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Can a Girl Ask a Guy Out Before He Asks Her Out?

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Can a girl ask a guy out? There are so many opinions out there, and all of them make a great point. But if you want to hear it from the love experts at Lovepanky and put all those tongues to rest, here’s what we have to say.

Can a Girl Ask a Guy Out

If you’re wondering whether a girl can ask a guy out, of course, she can.

But there are a few things to remember before you take the plunge.

It’s natural to like a guy.

And it’s natural to want to ask a guy out. And it’s easy.

But you shouldn’t do it unless you have no other alternative.

[Read: The seven stages of love for men]

Most guys say they’re completely fine with it when a girl asks a guy out.

Some guys even say they prefer it because it takes the pressure off of asking a girl out.

But ask us, and we’ll tell you the answer. You shouldn’t do it.

Now we’re not being uptight or prejudiced about the male species and their ways. But that’s just the way stolen glances and love works.

Guys and girls are different in many ways.

And especially when it comes to a relationship, great guys like a good chase.

[Read: Why guys like a chase and how to make it work for you]

When you tell a guy you like him, it’s not really disappointing, but a guy would never understand how special you are.

Nor would he understand how much he needs you until he doesn’t have you.

It’s too easy, like a free brochure that you get in your mailbox now and then. It goes straight to the bin. [Read: Secret law of attraction in love]

Can a girl ask a guy out?

If you like a guy, and want him to stick around, you need to make him like you back before you even ask him out. It’s quite pointless to walk up to a guy and tell him you like him. And the conversation’s going to sound like this.

Girl (nervous): Hi, I like you, and I was just wondering if we could go out sometime…

Boy (sheepish): Ohh, oh…kay… sweet!

Girl (relieved): How about we go out sometime?

Boy (happy): Yeah, sure, how about Saturday night?

And then, the girl’s happy and the boy’s happy too. And the boy goes to his friends. He learns to brag.

Boy (boastful): Hey, check this out. That girl we keep bumping into, you know, the girl with the awesome boobs, she just asked me out.

Friends (in awe): Oh, yeah?! That’s hot, dude… so what are you gonna do? Lay her this weekend?

Boy (chick magnet): Ha ha ha ha… we’ll find out, won’t we…?

The boy scores, looks good in front of his friends, gets a date and a swollen ego and thinks he’s a chick magnet. The girl may be very sweet, but he doesn’t care. All he cares about is the fact that the girl asked him out. So he must be charming, sexy and could get any girl he wanted. [Read: 10 steps to make a man fall in love with you]

Everyone else soon finds out the girl asked the guy out. The girl appears needy and easy to get. The guy looks like a rock star.

You see, it’s easy to ask a guy out. But when you do that, almost all guys lose the point. He won’t realize that a nice girl asked him out, he’ll assume he’s really good and all girls will love him.

Guys make their own lives harder, but they like it just the way it is. Learn to play hard to get and guys, as much as they hate it, will love you for it. [Read: How to play hard to get]

Can a girl never ask a guy out?

Of course, a girl can ask a guy out and the relationship may even go very far on the road of happy love. But in most cases, it doesn’t work in the girl’s favor.

Men love the idea of having women swooning over them. Why do you think James Bond is such a big hit? For his well cut suits? And what about the axe effect?

While guys may feel relieved to cut straight to the chase, or in this case, even skip the chase completely, they won’t add you into the equation. For a guy, that moment when you ask him out isn’t a chapter in the book of romance. It’s the first step towards realizing how sexy he is! [Read: How to know if you are in love]

Confident girls and guys who love them

Now many guys may disagree and claim that they love a confident woman who has the cojones to walk up to a guy and ask him out. But this isn’t always the case.

