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How to Break Up with Her When She Doesn’t Want To

how to break up with her

Guys find it hard to cut ties with girls who don’t want to break up. They then end up staying and suffering in silence. Here’s how to not be that guy.

Breaking up is one of the hardest things to do. When your girlfriend doesn’t want to break up with you, it becomes exponentially harder. A couple can split up for any number of reasons, but men are usually reluctant to do it. Most of the time they end up doing things that will push their girlfriend to break up with them. Sadly, that method never works the way you want it to.

In extreme circumstances, women can get pretty crazy and refuse to break up at all. The worst ones are those that use emotional blackmail, threaten to commit suicide or promise to wreak hell on the lives of their exes, if they ever so much as utter the words, “We need to talk.”

Signs that she won’t break up with you

Women have many secret methods of manipulation, and some of these include ways on how to prevent you from breaking up with them.

#1 The guilt trip. Do you remember every little mistake you made in the relationship and everything your girlfriend did right? Well, she does and she is going to use it as ammo to make you feel so bad that you won’t even get the chance to tell her you want to break up.

#2 Emotional blackmail. Even though you were a perfect boyfriend, your girlfriend will use this opportunity to make you feel like the biggest asshole, if you do break up with her. A lot of guys are reluctant to break up with their girlfriends, if they feel that it will cause emotional damage. Every breakup causes people to experience that, but some girls will use it as an anchor to prevent their boyfriends from breaking up with them. [Read: 15 types of girlfriends who will make your life hell]

#3 Regular blackmail. This one is from the crazy bunch. If she has anything at all that will cause any harm to your career or social standing, she will use it. It can be a sex video, a photo of you in a compromising position or just a simple promise that she will make your life a living hell.

#4 Pleading. No man can refuse a woman with puppy-dog eyes and slow-flowing tears. Your girlfriend may resort to a form of emotional blackmail by making you accountable for not giving her what she wants. By making herself as vulnerable as possible, a guy won’t be able to stomach breaking up with her, if she wholeheartedly pleads for him not to. [Read: Why does love have to hurt so much?]

#5 Bargaining. A girl can use any means necessary to keep her man. She will try and do anything just to make you stay. This includes being willing to be in an open relationship, promising that she will change, trying to be someone else that her boyfriend likes or even offering things she never would have in normal circumstances.

#6 Ignorance. She will avoid talking about a breakup or even go so far as to treat it like a joke. This girl knows what she’s doing because a breakup cannot happen if two people don’t discuss it. A guy can leave on his own, but some men would prefer to talk about it rather than just run away from the problem. If your girlfriend won’t allow you to voice your concerns, make her listen somehow!

If you are in a situation where you don’t know how to cut all ties with your girlfriend, you need to step up and be the bigger person.

How to break up with her?

In theory, it’s as easy as pulling off a Band-Aid. In reality, breaking up with a person is extremely difficult because you have to consider the consequences of your decision. You have to determine whether it will be good for both of you or if you’re just having some doubts about your role in the relationship. Sometimes the problem lies in the person wanting to break up, but other times it can be the other person or both.

If you are aware that your relationship is experiencing problems, and there’s no other choice but to break up, you need to make your girlfriend listen to you. Don’t allow her to control your decisions. Make her see the benefits of what you’re about to do, and let her understand that it will be good for both of you.

#1 Prepare yourself. The reason why guys can’t break up with their girlfriends immediately is because they are afraid to make the move. Most of the time, they want their girlfriends to do it instead. If this is how you feel, tell yourself why you want to do it in the first place. Make a mature decision and follow through with it, no matter what. [Read: How to break up with someone you love]

#2 Do it at home. Don’t do it in a public place. A lot of guys think this will keep their girlfriends calm, but sometimes it just makes them react more violently. Rather than protecting yourself from your girlfriend’s outburst, respect the solemnity of what you are about to do, and do it in private.

#3 Tell her. Immediately. Don’t hem and haw. Try not to say, “We need to talk” hours or days before you break up with her. Make it fast, but be gentle. Tell her your reasons. Don’t let her get a word in edgewise. This is not her decision. It’s yours. Since she won’t break up with you, it’s up to you to take the reins and do what needs to be done.

#4 If she tries to guilt you… Don’t listen to her. No matter what you did in the past, you cannot pay for it by being her boyfriend. You need to apologize for whatever it is and let her deal with the breakup on her own. If you continue to be in the relationship, you will only end up committing more transgressions that she can always hold over your head.

#5 If she starts crying… Yes, it’s painful to break up. She will cry. You might even cry yourself. Let it all out, but don’t decide not to break up just to make her feel better. She’ll end up crying anyway, if she continues to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love her.

#6 If she blackmails you… Consider the consequences of what she’s holding over your head. If it can destroy something very important to you like your job, your relationship with your loved ones or your reputation, take a beat. Don’t let her know you still want to leave her. Ask your friends about it or look for professional help like a lawyer or the police. Don’t let anyone take away your freedom to decide – especially if that someone is willing to harm you, just to get their way.

#7 If she starts bargaining… Don’t agree if you think what she’s offering is unnecessary. If she promises to change, and it’s evident that she never will, you should not agree to continue the relationship. If she offers you sex, you should definitely refuse. Before breaking up with your girlfriend, you have decided that nothing can be done to prevent it. If she’s offering you everything now that you’re about to leave, that just means that she hasn’t thought it through, and whatever she promises may fail to materialize.

#8 If she starts begging… Tell her that she shouldn’t beg for your affection. There’s no sense in agreeing to stay just because you pity her. That is not a good basis for a relationship. Just because she cried for you to stay, doesn’t mean that you should. Help your girlfriend become a better person by not pandering to anything she wants, just because she’s sad about it.

