Are dating apps not working for you? Then why not try speed dating? Find out everything about it, whether it’s the right process for you, and more here!
When you go on a regular date, you spend two or three hours sitting with your date. With that, of course, comes small talk and flirting. But with speed dating, well, everything speeds up. So coming prepared with the right speed-dating questions is essential.
Speed dating is a great way to bypass small talk and get those big questions out in the open and answered. [Read: 60 get-to-know-you questions for a new romance]
What is speed dating?
Speed dating has been around for a while. If you aren’t familiar with it, speed dating is a single’s event that allows many singles in one area to introduce themselves.
Usually, these events take place in a big venue with tables all around. Half of the people will stay seated at a table, while the other half will move from table to table every five minutes or so.
In these five minutes, strangers try their best to make a lasting first impression so that by the end of it, they secure themselves a date. [Read: How to make a good first impression and impress everyone you meet]
Sounds chaotic, right? Well, for these loved-up couples, speed dating actually helped them to find the love of their life to settle down with!
Is speed dating for you? The pros and cons to consider
Even if you don’t think speed dating would be your thing, you have to admit that a part of you is curious to find out what an evening of chaos like this would actually entail. Well, before you sign yourself up for your next local speed-dating event, consider these pros and cons.
Pros
Speed dating can be great, but it’s admittedly not for everyone. So first, let’s take a look at all of the things that make this single’s event so worthwhile.
1. It saves you time and effort
Going on a series of first dates to try to find that special person worth asking out on a second date is very time-consuming!
You have to find someone to go on a date with, either through mutual friends or dating apps, and carve out an entire evening for them just to find out you’re completely incompatible! With all the time it takes, you can probably go on one, maybe two dates a week.
With speed dating, it’s, well, speedier. That “first date” so to speak is only 5 minutes, and you get to cycle through date after date until you find someone you like. For those with intensive careers, busy home lives, or just people who don’t like wasting time on dates, speed dating is perfect.
2. It helps you meet all sorts of potential dates
There’s nothing wrong with having a type. However, having only one specific type of person that you date can narrow your chances.
If you’re stuck in a rut of dating people who are very similar and not right for you, speed dating can be great to break you out of your comfort zone and think about dating other types of people. [Read: 20 types of lovers and relationships you’ll come across in the dating world]
3. It’s dating made safe
If only dating was regulated. Oh, wait, speed dating is regulated dating. It’s an event, so there are event organizers, hosts who keep the evening going, and maybe even security.
First dates can be daunting because you never know who you’re meeting. So if safety and protection are things that hold you back from going on first dates, speed dating is here to help.
4. It helps you quickly determine chemistry
You can talk to someone on a dating app all you want, but there’s no guarantee that the chemistry will be there when you meet. It’s not something you can predict or calculate. When it’s there, oh boy, it’s there. And when it’s not, there’s nothing you can do about it.
With speed dating, you’ll be able to test who you feel chemistry with and who you don’t. And if you’re sat across the table from someone you don’t have any chemistry with, at least they’ll be gone in 5 minutes!
5. The awkwardness isn’t there
Awkward silences—the worst fear for a first date. It’s usually the biggest sign that a date is circling down the drain. But while awkward silences are quite common *and unbearable* on first dates, they’re almost non-existent in speed dating.
Think about it, you only have 5 minutes to introduce yourself and get to know the other person. That’s 2.5 minutes for each of you to share a bit about yourself and build a connection before they’re gone.
That’s no time at all! Even if there are any awkward silences, they’re short-lived before you meet someone new, so they’re not that bad at all. [Read: 45 interesting, random questions to ask a guy to break the awkward silence]
Cons
If you’re on the fence about giving speed dating a shot, here are some of the reasons you might choose not to.
1. It can feel rushed
We sort of touched on this already, but speed dating just doesn’t give you enough time. And while that’s great if you’re trying to avoid awkward silences, it’s really not ideal for getting to know someone.
A person sits down in front of you, you’re really hitting it off, and then they’re gone. When you’re getting into a groove with someone, it can be a real jolt to have them be replaced by someone else, and it can throw you off your game.
2. It’s basically the antithesis of social anxiety
Not everyone is a confident extrovert. Some people have social anxiety, and others are just introverts who prefer the company of a few rather than many.
A speed dating event is definitely a place where some people thrive more than others. [Read: Introvert vs. extrovert – why it’s fluid and what splits them apart]
3. It puts a lot of pressure on the first impression
Your parents told you to not judge a book by its cover. But when you start speed dating, you have to completely throw that idea out the window.
