There’s no easy way for a shy girl to open up in bed. Here are ways to ease your girl in and help her feel comfortable with sex.
Every person has a different personality, with most leaning towards either introversion or extroversion, and this can significantly influence how to encourage a shy girl to open up in bed. Introverted people are often perceived as shy.
Historically, there was a tendency to assume that all women were naturally shy, but in reality, every woman has a unique personality. Shyness varies in degree, yet regardless of the level, it’s always linked to an individual’s personality and temperament. [Read: How to tell if a shy girl likes you: 22 signs & ways to open her up]
What Makes a Person Shy?
A person can be shy if they grew up in a sheltered environment. They might not have been raised to interact with a lot of people.
Some become shy as they grow older, because of the circumstances they were dealt. Some become shy because of traumatic events, while others develop shyness because they think it’s best to be aloof.
There’s nothing bad about being a shy person. It just means that you’re more guarded than most, and are reluctant to show people who you really are.
This can be useful, because it allows you to observe first, before engaging in any interactions with others. It is also an attractive trait for some people. People who are outgoing and expressive are usually drawn to shy people. [Read: Do guys like shy girls and find them more attractive?]
Dating a Shy Person
If the woman you are seeing is the shy type, you’ve probably noticed that she doesn’t interact much with people. Now that you’re dating, you will discover that she will open up to you—carefully and gradually.
Shy women are usually guarded, which means that they don’t easily open up to people—even the ones that they are dating. This also means that sex is not something they are likely to pursue with gusto. That being said, you will have to work a little bit harder to introduce them to the idea.
Take note, though: while your partner may be shy, you should not assume she has not had sex; shy people just aren’t usually the type to initiate physical relationships.
Apart from that, they might not be as open in bed as others. They are probably too shy to do new and innovative things in bed. That’s where you come in. [Read: How to talk about sex with a shy girl without sounding like a pervert]
How Can You Encourage Them to Open Up in Bed?
As much as we like to say that we accept our partners as they are, it’s natural to also desire a deeper connection with them, especially in intimate settings. Here are some ways to gently encourage a shy girl to open up in bed.
1. Make Sure That Your Partner is Comfortable
Start with a mundane topic, before easing the conversation toward the topic of having sex. Don’t jump into it by telling your partner what you want immediately. Do it the old fashioned way. Identify the situation. Present the problem. Suggest the solution.
2. Lead with Vulnerability
It’s a game-changer when you show your own vulnerability first. Share your insecurities, fantasies, or what makes you feel shy in bed. This can make a shy girl feel like she’s not alone in her feelings.
When she sees you being open and vulnerable, it can inspire her to share her own thoughts and feelings. Remember, it’s like a two-way street; the more open you are, the more likely she is to reciprocate and feel comfortable in opening up too.
2. Don’t be Aggressive
Don’t use innuendo or seductive lines. Your partner is shy enough as it is. Being aggressive will only make her clam up.
The best way to do this is to keep your distance, but remember to use open body language. Face your partner, keep your hands free, and don’t sound too serious or intense.
3. Be Clear About Your Intentions
Be clear and succinct in what you want, without going all out all at once. Don’t use flowery words. You’re merely presenting a suggestion, not demanding a change in your routine.
4. Ask Her if She Feels the Same Way
Now that you’ve told her what your intentions are, it’s her turn to tell you how she feels. You might not get the answer you want immediately, but you can always try again.
5. Ask Her What She Wants
The best way to make a person open up in bed is to ask what they want you to do. Shy people are reluctant to answer questions like these, so try to pose the question as an inquiry and not mandatory dirty talk. [Read: Tips to get your partner to open up and enjoy talking about sex]
6. Discuss What’s Going to Happen
If you and your partner have arrived at an understanding, tell her exactly what’s going to happen. You’re not briefing her for a mission, so treat it like an ordinary conversation. If done correctly, your discussion can actually morph into foreplay.
7. Talk About Having Sex Thoroughly
Make sure that you’re not leaving anything out. You don’t have to go at it immediately after your discussion. You can talk about it more, so your partner will feel more comfortable about the idea of opening up in bed.
