Home  >  My Life  >  Relationships

How to Beat a Narcissist: 14 Ways to Win Over Their Manipulation

If you have identified a narcissist in your life, you need to tread carefully. Learn how to beat a narcissist at their own game and release their grip. 

how to beat a narcissist

We don’t always notice another person’s true colors until we’re in too deep. It could be that someone you’ve grown close to is actually a narcissist. The reason you didn’t see it at first is that they go to great lengths to hide it well. Sometimes these narcissists can be people we love, like a close friend or a boyfriend/girlfriend. And now you want to know how to beat a narcissist at their own game.

But before we even get to how you defeat them *because you will defeat them*, let’s just give ourselves a quick reminder of what a narcissist actually is. We’re not saying you don’t know what it is, but this word gets tossed around so much that sometimes the definition becomes blurry.

[Read: What it really means to love a narcissist]

What is a narcissist?

A narcissist is someone who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder *NPD*, but what does this mean exactly?

Basically, a narcissist is someone with an excessive amount of interest in themselves. In other words, they love themselves much, much more than they care about anyone else. Narcissists don’t give a damn about their lover, best friend, or literally anyone else in the world, unless they’re getting some form of attention from them.

The definition is derived from Greek mythology, where Narcissus fell in love with his own image in the reflection of water. You get where we’re going with this? Their heavily inflated sense of self-importance and feelings for themselves are so extreme that you’ll never be a priority.

They need to be fed with admiration from others or else they’re not satisfied. Doesn’t sound like someone you want to hang around with, right? [Read: What causes narcissism? The facts & theories to read a narcissist]

It doesn’t stop there. A narcissist will use manipulation to get what they want from you. They’ll use and abuse and stamp all over your heart. They have zero empathy in their soul, so it’s not possible for them to love in the same way that you would.

If you end up in a relationship with a narcissist, you need to get out. They’re never going to love you the way you want them to. They’re never going to change. [Read: 16 characteristics of a narcissist that give them away instantly]

How to beat a narcissist at their own game

You can’t change a narcissist, but you can beat them. By beating them, we mean getting the hell out of there. So, how can you do that? How can you beat a master narcissist?

Here, we’ll tell you how to beat a narcissist and help them change. But if you want to hurt them, there a whole different way to do that, and you can read it here – How to hurt a narcissist – The best counterblows to hurt them hard

1. Know you can’t change them

This is the first thing to realize and fully accept. If you try to change a narcissist, you waste your time.

First of all, you’re not a therapist. Secondly, this person doesn’t want to change. They’re in love with themselves.

Have you ever tried to convince your friend that the person they’re in love with isn’t good for them? Yeah, exactly, it’s impossible. [Read: Emotional manipulation – 14 ways people mess with your mind]

2. Understand the traits of a narcissist

You need to know the traits of a narcissist well enough to identify them in the person you want to beat. Now, everyone, including narcissists are different. Therefore, they expose different traits from one another.

Typically, narcissists lack empathy, use fear to control others, cannot admit faults, have negative reactions to criticism, and exploit others. [Read: 23 secret signs of narcissism people overlook until it’s too late]

3. Do not reveal your emotions

Narcissists feed off of the information of others. They use information about you to get into your mind, create fear, and manipulate you.

So, before you spill your heart out to them, revealing all your deepest, darkest secrets, don’t. The only thing they do is gather information about you and figure out ways to exploit it for personal gain. [Read: What is the worst thing you can do to a narcissist to hurt them?]

4. No matter what you feel, detach yourself from them

Listen, as much as you don’t want to admit it, you’re attached to them. It’s nothing to blame yourself for. They’re very charming people, so it’s easy to fall for them.

But now if you want to beat a narcissist, accept that you’re attached to them and detach yourself from them. Use emotional detachment to stop the manipulation of a narcissist. [Read: How to emotionally detach from someone and stop them from hurting you]

5. Cut contact with them

It’s not going to be easy. They will keep you in their grasp for as long as they need you. Thus, if you cut contact before they used you completely, they’ll try every trick in the book to get you to stay. But cut contact, it’s that simple. Cut all the ties.

Remove them from all social media and refrain from replying to any of their advances for attention. [Read: 17 signs of a narcissist and ways to break up with them]

6. If you can’t leave them, learn to handle them

In some instances, you won’t be able to just beat a narcissist or drop them out of your life. Maybe it’s a family member or a co-worker. If this is the case, help them by developing their empathy.

