When in a relationship we all tend to wear rose colored glasses. That means that even when something is off we overlook it for the sake of the relationship. That is fine when your girlfriend leaves her hair in the shower drain, but when things go from little pet peeves to actual signs of a bad girlfriend, you need to make a a change or realize you deserve better. [Read: 15 types of bad girlfriends who will make your life hell]
Have you seen these signs of a bad girlfriend?
If you are reading this feature, it is likely you have seen or subconsciously realized these signs of a bad girlfriend. You just want to be sure before doing anything drastic.
If something was gnawing at you enough to do the research you probably already know the truth. But if you need more reassurance or for me to tell you that you’re overreacting, keep on reading.
How do you spot the signs of a bad girlfriend?
Recognizing the signs of a bad girlfriend are not always so obvious. A bad girlfriend does not have to be someone that is cruel or cheating. It can be a lot more subtle than that.
But where do you begin to look?
#1 In the mirror. Are you happy? Reflect on yourself. If you are not happy in your relationship, there is a reason. Yes, maybe you have been in a rut or it is long distance. But if she is not making you happy, is it worth it?
This doesn’t necessarily mean she is a bad girlfriend, but maybe she is a bad girlfriend for you. [Read: The steps to take to tell your partner you are unhappy]
#2 At your friends. Your friends and family are the first ones to notice when there are early signs of a bad girlfriend. Before you even notice it yourself, they will. So if you aren’t sure, ask them.
You may constantly complain about her or bring every conversation back to her, or vent about her nonstop. Your friends are the ones that pay attention to this. If they hear more bad than good about your girlfriend, she probably isn’t the best. [Read: How to deal with loneliness in a relationship]
#3 To the past. Think back to when you first got together. Did she surprise you with your coffee order or with tickets to your favorite band? Or maybe she just checked in during lunch or sent cute texts.
If all that stopped, it doesn’t necessarily mean she is a bad girlfriend. Ruts happen. But if she is not putting effort into the relationship or you she is not be a good girlfriend.
#4 At your schedule. We all love hanging out with our partners. But if all of your spare time goes to her, and you rarely see your friends and family, something is off.
And vice versa. If she never makes time for you, that isn’t good either.
#5 Social media. I hate to say it, but nowadays social media can be an indicator of something bigger. No, it does not represent real life, but it does show patterns. Does she never post pictures of you together? Does she comment on other guys’ photos or like their comments on hers? This is not a clear cut sign, but use your common sense.
What are the signs of a bad girlfriend?
Now that you know where to look, what is it exactly that you are looking for? Maybe seeing one or two of these signs of a bad girlfriend is not the end of things. You may even be able to talk to her and work things out.
But if as you read this list, you realize these things describe your girlfriend more often than not, she is probably a bad girlfriend.
#1 She doesn’t listen. Sometimes we all struggle to listen. But if she consistently talks over you or makes her problems seem worse than yours, that is one of those clear signs of a bad girlfriend.
A girl that doesn’t listen may not care about you and what you are going through as much as a girlfriend should or a good girlfriend would. [Read: The 7 reasons why empathy is so important in a relationship]
#2 She isn’t there for you. When you have a girlfriend, she should be there for you just like you are for her. But if you vent to her about work or your family and she dismisses you, that is a sign of a bad girlfriend.
If this happens on occasion she may just be stressed or tired or dealing with something herself, but if this is a pattern you deserve a better girlfriend.
#3 She cancels plans. Canceling plans is not a relationship sin. Things come up. But if she consistently blows you off, especially at the last minute, she is not appreciating her time with you, the commitment she made, or you.
She also thinks there is something better to do. The same goes for if she leaves plans open-ended and never fully commits. [Read: Got flaky people in your life? Here are the reasons to ditch them]
#4 She avoids your family and friends. A good girlfriend would want to spend time with the people closest to you. Yes, sometimes we don’t like your weird friends or your overbearing mother, but a good girlfriend puts the effort in anyway.
One of the signs of a bad girlfriend is if you ask her to come hang out with your friends or come to dinner with the family and she declines. Plus, if she can’t give you a decent reason why not, or worse expects you to do these things for her… bad girlfriend alert.
