Being in a relationship or being in love is not easy. Some people believe two people are meant to be together for a night and others for a lifetime. But, if you find yourself in a relationship that feels like a flickering flame, there are ways to get it back on track and learn how to rekindle love that you felt from the start. [Read: How to fall back in love again]
How to rekindle love and light your relationship up again
Some people say losing lust and attraction for one another is just a “normal” part of being in love. I don’t ascribe to that. If there is a willingness and desire for the fairytale romance that dreams are made of and the opening of your heart to vulnerability, then rekindling those love flames to a burning fire is not only possible, it is easier than you think.
Knowing how to rekindle love is not a one and done proposition. It takes reinvention, commitment, and a promise to love or die trying. If you have those things in your heart, try some honesty, fun exploration, and never stop believing in true love. If you do, you don’t have to turn from lust to lasting love. You can really have them both.
After nine years with my husband, I still find him as attractive as I did the first time I looked into his eyes. That isn’t just by chance. It is because I remind myself every day not of the people we are now, but of what I fell in love with the moment I laid eyes on him.
#1 Send sexgrams. If you use your phone for less than pleasant things like venting or a “honey-do” list, mix it up by sending little pleasantries.
Sending naked photos of your best assets or even just sexting them about what you want to do with them, helps them remember how sex used to be together and how alive it felt in the beginning. It turns that text alert sound from “Oh shit, what did I do now?” to a “little sexual pleasure” anytime day or night. [Read: How to initiate sexting and make your partner horny for you]
#2 Do one small and significant thing every day to make their lives easier. Sometimes we get so caught up in all that we do and have to do, that we forget the hardships and pressure our partner feels.
It doesn’t take much to brighten their day by taking one small significant thing off of their to-do list. Taking out the garbage or vacuuming is sometimes the best foreplay there is. I promise you that those little things are the best aphrodisiac ever. [Read: 12 signs you’re being selfish in a relationship]
#3 Never go a day without telling them you love them. I rarely told my first husband that I loved him. Sometimes we just assume they know by the fact that you are still around. But, hearing I love you is food for the soul.
After his death, I made a promise never to go more than a day without telling someone how I feel. I realized if you don’t say it, you can’t assume they know. And, you never want anyone to go without knowing what is in your heart.
#4 Be grateful for what they do instead of taking it for granted. Daily life gets in the way, and we assume our partner does their thing and you do yours, and that is the way it is. Truthfully, you can’t take things someone does for granted or it is difficult to maintain loving feelings for someone.
If you think they don’t appreciate you or all that you do, you start seeing them in a different and less loving light and vice versa. Say thank you for the small and big things, so they always know your gratitude for them and their love. [Read: 20 things to be grateful for that you don’t appreciate enough in life]
#5 Don’t go to bed angry, have makeup sex, and then go to bed. That old phrase “don’t ever go to bed angry” has a lot of people staying up into the wee-hours of the morning being angry and damaging relationships.
Instead of fighting it out, sometimes it is better to be happy than right. Instead of hashing it out all night, agree to disagree about silly things and skip straight to the makeup sex. I promise you that you will feel much better in the morning. You will definitely not be as tired.
#6 Take a no-clothes vacation. Whether you have kids or not, it is easy to forget you are sexual beings and in need of human touch and contact. If you feel a little skin hunger, take a vacation away and spend it naked.
Go ahead and go to dinner, but promise that it is no-clothes when you get home. Just putting skin on skin makes those sexual juices flow again. [Read: 10 naughty things a sex vacation can do for your love life]
#7 Let go of inhibitions. You aren’t the perfect size two you started at or you’re ten years older. But, you are still the person who lit their heart on fire. Let go of your inhibitions and see yourself sexy again.
If you stop seeing the sexy in you, they will too. Show them what you are made of and be the vixen you were when you met, regardless of how much you change. If you show sexy, they see sexy, not ten pounds or more years. [Read: 14 tips to revamp and reveal the hot and sexy you]
#8 Be open to experimentation. The key to knowing how to rekindle love is to be open to trying new things. The internet allows you to watch things, buy things, and try all sorts of things. Be open to giving new things a try. You won’t ever get bored in the bedroom.
#9 Even if you aren’t in the mood, a blow job is like sending flowers. Sometimes it is important to do something just for the other person whether you are in the mood or not. If you don’t feel like having sex due to a bad day, don’t reject their needs.
