20 Signs She’s Leading You On, Using You & Pretending to Love You

Not all women are as sweet as they look. If she’s giving you mixed signals, look for signs she’s pretending to love you and leading you on.

signs she's pretending to love you and is leading you on

What do you do when a girl shows interest in you, dates you, and still doesn’t want to call you her boyfriend? That’s a rather big predicament, isn’t it? After all, falling in love is supposed to be a happy experience, not a confusing one. But every now and then, there comes a time when you unintentionally fall in love with a girl who seems right, but is completely wrong for you. The key is to recognize the signs she’s leading you on and just pretending to love you.

Are you in love with a girl who blows hot and cold, who behaves like your girlfriend at times and snubs you like you’re a nobody at other times when she doesn’t need you? You’re probably giving your heart away to a girl who could just be toying with you, because she feels like it!

We think you deserve more. [Read: How to tell if a girl is playing mind games and doesn’t care about you]

Why do some girls just lead guys on?

If you’re in a complicated relationship with a girl who behaves like your girlfriend, but doesn’t want to date you, you’re definitely getting led on.

Do you wonder why a few girls behave this way? The reasons can be plentiful.

It could be that the girl who’s leading you on probably likes you, but she needs more time to make up her mind about whether she really wants to date you. She may just be confused right now. Or, she’s just not ready for commitment but she’s not quite sure how to tell you. [Read: How to read mixed signals from a girl and turn it into love]

A few girls could lead a guy on because they want some drama in their own lives, or because they like getting a guy’s attention. It makes them feel better about themselves.

Also, some people are just too worried about the world and what people think, and their happiness depends more on what others say and think than what really matters to them or what they need.

Whatever the reason, you shouldn’t be wasting your time on a girl who’s simply leading you on for fun. [Read: Toxic girlfriend – 17 warning signs the girl you like is toxic AF]

Are you reading the signs wrong?

Now, as much all guys would love to bitch about girls or grumble about how fickle a few girls are, there is still a pretty big chance that the girl you like isn’t leading you on at all!

Perhaps, she really likes you as a friend and is just being friendly with you because she feels comfortable around you.

Girls are a lot more touchy-feely than guys, and there’s a very good chance that you may be misunderstanding that friendly touch for a flirty touch. After all, there’s only a veiled line separating flirty friends and mixed signals. [Read: Friendly vs flirty – 22 signs to tell if someone is flirting with you]

And if you start falling for a friend, you may assume she likes you back too because, in your mind, that’s what you’re secretly hoping for!

The point is, just make sure that you’re not blowing things out of proportion and that you’re actually reading the situation for what it truly is.

Don’t be one of those dumb guys who are convinced a girl likes you when she’s literally making it clear you should back off because you’re being creepy! [Read: What makes a guy creepy? 10 signs and the types of guys girls avoid]

Signs she’s leading you on or pretending to love you

It’s very easy to pinpoint a girl who’s just toying with your heart. So, if you see these signs, walk away before it’s too late!

1. The relationship with no name

She flirts with you, goes out on dates with you, but doesn’t give the relationship a name.

Both of you may be intensely attracted to each other, but she still calls you a good friend even as all your friends wonder what’s going on. [Read: Are we in a relationship? How to know for sure if you’re a couple]

2. She loves to make out with you

She may make out with you, or she may cuddle and cozy up with you now and then. But how far things go in bed or whether both of you would even make out on a date completely depends on her mood and her plans.

You’re just happy with the scraps she throws depending on how she feels at a particular moment. Basically, she’s showing signs she’s pretending to love you but you’re not seeing them.

3. It’s a secret relationship

A few of her friends may know you are close to her, or are on the verge of dating, but none of her friends have any idea that something’s even going on between you.

It’s a secret relationship and she wants to keep it that way. Basically, she’s keeping YOU a secret – how do you really feel about that? Not so great, huh? [Read: Secret relationship – Why would any girl want to keep things low key?]

4. She’s distant

She’s distant and aloof when you get clingy or try to trail her all the time. When you give her a lot of attention, she tries to keep her distance from you. She blows hot one minute and cold the next.

You can’t work out where you stand when it comes to her moods. It’s one of the key signs she’s pretending to love you, because she keeps you close only when she needs to. [Read: 15 reasons why nice guys finish last all the time!]

5. But then she wants to be closer

When you give her the space because she’s being distant, she immediately changes her behavior and starts craving for your attention when you back away.

She tries to keep in touch with you and calls you often just to win your attention back.

6. She hasn’t been in too many relationships

She claims to have dated very few guys. Probably, she tells you she’s been in very few relationships too. But that’s probably because she leads on most guys she dates and doesn’t like calling them her ex-boyfriends.

If you know she’s dated a particular guy before but she claims they were just friends, she’s definitely leading you on too!

7. She often makes herself appear helpless

She convinces you that you’re very important to her and that she needs you. Maybe she makes herself appear weak and helpless without your advice and emotional support.

She tells you she needs you, and that she’s very close to you, and she doesn’t know what she’d do without you in her life. Basically, it’s to stop you from leaving. [Read: Damsel in distress – Why men find girls who ask for help so irresistable]

8. She constantly blows hot and cold

She’s friendly and close for several days or weeks, and all of a sudden, she ignores you and won’t have time for you again. You see this happening pretty frequently, where she ignores you when she’s getting a lot of attention from other guys. [Read: Blowing hot and cold – The 3 stages to explain why a girl does this]

9. She needs you when she’s lonely

She comes to you only when she’s lonely. When she’s having fun, she doesn’t remember you or care about you.

But when she’s bored or alone, she behaves like she misses you so much and can’t stop thinking about you. And you need to make time for her no matter what you’re doing, otherwise she starts to sulk. [Read: The real reason behind why girls are so fickle about guys]

10. Flirty phone conversation

There’s more intimacy over the phone than in person. She may not always throw herself at you when both of you meet up in person.

