How to Get a Shy Girl to Feel Relaxed and Open Up in Bed

Shy girls exist, and there’s no easy way to make them open up in bed. Here are 9 ways to ease your girl in and help her feel comfortable with sex.

shy girl sex

Every person has a different personality, but most either lean toward introversion or extroversion. And introverted people are usually shy.

When it comes to women, people used to assume that shyness was simply a trait that was natural to them. The truth is, though, that every woman has a different personality.

There are different levels of shyness—but all levels of shyness can be traced back to personality and temperament.

What makes a person shy?

A person can be shy if they grew up in a sheltered environment. They might not have been raised to interact with a lot of people.

Some become shy as they grow older, because of the circumstances they were dealt. Some become shy because of traumatic events, while others develop shyness because they think it’s best to be aloof.

There’s nothing bad about being a shy person. It just means that you’re more guarded than most, and are reluctant to show people who you really are.

This can be useful, because it allows you to observe first, before engaging in any interactions with others. It is also an attractive trait for some people. People who are outgoing and expressive are usually drawn to shy people. [Read: Do guys like shy girls and find them more attractive?]

Dating a shy person

If the woman you are seeing is the shy type, you’ve probably noticed that she doesn’t interact much with people. Now that you’re dating, you will discover that she will open up to you—carefully and gradually.

Shy women are usually guarded, which means that they don’t easily open up to people—even the ones that they are dating. This also means that sex is not something they are likely to pursue with gusto. That being said, you will have to work a little bit harder to introduce them to the idea.

Take note, though: while your partner may be shy, you should not assume she has not had sex; shy people just aren’t usually the type to initiate physical relationships.

Apart from that, they might not be as open in bed as others. They are probably too shy to do new and innovative things in bed. That’s where you come in. [Read: How to talk about sex with a shy girl without sounding like a pervert]

How can you encourage them to open up in bed?

#1 Make sure that your partner is comfortable. Start with a mundane topic, before easing the conversation toward the topic of having sex. Don’t jump into it by telling your partner what you want immediately. Do it the old fashioned way. Identify the situation. Present the problem. Suggest the solution.

#2 Don’t be aggressive. Don’t use innuendo or seductive lines. Your partner is shy enough as it is. Being aggressive will only make her clam up. The best way to do this is to keep your distance, but remember to use open body language. Face your partner, keep your hands free, and don’t sound too serious or intense.

#3 Be clear about your intentions. Be clear and succinct in what you want, without going all out all at once. Don’t use flowery words. You’re merely presenting a suggestion, not demanding a change in your routine.

#4 Ask her if she feels the same way. Now that you’ve told her what your intentions are, it’s her turn to tell you how she feels. You might not get the answer you want immediately, but you can always try again.

#5 Ask her what she wants. The best way to make a person open up in bed is to ask what they want you to do. Shy people are reluctant to answer questions like these, so try to pose the question as an inquiry and not mandatory dirty talk. [Read: 14 tips to get your partner to open up and enjoy talking about sex]

#6 Discuss what’s going to happen. If you and your partner have arrived at an understanding, tell her exactly what’s going to happen. You’re not briefing her for a mission, so treat it like an ordinary conversation. If done correctly, your discussion can actually morph into foreplay.

#7 Talk about having sex thoroughly. Make sure that you’re not leaving anything out. You don’t have to go at it immediately after your discussion. You can talk about it more, so your partner will feel more comfortable about the idea of opening up in bed.

#8 Observe her behavior. Always keep in mind that your partner should want the same things you do. It’s not enough that you talked about it; you should observe how she’s reacting. Listen to her tone of voice. Check to see if she’s more closed off than she was before. The signs are pretty obvious, as long as you’re really listening to your partner and not just thinking about your own agenda. [Read: 30 naughty, fun would you rather questions to get your shy sweetheart talking]

#9 Use the 90:10 rule. The 90:10 rule follows the principle of you making the first move, while your partner closes the gap between the two of you. Try it with all the moves you wish to make in bed. Move in for a kiss 90% of the way, and let your partner move the rest of the way in. Try it when you’re about to lick her neck and before you press into her, this helps your partner feel more comfortable about actively performing in bed, as you’re guiding her moves, but allowing her to take charge.

Try something different

The methods we showed you above aren’t 100% accurate or effective. There’s a slim chance that it won’t work for the shy girl that you’re dating.

If this is the case, it probably means that they approach sex differently, but are just too shy to say so. Here are some backup measures that might do the trick.

#1 Let her take the reins. Just because a person is shy, doesn’t mean that they’re not capable of being dominant. They just need a little push from a person they can trust. Suggest this method to your partner and if her face lights up at the idea, you’ve hit jackpot. [Read: 9 sexiest foreplay tips you can ever use in bed]

#2 Use toys and props. Most couples use toys and props to spice up their sex life. The idea of using such things can be quite arousing for some people. If your partner likes the sound of the idea, you’d better find an online catalog—stat.

#3 Don’t have sex. Hear us out. It’s not what you think. Some people find it hot when their partner withholds sex. You’re not exactly holding your penis hostage, but it’s a chance for you to build some anticipation and longing in your partner. Keep discussing sex, while not doing it, and your partner might just release all of her pent-up frustration by jumping you right then and there.

Sleeping with a shy girl has a lot of benefits, especially when you’re just starting out. It’s like having a prolonged honeymoon stage. The mystery of the unknown will add a lot of spice to your budding sex life, especially when you gradually start to discover each other’s intimate tastes.

[Read: 20 dirty questions to ask a girl and make her really wet]

Once a shy girl opens up to you in bed, the possibilities are endless. It’s definitely worth the wait and the effort you must put in to get her to open up.

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Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
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