Found out that the object of your desires is into both men and women? Then read on for advice on how to get the best out of the situation.
Luckily for the guy who has found himself a girl with bisexual tendencies, or is in the process of trying to hook one, modern society is fairly open minded about women of this persuasion, far more than is the opposite way round.
Where the woman in a couple is bisexual, it just seems exotic and mysterious, whereas people tend to have a slightly suspicious view when it is the guy. However, there are still many things that the man in such a relationship needs to take into consideration, so that he doesn’t commit any blunders and screw things up for himself.
What not to say to your bisexual gal
There are a number of mistakes that guys commonly make when in this situation, saying or doing the wrong thing and sending the whole relationship awry in one fell stroke. Much of this has to do with our misunderstanding of the nature of bisexuality and the certain negative associated stereotypes.
The real key to a successful relationship with a bisexual girl, of course, is to focus less on the bisexuality and more on the relationship. But, just to provide a guide, the following list outlines some issues that you, the guy, should be aware of.
#1 Bisexual or bi-curious. I’m not going to shoot myself in the foot here right at the very start by trying to provide an exact explanation of what is meant by these two terms. There are so many grey areas of sexuality, and we don’t have time or space to discuss them all here.
For brevity’s sake, let’s say that by bisexual we mean someone who has been sexually active with women and by bi-curious, that they simply find other women attractive or even have had sexual fantasies about other women, but have never actually committed to the act. They may never even have wanted to, just locking the possibility up in their mind for fantasy purposes only. If this is the case, well, they’re not on their own.
There are very few women who HAVEN’T done this at some point relegating the whole thing to the “No discussion needed” tray. If she has been active, and you know this, then you may want to discuss it with her, just to get a little clarity and understanding on the fact. You can also just let it slide. That, sir, is entirely up to you. [Read: Is she bisexual or bi-curious?]
#2 Rejection. Let’s get one thing straight. Bisexual and lesbian are not the same thing. She is not just with you, waiting until the first cute girl comes along, so that she can ditch you for better things. She is attracted to men and women, sure, but you’re the one who’s captured her heart, and you’re who she’s staying with. Try and be a little more secure, and just let the relationship take its course – just as you would with any other. [Read: 6 quick ways to know if she’s bisexual]
#3 Monogamy. Being bisexual is no excuse to cheat, and if you’re worried that she’s not going to be able to resist tipping the velvet from time to time, then maybe you just need to have a word with yourself and talk yourself down from what are plainly irrational fears.
That said, if she uses her bisexuality as an excuse to cheat or to try to convince you that she needs someone else in her life, then I’m afraid you’re being played, and it’s probably time you showed her the door.
#4 The holy grail. Let’s be honest here, if you hadn’t even entertained the thought of getting your significant other in on a three way with you and another woman, then you’re just not human – never mind a real man. It is the real man’s sexual holy grail, achieving this most illusive of acts. BUT, and as you saw that is quite clearly a big but, keep it to yourself.
Once you start getting to a level in the relationship where you are quite open and in a position to discuss sex in more depth, she might suggest this idea to you herself. However, jumping straight in there with your size 11s, suggesting a quick triangular tumble with Betty from the hardware shop probably won’t go down that well. Just leave it and, if you’re lucky, it’ll come to you anyway. In the meantime, don’t ruin a good thing. [Read: 20 things to know before getting into a threesome]
#5 Be accommodating. If she is very open and honest about her sexuality, then you need to be quite accommodating of it – if she’s worth it, that is. If she makes lecherous comments about TV stars, or strangers on the train, or friends and colleagues, then just go along with it as long as she doesn’t go too far, of course. There’s no need to be jealous. You’re the one she’s with, aren’t you?
#6 Falling short. Another possible area of insecurity is how you perform in the bedroom. You may beat yourself up about this, worrying that you can’t compete with other women in keeping your other half satisfied. It’s true that she probably gets a different kind of sexual thrill from being with another woman than she would with a man, but the opposite is also true. When she has sex with you, it’s your maleness that attracts her. So, step up, and be the man you are.
#7 No badgering. Constantly going on at her about her sexuality, asking her for details of her sexual experiences with women or otherwise encouraging her to flaunt her attraction to women with schoolboy enthusiasm and with an equally schoolboy-ish lack of finesse is likely to prove tiresome. Try to keep it to yourself, and let her just enjoy the relationship she currently has with you.
#8 Keep it on the down low. You may be really excited about having a bisexual girlfriend. The fantasies may be running like wildfire through your mind, and you want to talk about it to someone. Conversely, it may provide a considerable source of worry or concern, and you feel you need to talk it over with a third party. One simple word of advice here: DON’T.
If her bisexuality is something that she wishes to keep to herself, then telling even the closest of friends about it is not acceptable, and she will not thank you for making it known to even the most discreet of acquaintances. Having the lads down the pub all laughing and jeering about it the next time she shows her face is even worse, and there is no way the relationship can survive that kind of mindless humiliation.
#9 Chick flix. Less Bridget Jones than the “Bridget Moans” kind of flick. She may be really into lesbian porn – and what guy isn’t! However, make sure you get this right, if you intend to develop this shared interest. There’s a lot of lesbian porn out there made by women for women that is far more likely to press her buttons than the crass nonsense usually produced in male-targeted porn. Do a bit of research first, and find something you can both enjoy.
#10 Easy does it. The best way to deal with any issues before they can arise as a result of her bisexuality is to put her at ease about it. Let her know that you understand that there is this whole other side of her sexuality that you are comfortable with, and that you are always free and able to chat about that, should she want to. And isn’t that the key to success, in any relationship, regardless of the issue?