Throughout the course of a relationship, there are sure to be times when lying is unavoidable in order to prevent one type of epic problem or another. Lying can be uncomfortable, but it can also be gentler than the truth at times. It really may be required to save your relationship from going down a negative spiral.
White lies are different than straight forward lies. White lies are small, harmless lies, which people tell in order to avoid creating problems that don’t need to happen. Straight forward lies are conscious deceits, which cause harm. [Read: How to stop lying to yourself and to your partner]
So, it is important to know the difference, and to make sure that you only use white lies when you are trying to prevent problems in your relationship. This feature will provide some scenarios where white lies can truly be your saviors in love.
When can a white lie actually save your relationship?
Here are some scenarios where it’s better off to tell a white lie than to be brutally honest with your partner.
#1 When you don’t like your partner’s outfit. There will be times when you are about to go somewhere with your partner and he or she decides to wear something that you think is either inappropriate, or just plain ugly.
However, in these situations, telling them that you think that they look like crap isn’t going to help anything. The reason is because if you are about to leave, then there probably isn’t time for your partner to go change.
So, if you tell him or her that you think he or she looks bad, then he or she will most likely be worried about how he or she looks all night. So, a white lie in the form of a “You look great, honey” may really be needed here.
#2 When you don’t like your partner’s friend. There is a good chance that your partner’s friends have known him or her for a lot longer than you have, and will be around him or her a lot. So, if you don’t like them, and you tell your partner this, it could upset him or her, and possibly even make your partner feel that he or she is not compatible with you.
So instead of saying, “I hate your friends,” you can tell a small white lie and say, “I thought they were alright,” or something like that. This way, you can bend the truth without having to hurt your partner’s feelings or create unnecessary problems.
#3 When you don’t like your partner’s family. Not liking your partner’s family can be an even bigger concern than not liking their friends. Your partner may be really upset if you don’t get along with or like their family. So in this situation, you really may be better off telling a white lie, if you want to keep the relationship. [Read: Meeting the parents for the first time]
#4 When you don’t like some of your partner’s interests. Occasionally, your partner may have some hobbies or interests that you think are completely boring. For example, perhaps your partner is obsessed with bowling. He may be extremely passionate about it, and wants you to join in, and share the hobby with him.
If you tell him that you hate bowling, it may upset him, or he may not take to it well. However, if you simply say, “I’ll give it a try, it might be okay,” this could be a heck of a lot better.
But, if he wants to go bowling all the time, and you just can’t take it anymore, you may not be compatible enough for the relationship to last a very long time. [Read: 13 most annoying boyfriend traits]
#5 When you think some of your partner’s habits are ridiculous. As you continue dating someone, you may start to become aware of some of their weird habits. For example, you may notice that your partner makes a really awkward noise while they stretch, or he or she may suspect you of cheating even if you are definitely not and showing no signs of it.
The better you get to know someone, the more you understand how they operate. And rather than just telling your partner all the things that annoy you about them, you may have to pretend like some of these things don’t bother you. The reason is because you don’t want your partner to feel too judged. This can create unwanted tension. [Read: 10 annoying girlfriend habits guys hate]
#6 When you don’t like the meal that your partner cooks for you. If your partner goes out of his or her way to cook a meal for you, and they put a lot of effort into it, you should probably tell them you like it, even if you hate it.
In this situation, your partner has put time and hard work into trying to make something for you. So, you can just tell them you really liked it, but then maybe suggest something different for next time.
#7 When you aren’t a fan of your partner’s new haircut. Just like with outfits, sometimes your partner can surprise you with a haircut that is definitely not your fave. However, if you just say, “I hate your haircut, please go back to the hairdresser and try again,” this could make your partner really upset and insecure.
And once he or she feels upset and insecure, it can mean a lot of drama is headed your way. So, it may be better to just say, “Yeah, nice haircut.” or something else that expresses basic approval without a lot of enthusiasm. Then, when they do get a haircut you love, you can pour on the compliments. Your partner will definitely get the message. [Read: 25 compliments your guy will never forget]
#8 When your partner is gaining weight. This situation can be particularly tricky. The reason is because if you essentially tell your partner that they are getting fatter, your sweetheart may just freak out. Weight can be an extremely sensitive issue, especially if the person is already insecure about it.
So, in this situation, you may just want to not comment about it, or respond with a “no” if your partner asks you if he or she is gaining weight. However, if it gets too bad, you may have to find some way to talk about it. But expect a lot of drama.
Lying to your partner may not be something that you want to do, but sometimes it really can be the best way to avoid drama, and keep the harmony in your relationship. Sparing your partner some insecurity is a good investment for your relationship.
When you are trying to decide whether or not to use a white lie, it may be helpful to ask yourself, “What would I prefer if the situation were reversed?” If your answer to this question is that you would prefer the truth, then you might want to go with the truth. If the answer is a lie, then you might want to go with a lie.
With enough practice, and enough time spent with your partner, you will learn to discern the instances where it’s better off for you to tell a white lie or an honest, though possibly inconvenient, truth.
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