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What to Say on Tinder: 30 Conversation Tips to Help You Stand Out

Stuck for what to say on Tinder? You aren’t alone, but there are plenty of conversation starters to help reduce your writer’s block.

what to say on Tinder

It’s great to get a match with the hot guy or gal you liked on Tinder. You know that you find each other attractive and like what you’ve read about one another’s profiles. But knowing what to say on Tinder is the next natural step.

For some, this is where things get tricky. It’s easy enough thinking of something funny and witty to say in your profile but trying to think about what to say that’s not too forward, but shows you are interested, that might make them laugh, and at the very least get them to respond, can be tough.

It’s so easy to put someone off, especially when you don’t know them at all. If you go in too strong or don’t seem interesting enough, you could wave bye-bye to that hot date before you even stood a chance! [Read: Online dating success? Meet your match]

Knowing what to say on Tinder

Knowing what to say on Tinder isn’t just about being flirty but about making a connection. Whether you want to chat first, meet up right away, or just make your match laugh, you need to be confident in what you say.

Telling them, you don’t know how you matched and that you’re intimidated by the good looks or think they’re a catfish because someone like them could never be single is giving the wrong message.

You want to be able to compliment them, lead into a conversation, and show your confidence. Now, you shouldn’t have a line to always start with, but knowing the topics you feel comfortable with is a good start. [Read: How to change your perspective about online dating]

What to say on Tinder for a date

So, you know the pressure is on. But what exactly should you say on Tinder to give yourself the best chance of taking it to the next level and setting up a date? Here are some useful tips and ideas, starting with the basics and the right things to say.

1. Don’t be afraid to reach out first

There is nothing wrong with being the first person to make a move. If you like the look of your match, go for it and start a conversation right away.

It’s not going to look weird or desperate—that’s what Tinder is there for, after all. If you leave it too long, someone else might beat you to it! [Read: How to make the first move on a guy: 15 creatively sweet ways]

2. Make sure you stand out from the crowd

Remember getting matches on Tinder is pretty easy, so make sure you attempt to say something that grabs their attention and makes them want to get to know you better. Just saying, “What’s up?” won’t attract their attention.

3. Reference something in their bio

Show that you actually read what they had to say on their bio. Ask them a question about it or make a little joke. Say something to show you are genuinely interested in getting to know them better. If their bio is slim, ask where they were in a specific photo. This can get you talking about travel or local places to visit. [Read: Creative Tinder lines to snag yourself a date on the first try]

4. Pay them a compliment

Knowing what to say on Tinder can be hard, but everyone loves a compliment. They have no doubt put up pictures of themselves where they think they look their best, so there is no harm at all in paying them a nice compliment—don’t be too intense.

Keep it light and fun, and they’ll find you charming. Go overboard too soon, and they might find you a bit desperate or creepy! Be warned!

5. Ask questions and pay attention to the answers

Obviously, asking lots of questions is one of the best ways to make sure you get a response. Think up interesting questions to ask them and start there.

Try and be more original than “how are you?”. Ask them something specific and unusual. You’ll pique their interest which means they are much more likely to respond. When they reply, pay attention to what they said and build a conversation from there. [Read: How to make people like you: 35 tips to charm absolutely anyone]

6. Be relaxed and friendly

Make sure you keep your tone light, relaxed, and friendly. No one wants to hang out with someone too intense or desperate sounding, so just be chilled and keep it light and fun.

7. Don’t be too safe or generic

Remember, originality is key here! Don’t just stick to safe, boring topics. Being a little quirky or unusual is something most people find attractive, so don’t be afraid to take a few risks to capture their attention. [Read: 15 online dating tips]

8. Don’t keep on messaging without getting a reply

If they turned their phone off for a meeting and turned it back on again to receive five messages in a row from you, then it’s going to look pretty crazy.

Give someone time to respond. If you must wait a few days, so be it. If they can’t be bothered to reply, they are not worth your time in the first place.

9. Don’t make your initial messages really long

Keep it short and sweet in the first instance. You don’t need to give them your life story all at once. Instead, just stick to a few lines until you build a rapport and know one another better. [Read: Good Tinder bios that get you dates – 12 tweaks for a perfect bio]

10. Don’t be bitter about rejections

If they don’t reply or do but are dismissive, then just let them be. They are not worth your time anyway, so don’t bother getting angry or bitter about it. Just move on—there are plenty more fish in the sea after all.

