The argument on whether it should be lights on or off during sex is still a common dispute among couples. Here’s our take on the issue.
When people ask about the perfect setting when it comes to sex, whether it’s lights on or off, many an advice column will suggest tweaking the lighting. Dimmed lighting is the popular choice, but some people can be a tad bit neurotic when it comes to the kind of lighting they want.
It is such a small thing to consider, but it plays a huge part in the whole process of having sex. Before you start to take each other’s clothes off, one or both of you will start to wonder if doing it under fluorescent lighting is a good idea. Honestly, it’s not.
So, how does one decide when and how to approach the subject? If you’re already tearing each other’s clothes off by the door, stopping to ask about lighting can pretty much kill the mood. There are all sorts of factors that are involved in asking the question. Is it necessary? Will it offend either of you? Or is it already understood?
Why is Lighting Important?
When you’re in the heat of the moment, you might not think lighting plays a big role, but it’s surprising how much it can actually influence your experience. Let’s dive into why lighting matters, especially when it comes to something as intimate as sex.
First off, lighting seriously affects our mood and emotional well-being. Think about it – the difference between a brightly lit room and one with soft, dim lighting can change the whole vibe.
Bright lights might feel too intense, making it hard to relax and get into the moment. On the other hand, dimmer lights or even candles can add a sense of intimacy and comfort, helping you and your partner feel more connected. [Read: 25 ways to emotionally connect with someone & instantly feel closer]
Then there’s the whole natural versus artificial light debate. Natural light has a way of making us feel more awake and alert, but that’s not always what you want when you’re trying to get intimate.
Artificial light, especially if it’s warm and soft, can create a much more inviting and sensual atmosphere. It’s all about setting the right tone for the moment, and sometimes, artificial light does it better.
Now, let’s talk about how lighting messes with our sleep patterns and circadian rhythms. Bright lights right before bed? Not a great idea if you’re trying to wind down.
That’s why having the lights off or dimmed low can actually be a good call if sex is part of your bedtime routine. It helps signal to your body that it’s time to relax and get ready for sleep.
Lastly, there’s Seasonal Affective Disorder *SAD* to consider. During those long, dark winter months, lack of light can really impact your mood and energy levels – which, in turn, affects your sex life.
This is where the importance of light, be it natural or artificial, really shines through. Getting enough light during the day can help keep your mood up and maintain a healthy sex drive.
Lights On vs. Lights Off
Both options present a lot of benefits that can enhance your sexual experience with your partner. Lights can improve a room’s ambience, and it can also ruin it.
Some types of lighting can also cause problems like headaches, accidents and a sad realization that you forgot to shave or wear a good pair of undies.
Either way, it’s a tough decision to make, especially if it’s going to be an issue for at least one of you. So here are some points to ponder on whether you should go for ambient lighting or opt to rely on tactile sensations to get the job done:
Pros of Having the Lights On
For those who are hesitant to have sex with the lights on, here are some points to ponder.
1. Seeing Every Sexy Detail
With the lights on, it’s like a visual feast – you get to appreciate every inch of each other’s bodies. It’s not just about getting turned on by what you see, it’s also about the deeper connection you feel when you can fully take in your partner’s physical form.
Plus, it adds an element of honesty and openness to the experience. Think of it as enjoying the full HD version of your intimate moments.
2. Mood Lighting Magic
Good lighting is about creating an atmosphere that elevates your experience. Whether it’s the soft glow of a bedside lamp or the subtle shimmer of fairy lights, the right lighting can transform your bedroom into a sensual haven. It’s all about finding that sweet spot between too bright and too dark, where the mood feels just right. [Read: How to get in the mood for sex: Horny tricks to beat a dry spell]
3. Avoiding Midnight Mishaps
Let’s be real – navigating a bedroom in the dark can be a recipe for disaster. With the lights on, you’re less likely to have those awkward *and painful* moments like bumping into furniture or, heaven forbid, stepping on your partner’s cat. You don’t want unexpected interruptions or trips to the emergency room, right?
