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24 Tips & Secrets to Ask a Guy Out Over Text Casually & Hang Out in No Time

Wondering how to ask a guy out over text? You’ve come to the right place! We’ll tell you everything you need to know to get that first date in the bag.

how to ask a guy out over text

Ah, texting. What a wonderful invention. It lets us ask a quick question without an hour-long phone call, get to know someone without the jitters, and ask guys out over text with a bit less fear.

As convenient as texting is, it also comes with difficulties. Even though it’s easier to ask a guy out over text, you might still be staring at your phone thinking, “How the hell do I do this?” [Read: Texting etiquette & flirting – 26 rules guys & girls must follow]

Well, don’t worry. We have all the information you need to know how to ask a guy out over text with confidence and suave.

So, if you really want to go on a date with this guy, but you’re sick of waiting for him to ask you, find out how to ask him yourself from the comfort of your own home!

Why you should learn how to ask a guy out

It’s traditional for men to ask women out, but that doesn’t have to be the case anymore! Women are perfectly capable of asking men out on dates. In fact, it’s actually pretty beneficial to learn how to ask a guy out. [Read: Reasons why girls should ask men out directly]

First of all, learning how to ask a guy out is a major confidence boost. And it needs to be, as confidence is key in asking someone out and getting a positive response.

Furthermore, if you get a yes from him, imagine how high your confidence will soar! [Read: How to be confident when flirting – overcome the butterflies and have fun]

Secondly, men really do appreciate being asked out for a change. It’s hard to ask someone out on a date because you’re putting yourself on the line and risking a brutal rejection. And guys are just made to make themselves vulnerable like that by default!

If you ask a guy out, he’ll be so impressed with you taking the lead, and he’ll be so flattered, that he might very well say yes!

When not to ask a guy out

Before we get into the nitty-gritty of how to ask a guy out over text, let’s cover when you shouldn’t. Because there are some scenarios when it’s inappropriate to ask a guy out.

Learn these off by heart if you want to avoid rejection and embarrassment.

1. He has just gotten out of a serious relationship

He’s dealing with a lot right now, and he probably isn’t looking to start seeing someone new.

If you did ask him out and he said yes, he would likely just be using you as a rebound. And you deserve better than that. [Read: 16 signs you’re the rebound girl he’s using to get over his ex]

2. He already has someone he likes

If you already know that he has his eye on someone else before you even get the chance to know him that well, that means he’s really smitten with another person and the whole world knows it.

Again, if you were to ask him out and he said yes, you would only ever be second place to someone else in his heart.

Save yourself the embarrassment of going on a date with a guy who was secretly wishing you were someone else, and wait for someone who adores the ground you walk on to come around.

3. He’s in a committed relationship

We shouldn’t even be telling you this… No matter what kind of deep soul connection you have with him, how much chemistry sizzles and burns when you’re close, or how perfect you are for him than his current partner, don’t ask him out.

Don’t be the other woman. Or a homewrecker. If it is meant to be, it will be. But wait until he’s single and ready to date you, otherwise that dark cloud will hang over your entire relationship. [Read: The painful realities of being the “other woman”]

4. Your gut is telling you that he’s being insincere

He says all the right things, he gives you that look, and he’s oh-so-charming. But part of you is questioning just how much he really means it.

That’s your gut telling you that something isn’t right. Maybe he’s just flirting with you to pass the time, maybe he’s just boosting his ego. Either way, his intentions aren’t pure with you, and your gut is warning you.

Listen to it. [Read: Gut instinct – what it is, how it works & 30 tips to follow & listen to your gut]

How to ask a guy out over text

Now, onto the actual ask-out.

Don’t worry too much. It shouldn’t take you hours to come up with the perfect thing to say. In fact, it’s pretty easy to ask a guy out over text.

So take these tips, type up a text, reread it for any weird spelling or grammatical errors, and hit send. What’s the worst that can happen?

