There are very few certainties in this life. There are days when I don’t know if my life is real at all. The one thing I am certain about is that when it is time to leave this earth, we leave alone. If you have a fear of being alone, take heart, you aren’t alone. Feelings of being all by yourself overcome you if you allow them to.
Being by yourself should be something we enjoy. You know, like the peaceful moment you have in your kitchen in the morning, drinking your first cup of coffee. Long-term loneliness and being alone is something different. The problem is that being alone isn’t about being without someone or not. There are times when we can be with someone and still feel alone.
The fear of being alone – 12 things to comfort you when you fear being alone
We were created as social creatures by design. Meant to protect each other and to survive, we are wired to want others around. A fear of being alone sometimes does the exact opposite. Due to losing my husband, there are times when I know my fear of being alone pushes people away. A neediness and a restlessness in my soul that makes people uncomfortable. [Read: Abandonment issues and how it affects your relationship]
When I am fearful of being alone, these 12 things comfort me. I hope they do the same for you…
#1 You only need one. I tell my children all the time that you only need one person in your life that you can depend on. Often, we think life is like Facebook where you need a long list of contacts and “friends” to make you feel whole and like you aren’t alone.
But, when it comes right down to it, if you have one good person in your life be it your spouse, your sister, or a close friend, then you aren’t ever alone. All you need is one person to talk to. So, stop worrying about being alone. Stop throwing your energy into getting everyone to “stay,” and focus on the one person who will be there with you to weather the storm and let the rest go. [Read: No friends? Uncomfortable reasons why your life’s how it is]
#2 You are capable of standing on your own two feet. Even if, God forbid, you are alone, you have two legs and are capable of making it alone. Sometimes we fear being alone because we don’t feel the power that we have within us.
When I was told that my husband had terminal cancer and I realized I was going to be “alone,” I freaked out. What I found was that when forced to stand on my own two feet, I was capable. Was I happy about it? No. I lost my best friend.
But, fearing didn’t change the loss, it only complicated it. Once you find the strength in your heart and stop fearing that you don’t have it in you to be alone and okay, the fear subsides. [Read: How to get your life back on track after a big change]
#3 Being alone doesn’t make you feel lonely, it comes from within. Aloneness doesn’t come from not being with someone. There are many times when we can be in a relationship with one or many, and still feel alone. The worst is when you are in a relationship and feel alone, or fear being alone and not enjoying what you have. To live in the moment, stop thinking that anyone else makes you feel less alone.
Not feeling alone is all about you and your mindset. You don’t have to fear it, you must change your own thought process, and you can’t feel lonely or be afraid of being alone. [Read: How to focus on yourself: 17 ways to create your own sunshine]
#4 Relish times when you can be quiet with your own thoughts. Sometimes the fear of being alone comes from the fear of being with us. If you are okay with who you are, then you should be okay with being alone.
What is scaring you about being alone: feeling something, being forced to evaluate who you are, or being bored, not having someone to turn to? What drives your fear? If you learn to be alright with you and relish quiet times and find peace in your heart, then you won’t be fearful of time alone, you will welcome it. [VixenDaily.com: Top reasons you’re not ready for a relationship]
#5 There is always someone new around the corner. Every time I lost a friend or loved one in my life, there has been someone there to help me. Whether it is the kindness of a stranger or just someone who pops in to be a friend and just as quickly pops out, it is almost as if angels are sent to us to make us feel less alone when we need them most.
Stop being afraid of losing people in your life and recognize that we aren’t here forever, that is just a fact. If you lose people, you can be sad and miss them, but that doesn’t mean that you will be alone.
#6 If you want to, there is always someone new to meet. Sometimes our fear of being alone is self-sabotaging. I find when I am fearful of being alone, I push the most important people away from me. It is almost as if I push someone away, then they won’t have the opportunity to hurt me. But, in the end, I hurt myself and perpetuate the feelings of loneliness.
There is no reason to be afraid when you know that there are billions of people on this earth. Surely, unless a meteor comes along and wipes us all out *but that would include you too*, then you will always have the opportunity to make a new connection with someone. [Read: How to make new friends as an adult: 15 ways to do it right]
#7 You can’t control if people leave, but you can control if you choose to reach out to people. Sometimes the hardest part about living is when you realize you have no control over anyone or thing but yourself. You can’t control if someone disappears out of your life.
You have two choices to make once you recognize that sad reality. You either choose to reach out to people, or you shut yourself up tight. You control reaching out, even if you can’t control people leaving you whether they want to or have to.
#8 Have you truly ever been alone in your past? Have you truly ever been alone in your life? You might have lost someone, and that made you feel alone. But, alone, like out in the woods or out on a real island?
That hasn’t ever happened. Learn from past experiences. You might have felt alone, but there was never a time when you were truly alone, people were always waiting on the sidelines. [Read: I feel lonely: 30 ways to overcome feelings of loneliness]
#9 What does “alone” mean? I have six kids, so there is never a time when I am “alone.” But, alone doesn’t really mean physically alone. It means you feel like you don’t have anyone who cares. You are probably completely unaware that you have many people who love and care for you because you focus on the wrong people or not those who scream for your attention.
I have had my kids want nothing more than for me to spend time with them, yet felt alone. Alone is something we create in our minds, not something that is real. A preconceived notion, if you stop and look around, then you probably can’t ever truly be alone or lonely. [MarkandAngel.com: 5 things that happen when you embrace being alone]
#10 How can you be alone with so many people around you? Again, there are billions of people on this earth. How on earth could you ever be alone? Alone, without the people you currently have in your life, maybe. Alone, as in “alone” never, that is all on you.
#11 Are there things that keep you feeling lonely? Sometimes we have certain behaviors that are either self-sabotaging or self-prophesizing. If you always fear being alone, then you might be creating the scenario in your head.
When we fear something, we give it power. There are times when our behaviors push to get the very things that we are most afraid of. Could it be your behaviors toward other people lead you to always feel on shaky ground? Is there something you do to make your fear come alive or to keep it alive? [Read: 11 things about being single that people fear most]
#12 I have felt like this in the past, but I get past it. The thing about the fear of being alone is that eventually, you are going to be alone. There is no way to get through this life unscathed. There is always going to be a time when you find yourself alone and on your own.
The good news is that if you think about the past, even when it hurt like hell, you see that eventually, you were able to move on and find someone else. Those who don’t remember the past are destined not only to repeat it but to worry about it forever.
If you are afraid of being alone, take heart. There is no way on earth that you can ever be alone. Sure, there might be times when you might experience loss, heartbreak, and lose someone very close to you, but the planet is an incredible place full of new people to find a connection with.
[Read: How to be happy alone: 20 ways relationships are overrated]
People come in and out of our lives when we need them most. Fate has a funny way of ensuring that we aren’t ever alone, so stop worrying. Your fear of being alone is getting you nowhere, and being truly alone isn’t ever going to happen unless you choose it for yourself.
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A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...
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