At the end of the day, let’s face it. All a girl has to do is drop a few signs and if a guy does like her back, he’ll probably pop the question even before the girl thinks it. It’s safer, and an easier way to get to know if a guy likes you, sans the embarrassment of a guy turning you down. [Read: Love at first sight - The real truth]

So can a girl ask a guy out ever? There’s just one type of guys where a girl asking a guy out is the only way forward. If you’ve fallen for a cute shy guy. These guys are nice, but they’re just so shy and awkward, it’s embarrassing! You can walk past them with a marching band singing “she’s in love with you” and the guy might just sniffle and try to slip behind the wallpaper.

So what’s the verdict, can a girl ask a guy out? Yes, but only if he’s a shy guy! Click here to know how to ask a guy out the classy girl way.


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Have your say!
  • Teresa
    May 7, 2012 | Permalink |

    Well what if you ask him… but, make it look like it’s his idea? Doesn’t that put the ball back in his court?

  • nabila
    August 26, 2012 | Permalink |

    hey there,
    Ive read most of the tips on your page and its just awesome. I just wanted to know is there any way I can get back someone I lost? Any tips? He said we were supposed to be like bestfriends now and I’ve tried my best but he started showing a lott of attitude and started to hurt me real bad. Its been almost a year now but I still love him and want him so bad. Our relationship started so perfect and we were always in love but within 6 months, he started to change and it just kept me broken for a whole year. Let’s say I was’nt normal for a few months until I started to recover all on my own. I never shared my story with anyone because I never wanted to be an attention seeker neither did I want people to feel sorry for me. Im fine now and we’re still friend on facebook but I havent spoken to him for half a year after he hurt me real bad. I want him so bad, I’ve tried not thinkin about him but I cant help it! I want his promise to stay, his promise of Us being together forever! It hurts me whenever I think of him with another girl. Sometimes I put myself in a bad mood when I start thinking of him getting married and I just feel I may commit suicide or something. It’s just something I cant gulp. Any suggestions?? Please dont tell me to move on and date someone else! Im a medical student and thats hard for me plus I’ve tried my best liking other guys but they just dont interest me!

  • Alexis
    October 3, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’ve got to say, this advice is pretty dumb. I appreciate that you’re not taking this position based on gender stereotypes, but it makes some questionable assumptions. For instance, I asked my current boyfriend out, and will have been with him for three years in November. That’s anecdotal. And yes, getting asked out is an ego-booster for a guy, I’m sure. I know I get a boost from compliments, and whenever someone asks me out. Whatever. But I think it’s a bit disingenuous to say that you won’t ask a guy out because “I’m not sexist or anything; it’ll just make your ego explode, and you’re going to ignore me and wander the countryside looking for a lay!”

    Reading this article, what I picked up was this: many girls, like me, want to skip the “chase.” You say we shouldn’t. For the sake of guys. But they don’t like it either, and they’re the ones doing the chasing. The website is about finding love, and frankly I feel that enjoying a loving relationship shouldn’t require a hazing process in which one party intentionally tries to sabotage or obstruct the building of love.

  • dave
    April 16, 2013 | Permalink |

    Ms. Alexis – Thank you for your essay! Unfortunately, if men object to the “hazing” contest that you so aptly described, they are called “whiny”, “complaining”,”self-pitying”, “woman-hating” and resentful of women. What a breath of fresh air it would be if we got rid of the double standards!

  • kendall
    April 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have this situation this guy liked back in middle school. I did see him chase me so many times, but at the same time he never said anything to me of how he really felt, he was shy and so was i. Now in current time I’m not sure if he will ask me out or I will be asking him. But I dont mind taking the risk, as long as i get to be with him.

