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How to Get to Know Someone Over Text and Build a Real Connection

When you learn how to get to know someone over text, you know exactly how to build a connection with them. Keep reading to know all the secrets in texting!

How to Get to Know Someone Over Text

Understanding how to get to know someone over text without making the wrong impression or boring the life out of them is all about thinking outside of the box. Basically, be your most authentic self! You can’t develop a connection with someone over text if you’re pretending to be someone else.

I know, I know – it’s easier said than done. The tendency is that we put our best foot forward in trying to build a connection when texting someone *especially our crush!*. However, authenticity really is the key in knowing how to get to know someone over text.

Technology for the win

Texting and messaging are the shy person’s godsend when it comes to cultivating a social and romantic life. In the digital era we live in today, texting makes it easier to converse and communicate with someone. It avoids all the messy and awkward parts of initiating an actual conversation with them.

Instead of thinking of the perfect conversation starter, you can instead go for a meme or an emoji! However, this doesn’t mean it’s easy to know how to get to know someone over text either.

You might’ve started the text conversation, but how do you actually get them to stay engaged and interested?

[Read: Here’s how to start a conversation over text the right way and get someone hooked]

Why should you learn to get to know someone over text?

Understanding how to get to know someone over text is a very important skill that will benefit not just your dating life, but your potential relationships as a whole. When you have exemplary texting skills, you can keep someone interested enough until you land a date!

Especially when you’re talking to your crush, your texting skills can make or break developing an actual connection with them. Another scenario where this can be useful is online dating. Before you land a first date or even just a meetup, texting is the initial first step.

If you both have contrasting schedules and texting is the only way to develop a connection, then having great texting skills is a must! Most importantly, texting is the foundation to tell if you have compatibility and chemistry with that person.

Some people never land a first date because others can tell from a single text conversation that they don’t have compatibility with that person. In the same sense, some people push for a first date because of how great their texts are. You see, knowing how to get to know someone over text is really that important! [Read: 25 fun and cute ways to say Hi in a text message and make anyone smile]

How to get to know someone over text: 15 rules to remember

If you have absolutely no texting skills, don’t worry, we’ve got you covered! In this feature, we’ll be listing down all the ways on how to get to know someone over text. [Read: How to not be a boring texter and keep your crush really interested]

1. Just be yourself!

Remember what we’ve said about authenticity? It might sound cliche and boring, but it’s an important factor! Remember, you’re not just getting to know them, you want them to get to know you too.

You can’t develop a real connection without being open to who you really are. Even if it sounds scary, it’s a risk you need to be willing to take. Be genuine, be yourself, and don’t apologize for it! [Read: How to be yourself and unfake your life]

2. Be creative

Creativity means avoiding small talk! That doesn’t mean that small talk is a big no, but it might bore them to death.

Be creative with your questions and come up with something which will leave them smiling and wanting to carry the conversation on. Avoid dead-end conversations and make them as interesting as possible. [Read: How to start a conversation over text – The 15 best ways to kick off flirty banter]

3. If you’re going to flirt, do it very subtly

If you’re trying to impress someone while also getting to know them, you might want to flirt a little. This honestly keeps the conversation interesting. If you’ve ever texted someone and they took forever to flirt with you, you know it gets boring, or worse, they’d enter your friend zone in no time. That’s why flirting is significant!

A few flirtatious comments here and there are fine, but keep them light. Don’t go all-out with your flirting, but subtle flirty comments are perfectly fine. This can also help you gauge their response to see if they’re flirting back with you. And most importantly, save the overly flirty conversations for later, when you know each other better! [Read: How to subtly flirty with your crush with these questions]

4. Ask questions, but don’t act like you’re interrogating them!

A perfect way to get a conversation started is by asking questions, and it’s also the best way to keep that conversation going. And test your compatibility with someone!

Remember this isn’t an interview, but more of getting to know one another. Keep the questions meaningful and interesting!

5. Remember to offer up information about yourself too

You need to remember that learning how to get to know someone over text isn’t a one-way thing; it works both ways. Learning how to get to know someone over text is all about opening up on a personal level. You can’t keep them at a distance if you want to really connect with them.

We’re not telling you to talk about your past or your biggest life problems – you don’t have to be that intense! However, you do need to open up a little bit more. [Read: How to get someone to open up so you can really connect with them]

6. Never text late at night

You might think it’s perfectly okay to have a conversation while chilling out before bed, but we all know that late-night texts have another meaning too – the booty call.

On the contrary, late-night texts also tend to get personal and heartfelt.

You might be wondering – what’s so wrong with that? Honestly, if you want to genuinely date this person or get to know them, you need to take it slow. And you’d want to save a little bit of mystery for that first date.

This means you don’t reveal all the juicy secrets over text just yet! You can always text each other and have long conversations late into the night eventually, when you get to know them better. [Read: Is it a booty call or a flirty hello? Here’s how people respond to late night texts]

7. Ask interesting questions about their life and interests

Again with the questions, you need to ask substantial questions that aren’t boring! Ask them about their hobbies, the things they’re interested in, their life, and the experiences they’ve had. The deeper your questions are, the more interested they’ll be in a conversation with you.