1. Before asking him out, break the ice

You don’t want to start a texting conversation with “Will you go out with me?” That will catch him off guard.

Instead, break the ice. Chat about your day, a new song you discovered, or anything that can be carried over into the potential date.

You can even bring up a movie you’ve been dying to see or a restaurant you love as a smooth transition into the ask-out. [Read: How to text a guy you like – tweaks to leave any guy wanting more

2. Keep things light

Before asking him out, you want to make sure there is some sort of chemistry there. It can be hard to determine that via text, but it is possible. Instead of texting like you are sending a business email, make jokes, be sarcastic, and even flirt.

His response to these types of messages will help clue you into his interest level. If he responds with one-word answers and shuts down your attempts to flirt, you may want to abort the mission. [Read: How guys text when they like you – 28 things they do differently]

3. Make it clear it is a date

Before going in, make sure you are clear with what you’re saying. You don’t want to offer him two tickets to a show, you want to invite him to go with you.

Reread what you wrote to make sure it makes sense without the context of you dwelling over what to say all day.

There’s nothing more embarrassing than trying to invite a guy on a date and instead giving him and his friend tickets to the film you planned to see with him. [Read: How to let a guy know you’re interested without appearing overeager]

4. Avoid phrases like “hang out” or “meet up”

Vague phrases like “hang out” indicate that you are just, in fact, hanging out. In that case, you have nothing to be nervous about at all. But you want to ask this guy out.

In-person chemistry, eye contact, and body language make it clear you are asking him out on a romantic date. But as you opted to go virtual, you have to make sure you actually use the words date or go out. 

5. Don’t second-guess yourself

We’re all guilty of second-guessing ourselves from time to time. You’re really eager to go for something, but then at the very last minute, you doubt yourself or you lose your nerve and so you back out.

But there is no need for that. You like this guy, so go for it. If you don’t ask him out, you’ll never know what could have happened. [Read: 55 secrets & self-love habits to build confidence and realize your worth]

6. Have confidence 

Whether you want to put on your best outfit and swipe on your favorite lipstick to amp up your confidence, do it. Look in the mirror and know what a catch you are. [Read: Subtle body language moves to appear more confident]

This will make the waiting part easier and hitting send will feel more like you are inviting the guy you like to get to know you better, not sending off the last text of your life as you know it.

7. Be direct

When you’re trying to figure out how to ask a guy out over text, whether you are fretting over the exact words to use or not, just bite the bullet and hit send. Be straightforward.

No offense to guys, but they tend not to be great at reading between the lines or picking up on subtle clues, so just go for it.

8. Ease into it

Now, there’s a difference between being direct and jumping straight into it. If you just start the conversation with an upfront date proposal, you’re not really giving him time to prepare himself. He might instinctively say no just because you took him by surprise.

So, you know, say hi! Ease into the conversation with some light flirting or playful banter before you ask the important question. [Read: Playful banter – what it is, how to do it & secrets to keep the flirty talk going]

9. Remember the 3 F’s

What are the 3 F’s? Friendly, flirty, and fun, of course!

This isn’t the moment when you should seriously pen down your deepest, most private feelings. As sweet as that is, it is a little bit off-putting, especially before the first date has even happened!

So be fun, engage in some witty banter, and make flirtatious comments, and you’ll make this guy want to see more of you!

10. Avoid giving him an out

For some reason, girls have been conditioned to always be uber polite, almost to an annoying point. Do not say something like, “It is totally okay if you say no.” This just makes you seem unsure.

Not to mention, it seems like you aren’t eager to actually go out and that you would be perfectly happy if he said no.

Part of asking someone out is showing interest, not making it seem like you sort of don’t want to because you’re scared he’ll say no. [Read: How to ask a guy on a date – the walkthrough all girls need to know]

11. Include something you know he likes

Maybe you bonded over a love for live music or he has a high score in bowling. If you invite him to do something you know he feels comfortable with, your chances of him saying yes will be sky-high.

