Whoever said marriage was easy… oh wait, I am not sure anyone ever has. The problem is that when you get married, you don’t want to hear that the magic comes to an end. In fact, who among us hasn’t thought, “That will never be us!”? If you find those butterflies replaced with vacant conversations and a bed with a hump growing in the middle, fear not. It happens to ALL couples. Definitively knowing how to rekindle a marriage is never easy—but possible.
The reason everyone else seems to be getting along so much better is that it is all in degrees. What I have found is that those who say “we never fight” or “we are in love more now than ever before” are either not all that passionate about each other from the get-go, or they worked through the doldrums to find a way to rekindle their marriage.
Or, the third option, they are newlyweds. And, who wants to hear what they have to say anyway?!
How to rekindle your marriage – 14 ways that don’t involve just the bedroom
There are a thousand articles about how to buy some sexy lingerie and turn each other on, but marriage isn’t just about sex. The reality is that what is happening in the marriage is being reflected in the bedroom. If you want to fix the magic and bring some excitement into the bedroom, fix the relationship outside of it.
Try these 14 things that make you feel like you’re falling in love all over again.
#1 Think about how you used to treat your significant other. We often reflect on all the things that our spouse never does anymore. There is undoubtedly a list of the way that they used to treat you and all missing from their end.
If you want to know how to rekindle your marriage, it is about considering your role and how you have changed. If you used to smile when they walked in a room or be sweet, funny, and cute at will, then it is time for you to be the same person they married again.
Baggage weighs you down, hence why it is called baggage. Think about what the “dating you” was like and be that you again. Don’t be afraid of rejection or the feelings not being returned. Throw caution to the wind. Hey, you have nothing to lose by smiling and trying to be fun again. Nothing but gaining a happy relationship. [Read: What is real love? 15 ways true love sets itself apart]
#2 Praise. When the day to day gets in the way, it is easy to get bogged down with responsibility and conversations that involve nothing more than what someone needs to do, what is wrong, or where your partner needs to pick up the slack. If it has been a while since you have shown your spouse appreciation, I mean outwardly praising someone in words and love, then it is time to start.
A little praise goes a long way to rekindling what is lost in a marriage. Feeling unappreciated is one of the biggest complaints that both men and women have in a marriage. So, make sure to point out all the things that they do right and tell them how grateful you are for their help and love. [Read: 16 warm ways to show your appreciation for someone you love]
#3 Be willing to go outside the box. Okay, I said it wasn’t all about sex, but it is partially about sex. Sometimes having sex seems like another chore after a long day of arduous work, screaming children, and unappreciative people. Finding out about what your mate fantasizes about and making it come true is like a gift from the gods.
Being kinky may not be your thing, but sometimes being someone a little outside the box and going outside of your comfort zone can be exciting for you both and rekindle that passion that may be missing. [Read: 10 ways to make married sex feel like a one-night stand]
#4 Make time for your partner. Sure you sit down to dinner every night, and you spend time staring at a television screen next to one another. But, many people need more in a relationship. There is a difference between being with each other and spending time together.
If you want to rekindle your marriage, try to find something that is just yours. Pick up a hobby or think of something you used to make time for. Go to flea markets, skeet shoot, or do something really crazy. Making time for your partner means putting them in front of your other obligations and making them a priority.
#5 Put away the cell phone. Is there anything that makes someone feel more insignificant more than playing second fiddle to a phone? I get it, we all get wrapped up when the text message ding alerts us. Like Pavlov’s dogs, we have become conditioned to drop everything when our smartphone tells us someone is interested in us.
The problem is that bringing your cell phone to dinner, to the shower, or even to bed, makes your significant other feel insignificant. Make a no cell phone policy when you are together, at least for an hour or two. You will quickly reconnect without interruption or someone raining on your parade. [Read: 12 real reasons why couples drift apart over time]
#6 Take your spouse on a naked weekend getaway. If you can’t seem to get your clothes off quickly enough to get busy and put them on again because your kids are always at the door, that makes it difficult to rekindle love.
#7 Say things like “I love you.” If you think your spouse just knows that you love them, news flash, they may or may not. The simple three words “I love you” mean more than you know and may be the key for knowing how to rekindle a marriage. Don’t assume you are showing your love; they may actually need to hear you whisper that sweet three-word phrase.
#8 Leave little notes around for them. Remember in grammar school when you would find a secret note from your boyfriend or a secret admirer? Leaving a love note for your partner or a secret love letter makes their heart soar and reminds them about the first time you fell in love.
#8 Send text messages often and with care. There is something very special about getting a text message in the middle of the day, at night, or just anytime that has a personal message saying I miss you. Send love emojis, sex emojis, or just dirty talk to rekindle your marriage one message at a time. [Read: 30 hot, sexting examples to start a naughty text marathon]
#9 Give small thoughtful gifts. Gifts don’t have to cost a fortune or a whole paycheck. The ones that mean the most are the little ones that are a memory between you and your spouse. If you see something funny, helpful, or just downright sexy, pick it up and bring it home tied in a knot saying “to the one I love.”
#10 Make peace with the past. If you want to rekindle a marriage, it is about one thing: forgiveness. Making peace with the past helps you move on, be more vulnerable with one another, not make assumptions about intention, and find the love that may be hiding under all those ugly angry layers.
#11 Hug more, make war less. All those small disagreements and fights begin to mount into an entire war campaign. If you want to rekindle your marriage and find a way back to love, let the little things go and don’t make a mountain out of a molehill or a war out of a small scuttle. [Read: Emotional connection: 8 small ways to build a happily ever after]
#12 Do those little things that mean so much. It is the small things that mean more than the grand ones. Ask yourself what your spouse really wants and finds value in, and, likely, you will find that it isn’t anything expensive or outlandish. It is probably just some acknowledgment and love from you. It is the small things that add up to love.
#13 Compliment your spouse in front of others. A compliment is an awesome thing, but even better when you hear someone praising you in front of others. If you acknowledge how lucky you are to be their one and only it is a proclamation that they are someone. [Read: 15 sweet gestures to express love without words]
#14 Plan a special date night. Spending a night alone with your partner may not seem like a big deal to you, but if they have been drifting away, a special date night or weekend getaway, is the perfect solution to being disconnected. Try to leave the stress of the day to day behind and get back to what is really important… the two of you.
[Read: Marriage advice: 11 tips for a truly happily ever after]
If you truly want to understand the secrets behind knowing how to rekindle a marriage, try the little things that mean so much and let your guard down to find a future full of happiness with your mate.
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A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...
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