You may think your boyfriend loves you a lot. But is it love or is it his way of controlling you? Check these subtle signs of a controlling boyfriend. By Jessica Dawson
Does your boyfriend care about you?
Is he protective of you and helpful with decisions all the time?
Is he deeply in love with you?
Does he help you live a better life?
Or is he just controlling you?
There’s a thin line between a loving boyfriend and a controlling boyfriend.
And almost always, you’ll never really know the difference.
Signs of a controlling boyfriend
Now all of us try to control our partners subtly, especially when we feel like they’re drifting or moving in a different direction.
But unknowingly, this subtle urge to help our partner lead a better life could turn into a dangerous obsession for all the wrong reasons.
You may think your boyfriend loves you, but when you really think about it, you may realize that you’re being controlled by an unintentional deceptive schemer.
Types of controlling boyfriends
There are two types of controlling boyfriends.
There’s the violent physically abusive boyfriend, and then there’s the caring, sensitive boyfriend who controls you emotionally.
It’s easy to pinpoint a physically abusive controlling boyfriend. If he’s ever raised his hand on you for the smallest of reasons or uses force to tell you what to do, it’s obvious he belongs to this type. He may love you a lot, but his urge to dominate your life could end up hurting you forever. [Read: 17 big signs of a jealous and possessive boyfriend]
On the other hand, there’s the emotionally controlling boyfriend who never dominates over you, but still finds a way to cut out your legs from under you.
You may never know you’re dating an emotionally controlling boyfriend until it’s too late. But use these tips here to find out the hidden signs of a controlling boyfriend.
Signs of an emotionally controlling boyfriend
An emotionally controlling boyfriend is a scary guy. He falls deeply in love with you and treats you like a princess all the time. And all along, he makes himself seem helpless and weak without you. Eventually, you’ll find yourself feeling more protective about him, and will start to fall more in love with him.
And somewhere along the way, you’ll begin to see a few of these signs of a controlling boyfriend. If you do notice these signs and it bothers you, put a stop to his behavior. And walk out of the relationship if he doesn’t change. [Read: 16 signs it's clearly time to end the relationship and move on!]
You have to remember that emotionally controlling boyfriends aren’t bad guys. They’re just insecure and possessive. And they just forget where to draw the line when it comes to trying to control you.
And at the end of the day, it’s in your own hands to fall for his ploy or change him for the better.
The 15 secret signs that matter
Watch out for these 15 subtle signs, and if you do find your boyfriend’s behavior bordering on any of these signs, tell him about it and ask him to change.
#1 He puts you down
He puts you down when you do something by yourself and makes it look like you can’t do anything without his help. He picks flaws in anything you do, and helps you do a better job. He disrespects you and anything you do, and makes it seem like you need him to become a better person. This will eventually make you lose your own confidence, and wait for his reassurance and help each time you try something new.
#2 He doesn’t like it when you go out with your friends
Does he say your friends are a bad influence or does he think one of your guy friends are hitting on you? He starts to choose your friends and tells you whom to hang out with. Eventually you’d find yourself losing touch with most of your friends. [Read: Are guy best friends trouble?]
#3 He’s insecure and doubts you
He plays mind games and tries to trap you with tricky, unnecessary questions. He tries confusing you into giving him contradictory answers which makes you feel like you are the bad person in the relationship.
#4 He wants to know everything about you
He hates secrets. He tells you all his passwords and secrets, and expects you to do the same, be it your email, twitter or facebook account. He wants to know every single detail of your daily life, and when he finds out that you haven’t told him a few things, he acts pained and hurt.
#5 He stalks you
He wants you to keep in touch with him very often, and he wants to be informed about everything you’re doing even if you’re just stepping out of office for a coffee break with your friends.
#6 He doesn’t like it when you have fun without him
This is rather simple and easy to see. If you go out with your own friends for a night out, he sulks or acts grumpy for a while and makes up another excuse about why he’s pissed off. Sometimes, he may even blame you for his mood and use an excuse like “you didn’t call me enough” or “you ignored me”.
#7 He cripples you
He looks for any excuse to prove a point. If something offends or bothers him, he’ll wait for a perfect excuse to bring that conversation up and prove his point. If your friend gets into a car crash, he may gloat about it and make it a point to tell you why he doesn’t like you travelling with that guy. He loves saying “I told you so” and makes you feel lost without his guidance in life.
#8 He’s jealous
This can seem cute at first, but over time, his jealousy could turn into an obsession that borders on insanity. [Read: How to make him not-so-jealous?]
#9 You can’t do anything important without him
When you achieve something without his help, he treats it like it’s no big deal. He behaves like your promotions and personal achievements are not big milestones in your life. On the other hand, he’ll consider you leaving your friends for him a bigger achievement that can help the relationship.
#10 He’s never at fault
But you always are. Even if he meets with an accident on the way to work, he blames it on someone else or the big fight both of you had that morning. But if you make a mistake, he’ll make sure he constantly reminds you about the incident over and over again.
#11 He has different principles for you and him
He doesn’t like it when you hang out with a few of your friends. But when he meets his own friends, even the ones you dislike, he makes it seem like you’re the one misunderstanding his friends. He creates his own rules for himself, and imposes different rules on you. [Read: 22 big early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]
#12 He takes decisions in your life
He may seem like a chivalrous knight who’s always there to help you make up your mind, but very soon you’d see that he’d actually be the one manipulating you and making all the decisions for you. And even if you do make a decision yourself, he picks flaws in it and shows you how wrong you are even if you know you’re right.
#13 He breaks down when you take a stand
This is a sick trait of an emotionally controlling boyfriend, but it’s one that’ll always show up when you take a stand. Whenever you take a stand or refuse to listen to him, he may argue with you. But when he can’t get it his way, he may break down and cry about how you don’t understand him anymore. What happens eventually is that you’d end up giving in for his happiness. [Read: 21 signs of emotional abuse you may be overlooking]
#14 You lose your freedom
You find yourself asking for his permission to do anything. You assume he’s the best thing that’s happened in your life. All of a sudden, you’re convinced that he’s your personal god and the one who’s always right.
#15 You no longer know what you want
Your whole life revolves around him. He makes you believe that he’s the one who can make you happy and no one else. And surprisingly, you’d start believing it too. His happiness becomes yours, his wants are your wants, and his likes become your likes. Your whole world will start to revolve around him, and nothing else.
Every lover has a controlling streak within them, but there’s the thin red line that makes all the difference. [Read: 18 signs to know if your man's overprotective and dominating]
A relationship shouldn’t change who you are, especially when you’re already a happy person. You should be the only one who can change who you are.
You can change your controlling boyfriend if you want to. Just watch out for these 15 subtle signs of a controlling boyfriend and put an end to it as soon as it crops up. If you don’t, you may end up losing yourself instead!
We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world.
But we can’t do it without YOU!
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