11. Don’t be too sexual

It’s not a good idea to come on too strong. Don’t say anything overly sexual before you’ve even met. [Read: How to avoid online creeps]

How to get to know each other

If you aren’t trying to jump into a date but really want to see what you have in common and if they are worth setting up a date for, you’ll want to get to know them better. Here is what to say on Tinder when you want to get to know one another better.

12. Try to make them laugh

Humor is always a winner. If you are known for being a witty person, then use this to your advantage. Gentle teasing is also fun, so try to make them laugh—but don’t force it. [Read: Creative Tinder lines]

13. Pay attention to details

Remember always read what they write and pay attention to the details. People want to feel heard. They want to know you are interested in them, so don’t gloss over what they say or make the conversation all about you.

14. Don’t always reply right away

It’s okay to leave them waiting a while sometimes. This doesn’t mean you should play games, but don’t get so enveloped that you keep checking the app or ignore work or chores because of them. Add chatting with them to your life, don’t get obsessed.

15. Start flirting

Make sure after a few exchanges that you turn the conversation a bit flirty. Make sure there is chemistry between the two of you before you meet. [Read: How to flirt online – 11 super smooth ways to do it right]

16. Don’t let the conversation part go on for too long

Remember, you can’t just keep Tinder messaging forever. You must get out there at some point and meet them in the real world. After a few days of chat, it’s probably time you suggest you meet up.

17. Showcase your interests

Make sure they know what a busy and interesting life you lead. Getting to know someone includes finding out what they like and don’t like. Talk about the things you do, the hobbies and passions you have, and ask them about theirs too. [Read: 15 Tinder openers you need to try]

18. Open up

Keep the conversation flowing by remembering to ask lots of questions. And, while you hope they’ll answer your questions, be sure to answer theirs. They are also trying to get to know you. Otherwise, you run the risk of your chat just petering out.

19. Be genuine

Remember, if you are going to get on in real life, you need to be yourself. There is no point pretending to be someone or something you are not. Be genuine and see how it goes. [Read: The 30 best and worst words to describe yourself online]

20. Don’t brag

While telling them all about yourself is one thing, make sure you don’t appear arrogant. No one likes a bragger, and if you seem too self-involved, this could be enough to put them off.

21. Don’t get too personal

Remember, you haven’t even met this person in person yet. So even if you enjoy some really great conversations, don’t get too deep or too personal. Ask them out for a date instead.

22. Ask what they want

Some people may say that asking this before meeting is too early, but it will prevent you both from wasting your time. If they want to hook up once or have something casual while you’re looking for a real connection, it won’t work. If you meet and then find this out, you will have gotten your hopes up for nothing and be more upset later. [Read: 14 dos and donts of online dating]

Remember…

There will always be tips and tricks when it comes to what to say on Tinder, but keeping these general thoughts in mind will help you the most.

23. Use a witty and original opener

You don’t need to be a comedian, but saying something funny will make you both feel more at ease when it comes to continuing the conversation.

24. Ask questions and build a conversation from the answers

Don’t just ask question after question. If you asked about one of their photos, turn that into a conversation about travel or ask where their favorite place to visit is. [Read: All the things you should avoid when online dating]

25. Be funny *but don’t force it*

You don’t need to come up with joke after joke, but if you aren’t funny at all, you could come off as cold or intense.

26. Be available, but not too available

You want to be able to meet up within a week if they ask you out. But you don’t want to be canceling plans to meet them to switch things around for someone you barely know. It is easy to get excited about meeting someone, but try to keep your cool.

27. Try flirting a little

Flirting is always a good way to form a connection. Without flirting, you build a friendship which is fine, but that’s probably not what you’re looking for if you’re on Tinder.

28. Secure that date

Meet up before you become penpals. If you wait too long to meet, you will both build up expectations, and when you do meet, the nerves you’ll feel will be through the roof. Meet up sooner rather than later. [Read: How to use Tinder for love or a fling]

29. Video chat

Whether you’re both buys or just want to make sure they aren’t catfishing you, have a video chat. This is a great way to feel each other out before meeting. You may feel safer about meeting in person, and you will have some vibe of how it is to talk to them face to face.

30. Move on

If things aren’t going well, there is no need to force it or keep taking, especially if you haven’t met. Let them know you aren’t feeling it and move on. Tinder is about meeting people, not marrying the first person you message. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. /you want to meet the right person, not just anyone.

[Read: Pros and Cons of online dating]

Remember, you won’t always have a 100% success rate, but that’s okay. If you’re wondering what to say on Tinder, just keep being friendly, genuine, and most importantly, yourself, and you are sure to get there in the end!

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