As we said, you don’t have time to get to know the book behind the cover, so to speak, so first impressions are all you have to go off on.
But that’s not fair. Some people blunder their first impression because of nerves, and it can also make you too nervous to let your real personality shine through. [Read: Importance of first impressions – secrets to help you make a good one]
4. It might not help you find your soulmate
We don’t know where our soulmates are before we meet them. While they might just be signing up for the same speed dating event as you, they equally could not be. [Read: 36 soul secrets to find your soulmate, draw them closer, and meet them soon
Even if you don’t believe in the idea of a soulmate, speed dating is never guaranteed to be successful. You could meet dozens upon dozens of people in one night, and still come away with no date for next Friday night. It’s a bummer, but it happens.
Why you need the best speed dating questions
You may think speed dating is silly. That’s fine, but if you’re hoping to take this fun game and turn it into something more, you’ll want to ask the questions that really matter.
Sure, it may be easier to ask about what they’re binging on Netflix, but does that matter in the long run? Will their TV preferences lead to a real date?
Think about what matters to you in someone you’re dating. What are your deal breakers? These are the things you should be asking.
Unfortunately, you don’t have much time to really get insight into these people, so asking some deeper speed dating questions is what it takes. [Read: 20 revealing questions to get to know someone better]
Speed dating questions to make the most of your five minutes
Get your pen and notepad out because you’ll want to write these speed dating questions down for your next dating event.
Now, be sure you aren’t just asking them in order, and definitely don’t read from that list you made. Instead, pick and choose the questions that matter to you so you get the most out of these speed dating questions.
1. Why are you single?
It’s a good opportunity to see why they think they’re single and what they are searching for. Are they after a fling or a relationship? This is probably the most common speed dating question. [Read: The thirst is real – 15 realities of being single for too long]
2. What do you do for work?
This is a great introductory question to learn a lot about someone from what career they’ve chosen. It’s also insight into their hobbies and passions.
3. What did you study in school?
Maybe their work and education are completely different. Or they’ve been on the same path since school.
Either way, it’s a good way to see why they went down that road. Asking this speed dating question can also help you find out what you have in common.
4. Have you ever been married?
Well, this question is more for you. Do they want to get married in the future or not? Maybe you two are heading down different paths. If so, it’s better to find out now rather than waste your time.
5. How old are you?
They say age is just a number, but it’s always nice to know how old someone is. Maybe you have deal breakers about people who are younger or older than you, and that’s fair. [Read: Dating age rule – what’s an acceptable age gap for a couple?]
6. What do you like doing on the weekends?
Do they like sleeping in late and watching Saturday morning cartoons? Maybe they’ll be a great match for you, or maybe they like 6 am hikes—who knows *unless you ask*. [Read: 50 perfect questions to know instantly if someone’s right for you]
7. Do you have any kids?
Are you ready to date someone who already has a family? Are they interested in growing their family? These are important questions to ask if you envision a future with someone.
This is something people without kids rarely think about, but it is a huge deal, so it should be on your list of speed dating questions.
8. Do you want kids?
If you’re looking for a long-term partner, then this question must be brought up. If you’re dying to start a family, and they don’t want kids, it might not be a good fit.
9. Do you have any pets?
Maybe you’re allergic to cats, and well, they’re a cat lover. Or maybe they hate dogs, and you have five. [Read: Adopting a pet? The true signs you’re ready to get a pet together]
10. Do you like animals?
If they don’t care for animals in general, just make a note of that… It’s weird! If they find this speed dating question odd because, duh, everyone should like animals, you’re golden.
11. Who’s your favorite film director?
You can tell a lot about a person based on the types of films they watch, so pay attention.
12. Do you like to travel?
If you have the travel bug and they don’t, that will be a huge problem. [Read: Reasons traveling is a great test of compatibility]
13. Where is one place you’d like to see in the world?
This is a great question to see what they consider to be their ultimate destination. Maybe it’s rugged or perhaps more peaceful.
14. How do your friends describe you?
How their friends describe them is what they are in the truest sense.
15. What’s one of your secret talents?
Maybe they’ll show you right then and there! This question is a more lighthearted one to balance out the more intense ones. This may not be the most intimate speed dating question, but it is good to keep some of them light
16. Do you prefer country or city life?
If they don’t share a similar lifestyle as you, this could be a challenge. This is a good way to see how they live their life and their long-term goals for where they want to live. [Read: How to get to know someone on a date in no time]
17. What’s your dream career?
Maybe they still can achieve it, but, regardless, it’s interesting to see what their dreams are and why they didn’t or did follow them.
