The 25 Surprising Secrets We Keep from Our Partners

secrets we keep

Although honesty is the basis of a lasting relationship, there are just some things that are hard to admit and better left unsaid.

It is said that being honest about everything with your partner can make relationships better and last longer. Whoever said that must be hiding a whole graveyard of skeletons in their closet.

Why do we keep secrets from our significant other?

Saying, “If a person really loved you, they’d accept you for the things you did” is not that reassuring. We want to be loved the way we are right now, not because of our past and the things we’ve done. The secrets we keep are those that we think could damage our relationships or leave us open to judgment that we aren’t prepared for.

Our insecurities and beliefs keep us from revealing some of the things that we’re ashamed of. Knowing that most people don’t react well to some secrets can make us think twice about telling people about it.

Sometimes, we hear people react negatively to other people’s circumstances. If we are experiencing the same things, our observations tell us that revealing the same secrets can make us vulnerable to that type of judgment as well.

Can a secret stay secret?

Most secrets don’t stay secret for very long, especially if someone else knows about it. The problem occurs when those secrets get out, and the person on the receiving end hasn’t had time to process said information.

It’s true that you need to be open about everything in order to move forward in your relationships, but some people need more time to process the information that they want to reveal. Apart from that, your partner needs to be ready to accept the things that you want to reveal to them. You can’t just tell someone about your mental disorder on the first date. [Read: 8 taboo topics you need to avoid in a new relationship]

You need to get to know your partner better and see if they are the type of person who won’t judge you for the things that you have no control over. You can’t control how they will react, but you can at least build enough trust to be comfortable about telling them your secrets… eventually.

What are the secrets we keep?

Some secrets are trivial and can be revealed in due time. Some, however, are more serious and requires a significant amount of trust between two people before they can be divulged. The list below contains some of the most common secrets we keep. Some of them are very important in keeping your relationship stable, while others are just little things that we want to keep to ourselves.

#1 The number of people you’ve slept with. Women are known to shave a few points off of that number, while men are more likely to add to it. As much as we’d like to admit it to our partners, it’s still a touchy subject that can make or break a relationship.

#2 Psychological disorders. When people jokingly say you’re crazy, all you can do is smile and sip on your cup of coffee. Although this is something that should be discussed early on in the relationship, the stigma on having a diagnosed mental disorder still keeps people from admitting the truth. [Read: Why we need to break down the stigma of mental illness]

#3 Past relationships with their friends. The girl code and guy code doesn’t apply if we really, really like the person. It should, but it won’t, so most people just work very hard to deny, lie, and cover up these past trysts.

#4 Gross habits we can’t stop doing. Oh, you know what those are. Picking on an ingrown hair, squeezing a blackhead, drinking out of the milk carton – the list goes on. But it’s so hard to stop!

#5 Our real insecurities. Appearances and career accomplishments are the usual suspects when it comes to insecurities, but some can go deeper, like questioning one’s self-worth or their ability to keep a relationship.

#6 The books we read. Why do you think the paperback romance novel genre is still earning billions every year, when you don’t hear that much about it? [Read: The best erotic novels for sensual minds]

#7 How we really feel about the things they like. Yes, that shirt looks so cool. I love football! This leather recliner in your basement in the middle of summer is so comfy! Lies, lies, lies!

#8 Family problems. We’ve lived with our family since the day we were born. We know how it feels, so we’re not sure whether or not a significant other will want to join in on the crazy.

#9 What our friends are really like. We love them to death, but we could kill them sometimes. Some of the things they do are not fit for public consumption, let alone your partner’s.

#10 What we’re like around our friends. Whenever you’re with your SO, you tend to transform into a modern version of Dr. Jekyll, don’t you? Mr. or Ms. Hyde is reserved for friends only.

#11 The depth of our relationship with our pets. It’s hard to let your SO know that you’re planning on saving the cat before them in case of a raging fire in your building.

#12 What our bedrooms really look like. Whether you’ve got OCPD or you’re a slob, admitting that your bedroom doesn’t look normal can still be very difficult.

#13 How often we’ve slept with people on the first date. “I don’t usually do this on the first date.” Yeah, right. [Read: Is it alright to have sex on the first date?]

#14 When we want to get married. Honestly, any date that’s available in June is good for most of us women. For the men, it’s more of a question of if they want to marry.

#15 What we look like when we sleep. Those itchy, lacy thingies that women wear every night? Just bought it this morning. This spotless face beside yours? It’s usually slathered with gunk, serums, cream, and a cherry on top.

#16 Our blocked contacts list. If they ever saw it, there would be so many questions! So many questions that we don’t have half the answers to.

#17 What we looked like in high school. No matter how good we looked, it was still in high school. It’s like your mom showing you how hot she looked wearing hot pink leg warmers and shoulder pads in her sweaters.

