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Why Narcissists Ignore You, Your Texts, & Do the Selfish Things They Do

You are probably wondering why narcissists ignore your texts and lie to you. It’s not easy to deal with them, so here are some reasons why they act that way to help you understand.

why do narcissists ignore texts and ignore you

Narcissists have excessive interest and admiration for themselves. That is the driving factor for narcissists. They crave attention, are likely to gloat or brag about themselves, and prefer to keep the topic revolving around them. But why do narcissists ignore texts or do other selfish things?

What is a narcissist?

As we said, narcissists are extremely self-involved people. This can be minor, but it can also be so intense that this person is delusional, entitled, cruel, and even lacks any guilt.

You have likely picked up on some of these characteristics if you know a narcissist. And ignoring texts may be just one of the selfish things they do, but why are they so selfish? [Read: The traits of selfless love compared to selfish love]

Why are narcissists selfish?

Narcissism is actually a personality disorder. It is not always that severe, but when it is, this person cares more about themselves than others. Technically it is not their fault, but it is still immensely difficult to feel bad for a narcissist.

Their selfishness goes beyond not wanting to help someone move or being too lazy to make dinner for your family. If what they are doing does not benefit them, make them the center of attention, or put others down, it is simply not something they see worth doing. [Read: Can you teach a narcissist to change for the better?]

Why do narcissists ignore texts?

If you text a narcissist saying congratulations, they will likely reply and continue to boast about whatever they did. But if you text a narcissist about a problem you’re having, to chat about someone else, or even to share important news, they will likely ignore it.

If it is not critical to their expanding ego, they are simply not interested. They may even glance at the text, see it isn’t about them, and just not care at all. Narcissists believe it is their right to gain attention and flattery, and they will do anything to make sure that that is what their life is about.

If you are trying to carry out a relationship with a narcissist, whether that be a platonic one, a romantic one, or even a professional one, it will be very difficult to deal with someone like this.

Signs of a narcissist over text

Some things you may notice from a narcissist might seem minor, while others can seem completely rude and cruel. But if you notice these repeating behaviors from someone, they are likely narcissistic.

Why? Because that is all they know. Narcissists live in a type of fantasy world where they are the most important person and everyone else is beneath them. But that’s not all; here are some other behaviors of a narcissist. [Read: Are you dealing with a malignant narcissist?]

1. Ignoring texts

Even though we already spoke about this, it is still important to mention. Yes, some people are just not good at responding to texts unless it’s about something important. That is the difference between a bad texter and a narcissist.

Unless the text is about stroking a narcissist’s ego, they will likely ignore it. They may even text you about something regarding them while completely ignoring what you sent.

2. Bragging

A narcissist continuously brags about their successes. They will even lie and bend the truth to make themselves seem more amazing.

In fact, they will say they are the reason their company is doing so well when in reality, they did nothing to get the company there. A narcissist will turn any and all conversations into a confidence-boosting rant. 

3. Bullying

Another way for narcissists to soothe or inflate their ego is by belittling others, especially those who are truly better at things than them. Think about how Trump would slam all the good work Obama did. When a narcissist knows someone is more loved or admired, they have to be cruel to them.

They are also highly judgmental about anyone that does not agree with them. [Read: How to recognize and deal with a bully]

4. Lack of politeness

Narcissists demand politeness from others but completely lack it themselves. In fat, that’s what makes a narcissist a narcissist. They will not hold doors open for others, they will not offer an umbrella to someone in the rain, and they will never ask what you want to do.

5. Feeling anger toward those who don’t feed their ego

Narcissists tend to surround themselves with people they know will tell them what they want to hear. They will make friends with people they know will compliment them. So when someone questions them, they will not take it lightly. They will be angry and even vengeful.

6. Childish outbursts

When a two-year-old bursts into tears because their mother won’t buy them a lollipop, it is expected. But when a grown man bursts out with a temper tantrum because he couldn’t get what he wanted, that is a clear sign of narcissistic personality disorder. [Read: How to quickly spot narcissistic traits in a relationship]

7. Expecting praise

A narcissist has this idea that they are loved and praised by everyone simply for being them, regardless of anything bad they have done. So they expect constant respect, praise, and admiration from everyone.

They will be shocked and angry when someone does not follow their fantasy.

8. Lack of remorse

Another reason a narcissist ignores your texts is because they lack remorse. They do not believe they need to apologize or feel guilty for anything they do. They will ignore you, bully you, and talk down to you, but never will admit they did anything wrong.

9. Blames others

When a narcissist does not get their way or even makes a mistake, they will always blame someone else. They will throw others under the bus to make themselves look better.

They will say someone else gave them incorrect information, they will blame poor people for being poor, and they will blame their partner for making them late. Nothing is ever a narcissist’s fault in their mind.

10. Oblivious to others

Narcissists lack awareness. They cannot see what anyone else needs or wants. If it is not about them they just do not see it. If their partner is shivering, they would never offer their jacket or lay a blanket over them.

