Breaking up is hard. No matter what happens and who it is, it’ll be difficult for you. You’re ending a relationship that you thought wouldn’t end. It can be a difficult reality to face. But knowing the best way to break up with someone can help make the entire situation more tolerable.
You probably know how hard it is to be broken up with. Most people don’t get to skate through life without having their heart broken. That being said, you know how much it really sucks. And that means you should try to make it as painless as possible for the other person.
The absolute wrong ways to break up with someone
It’s still surprising how many people break up with others in really horrible ways. They claim to care about this person and then simply destroy them because they’re careless. Some of the worst ways to break up with someone all have to do with being insensitive.
Like dumping them over a text. Or even coming home one day and telling them to leave. Or even worse, ghosting them completely. All of these are horrible ways to break up with someone that are also just super douchey. You never want to be the person who’s known for being an asshole while breaking up. [Read: 12 of the worst ways to break up with someone]
The best way to break up with someone no matter the situation
If you want to be a decent human being and save someone as much hurt as you can, you’re in the right place. Here’s the best way to break up with someone depending on the unique situation you’re in. Do it right and have some respect for the person you once cared a great deal for.
#1 They cheated on you. This is pretty hard to deal with on your end emotionally, but it’ll make breaking up with them a lot easier. Because yes, you need to break up with them. Unless you’re married and want to work things out for the good of your family or something, a break up is essential.
You can just tell them that you can’t be with someone you can’t trust. You can also just say that you’re unable to be with someone who doesn’t respect you. Because if they cheat on you, they have no respect for you. Don’t be malicious about it. Just tell them how it is and get away. [Read: 8 ways to confront a cheater and end things]
#2 You cheated on them. Yeah, you should probably break up with them if you’re the one doing the cheating, too. It’s not fair for you to disrespect someone so much and still expect to get their heart. Even if you don’t tell them, you need to leave.
Just mention how you don’t feel like your whole heart is in it and it’s not fair to them. Because that’s the truth. If they accuse you of cheating, just keep your mouth shut and carry on.
#3 You have feelings for someone else. If you truly have romantic feelings for someone else, then you shouldn’t be with the person you’re with. Your heart isn’t in it. You may not be physically cheating on someone but you’re close enough. All you have to do is tell them the relationship isn’t fulfilling for you. You’re not invested in it and therefore, need to get out. [Read: What to do when you like someone else]
#4 You just fell out of love with them. Yes, this really does happen. Sometimes you can fall for someone and later your feelings can go away. You just have to be honest with them if this happens. Tell them you don’t know why, but you don’t care for them like you used to. If they love you and care about you, they’ll understand and want you to find happiness. It’ll still suck, but it’s best.
#5 You don’t want the same future. Maybe you want to live in a very different place than they do. If that’s the case, you really need to think about your future. If you don’t see a future with that person, just tell them.
Focus on the fact that you don’t want to make them do something they don’t want and you don’t want to be forced into a future you don’t truly want either. It’s best to find people who already want what you do. It’s fair, logical, and it’ll be easier for them to take. [Read: 12 life questions to help you visualize your future]
#6 You don’t want kids, but they do. Kids are a huge breaking point in a lot of relationships. You get together and don’t really ever discuss children until you’re really far in and already in love. Then it’s brought up and, uh-oh, you don’t agree.
You can’t be with someone who doesn’t want what you do in life. If you have kids when you really don’t want them, you may end up resenting your partner and being super unhappy later on. Just be honest and explain all of this to them. Tell them they deserve someone who wants exactly what they do.
#7 You’re having trouble committing. There are a lot of reasons you might not be able to commit. If you can’t and you know you’re having issues, just tell them. You can’t be with someone when you don’t want to be. Be open about how you don’t think you’re ready for a relationship and end it before things get too ugly. [Read: 15 signs you’re just not ready to commit]
#8 You want to focus on your career. This is a legitimate excuse if your career is super time-consuming. Tell them you need to give your time to your career so you can later have the relationship you truly desire. Right now, your time is too limited for a healthy relationship.
This will ensure you’re putting their happiness ahead of your own, too. Don’t be a dick about it, though. You never want them to feel like they’re less important than a job.
#9 They’re too immature for you. Meaning, you want a far more complex, mature relationship than what they’re giving you. This is completely fair and often times it just means you’re not a good match. Explain that you’re unhappy and just want to move on to find someone you’re more compatible with. [Read: The breakup conversation – What you need to say while ending it]
#10 Your physical attraction didn’t grow into an emotional one. Basically, the sex is great and you find them hot as hell, but that’s where things end. Your relationship is only physical on your side and you want more. Or maybe they want more and you can’t give it to them.
Tell them you can’t give them anything more and that you thought your feelings would grow and mature, but they just haven’t and you don’t think they will.
[Read: How to break up with someone you love gently]
You’ll never find an easy way to break up with someone. Ever. It’ll always be hard as long as you have a heart. However, using the best way to break up with someone can help make things a lot smoother.
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