18. What are you looking for in a relationship?
Okay, you need to know this. What do they want? Can you give it to them? This is something that is sort of a must-have speed dating question if you want to be sure you’re on the same page.
19. What are the most important factors in a relationship?
Relationships are built on a two-way street, so you need to be on the same page about what you and your partner value.
20. Is religion important to you?
If you’re dating to marry this person, you should be on the same page regarding understanding and respect for each other’s beliefs. [Read: Inconvenient truths about intercultural relationships]
21. What’s your favorite season?
Is he a winter boy? Or a beach girl? Do your seasons match?
22. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Sure, this sounds all lovey-dovey, but this reveals if they are romantic or not. This speed-dating question will take you into a discussion on why you agree or disagree.
23. Do you follow politics?
Listen, you can have different political beliefs, but they may cause some friction at the dinner table. Know it ahead of time.
24. Who was your first crush?
This is a great way to hear a sentimental story from them about their first love, and it’s sweet.
25. What’s your favorite genre of music?
Maybe they love death metal, and you like classical. People who date usually have similar tastes in music or at least respect the other genre.
26. Where do you see yourself in five years?
Do they have any long-term goals? If they don’t know the answer to this question, they haven’t taken the time to think about what they want. This speed dating question opens your eyes to the future.
27. How important is sexual compatibility to you?
This one is critical. Sex is a major part of the relationship, so if you’re sexually energetic but your potential date isn’t, there’s going to be an issue. [Read: How important is sex in a relationship? The truth revealed]
28. Are you a morning or a night person?
This one is just a given. Who wants to be alone all morning while their partner still snores away?
29. If you could have three wishes come true, what would they be?
Who knows what they’ll say? It’s just a fun question to ask in between all the serious ones.
30. What’s your favorite TV show?
Maybe you guys like the same television show, or maybe you like the same genre of shows. If so, you guys can watch it on your second date.
This may be a little shallow, but TV plays a big role in dating now. This speed-dating question could kick off something great. [Read: Movie date – how to build sexual chemistry & create a perfect date]
31. What’s your worst habit?
Do they bite their nails? Or burp at the table? Will you be able to stand their habits?
32. What’s the worst date you’ve been on?
We all have a horrible first date story, so you might as well share them and laugh together.
33. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?
We all have done something generally embarrassing, so it’s a good way to have a laugh and get to know the real person. Can they laugh at themselves? [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility]
34. Do you speak any other languages?
Maybe they’re bilingual—that’s hot. Knowing a second language is incredibly sexy. Or maybe they’ve always wanted to learn a new language. Who knows, maybe if they’re bilingual, they can teach you something new.
35. What’s the last book you’ve read?
Another good way to start a conversation and get to know this person. If you’re a real bookworm, and the last book they read was a few years back, well, it might not be a match.
36. What are you looking for in a partner?
This time, they should think about what type of partner they want. Do you see yourself in their description?
This speed dating question could feel like you’re putting them on the spot, but that’s what this is all about in a way. [Read: Important questions you have to ask on a speed date]
37. What’s your proudest moment?
Maybe it’s watching their sister graduate from university or their parents buying a house. This will help you learn what really matters to them.
38. What do you do to de-stress?
If they don’t do anything, well, their anger just builds inside, and that’s not healthy for anyone. [Read: How to reduce stress – 17 fastest hacks to a calmer & happier life]
39. What makes you laugh/cry?
Is it hearing babies laugh or watching a great comedy? Maybe it is a secret love for the Hallmark channel. [Read: Ready to charm? How to be witty and win over anyone]
40. Who are you closest to in your family?
This is a great way to see how their relationships are with immediate family members.
41. Do you see the glass half full or half empty?
Or in other words, are they an optimist or a pessimist? Will an optimist annoy you? Will their attitude to life turn you off?
This is something that isn’t often considered. But, including it in your speed dating question list can really open your eyes to problems that could arise later.
42. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you’d buy?
This question reveals what a potential partner values. It can tell a lot about someone, like if they choose a red sports car or starting a foundation to help sick children. Not bad, just different.
43. What’s one of the craziest things you’ve ever done?
Gone skinny-dipping? See how wild they truly are.
