Texting. What a wonderful invention. It lets us ask a quick question without an hour long phone call, lets us get to know someone without the jitters, and lets you ask someone out with a bit less fear. Asking your mom for advice when it comes to knowing how to ask a guy out over text might not be the best idea. Seeing as texting was only invented in about 13 years ago. But good news, it’s not that hard.
Before asking him out, break the ice
You do not want to start a texting conversation with “will you go out with me?” That will catch him off guard. Instead break the ice. Chat about your day, a new song you discovered, or anything that can be carried over into the potential date.
You can even bring up a movie you’ve been dying to see or a restaurant you love as a smooth transition into the ask out. [Read: How to text a guy you like and leave him wanting more]
Keep things light
Before asking him out, you want to make sure there is some sort of chemistry there. It can be hard to determine that via text, but it is possible. Instead of texting like you are sending a business email, make jokes, be sarcastic, even flirt.
His response to these types of message will help clue you into his interest level. If he responds back with one word answers and shuts down your attempts to flirt, you may want to abort mission. [Read: How guys text when they like you – 15 things they do differently]
How to ask a guy out over text
Onto the actual ask out. Don’t worry too much. It shouldn’t take you hours to come up with the perfect thing to say. If you are that nervous to ask him out, you may not be ready for the date.
So take these tips, type up a text, reread it for any weird spelling or grammatical errors, and hit send. Waiting for a response is the hardest part.
#1 Make it clear it is a date. Before going in make sure you are being clear. You don’t want to offer him two tickets to a show, you want to invite him to go with you. Reread what you wrote to make sure it makes sense without the context of you dwelling over what to say all day. [Read: How to let a guy know you’re interested without being overeager]
#2 Avoid words like hang out or meet up. Vague words like hang out indicate that you are just in fact hanging out. In that case, you have nothing to be nervous about at all. But you want to ask this guy out.
In person chemistry, eye contact, and more make it clear you are asking him out on a romantic date. But as you opted to go virtual, you have to make sure you actually use the words date or go out.
#3 Don’t second guess yourself. This has happened to me countless times. I wrote out the perfect ask out text, reread it, and then deleted all of it because I lost my nerve.
But there is no need for that. You like this guy, so go for it. If you don’t ask him out, you’ll never know what could have happened. [Read: How to build your confidence and alter your life]
#4 Have confidence. Whether you want to put on your best outfit and swipe on your favorite lipstick to amp up your confidence, do it. Look in the mirror and know what a catch you are.
This will make the waiting part easier and hitting send will feel more like you are inviting the guy you like to get to know you better, not sending off the last text of your life as you know it.
#5 Be direct. When you’re trying to figure out how to ask a guy out over text, whether you are fretting over the exact words to use or not, just bite the bullet and hit send. Be straightforward.
No offense to guys, but they tend not to be great at reading between the lines or picking up on subtle clues, so just go for it.
#6 Avoid giving him an out. For some reason girls have been conditioned to always be uber polite, almost to an annoying point. Do not say something like, “it is totally okay if you say no.” This just makes you seem unsure.
Not to mention it seems like you aren’t eager to actually go out and that you would be perfectly happy if he said no. Part of asking someone out is showing interest, not making it seem like you sort of don’t want to because you’re scared he’ll say no. [Read: The walkthrough all girls need to know about asking a guy out]
#7 Include something you know he likes. Maybe you bonded over a love for live music or he has a high score in bowling. If you invite him to do something you know he feels comfortable with, your chances of him saying yes will be sky high.
Along with that, avoid something he may have zero interest in. Yes, being spontaneous and doing something unique is all fine and good, but bringing him for a couples massage on your first date might be sort of awkward.
#8 Get him to ask you out. This is a little tougher, but if you really want him to be the one to do the asking out, you’ll have to master both being subtle and obvious at the same time.
You’ll have to make it clear you are interested without actually saying so. If he brings up a band he loves, say something like, “They are the best, I would love to go to one of their concerts.” Or even say you would be an awesome person to check out an art gallery with.
This can lead him into asking you out which reduces your risk of being rejected. But it can also be a little more time consuming. I say just go for it, but now you have an alternative option. [Read: How to get a guy to ask you out – A foolproof, sneaky guide]
#9 Keep it short. You can chat all day and share your entire lives over text, but keep the initial ask out text short. You don’t want to send over a novel. Not only may he avoid reading it if he’s busy, making you wait longer for a response, but no one likes reading super long texts.
Along with that, don’t break it up into three or four texts. Just keep it to one or two sentences; short, sweet, and to the point.
#10 Offer a plan. Saying something like, “do you want to go out with me this weekend” is perfectly fine, but offering a set plan leaves less to the imagination. It gives you and him more time to get used to the plan.
And if you don’t offer a plan now, you could both keep putting it off and then all this worry was for nothing.
#11 Wait for his answer. When it comes to knowing how to ask a guy out over text, this is the hard part. Those three little text bubbles are like torture. But keep your cool. Not matter what his response is, your life will go on one way or the other.
If he isn’t a fast texter, put your phone down and keep yourself busy. Read a book, get some work done, or make some food. This will make waiting a lot easier. [Read: How guys text when they like you – 15 things they do differently]
#12 Have a back up plan. So he didn’t say no, but he didn’t quite say yes. Maybe he is busy that day. Have a second option. If you tell him, “well, let me know when you’re free,” this could go on forever.
Instead offer another day and another time. If he makes another excuse perhaps he is busy, but he might be looking for an excuse to say no. Having a back up plan lets you give him a second chance to give a firm yes. It also shuts down your fear that the date will never happen due to conflicting schedules.
#13 Don’t double text. Whatever you do, do NOT double text. There is no excuse in the world for this. Whether he is taking forever to respond, sort of answered and then went silent, double texting is a sure fire way to look desperate.
As a feminist, I like to think looking desperate really isn’t a thing. Just be you, but double texting is just so obvious and cringy. [Read: The 6 biggest rules of double texting every texter needs to know]
#14 Remind yourself you rock regardless of the outcome. You are an amazing catch. This guy would be lucky to spend an evening with you. You are funny and smart and awesome.
So whether he says yes or no, you will continue to be a kickass woman. [Read: 16 ways to develop and build your self-confidence]
#15 Work out the details. Nail down the plans now. Don’t wait until the day of. Don’t say okay we’ll work out the details later or talk on Friday. Decide if you are meeting there or who is picking who up. This way there is less to worry about come date night.
[Read: A surefire guide for the shy trying to ask out a guy]
And now you can go forth with your mission because you know how to ask a guy out over text like a cool cat. Congratulations! Next step is doing it in person, but we’ll take our time with that.
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