#18 What we were like in high school. What we looked like doesn’t matter as much as who we were. If we were mean, that info’s going in the vault. If we were losers, that info’s going in there, too.

#19 Who we dated in high school. Admitting who we dated in high school just leaves room for us to explain what happened when we were dating said people. High school romances are not for the faint of heart. [Read: How to talk about your past relationships the right way]

#20 Credit reports. When your partner realizes that they’re dating a shopaholic or someone on the IRS watchlist, that June wedding probably won’t materialize anytime soon.

#21 How much our clothes and shoes cost. Children are starving in Africa. Our clothes can’t help them, but neither can the fact that we spent a crapload of money on them in the first place. Your significant other might not approve.

#22 How we really eat. The issue of not eating what we want in public is so passé. The new thing is hiding how much you put in your mouth, if you chew with your mouth open, or if you even use utensils at all.

#23 College years. We can’t remember anything that happened before graduation day. Promise!

#24 That one DUI. Someday, you’ll admit this, but only if the shit hits the fan.

#25 The really serious stuff. Abortions, abusive ex-partners, traumatic experiences, etc. What matters is that some people need time to resolve themselves to opening up about these things with their partner in the present. [Read: Should you ever confess to cheating on your partner?]

No matter what your secret is, just know that you should always be honest with yourself. Keeping things to yourself is okay, only if it’s not going to bite you in the ass one day. The secret that you’re keeping shouldn’t cause anyone harm, as well.

An example would be keeping an abusive relationship with your family from your significant other. A secret like getting your upper lips waxed is no big deal. But if you’re harboring a secret that could possibly affect your relationship, you should think twice about hiding it or discussing it honestly with your partner.

[Read: Things you need to eventually talk to your partner about to be happy]

Secrets exist because being honest with someone means that you’re putting yourself in a vulnerable position. Once you’re ready to open up to someone, those secrets will start to become shared secrets – which is so much better because someone else is helping you carry the weight of it all.

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Danielle Anne
Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
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4 thoughts on “The 25 Surprising Secrets We Keep from Our Partners”

  1. rileyJ says:

    Secrets are things that we are supposed to keep and take to the grave especially those that happen to be mine. I think that some details that have colored our lives with vibrancy are not things that are necessarily shared. I am a very private person and unless I trust you and am in a very loving relationship I may keep many secrets. There are some that are meant to protect myself and others meant to protect my mate. Secrets you mentioned that fit this bill for me are past relationships and the number of people I have slept with. I also find that my deepest insecurities are another unshareable point.

  2. hard says:

    I don;t really like hiding anything from my husband because it makes our relationship have a huge gap. We create that gap by lying to our partner or creating the illusion that we are keeping something from them. Do not keep anything from your partner because your partner will always sense it if you are hiding something and it will have a huge impact on your relationship. The best excuse I can think of that it’s okay to lie to your partner is when you are planning really special for her, like a proposal, a special anniversary dinner, surprise party and all of the things that are alike to that. It will make her the happiest and it doesn’t really create a gap but it widens the bridges between you two and it makes your relationship stronger. It really strengthens your bond together and that is the only valid excuse ever to lie or hide something from your partner. If you are an avid pron watcher and you jack off to porn, you should confide with your wife and not hide it because you don’t want to be caught. She will know it and she does know it and you just don’t know it yet. You know what I mean? Your partner will always find out because they are the best detectives. Don’t ever lie, mother fucker.

  3. Trine says:

    I rarely keep secrets from my partner and when I do, I tend to hide it for a minimum of 2 days and after the 2nd day, I would go and tell him and he was always fine with it. He would also be the same with me. We are best friends, so we rarely do hide anything form each other. We know what’s up with one another through the way we look through each other’s eyes. We don’t need to talk sometimes, silence would suffice for the words that we can’t say. We really do that and we feel really good together. I feel that we are really soulmates and I keep on telling tat to him. I am really happy that I have found someone like him and I don’t have to keep a secret. You ever notice the way your body reacts when you have to keep a secret? You ten to want to blurt it out to somebody and that somebody is always going to be my partner. I love him and I will love him until the day I die. I wish we would get married soon. We have been talking about marriage for quite some time now and I guess we even saved up more than enough. We’re just waiting on the perfect moment and we are yet to set the date yet. Oh, and he needs to propose to me first. I wonder how he would do it. LOL. Well, that’s going to be hard for him. He would need to keep a secret from me for the duration of his plan and I just need to be less nosy around him so that he could get his space and plan for anything he needs to plan. I support him in anyway I can because that’s true love. True love found us.

  4. Iknow says:

    Throwaway because I don’t want him to know I know. I didn’t find out my husband was molested by his older cousins until after we were married. He never told me but his Mother did. I thought there was something funny going on when he wouldn’t talk about those cousins. It took me years to tell him I was molested as a child and again as teen so I know the shame and pain so I never told him I know. There are some things still can’t say to him about it so I understand.

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