44. What is your favorite part of a woman/man?
What turns them on? A smile? Or long legs? Maybe it’s a trait you have! Or… a trait the exact opposite of yours. Yikes.
45. What’s something you’d change about yourself?
Where do their insecurities hide? Or maybe they are comfortable in their own skin. Even if they are confident, their answer to this speed dating question will give you some insight into how they view themselves. [Read: 60 get to know you questions for a new romance]
46. What are you passionate about?
What gets them out of bed every day? It’s important to see what they love to do and why they do it.
47. What do you like to do for fun?
Hopefully, it’s something fun you can join in doing. Water skiing? Laser tag? Reading? Can you picture yourself doing their favorite activities with them?
48. When was your last relationship and how long did it last?
This is a heavy question, but it needs to be asked. What were their past relationships like and how long did they last? Have they ever had a partner? Have they dated someone for longer than a few months?
This is a speed dating question people may not want to answer because it can bring up some deep stuff. But, it is important to have the answer to this. [Read: Is dating really the best way to get over your ex?]
49. Where are you from?
Whether you’re asking where their parents originate from or where they live, you’ll learn something. Just be sure they know that they don’t have to tell you their address.
50. Is this your first time speed dating?
Maybe they are a seasoned professional or maybe they’re new to it just like you. [Read: 20 questions to ask on a first date for the best conversation]
51. What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned from dating?
This is a great speed-dating question. They may have to think a little, but it tells you a lot. If someone says something like there aren’t many good people out there, it shows they are a little bitter.
But if they share how they can improve themselves or take things slow and get to know someone, it really says they may be ready for something serious.
52. What are your deal breakers?
This is an obvious question to ask at speed dating, and it is also something you should answer. If you would never date someone who smokes and they smoke, this won’t work.
Also, share things that seem important. If you don’t drink and they work at a nightclub, things could get complicated.
53. How would you describe your perfect date?
This speed dating question helps you find out if you are both into the same things. It will also clue you into what to plan for a future date if you end up clicking.
54. What is your worst habit?
If someone can’t come up with a bad habit they have, they are lying. And that is a red flag in and of itself.
Some people may say they are too trustworthy, others may say they eat too late at night, and a few might say road rage. This lets you know that they are aware of their shortcomings and have a level of humility. [Read: 16 powerful secrets to better yourself]
55. What do people always compliment you on?
This is very telling. Usually, when people are complimented they remember it. Are they often praised for their killer organization or hilarious banter? Do other people see what you see in them?
56. Are you more of a clean freak or are you messy?
If you are a clean freak and think being with someone who is more on the messy side would drive you nuts this is super useful to know early on. The same goes for finding out if you are both equally clean or equally messy.
57. How do you feel about PDA?
Some people really love PDA. It makes them feel seen and like their partner is proud to be with them. But, some people are too shy for that.
The answer to this speed dating question can help you find out if you agree on this subject and if not, why. [Read: Public display of affection – how to do it, PDA etiquette & 26 must-knows]
58. How would you describe your average day?
This answer may not come into play until you’re having sleepovers, but it is still a good indicator of the type of life someone leads.
If they are up at the crack of dawn exercising and you love to sleep in, will you be able to adjust? Are they super active while you’re more of a homebody?
59. What are your career goals?
This isn’t a dealbreaker, but it is interesting to get the answer to. Asking this speed dating question lets you know if it is their goal to open up 20 restaurants across the country or settle into a good position where they are. Do you have similar goals?
60. How do you feel about your past?
How someone views their past is very telling. Are they running from it? Maybe they have a lot of regrets? Or maybe they see their past as a stepping stone to their future. Do you agree? [Read: How to find closure after a relationship]
61. What is your first impression of me?
This is a fun speed dating question because each person you ask will likely have a different answer. Will they focus on your looks or go deeper?
62. What is something you fear people assume about you?
Everyone worries about what others think of them to some extent. Even if you try not to, there is one thing you always worry about.
Does this person worry they come off too shy or too pushy? Maybe they think they are too loud or cold. It is so interesting to see what they worry about versus how you see them.
63. What is the worst speed dating question you’ve heard today?
This is sure to be hilarious. Let’s just hope it isn’t from you. We doubt it will be with this killer list of speed-dating questions. [Read: 55 personal questions to ask someone to make them open up & talk to you]
64. Which country do you think has the happiest people and why?
There are the facts, but getting someone’s opinion on this is interesting. Do they think it is somewhere that runs slowly where people are relaxed? Maybe they prefer the hustle and bustle of a busy city.