  • sheryll
    April 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    I recently had a kind of break up coz I cheated on my x tho he is still in my contact, but also I ran into dis guy in my colony , on my way back from office a few times and he asked to be friends wid me. i agreed n i like him to . he asked my no. n i gave it to him. we use to have dis eye contact while passing each other. after about 3 -4 tymes we met during evening stroll, even i texted him if hes cuming for a walk.. he showed his interest to hang around n al. den i asked him that me n 2 friends of mine wer interested to learn dancing from him as he is a choreographer . but den he told that he likes me,wanna have al sorts of fun.. no limits bla bla .. he likes the way i see him, he is comfortable around me. in total we spend about only 3 hrs together in the park and i shwed i was not interested tho i was .. n coz of my x n wt happnd. i asked him lets talk n sort it out, i wanna be his friend n lets hang around, now no answer from him. n no interest . den he texted me to cum to his flat as he was alone n ll hv fun, agn i cant n cudnt agree but later i texted him ok.. but no rply. i called n asked he said u r not ready n he cant pretend to be my friend coz he think of me in a different way .. he just wanted to get involved. i called texted later after a week. but no rply n unfortunately i dont run into him anymore. i miss seeing him . what shud i do.?? i think i hv a crush on him. but he want friends with benefits .. a secret relationshipp without any emotional drama or attatchment. well he wanted i dont c him or dont hear from him. i do fantasize him. really confused wt shud i do n wt i want ??? i hardly really knw him dat much. n hes a year younger den me.

  • Raygirl
    January 23, 2014 | Permalink |

    I honestly, disagree. Actually I know of seven relationships, me included, where we asked our husbands out. And we have been together for 10 years. My friends longer than that. To add, our sex is better because I can be a lady in the street, but my pursuant nature is used in the bedroom and it drives him wild. Women who get asked out by many guys can become very conceited. They believe they are entitle to things and are users. They are vain and spoiled. So is it really better for a man to pursue all the time? Not necessarily. A man needs to feel like he’s a diamond sometimes. Women who pursue have better sexual lives than women who don’t. Why do you think so many men cheat? They get with these hard to get bitchy women, who in the long run do not satisfy them or care to. All these type of women care about is their own emotional stability and their own self-worth. They never care about their man’s feelings and his self worth. When women learn to do that, relationships fair better. I know this from experience and 12 experiences of other people in my Sex is Healthy group. Pursuant women have a bad girl side. So many women afraid of being too easy, but actually balance of reserve and easiness is the key to a successful relationship, both mentally, emotionally and physically. If everyone did it your way, which people already do, many people would have failed relationships, which many people also happen to have that as well.

  • Josh
    April 1, 2014 | Permalink |

    As with many others I will have to disagree as well. It is a little naive in my opinion to assume that most men will think of a girl as an easy lay if she is the one who asks him out. In fact, that idea could be considered stereotypical. I’m sorry to say, but if this is the case then it can put a damper on your credibility. As a senior in college I have taken enough research based courses to say that credibility is everything when it comes down to giving out advise to a large audience of people. True, I do not have any experience in the field of relationships, but I do have experience in determining whether or not something is acting out in a stereotypical manner. With this academic experience I can’t help but notice that a huge portion of this piece of writing derives its support from stereotypes. For example, as said in your writing “The boy scores, looks good in front of his friends, gets a date and a swollen ego and thinks he’s a chick magnet. The girl may be very sweet, but he doesn’t care. All he cares about is the fact that the girl asked him out. So he must be charming, sexy and could get any girl he wanted”. At the moment you made that claim,you lost credibility, and that can cause serious problems when trying to give advice.

  • Lindsey
    August 27, 2014 | Permalink |

    Ive just found out im bisexual after years of being a lesbian and i notice the rules in the straight world are more complex. So im not gonna play by them, its as simple as that because i dont want one of those types of men that has a traditional gender role attitude anyways, i can always stick with women if it comes to that.

    I think this advice article is sexist against both sexes, and if this is what things are really like then im so glad i have a choice.

    Also you say if a girl asks a guy out she is read as easy to get, dont bank on it because it only means she is available to guys she likes, not to anyone. I have a good idea what life is like without gender role expectations, and also i dont ever want to play a chase game with anyone i dont play games and its one trait i have always hated in women so im not willing to be that way myself.

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