ll never tell. [Read: The 15 signs he just wants sex and is using you for his enjoyment]
3. He didn’t care
Ouch, this must really sting. It’s the painful truth that unfortunately, you have to face. Maybe he ghosted you because he just didn’t care about you. He doesn’t think you’re worthy of five more minutes where he could have explained why he thinks things won’t work out.
Simply put, he didn’t care enough to commit to you and be in a relationship with you. This reason is often seen in guys who ghost and come back, especially when they get lonely or bored.
4. Someone else came along
You might not want to hear this, but he met someone better fitted for him than you. Maybe he broke up with his ex before meeting you and decided he wanted to get back together with her, or maybe he met someone around the same time as meeting you.
This is one of the reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you. So if this was the reason for guys who ghost and come back, then you know it’s because they couldn’t find someone else. [Read: Talking vs Dating – How to know your exact status and tell them apart]
5. He just wasn’t into you
Not all the guys you meet will be into you, and that’s okay. If he ghosted you, he’s not into you enough to stay and get to know you. And he doesn’t respect you enough to leave with a reason. After all, it’s much easier to ghost than to tell you to your face that he doesn’t care about you.
This might be such an asshole move, but a lot of guys are that afraid of confrontation. He definitely should’ve just told you. [Read: Dammit, why doesn’t he like me back? Here’s 20 reasons why]
How to handle guys who ghost and come back
Now that you know why guys ghost you, it’s time you learned how to handle guys who ghost and come back. Remember – you have full control of your feels and your actions on dealing with ghosters.
1. Don’t reply too soon
Ghosters don’t often have the guts to call you, so they either text you or message you on your socials. The general rule of thumb for guys who ghost and come back is to avoid replying instantly. Your heart probably skipped a beat and you’re close to pressing send as soon as he contacted you.
Don’t give him the satisfaction that you were anticipating his message or hoping to hear from him soon.
Instead, take your time in responding to him. If he sends you a text that says “hi” you give him a minimal response back. He has to earn your trust. [Read: Ingenious ways to beat a player who’s playing you]
2. Think about how you feel
Your feelings are the primary factor in dealing with guys who ghost and come back. No matter what angle you choose to look at, being ghosted will always be difficult.
He basically had the nerve to disappear without any explanation and pop back up because he was bored. What an asshole move.
If you feel like he doesn’t deserve even a second of your time, then say that. Or just ignore his text back in return. He’ll get the hint.
There’s no reason you should walk on eggshells around him and tell him what he wants to hear. If you do want to give him another chance, remember to use not just your heart, but your head as well! [Read: Ignoring a guy – Why thins works and how to use it well]
3. Assess if you can trust him
Trust is very hard to earn, especially with guys who ghost and come back. How can you tell he won’t disappear from you again? Whatever his reasons for ghosting you, there’s still a huge possibility he’ll do it again.
You need to think hard about whether you can trust him again, or if you’ll always have that lingering doubt he’ll leave anytime something inconvenient happens. [Read: How to lead a guy on – 15 shitty ways to play dirty and get revenge]
4. Get him to acknowledge his actions
Accountability and acknowledgment are two things guys aren’t exactly good at – they’re stubborn that way. Honestly, you shouldn’t be surprised if they never bring up how or why they ghosted you.
If he fails to acknowledge this, do it for him. Remind him of all the things he did and how you didn’t like it one bit. If he doesn’t acknowledge his behavior or try to convince you of his newfound loyalty, that means he sill doesn’t take you seriously and he will do it again.
5. Don’t jump right in
If you decide to get back with him *really take a second thought about this because 9 times out of 10, he’s just using you*, you need to be very careful with how you move forward. Be sure to test the waters first before diving deep.
Take it one step at a time and don’t expect him to be boyfriend material from day 1. Don’t forget – he did ghost you and he can always do it again. While trust is very important, you shouldn’t be too quick to give it away. [Read: Why you need to be slow and steady if you’re getting back together]
6. Continue seeing other people
Don’t limit yourself to just him just because he came back. Avoid thinking that it’s a sign from above that you’re meant to be or something along those lines. Don’t forget he ghosted you!
When dealing with guys who ghost and come back, allow yourself to see other people as well. You can casually date him, but also keep your options open.[Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend to watch for]
7. Consider whether you’ve ghosted someone
When deciding whether to let the guys who ghost and come back into your life again, decide if you’ve ever ghosted someone. Don’t be a hypocrite and be so mad at him, if you’ve done the exact same thing.
Isn’t it worth giving him a chance when you know you’ve ghosted a few guys as well? No shame in this, but you really shouldn’t be quick to hate him if both of you don’t realize the gravity of ghosting someone else. [Read: Why being ghosted hurts so much and what you need to do about it]
8. Consider his real reasons
There are some valid reasons for ghosting, while there are others that aren’t as valid. Perhaps they weren’t ready to be in a relationship with anyone or they were going through a difficult situation. Maybe a parent died and they just didn’t have the energy or mindset to talk to someone, even if it’s for the possibility of a romance.
Obviously, his reasons could be a complete lie, but give him another chance if ghosting you was valid at that time. It still sucks, but at least you now understand better.
9. Treat him like you’d want to be treated
Okay, this is probably the hardest one on this list. After all, karma should be a b*tch, right? While you can seek revenge and ghost him when he gets attached to you, this isn’t the right way to go about it, for him or yourself.
If you do choose to give him another chance, your intentions have to be genuine. If you intend to only play him, then simply don’t talk to him, or tell him that his chance has already passed. It’s a much better *and healthier* option than seeking revenge. [Read: 20 signs you’re on the verge of being ghosted by someone]
10. Don’t expect an apology
Just because he came back, doesn’t mean he’ll give you a sincere apology. These days, people are really afraid of confrontation and don’t like to take responsibility for their actions. *unless you land a really good guy!*
In dealing with guys who ghost and come back, don’t expect an apology and a grand gesture from him. [Read: Being left on read – What it really means when a guy doesn’t text back]
So, how do you deal with guys who ghost and come back?
Being ghosted is such a terrible experience that we wouldn’t wish on anyone. Instead of confronting you with the truth, guys become such cowards and disappear instead. Especially when they come back, it leaves you with even more questions and confusion than when you were ghosted.
So when the guy does come back, ask yourself if he’s really worth the mess and the potenial heartbreak of being ghosted again.
No one likes being ghosted, ever. In fact, it’s a shitty thing to do to anyone, no matter the reason. This is why it’s so important to know how to handle guys who ghost and come back. Will you trust him again or ignore him for good?
