So you’ve had yet another night of fighting. You wake up in the morning like a drug addict who promised not to indulge again, feeling shame at yelling, losing your temper, and being in the same position as usual. If your relationship has become nothing but a cycle of a couple of okay days followed by those days that just make you want to pull the covers up over your head and stay in bed, then it may be time to rethink your relationship.
Being in a relationship where you just can’t get along is more than frustrating—it feels desperate and isolating. It can be especially difficult when you want things to work out between you so badly, but no matter what you do, nothing seems to get better.
The problem with saving a relationship is that you can only make decisions for yourself and you can only change your own behavior. Being the first one to quit can make you feel guilty and like you didn’t try hard enough, but sometimes, it’s best to see things for what they are instead of what you want them to be.
13 signs that you should leave someone instead of staying with them
In the midst of a relationship, it can be hard to objectively see things for what they are. So to help you decide whether or not your relationship is worth fighting for, here are the top 13 signs to watch out for that may determine when it’s time to break up.
#1 You have lost friends. If people have started to avoid you because all you can do is ruminate about either how mad you are at your significant other or how sad you are that it isn’t working, then it may be time to take a break. Bad relationships are like throwing a stone in the water—they have a ripple effect to everything around them. Don’t lose yourself or your friendships over a bad relationship.
#2 They are abusive. There are all sorts of ways that someone can be abusive. Sometimes it’s the emotional scars that are more lasting and that hurt you more than the physical ones. If your significant other is either verbally or physically abusing you, then it is time to call it quits. Your physical and emotional safety always has to take priority. [Read: Am I in an abusive relationship? 17 sure signs]
#3 They are cheating. If you find that your significant other has cheated and you think that you can get over it, you should think long and hard about your decision. Many times, we believe that we can get past it and forgive, but in reality, the infidelity of a partner can often set off a chain of events within a relationship that can lead to a lifetime of resentment.
Being resentful and not being able to trust your partner are not healthy ways to carry on a relationship. If you can’t forgive wholly and move ahead with the relationship, then likely it is better to move on. [Read: Should you ever forgive a cheating partner?]
#4 They have an addiction. If you are in love with someone who has an addiction, whether it is drugs, gambling, video games, or even pornography, and you think you can change them, you are probably fighting a losing battle. If you have asked them to stop and they have continued to let you down, then they need professional help. If they are willing to seek help, and you want to stick by their side, then make the commitment to do so and stand by their side along the way.
If, however, they don’t feel they have a problem, they likely have to hit bottom to see it. You don’t want to hit bottom with them, so it might be time to say goodbye. Maybe your leaving will be the catalyst that will save them in the end. [Read: Dealing with a boyfriend who’s addicted to video games]
#5 You can’t trust them. The cornerstone of any relationship is trust and communication. If you can’t trust the person you’re with, it will leave you always feeling like you are on shaky ground. There is nothing worse than feeling like you are always looking over your shoulder, no matter what it is. Being with someone who is willing to be upfront and honest is critical to having a mature and healthy relationship. [Read: How to get over trust issues in your relationship]
#6 You have a different ideology about life. When you begin a relationship, those things that you fundamentally disagree about don’t seem to matter much. After all, love conquers all, or does it? If you want to have a family of six, and they don’t want to have kids at all, there will likely come a day when you will be resentful that you had to give up your basic wants for them, or vice versa. If you have completely different ideas about how life should be, and it is causing major problems now, it is likely only to get worse.
#7 They make you feel lonely. There are times when loneliness comes from within. If, however, you have never been someone who feels lonely, but you find in your current relationship that you feel more isolated with them than you did before you were together, then you are likely with someone who is not healthy for you.
Being in a relationship should make you feel satisfied and fulfilled. If you are feeling unsupported, alone, or like your needs aren’t being heard or met, then it may just be that you are two very different people who aren’t meant to be together. [Read: Loneliness in a relationship: 4 whys and 7 ways to fix it]
#8 They are ruining you financially. If they are harming you in ways like ruining you financially, then it is time to either disconnect from them monetarily or altogether. Often, people who take advantage of their partner are too into themselves to see how they are affecting anyone besides themselves. If someone doesn’t care about your wellbeing, then it may be time to say adios. [Read: How to stop fighting over money in a relationship]
#9 You notice that you have drastically changed. If you wake up one day and realize that you are fifty pounds heavier, you haven’t smiled in months, or you are not the lighthearted, happy, person you once were, then it may be time to take some time off to find out what is happening. You can’t blame someone else for your actions, but if the person you’re with isn’t supporting you or helping you through whatever is that’s making you become someone other than who you are, then it may be time to step back.
#10 They prevent you from realizing your dreams. No one, and I mean no one, should ever stop you from realizing your dreams. If they make you choose them over what you have always wanted to do, then maybe it is best to go after your dream first. If it’s really meant to be, they will still be there after you have accomplished your goals. The last thing you want to do is to miss your one opportunity only to find that you weren’t right for each other to begin with. [Read: Love or career? – How to make the right choice]
#11 They always put themselves above you. A partnership is a 50-50 proposition. If it is more like a 90-10 with your significant other, then that is not a good situation. The problem with changing those types of partnerships is that deep-seated habits are hard to quit. If you have tried to exert your wants, but they’ve fallen on deaf ears continually, then it may be time to walk away.
#12 You don’t like them. If you don’t like them, being around them, the way that they treat you, or the way that they treat other people, then there is nothing redeeming about your relationship. You have to not only love the person you are with, but you’ve got to like them, too. If, somewhere along the line, you see the real them and don’t like what you see, then it is time to find someone more suitable for you. [Read: Falling out of love and why it happens to you]
#13 They won’t commit. If they refuse to commit to you, then it’s time to leave. We all know that couple that goes out for eight years and never gets married because one party won’t commit. If you can’t get someone to commit, it’s likely that they aren’t right for you for any number of reasons.
[Read: How to get through the most common commitment issues]
A relationship is never easy. There are going to be good times and bad times that couples have to go through. But if you feel nothing but negativity all the time, then it may be time to break up. That old adage that says if you let something free, it will come back if it is meant to be is a rule that we should all live by.
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A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...
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