4. Reading Each Other’s Reactions
Seeing your partner’s reactions in clear view is like getting real-time feedback. It helps you understand what works and what doesn’t, making the experience more satisfying for both of you.
Another pro is that catching those little expressions of pleasure can be incredibly hot and motivating – it’s like a silent conversation where every look speaks volumes. [Read: Sex flush: The real reasons your body and face turn red during sex]
5. Serial Killer Check
Okay, this might sound a bit out there, but being in a well-lit room does give you a chance to scope out your surroundings.
Especially if it’s your first time in someone’s bedroom, it’s reassuring to see that you’re not walking into a scene from a horror movie. It’s always good to know where the door is, just in case.
6. Beer-Goggle Removal
Bright lights can be a reality check, especially if you’ve had a few drinks. They help clear the haze, ensuring that your attraction isn’t just a product of dim lighting and a couple of cocktails. It’s about making sure you’re as into the person as you think you are – a kind of reality check before things get too heated.
7. Safe and Accurate Positioning
Experimenting with different positions is all fun and games until someone ends up in the ER. With the lights on, you can navigate the more adventurous moves with confidence, making sure everything goes where it’s supposed to.
8. Post-Play Clean-Up
Let’s not forget the practical side – cleaning up afterward is just easier with the lights on. Whether it’s finding that stray condom wrapper or just making sure you leave the place as tidy as it was, good lighting helps you be thorough and considerate.
Cons of Having the Lights On
Of course, with the pros come a couple of cons that you also need to consider before switching the lights on.
1. Highlighting the Not-So-Flattering Bits
With the lights on, there’s no hiding anything – and that includes the parts of our bodies we’re not so proud of. It can be a bit of a confidence killer when every scar, stretch mark, or bit of extra fluff is on full display.
The trick is to remember that intimacy is about connection, not perfection, but that’s easier said than done under bright lights.
2. The Pain of Glaring Lights
Ever tried getting romantic under a harsh, bright light? It’s not just unflattering, it can literally be a headache. Glaring lights can strain your eyes and even bring on a headache, which is pretty much the opposite of mood-setting.
Soft, ambient lighting is the key, but sometimes, finding that perfect brightness is trickier than it sounds.
3. Mood-Killing Lighting
You know that feeling when you walk into a room lit by fluorescent or neon lights and felt like you’re in a cheap motel?
Some types of lighting just scream tacky and can totally kill the mood. They cast unflattering shadows and can make even the most beautifully decorated room feel off. [Read: Sex buzzkill: 23 remarks that will kill the mood for sex]
4. Nosy Neighbors Alert
With the lights on, you might as well be on stage, especially if you’ve forgotten to draw the curtains. The last thing you want in an intimate moment is to give the neighbors an accidental show. It’s all fun and games until you realize someone might be getting a free peep show.
5. Beer-Goggle Removal, Still
Bright lights don’t just affect your beer goggles, they can work the same way on your partner. In the harsh light of day *or your bedroom lamp*, the charming quirks and subtle attractions might not shine through as much. It’s a double-edged sword – clarity is great, but sometimes a little mystery is nice too.
6. Seeing the Mess
Ever been in the throes of passion, only to have your eyes wander to that pile of laundry or the dusty shelf? Bright lighting has a way of highlighting every bit of mess in your room.
It can also be a bit of a buzzkill when you’re trying to focus on your partner but end up mentally adding chores to your to-do list.
7. The Intimidation of Trying New Things
Experimenting with new positions is a vulnerable endeavor, and doing it under bright lights can feel like you’re on a stage.
It’s hard to let go and enjoy the moment when you’re worried about how you look contorted into some new position. Dimming the lights can give you that little bit of security to explore without feeling too self-conscious. [Read: 30 day sex challenge – 30 sex positions for 30 days]
Pros of Keeping the Lights Off
If you need to convince your partner to turn the lights off, here are some things you can say.
1. Heightened Senses in the Dark
When the lights go off, your other senses kick into overdrive. Touch, sound, and even taste become more intense, making every caress and whisper feel amplified.