8. Foster a Non-Judgmental Space
When you’re with a shy girl, it’s crucial to create an environment where she feels there’s no wrong answer or reaction. Let her know that her feelings and desires are completely valid and that there’s no ‘normal’ or ‘right’ way to feel in the bedroom.
This kind of supportive setting can really help a shy girl to open up in bed more. Remind her that all her responses, whether it’s a giggle, a question, or a request to pause, are perfectly okay. This can significantly reduce the pressure she might be feeling and can make her feel more at ease to express herself.
9. Observe Her Behavior
Always keep in mind that your partner should want the same things you do. It’s not enough that you talked about it; you should observe how she’s reacting.
Listen to her tone of voice. Check to see if she’s more closed off than she was before. The signs are pretty obvious, as long as you’re really listening to your partner and not just thinking about your own agenda. [Read: 30 naughty, fun would you rather questions to get your shy sweetheart talking]
10. Use the 90:10 Rule
The 90:10 rule follows the principle of you making the first move, while your partner closes the gap between the two of you. Try it with all the moves you wish to make in bed. Move in for a kiss 90% of the way, and let your partner move the rest of the way in.
Try it when you’re about to lick her neck and before you press into her, this helps your partner feel more comfortable about actively performing in bed, as you’re guiding her moves, but allowing her to take charge.
11. Reinforce Consistency and Predictability
For someone shy, knowing what to expect can be very comforting. Try to have a routine or a sign that signals you’re moving into more intimate territory. This predictability makes it easier for a shy girl to mentally prepare and feel less anxious.
For example, you could establish a certain kind of music, lighting, or even a code word that gently indicates the shift towards more intimate moments. By having these consistent cues, she can feel more in control and relaxed about what’s coming next.
12. Practice Active Listening
Really pay attention when she talks about her likes, dislikes, or boundaries. Active listening involves more than just hearing her words, it’s about understanding her feelings and responding with empathy. Show her that her voice matters in your relationship, especially in bed.
Ask follow-up questions and repeat some of what she says to confirm your understanding. It shows that you genuinely care about her comfort and are eager to learn about her preferences, helping her feel more confident in expressing herself. [Read: Ways to be a much better listener in a relationship & read their mind]
13. Encourage Non-Verbal Communication
Sometimes, words can be hard to find, especially for a shy girl. Encourage her to communicate her comfort or discomfort in other ways. It could be through hand squeezes, tapping out, or using body language.
You could even create a simple system like one tap for ‘this feels good’, two taps for ‘slow down’, and so on. Respecting these non-verbal cues is just as important as verbal communication and can be a powerful tool for a shy girl to communicate her needs and desires without feeling pressured to speak up all the time.
14. Introduce Light Humor
A bit of light humor can go a long way in easing tension. Crack a small joke or share a light-hearted comment to help her relax. But be sure to keep it appropriate and sensitive to the situation.
A good laugh not only breaks the ice but also releases endorphins, making both of you feel more at ease. Just remember that the goal here is to create a lighter atmosphere, not to trivialize her feelings or the situation. [Read: How to Be Funny: 28 must-know tips to make everyone love your humor]
Try Something Different
The methods we showed you above aren’t 100% accurate or effective. There’s a slim chance that it won’t work for the shy girl that you’re dating.
If this is the case, it probably means that they approach sex differently, but are just too shy to say so. Here are some backup measures that might do the trick.
1 Let Her Take the Reins
Just because a person is shy, doesn’t mean that they’re not capable of being dominant. They just need a little push from a person they can trust. Suggest this method to your partner and if her face lights up at the idea, you’ve hit jackpot. [Read: Sexiest foreplay tips you can ever use in bed]
2. Use Toys and Props
Most couples use toys and props to spice up their sex life. The idea of using such things can be quite arousing for some people. If your partner likes the sound of the idea, you’d better find an online catalog—stat.