This means refraining from criticizing them. Instead, encouraging them to feel compassion helps them reduce their narcissism. [Read: How to teach a narcissist to change for the better]

7. Be gentle, no matter how hard it is

We know this sounds weird, but act in a gentle and kind way towards a narcissist if you’re unable to cut ties. Remember, narcissists aren’t necessarily horrible people, as many of them came from childhoods that didn’t provide support.

Allow them to feel the importance of relationships through kindness and love. However, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be aware of the manipulative tactics they show along the way. [Read: 15 off-putting and obnoxious symptoms of narcissism in a person]

8. Use empathy prompts

Psychologists found this the most successful way to reduce someone’s narcissism. Empathy prompts come in two components: revealing your emotions, and stating the importance of your relationship with them.

Again, this doesn’t mean you reveal deep secrets, but you say “You matter to me” or “You’re important to me” or “I care about you very much.” This provides reassurance. If you’re trying to beat a narcissist into submission, use your empathy. [Read: How to be more empathetic and forge emotional connections]

9. Use “we”

They highly focus on the “me” thoughts and sentences, so it’s time you switched it around and start using “we” phrases. It helps them to think about relationships. Most importantly, show them your love for them.

10. Reward good behavior

Yet again, we know this sounds a little bit like training a dog but it’s not… well, kinda. Never mind. Point is, if you focus a narcissist’s attention away from themselves, reward them when they actually achieve that. When they show compassion or concern for others’ happiness, reward them with positive compliments.

11. Don’t play the game

There’s a game they play, and up until now, you played it. But if you want to know how to beat a narcissist, change the way you do things.

Yes, you can help them. First, though, make sure you stop playing their game. Help them, be their friend, but be aware of the tactics they use, and make sure you firmly resist playing their game. [Read: How to make a narcissist miserable and make them burn with rage]

12. Put yourself first

Remember, if want to help someone, the most important thing is to put yourself first. It’s easy to lose yourself with the idea of helping someone else.

Remember, they’re a narcissist. Yes, help them, but always remember they look for what they gain from you.

13. But, if they’re a full-blown narcissist …

Then even though you may be saying the right things, there’s little chance they’d reduce their narcissism with just your help.

If this is the case, they need professional therapy. Even then, the odds of reducing their narcissism are limited. [Read: Hoovering and the games narcissist play to suck you back in]

14. When you exhaust all options, run

We’re sorry to say this, but if you tried everything there is in the book to beat a narcissist or to help them overcome their narcissistic tendencies, and they’ve been to therapists but nothing works, it’s time for you to leave.

It sounds harsh, but nothing is going to change. Your emotions and feelings will continue to be used for their own personal gain. [Read: How to deal with a narcissist in the best way you possibly can]

At the end of the day, a narcissist will never change

It’s hard when you love someone or you simply like someone and they act in a way that’s totally unacceptable to you. The truth is that narcissists are great at disguises. They’ll pull you in with the charm offensive, only to show their truth colors when they think they’ve got you where they want you.

That’s their true face and that’s what you have to remember. [Read: What types of narcissism should you be on the lookout for?]

A narcissist will never change, not a true one anyway. For sure, we all act a little narcissistic occasionally, but a real narcissist has a personality disorder that forces them to act the way they do.

They have no empathy and everything is about them. They don’t care who they trample over to get what they want and to look as good as possible. Even if that means breaking your heart and then making out it’s no big deal, they’ll do it.

You can’t change a narcissist. Even if you’re the most wonderfully perfect person on the planet, you cannot change them. For a narcissist to change they need to accept their diagnosis of NPD and have professional therapy.

For the most part, this type of therapy doesn’t work that well for narcissists either. That’s mostly because they don’t actually believe there’s anything wrong with them – they think there’s something wrong with everyone else! [Read: Malignant narcissist – 24 scary traits and what makes them the worst kind]

So, you can try to beat a narcissist, but in the end, ask yourself why you’re even bothering. Cut your losses and get away.

[Read: How to break a narcissist’s heart and why it’s almost impossible to do]

Now that you know what you need to do while trying to figure how to beat a narcissist, better get to it! It’s time to finally beat them at their own game.

Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.

LovePanky icon
Team LovePanky
The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...