These are only some of the characteristics and behaviors a narcissist shows regularly which could explain why they ignore your texts. [Read: 23 secret signs of narcissism most people overlook until it’s too late]

Examples of a narcissist’s text messages

If you’re wondering what it sounds like to exchange text messages with a narcissist, you can look for some of these examples. Some might be more familiar to you than others.

1. Emotional ping pong

A narcissist knows when and how to keep you emotionally off-balance. They do this by alternating between being nice and being cold without any explanation. Here are some examples of this:

First text: I love you SO MUCH! 

Second text: What are you doing? I need you now!

Third text after you respond in a lovey-dovey tone: Omg! Chill out! I’m at work right now so I can’t talk to you. Don’t text me anymore.

[Read: Emotional abuse signs – how to spot an abuser]

2. Texting in all capital letters

At first, you probably enjoyed the kind of passion they expressed. But sometimes it gets out of line – even over text. Here is an example.


This is a sign that they can’t control their anger – or any emotion for that matter.

3. Threats, insults, and taunting

Narcissists never hold back insults when they see an advantage in pulling you down or trying to destroy your self-confidence. They even do this via texts in ways such as this:

Just so you know, your job is a joke. When will you realize that you need to find something else that pays better? I’ll help you because I’ll do anything to make sure I’m not with someone who is a loser.

[Read: 23 signs of a mean person, why they’re bitter, and how to deal with them]

4. Twisting your actions

If you don’t respond to their text within minutes, the narcissist knows you blew them off because you don’t really love them. They might even accuse you of texting and flirting with someone else because you were trying to make them insecure in the relationship. Here is an example:

Them: Why didn’t you answer my text?

You: I was meeting with a client.

Them: Sure. Whatever.

You: Seriously. I was with a client and I turned my ringer off so I wasn’t rude to them.

Them: Sure. But I bet if your ex-boyfriend had texted you that you would have responded right away.

You: Uh, I told you my ringer was off.

Them: You’re hiding something! You always do this to me! 

5. Keeping you on your toes

At first, they’re texting you constantly with a sense of urgency about something. So of course, you reply as quickly as you can to demonstrate some empathy for them. But eventually, the narcissist might ignore your texts.

First text: Hey baby! Let’s go to dinner and a movie tonight – my treat.

Second text: And by my treat I mean I’ll buy the drinks.

Third text: Did you get my texts? Why aren’t you answering me?

Fourth text: You are being so rude! Why are you ignoring me? Stop ghosting me! 

[Read: Do narcissists know they are narcissists? Do they lie to themselves?]

5. Imposing guilt, shame, or fault-finding

Narcissists don’t feel good about themselves, and that’s why they need to make other people feel just as bad as they do. So, they always want to knock you down a peg or two so you don’t feel too good about yourself. 

First text: I forgot to tell you that the shirt you wore to work is ugly and it’s too revealing. You shouldn’t look like a slut. You better not do that again.

Second text: We need to do something about your wardrobe. You should lose some weight so you look better in your clothes.

6. Texts with demands

It’s difficult to keep the peace with a narcissist, but you probably want to try. So, you think that if you obey their demands, then that will make them happy. Here are some examples of texts with demands for you.

When you get home, clean the kitchen. It’s so messy it makes you look like a hoarder.

Do my laundry. You should have done it yesterday.

Get me something to eat, and make it good.

[Read: Covert narcissist – what it is, 34 signs, and how to see the games they play]

Why do narcissists ignore and devalue you?

If you have any type of relationship with a narcissist, after a while their true colors will be revealed, and they will treat you only as a means to an end.

You may be a trophy to them. They may treat you as an employee rather than a friend or loved one. And if anything goes wrong, they will likely blame you if you are close to them.

Narcissists need those closest to them to stroke their egos and make them feel good. So anytime that is lacking, they will devalue you only as someone who is there to improve their life.

Narcissists will not admit they need you or that you are vital to them maintaining their status. They will likely emotionally abuse you so that you are stuck with them, and they always feel superior. They do this so that in their mind and in yours, they will be on top.

[Read: Narcissistic rage – how to handle the angry backlash of a narcissist]

What should you do if a narcissist ignores your texts? 

Narcissists feel totally justified ignoring your texts, but if you do the same to them, you are in for a lot of trouble. They will see your lack of promptness and do something to retaliate.

First, they could send you a text demanding to know why you’re not responding to them. Or, they could send you a fake worried text wanting to know if you’re okay or angry with them. They could also start calling or even come to you in person with an urgent visit.

The best thing you can do is not to play their game. Don’t give them the pleasure of seeing you get upset or change your behavior to be how they want you to be. Stand your ground and refuse to give in to the narcissist.

[Read: Subtle counterblows to hit a narcissist where it hurts]

Why do narcissists ignore texts or throw tantrums? Now that you know the reasons and the way their minds work, do you really want them around in your life? With all this said and done, never stay around a narcissist unless you really have to, and even then, keep them at arm’s length!

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...