3. Don’t Have Sex
Hear us out. It’s not what you think. Some people find it hot when their partner withholds sex. You’re not exactly holding your penis hostage, but it’s a chance for you to build some anticipation and longing in your partner. Keep discussing sex, while not doing it, and your partner might just release all of her pent-up frustration by jumping you right then and there.
Sleeping with a shy girl has a lot of benefits, especially when you’re just starting out. It’s like having a prolonged honeymoon stage. The mystery of the unknown will add a lot of spice to your budding sex life, especially when you gradually start to discover each other’s intimate tastes. [Read: 20 dirty questions to ask a girl and make her really wet]
Things to Avoid When Trying to Get Her to Open Up
Let’s talk about the list of things to avoid when you’re with a shy girl, especially when trying to encourage her to open up in bed. Remember, the approach is everything and what you don’t do can be just as important as what you do.
1. Rushing the Pace
The biggest no-go is rushing things. Trying to speed up intimacy can make a shy girl feel overwhelmed and pressured. It’s important to move at a pace that’s comfortable for her.
Give her the time she needs to get comfortable and adjust to the situation. Quick movements or a hurried approach can just heighten her anxiety. It’s better to take it slow and let her guide the pace.
2. Overwhelming with Questions
While communication is key, bombarding her with too many questions can make her feel like she’s under interrogation. Instead of firing off one question after another, give her time to think and respond.
Stick to open-ended questions and allow the conversation to flow naturally without making her feel pressured to answer everything at once.
3. Ignoring Non-Verbal Cues
If she’s not verbally expressive, pay attention to her body language. It’s easy to get caught up in what we want to hear, but ignoring her non-verbal signals can make her feel unheard or disregarded.
Watch for signs of discomfort or hesitation. If she seems tense or uneasy, it’s probably a sign to slow down or check in with her.
4. Making Assumptions
Never assume you know what she wants or feels. Each shy girl is different, and what worked with one person might not work with another.
Assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and can make her feel like her own feelings aren’t being considered. Always verify and ask before acting on any assumptions.
5. Forgetting to Reaffirm Consent
Just because she was okay with something yesterday doesn’t mean she’s okay with it today. Continuously checking in and reaffirming consent is crucial.
You have to make sure she feels safe and comfortable at every step. Regular check-ins help reinforce that her feelings are valid and important.
6. Not Respecting Her Boundaries
If she sets a boundary, respect it fully. Trying to push or negotiate her boundaries can be a huge trust breaker.
Respect is foundational in getting a shy girl to open up in bed. If she says no or seems uncomfortable with something, take it seriously and back off without making her feel bad for it. [Read: Boundaries in a relationship: 43 healthy dating rules you MUST set early on]
7. Skipping the Foreplay
Foreplay isn’t just physical, it’s also about creating a bond and building trust. Skimping on this step can make her feel like it’s all about the physical act and not about the connection.
Take the time to connect, be it through conversation, cuddling, or other forms of closeness.
8. Not Being Present
Being physically present isn’t enough, you need to be mentally present too. Avoid distractions like checking your phone or zoning out. Your full attention shows her that she is your top priority at that moment, making her feel valued and more inclined to open up.
9. Neglecting Aftercare
What happens after intimacy is just as important. Provide emotional support and reassurance after being intimate. This can be through cuddling, talking, or simply spending quiet time together. It helps in reinforcing a sense of safety and connection.
10. Forgetting to Be Patient
Patience is your best ally. Remember, building comfort and trust takes time, and every small step forward is a victory. Don’t get discouraged if progress seems slow.
Once She Opens Up, the Possibilities are Endless
There are countless types of girls out there, each with their unique personalities and qualities, and they’re all undoubtedly worth getting to know. When you invest time and effort into understanding and respecting her pace, the bond that forms is often deeper and more meaningful.
[Read: Putting too much effort into a relationship: Where to draw the line]
As you both navigate through the layers of shyness and comfort, you’ll discover a level of intimacy and connection that is both fulfilling and enriching. Once you can get a shy girl to open up in bed, the possibilities are endless. It’s definitely worth the wait and the effort you must put in to get her to open up.