65. What was your childhood dream job?
There is a huge difference between their current job, their dream job, and their childhood dream job. This tells you what sort of kid they were and if their current self still aligns with that.
66. If plastic surgery was free of charge and risk-free would you get work done?
As much as looks shouldn’t matter, we all have our fair share of insecurities. This question could become very deep as these things are quite personal, but finding out why they answered how they did is even more telling.
67. How long have you been single?
It is good to know the answer to this speed dating question. Are they newly single? Maybe as of last night? Or have they been single for ages? [Read: Why am I single? The excuses and the truth]
68. What made you come here today?
Was it a friend that forced you out of your comfort zone? Maybe you thought what could it hurt? Do you have hope this could work out?
69. What is your best speed dating question?
Turn the tables on them and have them get to know you. This is a two-way street.
What to do and not do at a speed dating event
Unfortunately, just having a series of stellar questions under your belt isn’t enough to make the most of speed dating.
There are other things you need to do, and definitely not do, in order to make the best first impression and really get to know the people in front of you.
1. Do listen as much as you speak
You see the timer counting down, and you immediately feel the need to start talking about yourself. But while your date should learn a little bit about you, you should also learn about them.
So remember to sit back and let them talk as well. [Read: 19 ways to be a much better listener in a relationship and read their mind]
2. Do keep an open mind
Positive things come to positive people. Is that true? Maybe, but it can’t hurt to try! Don’t walk into a speed dating event thinking, this is stupid or no one here looks like my type.
It’s not stupid, and you’re not here to date the people you would usually date. You’re here to expand your horizons and look for love in new places. Embrace the process!
3. Do try to relax
It’s definitely nerve-wracking to meet dozens of new people at once, we get that. But remember, everyone else is just as nervous as you!
There’s no point in letting the nerves take over or pretending to be someone you’re not. So, just focus on staying relaxed and being yourself.
People will like you for who you are, so long as you let them see the real you. And you’re not you when you’re tense or exaggerating parts of your personality to hide others. [Read: How to be relaxed on a date and confidently feel like yourself]
4. Do ask a friend to help you practice
You’ve signed up for a speed dating event on Friday night, but by Thursday morning the nerves are getting too much. Well, to help ease those nerves and help you feel more prepared, why don’t you ask a friend to help?
Ask them to pretend to be on a speed date with you and show off your moves. It might be awkward, and it might be hilarious, but who knows, maybe laughing at the situation with your friend will make those nerves vanish!
5. Don’t look down on the whole thing
Whoever liked a Negative Nancy? If you approach the process with cynicism then you’re going to be proven right because no one will be impressed by it!
If you’re not going to take speed dating seriously, then don’t try it. It just wastes not only your time but the time of everyone else there.
6. Don’t prioritize looks over personality
While you don’t have a lot of time to get to know someone’s personality, you do get to see glimmers.
So don’t write someone off as they sit down at your table just because they don’t look like your type. Give them a chance and you might be surprised by the connection that naturally grows between you two.
7. Don’t interview your dates
Okay, we’ll admit that giving you 70 questions to ask on a speed date is a lot. But by no means do you have to ask every single question on our list!
Doing so will only make your dates feel like they’re being interviewed, which isn’t very sexy. [Read: 177 fun, random questions to ask a girl and make her enjoy your company]
8. Don’t talk too much or stay too quiet
When it comes to talking and listening, it’s important to find the right balance.
Talking too much will make you look like a narcissist, and not talking enough will make it look like you’re not interested. Either way, you’ll struggle to find a second date, so make sure you talk and listen.
9. Don’t give up
We said before that you might not find The One at a speed dating event. In fact, it’s possible that you’ll come away with little to no success. However, don’t let one bad speed dating event put you off.
It might take more than one try *heck, it might take a few* before you meet someone you like, but when you do, you’ll be glad you didn’t give up.
Final thoughts
So, now you know everything there is to know about speed dating. It’s not going to get you success every time, but it’s worth trying! Think about it, it’s a no-pressure dating process, it saves you time on money on unsuccessful dates, and it moves along far too quickly for you to embarrass yourself! What have you got to lose?
[Read: 26 things to talk about on a first date to make them like you instantly]
Now you know all about speed dating, what do you think? Are you going to give it a try? It might not lead to anything, but it also might put you on the same path as your soulmate. Only time will tell.