It’s like your body compensates for the lack of sight by turning up the volume on everything else. This heightened sensitivity can lead to more intense physical and mental reactions, making the experience more exhilarating.
2. Comfort for the Body-Conscious
Let’s face it, not everyone is a model, and being naked in bright light can feel pretty daunting. The darkness offers a kind of safety blanket for those of us who are self-conscious about our bodies.
It allows you to relax and focus on the sensations rather than worrying about how you look. It’s all about feeling comfortable in your own skin, or lack thereof.
3. The Thrill of Mystery
When the lights are off, and the room is cloaked in darkness, every touch becomes a thrilling guessing game. Each grasp is unexpected, every kiss lands with a delightful sense of discovery. It’s like you’re rediscovering each other’s bodies, with each sensation magnified by the inability to predict the next move.
The darkness heightens your sense of touch, making even the slightest brush of skin feel electric. Every whisper, every breath against your skin, becomes a titillating secret shared in the shadows. It’s this dance of anticipation and surprise that can transform an ordinary encounter into an exploration of sensual mystery.
In the dark, your other senses take over, turning each moment into a delightful suspense, where pleasure is amplified by the unexpected. [Read: How to be mysterious & leave everyone smitten and craving for more]
4. Beer-Goggles Stay On
In the dark, your beer-goggles stay firmly in place. This might not be the most romantic benefit, but let’s be real, sometimes those rose-tinted glasses are a part of the night’s charm. The dim light can keep the magic alive, at least until the harsh light of morning.
5. Orgasm Faces Hidden in Shadow
We all make them – those wild, sometimes weird orgasm faces. In the dark, you’re free to express your ecstasy without worrying about how you look.
It’s liberating, knowing you can let go completely without any visual judgment, making the experience more uninhibited and genuine. [Read: Unattractive sex face? 20 hot secrets to master the cum-perfect orgasm face!]
6. Experimental Freedom
Trying out new positions can be a bit less intimidating in the dark. Without the bright lights highlighting every move, you feel freer to experiment, without the fear of looking silly.
You’ll be free to explore and have fun with your partner without the self-consciousness that comes with being under a spotlight.
7. Sexy Shadows and Dirty Talk
There’s something incredibly sexy about whispering naughty things in the dark. The combination of darkness and suggestive words can create an intense atmosphere, making everything feel more erotic. It’s like your words are painting pictures in the dark, leaving lots to the imagination, which can be incredibly tantalizing.
Cons of Turning the Lights Off During Sex
Here are some of the most common cons of turning the lights off when you’re getting it on.
1. Condom Conundrums in the Dark
In the pitch black, the usually simple task of handling a condom can feel like a mini-quest. “Is it right side up? Is it inside out?” – these questions turn into a tactile guessing game in the dark.
You’re navigating more by touch than sight, which can be a bit of a challenge. It’s a bit like solving a puzzle without being able to see the pieces, adding an unexpected twist to what should be a straightforward process.
This can lead to some awkward fumbling, which might be funny in hindsight but can be a real mood-killer in the moment.
2. The Great Clothing Hunt
Post-passion, finding your clothes in a dark room can feel like a frustrating game of hide and seek. You end up pawing through piles of clothes *hopefully not your partner’s*, which definitely kills the sexy vibe.
The last thing you want after a steamy session is to turn on the lights and find yourself rummaging through someone else’s stuff in your birthday suit.
3. Misguided Maneuvers
Without visual cues, aiming for the right spot can sometimes lead to awkward, and possibly uncomfortable, mistakes. It’s a delicate dance, especially in new or experimental positions, and without the lights, the margin for error increases. [Read: Easy sex positions that look expert-level sexy & feel real good]
Sure, for some, this could be part of the adventure, but generally, it’s safer and more considerate to know where you’re heading.
4. Lost Bodily Fluids
In the dark, it’s hard to keep track of… well, where things end up. Post-coital clean-up can become a bit of a blind treasure hunt, trying to ensure you’ve got everything without leaving any surprises for later. It’s not the most glamorous part of sex, but it’s a reality that becomes trickier in the dark.
