When out on the hunt for your next potential partner, a wingman can be a valuable aid in helping you achieve that end. But who should your wingman be?
If you have somehow managed to remain ignorant of this now fairly-widespread term, let us explain here, in brief, what exactly it refers to. In the simplest of terms, a wingman is a male friend whose job for the night is to assist you on your quest for romantic glory. There are different ways that they can do this.
Some act as a scout, hunting out the most plausible opportunities in any given venue, using their experienced noses to sniff out the available and the lonely. Some act as a third party firewall, protecting you from the interference of the lady in question’s friends, or even current partners. Others play the role of facilitator, charming your way into a group of females, so you are in a position to work your magic upon the object of your desires—an essential role, indeed. But if date hunting is in the cards, then you need to think very carefully about you who choose to play the “Goose” to your “Maverick.”
Making the decision: How to pick the right wingman
Ideally, you need a friend in the role of wingman who just kind of gets it, without being instructed or constantly nudged in the right direction. However, this isn’t always available, and there are those who perform the function inadvertently, not realizing that that’s what they’ve been brought along for.
The important thing to remember is that you choose someone because of what they can bring to the role in different environments. Identifying their wingman type and choosing accordingly is the key to wingman-selection success.
#1 Captain charisma. This particular type of wingman is the charmer in the group. Wherever he is in the room, he draws all eyes and attention towards him with natural and unpracticed ease.
Positives: Your group will become the magnet for the whole room—the center of all attention, to the extent that rather than doing the hunting, your prey will find excuses to come to you.
#2 Saturday night live. The joker in the pack, this is the guy who always has an amusing quip on hand that can be used to lighten the atmosphere and draw in company from outside the immediate group.
Positives: Everyone likes to have fun and let their hair down, and what better way to do that than through the help of a natural joker? Women will just love to be part of the apparent fun.
Negatives: The only problem with jokers is that they sometimes don’t know when to stop, and their funning around can end up being obstructive to your aims, or tiresome to those you’re trying to pursue.
#3 The “L“ word. Not the one you’re thinking of. In this case, the “L” stands for “Loser.” This is the kind of guy who wears odd socks and places himself squarely on the evolutionary scale somewhere between the amoeba and the North African dung beetle.
Positives: Let’s face it, he makes you look good. Even if you are only moderately attractive, you’ll look like a go-getting superman in comparison.
Negatives: You don’t want to end up being tarred with the same brush and, to pardon another cliché, some women may figure that birds of a feather flock together.
#4 Mr. Smooth. This guy is the one who was born kissing the Blarney Stone and could easily charm his way out of a Bangkok prison.
Positives: This guy will do all of the hard work for you. You can just sit back and relax, as his silver tongue invades, conquers, and colonizes the nearest gaggle of available girls.
Negatives: Unfortunately, Mr. Smooth tends to put himself before all others. If there’s a girl on your radar who you want to end the night with, chances are he’ll already have won her over, taken her back to his place, and made it back out again for round two. [Read: What if you and a friend are into the same woman?]
#5 It must be ewe. The sheep in the pack, this is the guy who has an overwhelming platonic admiration for you and will follow you all night long, performing commands at every wag of a finger.
Positives: He makes you look like a leader, an alpha male. He’ll also perform any and all dirty work necessary to put you in a good light.
Negatives: At the point of the evening where you’ve scored, you’ll end up with a committed gooseberry—someone who hangs around like a bad smell, and just won’t take the hint to leave. [Read: The 14 types of cock blocks you could bump into]
#6 Sir Chugalot. The big drinker in the pack, this guy can down a keg in one sitting and still come back for the bottle of whiskey chaser.
Positives: This guy can really get the ball rolling, as a party animal whose specialty is breaking the ice and getting everyone to enjoy themselves.
Negatives: The negative to this particular wingman is his inability to play his role beyond the first hour. He’ll be so intoxicated and out of control that he’ll be of little to no use at all—unless you’re in dire need of a vomit machine, of course!
#7 Jaws 2. The hardcore shark in the pack, he operates similar to Mr. Smooth, but he relies not so much upon words as his sheer testosterone-fueled presence to attract the ladies.
Positives: Like we’ve said, many women fall head over heels for the pure alpha male type and you could end up with plenty of spare to choose from.
#8 Family guy. The family guy is a good, stable sort of fellow, out on a very occasional bit of shore leave with permission from his good lady. He is the sort of person who spends most of the night talking about his kids.
Positives: Poses no threat to your aspirations, whatsoever. Even if someone did come onto him, he’d soon have them running for the hills with tales of diapers and 3 AM wake up calls.
Negatives: At times when the women are not available, or haven’t been hooked yet, the conversation is going to be very dry. Too long with the domestic talk, and you’ll want to go home yourself.
#9 Ten-men Tony. Ten-men is the guy who has two glasses of beer and thinks he is a serious contender for the next world heavyweight championship contest.
Positives: If you happen to “accidentally” chat up a woman who’s already taken, he becomes a valuable ally when the boyfriend wades in.
Negatives: He could pick a fight with a three-legged puppy. No woman is going to even look at you when you’re in the company of the resident psycho.
#10 The wing commander. Mr. Reliable—the experienced wingman who knows the role inside-out, and commits to it with an almost sacred level of respect.
Positives: Many. He is the perfect choice and will perform in a selfless and dedicated manner.
Negatives: He’s going to expect you to perform with exactly the same aplomb the next time you’re out.
Hopefully, now that you have a better idea of what this vital role consists of, you’ll have a better idea of the kind of choice you should be making the next time you choose a wingman. Even more important, you’ll have a better idea of the choices that you definitely SHOULDN’T be making, if you’re after a successful night on the tiles.
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