We all have that one friend or crush that we’re comfortable talking to and hanging out with, but we haven’t taken the relationship to the next level. You get along really well, but something is stopping you from calling them a “close friend.” It’s time to learn how to get closer to someone.
I had a friend like this. We would go out on the weekends, text each other all the time, but we weren’t at the level where we confided in each other. You know, the deep thoughts that you’d share with a best friend? Yeah, that didn’t happen. So, even though we were good friends, there was still a wall between us.
How to get closer to someone
If you think there’s a wall between you and this person, work on breaking it down. It’s not an easy transition to go from friend to best friend. It’s going to take a lot of work, and it’s not something you can force.
[Read: The friend code all BFF’s must follow]
Some friendships jump right into being extremely close while others take time, and that’s perfectly fine. Bonding isn’t something that happens naturally for everyone and the other person needs to be open and accepting as well. So, if you want to know how to get closer to someone, well, I’m going to show you.
Let’s get close and comfy.
#1 Make it a priority. If you want a relationship to flourish then you need to make it a priority. Relationships take time to grow, and if you’re not putting energy and time into it, then it’s not going to grow. So, make a decision as to whether or not this relationship is going to be one you’ll work on. [Read: 17 bad friends you should unfriend from your life]
#2 Give a little. If you want to know how to get closer to someone, then you’ll need to open up. Yes, you should ask questions about them, but at some point, open up yourself. Whether it’s telling them an issue you have at work or laughing about something that happened to you, give them an opportunity to connect with your experiences.
#3 Ask questions. If you want to develop a closer relationship, get to know the person. This means you need to start asking them questions. But not shallow questions; questions with some substance to them. Spend time in actually getting to know them. [Read: 20 deep questions to ask your best friend to deepen your bond]
#4 Share the good with the bad. If you’re only talking to them about the good things happening in your life then you won’t develop a close bond. In life, good and bad things happen. You need to share the bad with the good. A close friend is someone you can confide in about the troubles in your life.
#5 Actively listen to them. A best friend is someone who listens to you when you talk. Really listens. They’re not looking on their phone, thinking of what to say next, or talking to you about their problems. Instead, they’re actively paying attention to you and investing in the conversation. You need to do that if you want someone to feel close to you. [Read: Are you a conversational narcissist who loves talking and hates listening?]
#6 Don’t compare them to your other friends. What is this? Some sick competition? Listen, if you want to be close to someone, you cannot compare them to your other friends. Yes, we’ve all had bad experiences with people who traumatized us, but don’t punish them for someone else’s actions. If you want them to be close to you, accept the risk.
#7 Focus on what you have in common. You’re not going to have everything in common with your friend, but what makes you close are the things you do have in common. If not, it’ll feel like you’re on an awkward first date trying to see what to say, what not to say. Instead, narrow in on the things you both enjoy and focus on them.
#8 Be reliable. Do you know what kills relationships? Flakiness. I should know, I’m a flake. And I know very well what my flaky behavior does, it turns people off. If you want to get close to someone, be reliable. If they call and ask you to hang out, go hang out with them. Show up to important events, and be there when you say you’re going to be there. [Read: How to be more likeable and unfake your life]
#9 Get to know their life. Meet their family, get to know their other friends. Being close is about becoming a part of each other’s lives. Let them into your life and your inner circle. By breaking that barrier, you’re showing them they’re a part of your circle.
#10 Don’t ditch your old friends. While you’re working on becoming closer with your new friend, don’t ditch your old friends in the process. We do this when we’re excited about someone new, but in reality, it damages existing relationships. You don’t want that to happen. Invest in this new relationship but also maintain your other friendships.
#11 Be responsive. If they text you, reply. If they call you, answer. If you want to get closer to someone, be responsive. There’s no excuse for not calling or texting them back. They made an effort to reach out to you; be responsive. If you’re busy, text them and let them know you’ll call them back later.
#12 Too much closeness can be a killer. I know you think spending all day, every day with them is a good idea. But, too much closeness can also kill the friendship. Being close with someone doesn’t mean you spend all your time with them. That’s not what it’s about. It’s about the connection you have.
#13 Be honest with them. Honesty is the best policy. When you’re honest with someone, they’ll cherish it. If you want to be closer to someone, you can’t lie to them; that’s not a good foundation for the friendship. Always be open and honest with how you feel. They’ll respect you and be more willing to open up.
#14 Take your time. I know you want to rush and be the best of friends right now, but friendship isn’t a race. It’s not something you can plow through and suddenly become the closest friends in the world. Friendship is like a bottle of aged wine; it gets better with the years. [Read: How to create lasting memories with your best friend]
#15 Be yourself. Yada-yada-yada, I know what you’re thinking. But listen, when it comes to anything, always be yourself. You cannot pretend to be someone else and think it’ll get you closer to someone. It may work in the short-term, but eventually, they’ll realize who you really are. Be yourself.
[Read: How to make your life better through friendship]
Now that you know how to get closer to someone, take these tips and use them. It’ll take some elbow grease, but if you think the person is worth the effort, then do it.
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