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How to Get a Shy Guy to Like You & Ask You Out By Reading His Mind

You like a guy, but he is timid and won’t ask you out. Don’t worry. You can use these tips for how to get a shy guy to like you and take control!

how to get a shy guy to like you and ask you out

Shy guys can be a pain in the backside and it’s difficult to know how to get a shy guy to like you.

They’re cute and seem nice. But they’re so hard to read that it can annoy any girl who falls for them.

And the worst part is that a shy guy may like you a lot, and still not do anything about it even if you make the first move.

He may tell a few friends that he fancies you. And those friends may in turn tell you about it. But at the end of it all, he just doesn’t ask you out!

[Read: Is he shy or just not interested? 27 signs to understand his behavior]

What makes a guy shy?

If you’re not a shy person, then you might wonder what makes a person shy? Is it the same as being an introvert? Or is it because the guy has low self-esteem? It’s common to have these questions if you like a shy guy and want him to like you back.

Believe it or not, feeling shy is an individual experience. What shyness is for one person may not be for someone else. [Read: Shy extrovert – What it means, 16 signs, and how they’re not like others]

You might associate being shy with being quiet, or maybe you think it’s about getting embarrassed when people speak to you. Or maybe you think it’s because they have a difficult time meeting new people.

So, what is the difference between a guy who is just shy and one who has social anxiety? And is any of this related to introversion or self-esteem? 

Let’s start by defining what shyness actually is.

Shyness means that a person feels nervous and uncomfortable in a social setting when they’re with people they don’t know. They might feel anxious in social situations and worry too much about what other people think of them.

So basically, it’s a sense of awkwardness or apprehension that a person feels when with other people. It’s a response to fear, and it could even have a biological connection to it. [Read: Flop sweat – How to stop sweating buckets when anxiety kicks in]

However, as we just said, not everyone experiences shyness the same way. Maybe the guy you like is only shy in a romantic situation, but not in others. He could be fine around his friends, but when it comes to you, he freezes up.

So, what makes a guy shy? 

A person is shy because of a few characteristics: self-consciousness, preoccupation with negativity, low self-esteem, and fear of rejection.

[Read: How to flirt with a shy guy – 15 baby steps to help him talk to you]

Shy people often compare themselves with other people even when it’s unfair or unrealistic. They might feel inadequate while looking at people who are charismatic and outgoing.

They also think that other people judge them, and that leads them to avoid new social situations. And because of this, they can’t improve their social skills.

How to get a shy guy to like you

Firstly, if you’re not sure about his feelings for you, you need to make sure he really likes you. The important thing here is to focus on getting his attention.

[Read: How to get a shy guy to notice you and fall for you]

And once he starts to notice you often, exchange eye contact with him now and then.

A shy guy may feel confident enough to sneak glances at you now and then, but he may be too timid to actually ask you out, or even initiate a conversation with you.

You need to remember that most shy guys are bold from afar, but they’d behave like a frightened cat when you’re standing right next to them.

Make the guy feel comfortable about exchanging glances and looking at you frequently. Stare at him often, and as soon as you catch his eye, look away and smile to yourself. Displaying your shy side will make him feel more comfortable with the idea of talking to you.

When you try to get a shy guy’s attention, you need to remember that there are two kinds of shy guys. Firstly, the kind that’s too shy to talk to you. And secondly, the kind that’s comfortable enough to talk to you, but is too shy to ask you out.

You can use these steps to get a shy guy talking in no time, but if you’re trying to win the attention of the first kind of shy guy, be patient and give him more time to warm up to you.

Don’t ask a shy guy out straight away!

If you know for sure that the shy guy likes you, you could just ask him out. Chances are, he may feel relieved and even accept to go out on a date with you. [Read: How to ask a guy out like a real classy girl]

But then again, not all shy guys are forthcoming about their feelings for a girl.

Sometimes the shy guy may say that he doesn’t like you or even reject you, even if he actually does like you a lot. He may believe he’s not good enough for you, or he may assume he won’t be able to carry on a conversation with you.

So even if you do ask him out, his fear may force him to say that he doesn’t like you as a defense mechanism. [Read: 12 subtle signs he thinks you’re out of his league and how to warm him up]

Most shy guys would rather let their crush fade away over time *months or even years!* than risk the chance of being rejected by a girl!

The best steps to get a shy guy to like you back and ask you out!

So now that you know just how tough it can be to get a shy guy to open up to you and start dating you, are you still eager to date him? If you are, use these steps patiently to get a shy guy to ask you out, and everything will work in your favor very soon!

1. Body language

The way you behave around your friends and other people plays a big part in the way the shy guy sees you. And the more intimidating you appear, the deeper into his shell he’ll go.

If you want to give him the courage to approach you, appear friendly, warm, and approachable, especially when he’s around. Sometimes, even pretending to be a shy girl can make him feel bolder! [Read: Why guys like shy girls and find them more attractive]

2. Impress him the way he likes

As shy as a guy may be, he still wants to appear like he’s in control of the situation *which is why most shy guys avoid talking to girls because they’re afraid of losing control*. So if you want to make him feel good about himself and fall for you at the same time, make him believe he’s the one in control of the flirty games.

