Sex bonds a couple together and solidifies the emotional connection. If your man prefers his hand over yours, does that spell trouble?
Do you feel like your man prefers his hand over yours? Do you think he gets more satisfaction from masturbation than from having sex with you? How do you know that? Has he actually told you? The chance of that is slim. As you can see, you’re caught in a communication trap.
One of the most important aspects of any relationship might sound boring, but it’s the crux of everything – communication.
If you can’t talk about the things that bother you, problems will go from being small issues to being bigger than Mount Everest. When it comes to sex, there is nothing more important than communication.
Throughout the course of life, we all go through stressful times. It often causes us to withdraw from our nearest and dearest. Sometimes, we don’t even realize it. One of the most common affected areas is a couple’s sex life [Read: How to tell how your partner feels and read their mind]
A shocking truth – most men like to masturbate
Most men masturbate. Most people masturbate. This is just part of life, and it’s a healthy and natural thing to do. Whether someone is married, single, part of a long-term relationship, or something else entirely, masturbation is often part of the deal.
In some cases, it’s less than others, but it’s still there. It could be that your man doesn’t prefer his hand at all. He’s just engaging in something that’s normal to him.
If you’re sitting there worrying that your man prefers his hand over you, it’s time to get real. Masturbation happens in life, and it doesn’t mean he has a preference. [Read: How do you masturbate? Different ways to be a hands-on pro]
Do you masturbate? You probably do. Does that mean you prefer your own hand over your partner’s? You probably do in some ways because you can do what feels good. But does that mean that you don’t want sex with your partner as a result? Of course not!
However, masturbation can become a problem when you feel inadequate because of it or when it actually gets to the point where your guy is too tired from his own hand to spend intimate time with you. [Read: Intimate questions to ask your partner about sex and build the trust you need]
It’s good to talk
The answer?
Communication.
It’s awkward to talk about sex, but if you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t have it. There are many reasons you might think that your man prefers his hand over you, but the chances of that being the case are slim.
If it is the case, that’s something you can explore and talk about together. It’s upsetting, but you won’t find any resolution in hiding from the problem. [Read: How to talk about sex without sounding like a pervert]
The likelihood is that you might assume that your man prefers his hand over you, but that’s not the case. However, there is one particular issue that sometimes causes huge problems – porn.
The truth is that most guys watch porn and enjoy it. Not all guys, of course, but many do. There is nothing wrong with it as long as what he is watching is legal and he isn’t watching it to the point where it becomes unhealthy.
If your guy is watching a lot of porn and getting off to it, there may be a deeper issue at hand. [Read: Ever wondered why men watch porn? Prepare to be enlightened]
The big porn problem
Addiction to porn is a real thing, and watching porn too much can completely change a man’s perception of sex. We all know that the sex you see in porn isn’t real. It’s all glamorous with no dodgy noises or faces, and everyone is enjoying themselves.
That’s not always the case with real-life sex. One person might be into it more than the other. Someone might make a weird face, and you just can’t stop laughing. It’s not glam, but it’s real. [Read: 25 common porn myths that almost all people still believe]
There is help out there for anyone who is addicted to porn, but they have to access that help. You can’t go around deciding that your man prefers his hand over you simply because he watches a little porn, and you can’t assume that he has an addiction.
Of course, you could always suggest that you watch it together. That might turn your sex life around completely!
All you need to do is realize that this can be an issue for some men, but it’s not necessarily the case for your man. The only way to get to the bottom of the whole thing is through communication. [Read: Porn for couples – why it might just save your relationship]
My husband prefers his hand over me – what should I do?
The first thing is to sit down and have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Tell him how you feel. Don’t accuse him, and be very careful with your words and body language. This is an extremely sensitive subject.
Explain how you feel, but make it clear that you want to work through it together to improve things. [Read: The steps to take if you want to tell your partner you’re unhappy]
The outcome of that conversation will dictate what you do next, but be sure to listen to everything he’s saying. Don’t simply twist everything to what you think it is. It’s normal to feel pushed away when something goes a little awry in your sex life, but this sensitivity could be guiding your actions.
If he honestly says everything is okay and he hadn’t even realized it, believe him and see how things go.
Has your sex life gone off the boil?
It’s a good idea to ask yourself whether your sexual appetites are actually aligned. It could be that he naturally has a greater appetite for sex than you do, and he’s simply filling in the gaps. Perfectly normal! That does not mean that your man prefers this hand over you. He’s just enjoying himself.
Despite how hard it may be, don’t take it personally. This isn’t a reflection of you or your bedroom skills. Try and mix things up, and add a little spice to your relationship. Talk about it together.
Find out what he wants to try and talk about what you want to try, and then surprise him. Go on! Take the initiative and see what happens. If nothing else, it’ll be fun. [Read: What a good sex life should look like in real life]
It’s also important to remember that some men use masturbation as a way to relieve stress. Is your guy under pressure at work or with his studies? Is something going on with his family that he’s not really talking about too much?
Guys deal with stress in different ways. Be open to his methods and understand them. Your ways aren’t always the right ways either! [Read: How to become a better person in a relationship – and be happier, too]
Remember, this isn’t about you
Remember – if you believe your man prefers his hand over you, it might not be the truth. Even if there is a problem, it’s not because of you. It has nothing to do with your bedroom skills, your appearance, or how he feels about you.
Men can often separate sex from their emotions. For him, it could simply be a stress relief thing. The issue is that you won’t know until you talk to him, and carefully having that conversation is key.
In the meantime, distract yourself from the problem and do things that make you feel good. Focus on yourself, and be there for your guy at the same time.
Try spicing things up in the bedroom if you feel like it, and listen to anything he has to say to you. That’s the only way to overcome a problem in the bedroom.
[Read: The top taboo sex topics we love but never talk about!]
If you feel that your man prefers his hand over yours, it can erode your confidence. But you’re lacking nothing! Talking things through and supporting your partner is how to get your sex life back on track.