#9 If she ignores you… Make her listen by cornering her into a situation where she can’t talk her way out. Break up with her while you’re in the car. Do it while you’re in bed together. Just tell her what you want, and don’t let her push the conversation to a later date.

If she doesn’t want to discuss it, that’s her loss. The reason why you want to talk about it is because you want to tell her your reasons. If she chooses to ignore it, she can just get used to ignoring the fact that you’re not in her life anymore.

The pain of a breakup is unimaginable in some circumstances. No matter how gradual or sudden it is, you have to accept that things may not go your way all the time. Each person has a different way of handling situations like these. It can be very emotional and can leave a person devastated for a long time. Other times, it can be a wonderful release from a monotonous situation that wasn’t making anyone happy. [Read: 8 ways to quit moaning and stay busy after a breakup]

Bad breakups usually occur, because one person in the relationship doesn’t want the other to leave. If you must break up with your girlfriend, make sure that you understand what you’re doing and that you are not out to hurt her. Using these tips, you can brace yourself for whatever it is she can throw at you – figuratively and literally.

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Danielle Anne
Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
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8 thoughts on “How to Break Up with Her When She Doesn’t Want To”

  1. Lance says:

    Rehearsing the breakup is great advice because it really can prepare you for the inevitable realities that a lot of breakups have. Unfortunately, you can’t prepare for what’s going to happen on a word for word basis and this alone is where you’re going to have to stick to your guns when it’s time to head out the door. Blackmail is one I haven’t had to deal with, so I feel bad for all the guys with dick pics and other tasteless selfies out there. Protip: don’t do it in the first place.

  2. leavemealone says:

    This is the hardest things you ever have to do in your life. I can tell that because I’ve been in a relationship wherein my past girlfriend doesn’t want to break up with me. When I broke with her the first time and didn’t bother talking to her for weeks, she went to my house and begged for my family to make me take her back. So, I did, out of pity. I just wasn’t having it anymore. While we were still together, I met the girl of my dreams and I decided it’s time to leave my past behind. I did. I told her I was with someone else now. That was the one thing that got her to leave me.

  3. Randall says:

    I’ve been with my fair share of bargainers. It’s a really unpleasant situation to be in because you want to trust what the person is saying and that they’ll be able to shape up and fly right, but after just a couple of weeks people tend to fall back into their old ways when the mood settles down a bit. Some people do manage to turn corners when they bargain, but for the most part, it’s usually not worth it. Keep things private (doing it at home is great advice), but do be prepared for the inevitable fight and discomfort that’s going to follow this scenario. Good luck, guys.

  4. only you says:

    I don’t want to break up with my boyfriend because I don’t want everything that we worked hard for be put to waste. I just can’t imagine myself with another person other than him but apparently, he imagines of having relationship with another girl. I’m not sure that he’s cheating on me yet but he has been threatening of cheating on me if I don’t agree on breaking up. I just can’t agree on breaking up because I love him! I want to fight four my love for him even though he doesn’t want to fight for me. I just know that somehow, He would realize that I’m important in his life and want to patch up things with me. I just wish everything would happen the way i want it to. I want to have him my whole life. I still hope he wants me too. It just doesn’t make sense to me that he wants to put everything to waste. All our efforts going down the drain, thrown in trash, rolled up and piled up in garbage. If there was a way to salvage our relationship, I would do it. I tried everything I can. I changed or him, it’s just not enough for him. I’ve been okay with him spending time with his other girl friends, which before, I didn’t approve. I tried to make ends meet for him, it just wasn’t enough for him.

  5. blackguy says:

    I was actually the one who did the breaking up in this situation. To be fair I was 15 at the time. I decided to break up with her because she was gaining weight. Anyways I thought I couldn’t tell her that. At that time she was meeting a psychologist. She told me it was for ADHD. So when I did break up with her , I did it through text. She asked me why , I said ” I don’t want to be with a crazy person lol .”. Turns out she was going to the psychologist for depression. Her brother gave me a black eye and a gut punch the next day. My Dad asked me what happened, I told him. He told I deserved it and kicked me out of the house. He wouldn’t let me back in until I got my ex to call him and tell him that I gave her a satisfactory apology.

  6. Tigerwho says:

    I have found the one with it all these issues and it’s crazy, stressful and helpless. I am the one try to break up with her, but nothing I can do to get out. Crazy and chaos is what I feel trying to get out. There is a no win situation or way to get out. Still working on it. Work in process, but I tell you it’s the most f up time that anybody can spend wasting there lifes going thru. Avoid Crazy at all cost, Priceless!

  7. Andy says:

    My previous ex-gf wouldn’t stop calling/texting/emailing me for months after our breakup, constantly sending old pictures and memories. It was a gut wrenching breakup. Now once again I’m facing a similar situation, currently in the middle of a breakup that seems to have been going on for several days now. Yes I’ve been afraid to hurt her feelings and now I realize it’s my fault this is dragging out a lot longer than it should. She’ll keep calling me the next morning acting all nice and sweet and talking about the things she’s going to change. It’s like a bait and switch because I’ll feel really bad and slowly let her back in, re-opening the lines of communication, then BAM we’re right back into the same old fights we’ve been having.

    Guys (and gals), take heed: if there’s absolutely no doubt in your mind you want out of this relationship, save yourselves the misery and just suck it up and be “cold” and “ruthless”. Don’t be mean, just don’t beat around the bush. Being wishy-washy or not standing your ground is the toughest way to end a relationship. Trust me.

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