But she’s always warm, flirty, and even sexual over the phone, or while texting each other. She may even get naughty over the phone or have phone sex with you. [Read: 20 dirty questions to ask a girl and make her wet]

11. She wants you completely if she gets jealous

She hates it when you give another girl any attention. If she sees you talking to another girl or she senses that a girl likes you, she’ll try to win your heart back.

She’ll woo you with loving or seductive words when you start falling for another girl. She’s got you on a piece of elastic and she keeps pulling you back. It’s one of the most common signs she’s pretending to love you.

12. She may fall for another guy

When a girl is leading you on, she knows you’d behave like a lost puppy and trail her even if she likes another guy.

This girl who’s leading you on may tell you about all the guys who are giving her attention, and she may even tell you about a guy she’s falling for. It’s her way of playing mind games and keeping you on your toes.

13. She has hookups

She may date another guy and still give you her attention, which makes you feel special, and confused at the same time.

Eventually, you don’t care whether she’s another guy’s girlfriend, you just want her attention and her love. [Read: Is a girl with a boyfriend flirting with you?]

14. She doesn’t want to acknowledge that you like her

She’s very evasive when it comes to talking about your feelings. Every time you tell her that you love her or want to date her exclusively, she’d just smile or change the subject.

Or in the worst case, she may tell you she can’t think of you as anything more than a friend. But she’d still lean in, wrap her arms around you and kiss you to make you feel better!

15. She tells you that she loves you

You almost believe you’re in a relationship with her already. She may tell you that she loves you and needs you, and yet, she doesn’t behave like your girlfriend.

She blows hot and cold, and she just expects you to cater to her whims and fancies as and when she needs your attention. [Read: 23 signs she’s using you, walking all over you and playing you for fun]

16. She sulks when she doesn’t get her own way

If you don’t cater to her whims and do exactly what she wants you to do, she sulks. She’ll probably go quiet for a while or may even try to make you jealous by giving another guy attention.

She will only respond to your texts or attention when you agree to do whatever it was she wanted in the first place. 

17. She refuses to label the relationship

For sure, some people don’t like labels and that’s fine. But if you can nod along to a few of the other signs she’s leading you on and she won’t label the relationship you’ve been in for a while, ask yourself why.

It’s very likely that she doesn’t want it to be official and she’d rather keep things her way. [Read: What are we? How to get your crush to label your relationship]

18. She won’t talk about plans too far in advance

She’ll agree to do something tomorrow, but try and tie her down to a plan at the weekend or even further in advance and she goes quiet.

She’s probably got plans with another guy, or she’s keeping her options open. If she wasn’t leading you on, surely she’d just be open about it. Or, she’d make the plans, right?

19. Her social media is vague

There’s very little on her social media that gives you an indication of what she’s about.

Guys may post flirty comments frequently on her Instagram posts and she may acknowledge them, or she may be connected to several guys who constantly message her, and yet, she pretends like she knows none of them well enough in real life. Somehow, what she says and what her social media feeds say seem extremely contradictory!

The truth is, you don’t have to go social media official to be together, but she shouldn’t be so age and mysterious on social media if she’s really in love with you. [Read: The happy couple’s guide to social media etiquette]

20. She distracts from deep conversations with sex instead

If you try to have a conversation with her about anything deep, she’ll just change the subject and try to seduce you instead. It’s one of the key signs she’s leading you on and pretending to love you, and she knows it works. That’s why she uses it all the time!

A girl who’s leading you on may be using you!

If you’re in a complicated relationship with a girl who’s just leading you on, you need to realize that her subtle manipulation tactics are just screwing your mind.

She’s playing you and you’re falling for all her tricks. Your love for her clouds your judgment. You’re probably seeing the signs she’s pretending to love you but you’re ignoring them.

Even if you do confront her, or give her an ultimatum to date you or stop talking to you, she may break down or tell you that she really loves you. But, of course, she just needs more time to sort the confusion in her mind.

Don’t fall for it, it’s all part of the act. [Read: Is she an attention whore? 13 signs she’s just using you for attention]

What you need to do if a girl is leading you on

Think about what you really want for yourself. Of course, it feels really nice to hear from her and hear the sweet and sexy things she says. But, you know deep inside that all this is going nowhere.

Eventually, she may just give you the cold shoulder or date someone else. In fact, you do know this already, don’t you?

Once you’re stuck in the clutches of a girl who leads you on and only pretends to love you, you have no choice. You screw your mind and obsess about where the relationship is going.

You’re confused and frustrated, annoyed and angry, and yet, you can’t leave her or walk away from her. She knows just what to say and do to dig her nails deeper into your heart.

And every time you try to restrain yourself from getting in touch with her, or try to avoid falling in love, she’ll try every trick in the book to make you lose your resolve. [Read: How to get over a girl who doesn’t really like you back]

It’s time to leave

This girl who leads you on is like an addiction you can’t get rid of. And the only way to end this miserable excuse of a relationship is by picking a fight with her that’ll make her dislike you.

Pick a fight and say something that’ll hurt her ego, which would bring out her inner monster and make her hate you. Girls who love leading guys on have extremely fragile egos, and when you drive a stake into her weak ego, she’d hate you for it.

And there’s a big chance that she’d walk away from you for good.

Of course, you’ll feel miserable for letting her get away from you. But you do know the relationship was a lost cause already, don’t you?

[Read: How to let go of the girl you love by hating her]

Use these 20 signs she’s leading you on and pretending to love you to identify your situation. And if you do see these traits in a girl who’s blowing hot and cold with you, get away as fast as you can.

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...