Jealous Girlfriend? 18 No-Fail Ways to Calm Her Fears

If you’re currently dealing with a jealous girlfriend, you might not know what to do. Jealousy is normal, but there comes a point when enough is enough.

jealous girlfriend

It is human to be a little jealous when you see your significant other looking at someone else or to watch someone interested in them. But there comes a point where it is tantamount to distrust. If your jealous girlfriend continually distrusts you to the point of smothering you, consider whether it is worth it or not to be with her.

We love people who aren’t good for us or make us so frustrated, we want to rid them from our lives. At the same time, we are drawn to them and love them dearly. That poses a severe hardship for someone who constantly tries to prove themselves to be trustworthy only to be told at every turn they aren’t.

Maybe you feel if things don’t change, you are going to end your relationship. But if you don’t want it to end, examine your own behaviors.

If your jealous girlfriend has a tendency to be even-keeled, and you don’t see any other jealous tendencies in her relationship with others, something else may be driving her behavior.

[Read: Jealousy vs envy: how to tell them apart when they feel the same]

Why is she jealous?

If you want to get to the bottom of it all, you need to ask yourself two questions. Is it something you’re doing? Or is it something about her and her personality that brings out the green-eyed monster?

It doesn’t matter which one it is, because there are always ways to help her and reassure her. The one thing you need to understand more than anything else is jealousy stems from the feeling of being unloved, or being loved less.

If you love someone, but feel slighted or ignored by that person who claims to love you back, you’re bound to feel jealous. You want that person to convince you of their love for you, but for some reason, you feel like you’re not getting the love you deserve or the attention you so badly need from them. So what do you do? You lash out in the form of jealousy.

There’s a lot more to jealousy than meets the eye. So instead of rolling your eyes at her, or convincing yourself she’s petty and clingy, perhaps, you could try to see things from her perspective. Read this feature on how to overcome jealousy in a relationship together and better your love if you want to truly nip jealousy in the bud and fix your relationship from within.

How to calm your jealous girlfriend and her fears – 18 steps that work wonders

There are things you can do to calm her fears. Learning to see the cycle and altering your own responses may be enough to find a way to get past the jealousy. That will make for a smoother ride. If you listen to the signals she sends you, you may be able to combat her insecurities and build the trust to straighten out your relationship.

Here are a few ways you can help your jealous girlfriend and perhaps save your relationship.

1. Make her feel valued

Many people who experience jealousy lack self-esteem and look for someone to validate them. When a jealous girlfriend doesn’t feel safe, she constantly looks for attention from you. Even if she doesn’t think you are cheating on her, she may know that is an automatic trigger for attention from you.

If you make her feel needed and valued, she likely won’t seek your approval and attention in the wrong ways. Instead she feels settled knowing you are hers and she is yours. [Read: 20 ways to make your girlfriend incredibly happy!]

2. Keep track of what triggers her jealousy

Women are cyclical beings. We would bet she gets more jealous when there are things going on outside of what happens in your relationship. We know this sounds ridiculous, but keep a journal of when she seethes with jealousy.

Likely, you can almost pinpoint her moods according to the time of the month and other stressors occurring in her life. If you notice a pattern, it makes it easier to head it up and not do the things driving her so mad when she is her most sensitive. [Read: How to recognize the signs of jealousy in someone & guide them out]

3. Communicate your feelings to her

A woman who isn’t getting the validation and communication that she needs from you will likely think you are giving your emotions and opinions to someone else. Sometimes it makes no difference if it is a man or woman, the fact you aren’t confiding in her, or including her in your life, makes her feel cheated on.

If you don’t communicate with her or hold things in, she may misinterpret that as someone else holding your attention and your ear. Making her react with hurt and accusations.

If you tell her about what goes on in your life, even when you have a hard time and don’t want to talk, she knows why you withdraw and won’t make the wrong assumption you found someone else. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and make it last]

4. Reassure her of your feelings for her

You may think if you tell her how you feel through your actions, she’ll get it. But women are verbal creatures. When was the last time you actually said the words to her? When did you last tell her how much she meant to you? How much you love her? If you don’t let her know how you feel, then you are leaving room for interpretation. Obviously, men and women differ in the way they relate and the things they need in a relationship. Some honesty and forthrightness about your feelings goes a long way and likely saves you a lot of heartache.

5. Avoid the things that create conflict

Many guys “Why should I have to change for her?” If you want peace, you either need to cut her loose or avoid those triggers you know drive her wild. Many guys want revenge for their girlfriend behaving like a bitch. So they do the very things that make her go “crazy.”

Be careful, once you let the crazy out of the closet, it is hard to recoil. If she doesn’t like you texting your friend from work, don’t do it when she is around. If she doesn’t want you talking about her, don’t do it. What is worth more, getting back at her symbolically or maintaining peace? [Read: 23 foolproof relationship tips and advice for men]

6. Choose between her and those who make problems in your relationship

If you know certain people in your life cause conflict, decide who is more important. Perhaps the relationship with your mother is too close for her comfort. In that case, back things off a bit. If your best friend likes to cause trouble in the relationship, choose her over him for a time.