5. Sudden Light Sensitivity
After spending a significant amount of time in the dark, the sudden switch to bright lights can be a rude awakening for your eyes.
It’s like going from a cozy cave into the midday sun – your eyes rebel with the intensity of a thousand suns, turning that tender moment into a squinty, teary mess. A gradual transition to light is always kinder on the eyes and keeps the mood from being abruptly shattered.
[Read: 13 ways to overcome sexual anxiety in the bedroom]
Tips for Spicing Up Your Lighting
When it’s about getting intimate, the right lighting can make a huge difference. So, whether you’re a fan of lights on or off, here are ten tips to make your bedroom lighting a bit more… intriguing.
1. Dimmers for Mood Control
Dimmer switches are your best friend for creating a sensual atmosphere. You can gradually lower the lights as things heat up, keeping the ambiance in sync with your activities. This is perfect for transitioning from playful foreplay to more intimate moments without missing a beat.
2. Colored Lighting for Sensual Vibes
Experiment with colored lights to set different moods. Soft red or pink hues can evoke passion and intimacy, making everything feel more erotic. Switching up colors can also add an element of fun and keep things from getting monotonous. [Read: Sexy bedroom: 24 sex room ideas to make any room look & feel sexy]
3. Smart Bulbs for Convenience and Control
Smart bulbs are ideal for adjusting the lighting without killing the mood. Want to switch from bright and playful to soft and intimate? Just use your voice or phone. No need to stop what you’re doing to fiddle with switches.
4. LED Strips for a Modern Twist
Place LED strips under the bed or around the headboard for a subtle, yet modern ambient glow. It’s less in-your-face than overhead lights and can create a mysterious, club-like atmosphere that might just inspire some adventurous moves.
5. Fairy Lights for a Soft, Romantic Glow
Stringing up fairy lights around the room can provide a soft, dreamy light that’s perfect for slow, sensual lovemaking. It’s gentle on the eyes and adds a touch of whimsy and romance to your bedroom escapades.
6. Candles for Timeless Romance
Candles are classic for a reason. The flickering light creates moving shadows and a warm glow that’s ideal for romantic, intimate encounters. Plus, the act of lighting candles can be a ritual that signifies the beginning of a special, intimate time together.
7. Themed Lighting for Role-Play
Use different lighting themes to match your role-play scenarios. Bright and colorful for a playful, fantasy setup or dim and moody for a more intense, dramatic scene. Lighting can help you and your partner get into character and enhance the overall experience.
8. Seasonal Adjustments for Variety
Change your lighting with the seasons to keep things fresh and exciting. Bright and lively in the summer for energetic, passionate nights. Warmer, softer lighting in the winter for slow, cozy lovemaking. It’s a subtle way to add variety to your sex life.
9. Shadow Play for Visual Excitement
Use directional lighting to cast shadows across your bodies. This can add a visually stimulating element to your encounters, making your movements and expressions a tantalizing shadow play to enjoy.
10. Remote-Controlled Lighting for Spontaneity
Invest in remote-controlled lighting solutions. This allows you to change the lighting on the fly, without interrupting the flow.
Go from bright and clear to soft and intimate with the click of a button, keeping the excitement alive without any awkward pauses.
See What Works Best For You
Whether you’re a lights on or lights off kind of person in the bedroom, remember that the most important thing is the connection and fun you have with your partner. Lighting, at the end of the day, is just the backdrop to your intimate adventures. It’s totally cool to switch it up sometimes – maybe one day you’re all about the mystery and intrigue of the dark, and another day you’re keen to see every detail under bright lights. The great thing about preferences is they can evolve, and there’s always room to experiment and be playful with your choices.
Don’t stress too much about the lighting setup; as long as you and your partner are having a good time, that’s more than enough to make any bedroom hang-ups seem pretty dim in comparison. Play around with lights on or off, and see what works best for you – after all, variety is the spice of life, right?