Along with that, avoid something he may have zero interest in. Yes, being spontaneous and doing something unique is all fine and good, but bringing him for a couples massage on your first date might be sort of awkward.

12. Offer him an extra ticket

This is the best and easiest way to include something you know he likes.

Obviously, you don’t just happen to have two tickets to see his favorite team play the most anticipated game of the year. You bought them specifically to impress him and ask him out. But he doesn’t have to know that!

13. Keep it short

You can chat all day and share your entire lives over text, but keep the initial ask-out text short. You don’t want to send over a novel. Not only may he avoid reading it if he’s busy, making you wait longer for a response, but no one likes reading super long texts.

Along with that, don’t break it up into three or four texts. Just keep it to one or two sentences: short, sweet, and to the point.

14. Offer a plan

Saying something like, “Do you want to go out with me this weekend” is perfectly fine, but offering a set plan leaves less to the imagination. It gives you and him more time to get used to the plan.

And if you don’t offer a plan now, you could both keep putting it off and then all this worry was for nothing. [Read: Where to go on a first date – 85 best first date ideas that are fun & romantic]

15. Wait for his answer

When it comes to asking a guy out over text, this is the hard part. Those three little text bubbles are like torture. But keep your cool. No matter what his response is, your life will go on one way or the other.

If he isn’t a fast texter, put your phone down and keep yourself busy. Read a book, get some work done, or make some food. This will make waiting a lot easier.

16. Don’t double-text

Whatever you do, do NOT double text.

There is no excuse in the world for this. Whether he is taking forever to respond, sort of answered, and then went silent, double texting is a surefire way to look desperate. [Read: Double texting – what it is, how to avoid it & 15 must-follow rules]

17. Work out the details

Nail down the plans now. Don’t wait until the day of. Don’t say, “Okay, we’ll work out the details later,” or “Talk on Friday.” Decide if you are meeting there or who is picking who up.

This way there is less to worry about come date night. [Read: How to ask a guy to hang out & make him want to even if you’re shy]

18. Have a backup plan

So he didn’t say no, but he didn’t quite say yes. Maybe he is busy that day. Have a second option. If you tell him, “Well, let me know when you’re free,” this could go on forever.

Instead, offer another day and another time. If he makes another excuse perhaps he is busy, but he might be looking for an excuse to say no.

Having a backup plan lets you give him a second chance to give a firm yes. It also shuts down your fear that the date will never happen due to conflicting schedules.

19. Remind yourself you rock regardless of the outcome

You are an amazing catch. This guy would be lucky to spend an evening with you. You are funny and smart and awesome.

So whether he says yes or no, you will continue to be a kickass woman.

20. Get him to ask you out

This is a little tougher, but if you really want him to be the one to do the asking out, you’ll have to master both being subtle and obvious at the same time.

You’ll have to make it clear you are interested without actually saying so. If he brings up a band he loves, say something like, “They are the best, I would love to go to one of their concerts.” Or even say you would be an awesome person to check out an art gallery with.

This can lead him to ask you out, reducing your risk of rejection. But it can also be a little more time-consuming. We say just go for it, but now you have an alternative option. [Read: 18 sneaky, charming ways to get a guy to ask you out & make him date you]

Facing rejection if he says no

Now, this sucks to say, but success isn’t always guaranteed. Even if you make yourself out to be the best date he could ever have the luck to go out with, he might say no.

What should you do if he does? Dust off your shoulders and keep going with life. A rejection from a guy you think is cool is not the end of the world. [Read: 36 healthy ways to handle rejection & respond positively even if it hurts]

And if you were really hopeful that something beautiful could blossom between the two of you, take heart. Think of it like you’re just one person closer to finding the one.

[Read: 56 tempting secrets to get a guy to like you & make him want to be with you]

And now you can go forth with your mission because you know how to ask a guy out over text like a cool cat. Congratulations! The next step is doing it in person, but we’ll take our time with that.

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...