Smile coyly at him and look away when he looks towards you. Ask a friend to tease you while pointing towards the shy guy, while you pretend like you’re really embarrassed about it. [Read: 15 sneaky ways to get a guy to ask you out by using your friends]

3. Look good and appear interesting

The easiest way to get a shy guy to ask you out is by sending the right hints. Glance at him now and then, especially when his friends are around. Keep yourself busy and let him and all his friends see that you have a happy life of your own. [Read: The subtle things guys like in a girl besides her appearance]

When his friends start to believe that you’re a great girl, they’ll see you as a great dating potential too. And as soon as the shy guy’s friends notice you glancing at him, they’d start goading him to approach you or ask you out.

They see how awesome you are, and they’ll turn into your evangelists and convince the shy guy that you’re a great catch! [Read: 30 super sexy ways to keep any guy madly interested in you!]

4. Don’t push it! 

Once you do get introduced to him through a common friend *which is usually the only way to meet a shy guy!* don’t try too hard to get to know him fast. Talk to him, but don’t get pushy. Shy guys aren’t good conversationalists, even if they may be great boyfriends. They need time to warm up.

When you’re introduced to him, talk to him for a few minutes, and when things start to feel awkward because he has nothing to say, smile warmly at him, tell him you’d like to talk to him again sometime, and walk away.

5. The fastest way to get him to open up

If you want to get a shy guy to come out of his shell and reveal his confident side, just text him. There’s nothing easier than that!

A shy guy may feel awkward talking to you in person, but when you DM or text him, he’d turn into a Casanova in no time. And he’ll get really close to you too. [Read: How to text a shy guy and get him to start flirting with you]

And once the texting feels more comfortable, you could even start talking to him over the phone. You’ll find that he won’t be as shy as you assumed him to be. But of course, when you meet him in person, he may still behave like an awkward kid, but give him some more time and he’ll open up to you.

6. Compliments make him feel better

A shy guy’s self-esteem is usually pretty low *not always*, so if you want to make him think of you fondly, compliment him now and then.

It’ll make him feel better about himself, and most importantly, your compliment will linger in his mind for a long time! [Read: 30 compliments for guys they’ll never forget!]

7. The perfect conversations with a shy guy

The shy guy you like may want to talk to you, but unfortunately, he may not know what to say because his mind goes into overdrive and his heart starts beating fast each time you walk up to him.

To make it easier for him to talk to you, ask him open-ended questions, the kind of questions that just can’t be answered with a yes or a no.

It’ll make it easier for him to talk, and yet, he’ll realize he’s the one doing most of the talking, which will make him feel more confident around you. [Read: How to talk to a guy – 34 secrets to sweet talk him and make him like you]

8. Ask a shy guy for help

Guys love helping a damsel in distress. Ask the shy guy to help you with something, be it carrying a few books for you, helping you look for something, or accompanying you for lunch because you need some company.

He’ll feel too awkward to decline, and eventually accompany you. And that’ll give you the perfect opportunity to bond with him while making him feel like your savior. [Read: Why guys always fall for a girl in distress]

9. Tell him something nice

Hang out with him whenever you get the opportunity, preferably when no one else’s around. Don’t be too pushy though, and don’t drag him away each time he’s with his friends. Even shy guys have egos that can swell up and take you for granted!

Try to find circumstances when he’s alone and spend a while with him. And somewhere in the middle of the conversation, look towards him and say something like “I like being with you…”, “I like talking to you…” or “you understand me so well…” It’ll make him fall in love with you! [Read: How to date a shy guy who’s already a friend of yours]

10. Use your hands

If you want to make a guy fall for you, nothing works better than the subtle, flirty art of touch. As you sit down next to him, find an excuse to touch him now and then.

Make sure it’s not obvious and almost accidental. And before you know it, he’ll be craving your touch. [Read: The subtle art of flirting by touch]

11. Ask him out at the right opportunity

Ask him out, but make it appear like it was his idea. It’ll make him feel good about himself, and help him become more confident around you.

You: So… which was the last restaurant you’ve been to?

Shy guy: *says something*

You: Gosh, I love that restaurant. I’ve always wanted to go there!

Shy guy: Oh yeah…? hmmm… *awkward smile*

You: Let me know the next time you go there. I’d love to come with you.

By using a conversation like this one, you’re giving the guy the permission to ask you out, and yet, he’s still the one who finally has to ask you out, which would make him feel better about himself too!

12. Go on dates together

After your first date together, don’t put any pressure on getting him to tell you that he likes you. Plan a few more dates, and this time around, you can ask him out on a date too.

And once both of you actually start dating, you can always tell him that you really like him at the opportune moment, or wait for him to say those lines to you. [Read: 10 reasons why saying ‘I love you’ too soon sucks!]

Getting a shy guy to like you and date you is easy, if you can be patient

Shy guys can be adorable, but they can also be frustrating too. You might not know if the guy you like feels the same because shy people tend to keep their emotions to themselves. It’s also difficult to interpret their body language accurately as well.

But now that you know exactly what shyness is and how to get a shy guy to like you, this is the time that you can figure out a strategy to win him over.

[Read: The secret guide to attracting guys in a way they can never resist!]

And that’s all there is to it! If you use this guide on how to get a shy guy to like you and ask you out, you’ll be dating the shy guy in no time, and still avoid any awkwardness at any point in time. Just try it, you’ll see just how easy it can be!

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...