Once you establish a trusting relationship with her without the up and down, pick up where you left off in your other relationships. Those who are close to you and love you, should want you to work on your relationship first. And then they can take their place in your life again. [Read: How to win a girl’s trust without losing a limb]

7. Include her in things

If you exclude her in major decisions, ventures and your day-to-day, then she probably feels like you are cheating on her. Obviously cheating on her with a woman and excluding her in your life differ. But not to an insecure and jealous girlfriend. If you hide things from her, then you are cheating in her mind. If you want to build a life with her, build one. Meaning you two are the foundation, not just you and an accessory.

8. Make her feel more of a part of your world

If she complains that she doesn’t know you as well as she would like, or where she fits into your world, then you are probably excluding her from what is important in your life. A girlfriend may not be the cornerstone of your world, but you are to hers.

If you don’t feel the same way then you need to be honest, and it may be time to move on. If you don’t want to be a partner, let her know. Don’t toy with her emotions telling her she is your number one priority, and then make her feel like she isn’t. [Read: 23 things girls wish guys knew about a girl’s mind]

9. Be present in the moment – Put the phone away when you are with her

Boys and their cell phones frustrate and hurt women. The fact you think a digital device is more important than anything we have to say drives her crazy. She feels like you are cheating on her because you constantly check your text messages or your email or just look at your mobile device. If it causes a problem it is just time to choose. Her or your battery-powered Internet search?

10. Stop social media that perpetuates the distrust

Social media sites are quite arguably one of the biggest relationship crushers there is. If you don’t have a strong relationship, then she likely monitors and spies on everything you do.

Even worse, if you flirt it up with an old girlfriend online and she sees it, but you never mention her, she is going to pull out jealous girlfriend mode. If you wouldn’t behave at a dinner party by flirting with girls, don’t do it online. It isn’t any less hurtful. [Read: How Facebook ruins relationships – 15 things to remember]

11. Ask her questions about how she feels instead of assuming

Maybe there is something that is really bothering her, that is the source of her anxiety. Don’t assume that you know why she is making the accusations that she is. There may be something that you don’t know or some miscommunication she assumes between you.

If you take the time to ask her, “where is this coming from?” she will likely let you know. There won’t be any misunderstanding about what is pissing her off. Communication is key! [Read: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship]

12. Be a little jealous of her

If you don’t care at all what she does or who she talks to, it makes her think you don’t care because you care about someone else. Jealousy is ugly, but what is even uglier to a woman is if you don’t care what she is doing. If you show no interest at all that she talks to an old boyfriend, that goes beyond trust, translating to her that you just don’t care if you lose her at all.

Of course, don’t turn into your own version of the green-eyed monster but make sure that you take an interest in what she’s doing at the very least.

13. Stop ignoring the issue

Whoever told you if you just ignore it, it goes away, was wrong. You aren’t two-years-olds having a temper tantrum. The worst thing is to ignore it or her. That is a sure fire way to kick jealous girlfriend into high gear or to see her walking out of your life. [Read: How to face relationship challenges & overcome them as a couple]

14. Give her an ultimatum about her behavior

If things get really bad, and you can’t curb her anxiety, then you have to give your jealous girlfriend an ultimatum. If she can’t learn to trust you, and you have given her no reason to think you’d cheat on her, something has to change. She needs to stop the destructive behavior, or it ends anyway. Basically, it either stops or you breakup.

15. No matter how frustrated you are, don’t talk badly behind her back

If you say one thing to her face and another behind her back, then she loses trust in you, period. If she can’t trust you, then she is going to be jealous with a reason. Don’t bad mouth her or turn allies against her. If you are supposed to be a partnership, behave like it. [Read: 21 things that will turn any girl into a crazy girlfriend]

16. Keep the conflict between the two of you

Even if you want some advice, the best person to turn to isn’t your best friend, your mother, or even her best friend. If you go behind her back to ask about what to do, you create an atmosphere of distrust and anxiety. Talk only to her about the problem.

17. Don’t let a molehill escalate into a mountain

If one issue keeps rising, address it. Talk about it rationally, instead of waiting until you are in the heat of battle, it always ends better that way. If you head it up before she even gets upset, then you won’t have to go through the battle at all. [Read: 15 types of bad girlfriends who’ll make your life a living hell]

18. Follow through with your word

If you say you are going to do something, do it. Then there will be no mistake about where you are, what you are doing, or where your heart lies.

Jealousy can be ugly, but understand where it comes from

A jealous girlfriend can be a difficult challenge to face. However, it’s important to assess your role in what makes her jealous and change whatever you can change. Is there something you’re doing to exacerbate the issue? If not, find out what the real trigger and problem is. If you can’t do anything about it, support her as she faces her own demons and conquers them.

Remember that jealousy is a normal human emotion. Yet, that doesn’t mean you should feel distrusted and uncomfortable when you’re doing nothing to cause it. In the end, something has to change. Isn’t it better to work through it together?

[Read: Taming the green monster: when is a girl’s jealousy okay?]

You face three options to curb a jealous girlfriend: you leave, you change your behavior, or you help her face her issue. If you want to hold onto her, try to calm her fears before you say goodbye by using these 18 steps.

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Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

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