In fact, deep questions might even land you that first date you’ve always wanted! [Read: 30 all-around good questions to ask people for a better connection]

8. Remember to use some humor

Text chats can become samey so always remember to add some humor into your conversations. Text messages can become stagnant real quick so it’s important to take advantage of your sense of humor.

Whether it’s sarcasm or pick-up lines, try your best to make them laugh over text! If you want to know how to get to know someone over text, use your sense of humor. [Read: 15 fun games to play over text and connect with each other instantly]

9. Always keep it light

Your texts should be something they look forward to, not a chore they must answer. Remember not to keep raining on their parade and don’t keep choosing heavy topics! Text conversations should be fun and memorable, so keep it light as much as possible.

10. Avoid questions with weight to them

The biggest rule of knowing how to get to know someone over text is to avoid questions that have a lot of weight to them. This means anything to do with politics, religion, culture, sexuality, or anything else which is slightly sensitive. And hard to discuss in a few text sentences!

If you don’t want to end up arguing entirely, save the heavy debates for an actual date. It’s okay to ask them these questions when you develop a real connection but until then, keep the questions light. [Read: Texting etiquette and flirting – 26 rules all guys and girls must follow]

11. Avoid assuming this is going anywhere

Yes, you’re getting to know each other, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to end up best friends or dating one another. Even if this is your end goal, you shouldn’t expect this outcome!

Texting is about testing the waters and seeing where things go without that pressure or expectation that things will develop into a relationship. Keep it light, and avoid questions about the next step. [Read: How to ask someone if they like you without embarrassing yourself]

12. Talk about your interests

This is a pretty basic texting tip that applies to all types of conversations. If you want to learn how to get to know someone over text, talk about your interests. Whether it’s the Star Wars franchise or going on adventures, feel free to geek out and talk about the things you love!

If you do find something in common, it’s going to feel amazing! You never know, they could also secretly be a geek *and you could geek out together!*

13. Learn more about their personality

There’s a reason why there are several points in this list that focuses on questions. It’s because questions are so engaging and interactive, especially in text conversations. With this being said, ask them about their personality to get a better sense of who they are.

Ask them if they’re a morning person, or they see the glass full or half-empty. These are just sample questions that help you see what their personality is like. [Read: 60 perfect questions to get to know each other in a new romance]

14. Don’t forget to add emojis!

It’s an era of emojis so don’t forget to use this to your advantage! When learning how to get to know someone over text, emojis can make them feel more comfortable talking to you.

Since they don’t really know you yet, texting without emojis can make the conversation too serious and stiff. Adding emojis to your texts gives life and context to what you’re saying. [Read: 20 flirty emojis that’ll make you a pro flirty texter in no time]

15. Don’t try too hard

Text messages are very casual so there’s no need to put pressure on trying too hard. Be yourself and don’t try to impress them with everything you’ve got. The conversation and connection will eventually flow naturally, but you can’t force it to happen.

[Read: How to flirt when you’re shy without trying too hard to be smooth]

How to evaluate your success

With these tips, you’ll quickly get to know that new person in your life. Hopefully, it will move from texting to chatting in person. Of course, you might find that you don’t like this person much at all. This is why texting serves as the foundation before you land a date.

Maybe you don’t like their personality or something about them just doesn’t feel right. It’s possible to change your mind about them while texting them as they’re not who you thought they were. [Read: Texting before a first date – A guide to do it right]

Not everyone manages to click with another person, and not everyone turns out to be quite how we expected. Again, you can’t force a connection that just isn’t there, to begin with.

This is why it’s important to remain true to who you are because even if you do force a connection, none of that is real since you were just pretending. When it comes to knowing how to get to know someone over text, it’s probably more difficult than getting to know someone in person.

Yes, it’s easier in some ways, because you don’t have to actually have embarrassing conversations in front of them, and you can take your time to put your thoughts to words, but there is a huge margin for misunderstanding when it comes to messaging.

For instance, you can’t tell if they’re joking or making a sarcastic remark over text *which is why you should use emojis!* It’s easy to offend one another without the proper context of a text message.

[Read: How guys text when they like you – 28 things they do differently]

So, how do you develop a connection over text?

Tone of voice, body language, speed of speech, these are all things we miss when we write a message. You might say the message in your head in one way, but when the other person reads it, they might interpret it in a totally different way.

You need to prepare yourself for any type of miscommunication that can happen while texting with them. As long as you remain authentic, ask the right questions, and don’t try too hard, you should be just fine!

Don’t worry too much about pleasing them as that’s not what this is about. You’re texting them to see if you share a certain vibe, not to be a kiss-ass!

Learning how to get to know someone over text comes down to being innovative, thinking outside of the box, and keeping your hopes out of the situation. There’s always a risk of either of you changing your minds, but it’s a risk worth taking.

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...
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