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Girl Crush: What It Means to Have One & The Deeper Meaning It Hides

girl crush

We’ve all heard the term girl crush, but what is it exactly? And, if you have feelings for another female, does that mean you might be gay? Not always. 

Have you ever looked at another woman, either a regular woman or a celebrity, and thought ‘she looks great’ or ‘she’s hot’? Most of us have at some point. You probably didn’t give it much thought after that. But what if this person suddenly becomes a fixation of your attention? What if you always like what she wears, always thinks she looks great, and you want to spend time with her? Could it be a girl crush?

Well, it can mean one of two things. Firstly, yes, you might be sexually attracted to her, and secondly, you might simply admire her and see traits in her which you wish you had yourself. 

It’s confusing when you develop a girl crush. But, it doesn’t always mean that you need to start rethinking your sexuality. 

[Read: Am I a lesbian or bisexual? Learn how to understand your true desires]

What exactly is a girl crush?

It’s hard to put a real definition of a girl crush, but it’s basically when one girl admires another girl. There doesn’t have to be romantic or sexual feelings involved, you simply like them. Sometimes quite intensely, and you want to spend more time in their company. 

For instance, I’ve always had a girl crush on Rihanna. Seriously, I wish I could dress like that girl. When I look at her, I can’t help but think ‘wow, she really can rock whatever she chooses’. I also like her easy confidence and the way she seems to make people feel at ease. I would love to be her friend! Do I fancy her in a sexual way? Not at all. To me, that is a girl crush. 

[Read: The straight girl crush and why every girl should have one]

What is the difference between a girl crush and a real crush?

A girl crush doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual, it can simply be admirable. For instance, you might look at a girl and think that she always looks really well turned out. She’s stylish and carries herself with grace and confidence. You might love the way she talks and really enjoy listening to what she has to say. That means you admire her! You wish you could be more confident and carry off those looks with the same grace.

Does it mean you’re gay? It could, but it probably doesn’t. 

A genuinely real crush is more overwhelming. For instance, we’ve all had crushes in the past where we can’t stop thinking about that person. You imagine yourself in all manner of situations with them, usually sexual, and you suddenly lose the ability to speak or function when they are around.

You also exhibit physical signs of being attracted to that person, e.g. your pupils dilate, you become flustered, your breathing becomes shallow, and you’re generally a little fidgety. 

[Read: The most revealing psychological facts about crushes to help you decode what you’re really feeling]

The best way to figure out whether the way you’re feeling about this girl is a genuine crush or a girl crush is to ask yourself whether you feel that way when she is around. If you do, well, perhaps you do have a genuine attraction to this girl. If you don’t, it’s just a girl crush. 

Where do girl crushes lead?

They don’t have to lead anywhere. A girl crush on a celebrity is not likely to go anywhere at all. For instance, my girl crush on Rihanna is not going to suddenly manifest into us being BFFs and going shopping together. Your girl crush, if the person is more accessible, could become something, but only if you really wanted it to be. [Read: How to manifest love and the steps you must take to experience your best love life]

Having a crush on a girl, in a non-sexual way, basically shows that you’re lacking a trait you wish you had, or you think you are. You’re admiring her confidence because you’re lacking confidence yourself. The best advice? Work on yourself and stop focusing your attention on someone else! If this person can be an inspiration to you, e.g. pushing you to be a better version of who you are, that’s great. But don’t become so addicted to them that you can’t see your own fantastic qualities. 

Of course, we have to address the fact that girl crushes can sometimes be sexual, and that means that you need to think carefully whether you want to pursue it or not. 

[Read: First time lesbian experience minus any awkwardness]

Having a crush on a girl doesn’t always mean you’re gay, and actually 99% of the time, it doesn’t. If you’ve developed a girl crush and it’s made you think you might be, this is something you should spend time exploring yourself. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s part of your self-discovery. If a girl crush teaches you that you might be attracted to girls, then that’s great. You can now take this a step further and explore what that means to you.

Of course, the girl you have fixated your attentions on might not feel the same, so it’s probably better to simply use your girl crush as a self-discovery tool and not jump into something which you might not be ready for just yet. [Read: 15 secret signs of bisexuality to recognize a bisexual girl]

How to take a girl crush and turn it into something positive

Firstly, why not tell her you think she’s great? Everyone loves a compliment and it might make her day! Perhaps she is having a bad day and not feeling wonderful about herself. Then you tell her that you think she’s always so stylish, and you’ll boost her confidence. That’s never a bad thing. 

It’s not a great idea to suddenly admit ‘oh I have the biggest girl crush on you, I think you’re amazing’, because that could come over as slightly weird. Seriously, don’t do that. 

The best way to turn this little crush of yours into something positive is to think about why you feel this way about this particular girl. Is it something physical, e.g. you love her hair, the way she does her make up, how she dresses? Or is it something personality-wise, e.g. you find her funny, she’s always so laid-back, she looks confident and makes you feel the same way?

[Read: How to stop the negative thoughts that are dragging you down]

Figure out what it is. Next, work out why you don’t feel that way about yourself. Do you love her confidence because much of the time you don’t feel that way yourself? In that case, work on making yourself feel more confident. See where that takes you. If it’s something physical, it’s important not to try and turn yourself into a carbon copy. This is a real danger. [Read: Should you worry about friend crushes or are they totally harmless?]

For instance, it’s fine to take tips, e.g. makeup techniques and hair styling, but it’s not okay to suddenly morph into another replica of the person you’re girl crushing on. You need to remain you. What looks great on her might not look great on you, and vice versa. And, if you try and change yourself and be something you’re not, how do you know you’re not avoiding others having a girl crush on you? It’s a possibility!

Use your girl crush as a learning tool. Question what is missing in your life before setting that issue straight one way or another. 

[Read: Why do I hate myself so much? Here’s how to learn to love yourself]

Do you agree with our assessment of a girl crush? Most agree that it’s not sexual, and really isn’t a cause for assessing what and who you’re sexually attracted to.

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...

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