Spend some time making them feel good, and they will return the feeling.
#10 Be spontaneous. Day to day sucks! If you want to rekindle love then be adventurous the way you used to be. Show up at their work to take them away for the day or buy tickets to their favorite concert.
Do new and exciting things to keep your relationship new and exciting.
#11 Go ahead, pinch her ass. 20 or 80, she might say she hates it, but the truth? We all love to have a guy who still wants to pinch our ass and be playful. [Read: The 12 reasons intimacy is the key to making a relationship last]
#12 Don’t fear rejection. During the course of a relationship, you are bound to build up some resentment, hurt, and anger. Most of them stem from rejection. Don’t stop touching, being yourself, or being playful for fear they won’t join in. If you try to break down the wall, eventually they let go and join in.
Someone has to make the first move. So, be the first one to put yourself out there for rejection and pray for the opposite.
#13 Decipher what is real and what is really important. Stop assuming that you know how they feel unless you ask. Sometimes we start to put our own angst about ourselves or our insecurities onto someone else and make it reality.
Don’t make any assumptions about how they do or don’t feel, unless they say so. Don’t shut them down or out because of your assumptions, open up and let them in again. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for happy love]
#14 Look through past pictures and hang them as a reminder. Pictures are a great way to remind us how we used to be before the mess of a relationship and life entered in. Hang kissing, smiling photos of you to remind you who you used to be.
#15 Make each other a priority again. It is easy to stop feeling loving when you feel like you are last on someone’s list. Make your partner your number one. They will do the same for you. Loving someone means making your partner the focus of your life and happiness.
#16 Try to find the you they fell in love with. If you gained 20 pounds, then maybe it is time to examine why and get back to you. Instead of focusing on how to rekindle love in your relationship, rekindle the love you had for yourself. The rest will follow, I promise. [Read: 15 ways to discover self-love and happiness]
#17 A little naughtiness never hurt. Yep, being naughty is essential to being a playful and sexual being. Don’t ever stop being just a little naughty and a whole lot playful.
#18 Laugh and laugh at yourselves again. Laughter is essential when it comes to knowing how to rekindle love. Without laughter, it is hard to find any happiness in life or feel love toward one another. Spend some time laughing together.
#19 Stop rehashing and promise to move forward. Get off the blame coaster. Whatever happened in the past, leave it in the past. If you continually kick up the dust of hurt, you won’t ever get back to the lusting and loving couple you were when you first laid eyes on one another.
#20 Have day sex. If you used to have rendezvous sex, start them up again. Sex doesn’t have to be in bed or late at night. We can all find time for a quickie anywhere, anytime. Just be creative and be those crazy kids that took chances. [Read: 10 naughty sex games for couples to feel really horny again]
#21 Spend Sunday naked in bed again. When was the last time you closed the world away and just laid naked in bed together? It is time to get back there. Screw your Sunday plans and obligations. Obligate yourself to one another.
#22 Focus on their sexual needs instead of your own. If you want to truly understand how to rekindle love again, put your partner’s needs and wants first. It is sometimes better to give than receive. Next time, you will be on the receiving end.
#23 Listen to their actions. There are all sorts of ways they likely tell you things. Listen to their actions, not their words. Maybe you will see you don’t have to rekindle, but simply listen harder.
#24 It isn’t just about the bedroom. Rekindling means better communication, more concern, and support, and finding the you, you used to be, before all the mess of life crept in on all fronts and accounts. Let your lives stop clouding your love. [Read: 14 ways to learn better communication and make your relationship stronger]
#25 Be a united front and prioritize each other. Again, don’t take one another for granted. Make sure your partner knows kids and friends come second. Your partner should always be your number one. If you want to stay a couple and be a loving one going forward, put your partner first always in actions and words.
I am not going to lie and say that lust doesn’t eventually give a little. But, lust is front and center at first then it waxes and wains according to how hard you work to keep it alive. Being with someone for the long-term means never taking them for granted, being open to experimentation, and seeing the people that you were when you met, continually, even when it might be hard.
[Read: 8 experienced words of advice for everlasting love]
It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day, with or without a family and kids. But, sometimes learning how to rekindle love takes nothing more than reminding your partner what and who you were before all the mess of life got in the way.
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A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...
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