It’s amazing how so many women still feel completely clueless about sex. There are tons of magazines, online articles, video guides and sex gurus out there who are willing to share free information, and yet some women still feel perpetually stuck with enduring jackhammer sex.
It shouldn’t be in our nature to just endure bad sex. But we can’t pin the blame solely on the men. Some of them can be just as clueless as we once were when it comes to the female body. Some of them may not even be able to find the clitoris or the g-spot with both hands and a map.
10 steamy sex tips you need in your life
For all those women out there who feel like sex is just another messy experience, here are some things you can do that might dramatically improve your sex life. And no, these tips don’t involve positions that only contortionists will be able to pull off!
#1 Practice pleasuring yourself. How can you expect your man to pleasure you if you don’t even know how to pleasure yourself? Women masturbate. It’s a fact. It may not be a widely known fact, but women like to go solo from time to time, too. Clear an hour off your day and try to explore your body. Your goal isn’t to orgasm. On the contrary, your goal is to find out where you would like to be touched and how you would like to be touched.
You probably won’t be able to figure everything out the first time. But after a couple of solo sessions, you’ll find your body slowly opening up to the sensations. You can even tell your man about your explorations, as it just might turn him on too.
#2 Learn how to say “no,” “stop” or “slow down.” If you don’t like what he’s doing, why should you just lie there and take it? Even if he seems like he’s having the time of his life, you have to realize that sex should be enjoyed by both of you. Learning to say these words can do wonders for your sex life. Merely speaking up is enough to tell your man that you’re actually not having fun, and that maybe you could try something else. [Read: Get your guy interested in more foreplay with these 9 sexy tips!]
#3 Encourage him. As with the above tip, you have to learn to be a little more assertive about what you like. But saying “no” all the time may just discourage him from exploring what would make you feel good. Moaning softly or whispering words of encouragement will definitely make an impression on him. And that could be enough to let him know what it is you want him to do.
Another way you can let him know what to do is by guiding where he places his hands and his mouth. Gently guide his hands to where you want to be touched. Try to control the speed and how much pressure he’s using. It takes some getting used to, especially if the guy is already very confident about his own sexual prowess. But when he sees just how good he becomes at turning you on, it can be a huge stroke for his ego, too.
#4 Don’t be afraid to ask. However, don’t just ask outright while you’re already doing the deed! If he’s averse to the idea, it might be enough to make him lose an erection. Instead, mention the topic before you’ve made it to the bedroom, and say it in the form of a hypothetical question.
For example, ask him “Would you ever try cuffs and blindfolds in bed?” or “Have you ever tried spanking before?” Asking the question is enough to let him know that you’re thinking about it. But since you’re not in the heat of the moment yet, he’s free to refuse or to at least think it over for a while. [Read: 20 naughty questions that can turn your guy on]
#5 Clear your head beforehand. Many women are guilty of letting their mind fly off while they’re having sex. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it’s not exactly good for your sex life, either. You’re missing the moment when you could be focusing on the sensations your man is trying so hard to give you!
One way you can stay focused on the moment is by moving your hands all over his body and really feeling each sensation. You can also try taking control of the situation by moving along to the rhythm of his thrusts. Sex isn’t supposed to be a mechanical series of movements, your mind has to be in it as much as your body is.
#6 Kegels are your friend. These little pelvic floor exercises can be done anytime, anywhere. It consists of flexing the muscles you use when you’re trying to hold your urine in. 20 in a row, a couple of times each day should be enough to get your pelvic muscles nice and strong.
The main benefit of the Kegels exercise is that it keeps your muscles down there toned. The more toned your muscles are, the more sensitive you can be to even the slightest sensations. You also get the added benefit of having stronger orgasms. And if you’re thinking of doing your Kegels exercises while having sex, you’re in for a pleasurable surprise!
#7 Lingerie, lights and music can turn mediocre sex into a mind blowing experience. Lingerie may not be for everyone, but just wearing a set that makes you feel sexy can be enough to give you some added confidence. And trust us when we say that nothing is sexier than confidence. [Read: 13 sexual anxiety hacks you should try with your guy]
If you’re not comfortable with bright lights, dim lamps or some candles will help you enhance the sensual ambiance. But do try to trust your guy when he says he wants to see you in your full glory. Despite all the little insecurities you might have about your body, your guy may already think you’re a perfect ten. And as for the music, something light and non-distracting would be ideal. [Read: 14 ways to see if your man thinks you’re smokin’ hot]
#8 Don’t think about your orgasm. The thing about orgasms is that the more you think about them, the less likely they’ll happen. Thinking of why it’s not yet happening or why it’s taking so long might just stress you out and lead you further away from your release. It’s a cliché, but the journey is actually more fun than the destination.
Being pressured into achieving orgasm is just as bad as not having one at all. So the best thing you can do is to just feel everything. It’s okay if you suddenly get distracted when he changes his pace or switches positions. You can just pick up the pace again. If what he’s doing doesn’t seem to be working for you, you can try giving him a little help by touching yourself or taking control. [Read: Need a little insight into faking orgasms?]
#9 The first time with someone new is hardly ever the best. You’re just getting to know each other’s bodies, so you’re less likely to know what works for both of you. But even if your first time sucked, you can always learn from the experience and try again.
For example, if you notice that you always get cramps when you’re doing missionary, try it from behind on your next tryst. Is he always eager to get straight to penetration? Show him the kind of foreplay you’re into. Really, there’s no reason to continue having lackluster sex when there are so many things you can do to improve it. [Read: Should you give in to the temptation of first date sex?]
#10 Pee right after sex. Cuddling after sex is fine, but the first thing you need to do after you catch your breath is head over to the bathroom for a leak. This is one of the best preventative measures for urinary tract infection out there, and we seriously don’t recommend forgetting this step. Cuddling will be ten times more enjoyable when you know you’ve reduced your risk of UTI.
[Read: 9 awkward signs that your sex life needs a serious upgrade]
Though there are other tips out there that are ideal for the wannabe bedroom bombshell, you have to start with the basics first. With these sex tips, you can be sure that you’ve laid the foundation for a more fulfilling sex life.
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