This is something that women have to put up with all too often. So, here’s what to do when he won’t commit but won’t let go.
Ah, yes, he won’t commit but won’t let go. He’s holding you hostage in relationship limbo. But he has his moments so you stick around, but he won’t commit. Either he wants to hook up with other people without “technically” cheating or just can’t be in a relationship.
This is also when he depends on you for everything, but refuses to call you his girlfriend. And whenever you get fed up and try to move on, he pulls you back in. Either by being sweet for 2.5 seconds or worse, by telling you you don’t deserve better than him. [Read: 12 signs you’re walking on eggshells in your love life]
Avoid these manipulative guys
Any guy who does this, whether aware of it or not is manipulating you. He is selfish and wants a relationship only when it is convenient for him. But as soon as you want him to meet your mother or help you move he is nowhere to be found.
He makes plans with you then cancels last minute because you were only his place holder in case something better came along, but now you can’t make plans because it is too late. You get dressed up and wait around for him because he promised to take you out. He never shows.
You hold out hope that one day he will wise up and let you make an honest man out of him. At this rate you’ll be grey and in a walker before that happens.
But whenever you build up the nerve to say something to him about his behavior, he turns it around on you. Somehow him flirting with someone else, lying to you, and even cheating is your fault. And you just gobble it up. [Read: How to spot and understand manipulative men]
Be better than that because you are
No one deserves to be treated with that kind of disrespect where he won’t commit but won’t let go either. No matter how hot he is, no matter how much you just know he cares deep down, this is a form of emotional abuse. You deserve better.
He can’t offer you what you need, but he won’t let you be happy with anyone else. He can’t see you with another guy, but you’re supposed to be fine with him and other girls. It is as if you have all the bad parts of a relationship and none of the good. But he gets the good and none of the bad. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]
What to do when he won’t commit but won’t let go
In this situation, the most important factor is self control. It is not easy. I can tell you that much. I have been in this exact situation for more than four years. But it does not have to take you that long to find your way out.
Hopefully my years of emotional turmoil can help you escape this relationship tug of war sooner rather than later.
#1 Give him an ultimatum and stick to it. The stick to it part is what’s most important. If you really want to make it work and think he is your soulmate *I hope not since he sounds like a idiot*, you have to tell him how it is. Right now he is in complete control. But it is your turn to take the wheel.
Tell him that if he can’t at least give you the respect of commitment and offer you all that you offer him then you’re out the door. The only reason this method doesn’t work out is because he knows you’re bluffing. Or because he comes around for a while. Then he falls back into his same old pattern.
If you notice that this is what you’re going through, get out. I really can’t sugar coat it, because that is the only option. It may seem easier to stick it out because sort of being with someone is better than being alone, but it really isn’t. [Read: 16 clear signs you’re in a narcissistic relationship]
#2 Realize it can get better. One reason so many women stay in this sort of faux relationship is because they are numb to it. That was one of the many reasons I stayed for so long.
You’ve been lied to, cheated on, and treated badly so much by this one person that you’ve gotten used to it. It almost doesn’t even hurt anymore because you expect it. And dealing with that seems easier than finding someone new, opening up, and letting them hurt you. But what you have to realize is that not every guy sucks.
It may seem like it, but really there are good guys out there, and they will be better than this loser. And if you think being single is so bad, wait until you go to sleep like a baby at night knowing there is no one cheating on you, ignoring your texts, or lying to your face. [Read: The ambivalent attachment style: Is it a recipe for heartbreak?]
#3 Get a pep talk. If you can’t seem to work up the courage to end it on your own, go to a loyal friend. And not your friend that tells you what you want to hear, the friend that tells you what you need to hear no matter how harsh or blunt it might be.
If you don’t know who that is, she is probably the one who grinds her teeth every time you bring up this guy that won’t commit and won’t let go. And every time you make an excuse for him, she rolls her eyes.
She is the one that will get you pumped up and inspired to be a strong and independent women.
#4 Do not take no for an answer. If I learned anything from being in this garbage situation, it is that leaving is not easy. Even though he won’t commit to you he refuses to let you be with anyone else or even be alone.
He wants to control you. But once you have realized you can and will do better without him, hold your own. Go into this refusing to take no for answer. Let him mansplain the situation, freak out, threaten, beg, but as long as you walk away knowing he no longer has power over you, you’ve won. [Read: Practical tips to help you avoid dating an annoying douchebag]
#5 Cut him out. If after the final conversation he still haunts you, it is time to cut him out. It may seem juvenile, but if he continues to check in, mention the guy in your Snapchat story or block him on Instagram.
You will be so much better off. You’ll feel happier, healthier, and lighter knowing you’ve dropped 180 pounds or so of deadweight you’ve been lugging around for way too long.
And although I am morally opposed to ghosting, that may be exactly what he needs. A taste of his own medicine with a side of bite. Cut him out. Stop answering! Hopefully, he will eventually get the hint that you are thriving without him dragging you down. [Read: 12 perfect ways to ghost someone and get away clean]
If you feel guilty even though he doesn’t deserve it, set him up with this, “Listen I need time to live my life without you so I won’t be answering you for a while. I hope you understand.” If he still doesn’t leave you alone after that, it is his problem, not yours.