#5 She tries to change you. All girlfriends may want to buy their boyfriend some new clothes or get him out of those cargo shorts for high school, but when it goes beyond that she does not love you for you. It is normal to want to make your boyfriend the best version of himself. But when he resists ,you love him anyway, if you’re a good girlfriend.
If she keeps trying to change you from your clothes to your job and even your hobbies or taste in music, she loves you conditionally. [Read: The types of girls you should avoid at all costs]
#6 You friends don’t like her. Sometimes we have to overlook what our friends and family think to satisfy our heart, but usually when the people closest to you see something sketchy, it isn’t to be ignored.
Your friends are looking out for you and tend to see what you can’t when it comes to a girlfriend. So, although their opinions don’t mean everything, they can be awfully eye opening.
#7 She is controlling. Does she always want to know where you are and who you’re with? Does she try to check your phone or analyze every female friend you have? This is not only bad girlfriend behavior, but it is a sign of someone who does not trust you.
#8 She is using you. If you think your girlfriend is out of your league or it is too good to be true, sorry, but it may very well be. Girls may come across as innocent, but they have less than good intentions sometimes too.
If she only wants you around in a certain group or ignores you until it is convenient for her, that is a major sign of a bad girlfriend.
#9 She is a perfectionist. I don’t mean at work or when it comes to organizing her cupboard. But if she makes a mistake and can’t apologize because she can’t admit she actually did something wrong that is a major red flag.
Everyone makes mistakes. We are human after all. But if you cannot admit your mistakes then you can’t learn from them and your relationship can’t grow.
#10 She takes you for granted. Whether you drive her to work, cook her dinner, or feed her cat, she should make it clear how much she appreciates all you do for her. Whether that is saying thank you, returning the favor, or making time for you.
If she doesn’t show appreciation for you being in her life, she is not being a very good girlfriend. [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]
#11 She treats you like an employee not a boyfriend. I think some guys just get used to this kind of behavior and expect it. I have actually dated guys who were shocked when I asked for their opinion or asked them to do things instead of telling them. And that is awfully sad.
If she threatens you or forces you to do things you don’t want to do, even if that is just carrying her bags while she shops she is not treating you fairly. Yes, a good boyfriend puts up with stuff for his girlfriend, but she should appreciate it, not expect it.
#12 She expects too much from you. Similar to the earlier point, if she expects you to make big gestures, pay for every date, and buy her flowers daily, she is not being a good girlfriend.
Once you start expecting kind gestures instead of appreciating them, things go downhill. Unless you both go out of your way equally something is off balance. [Read: 13 signs of a healthy relationship and when to end the shitty ones]
#13 She can’t compromise. Compromise is a major part of every relationship. A little give and a little take. You have to meet halfway. But if she never gives and always expects you to swallow your wants and needs for her, she expects too much.
Yes, women deserve a man who respects them and treats them well. But they need to offer the same kindness back.
#14 She manipulates. This can be a hard one to spot. Being manipulated is not always so obvious. It can even be twisted to look like compromise. She may use sex as a way of getting what she wants, or even cry to get her way.
Or whats worse, she might threaten to ends things, to tell your secrets, or ruin your life in exchange for something. This is not good girlfriend behavior. [Read: Don’t ignore these signs of manipulation in a relationship]
#15 She cheats. This is a major sign of a bad girlfriend, yet some people still put up with it, or deny it. I have been there. I dated a guy who was a serial cheater, but I just told myself it was a phase and in the end he would come back to me. Looking back, why would I want a cheater to come back to me?
Not only is that unfair to you, but it also hits your self esteem and trust hard for a long time. If your girlfriend cheats there is no excuse or use in discussing it. That is a sign of a bad girlfriend that cannot be overlooked.
[Read: The 20 kinds of lovers in the world and your compatibility with them]
These signs of a bad girlfriend are amongst many. If you spot more than a few of these signs in your relationship, there’s a big chance that the girl you’re with may not be the ideal partner for you in your life.
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