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How to Start a Tinder Conversation and Snag a Date Every Time

how to start a tinder conversation

Tinder can be intimidating if you aren’t familiar with it. Even if you are, you may not know how to start a Tinder conversation. Here’s how.

Not everyone likes online dating because it frequently results in a lot of rejection. But it doesn’t have to! The key is to know what you’re doing. And since Tinder is the hottest dating app these days, you should know some key factors for how to start a Tinder conversation if you want to get a date.

How to start a Tinder conversation – Easy tips that work all the time

One of the most difficult parts of any online dating site or app, including Tinder, is how do you start a conversation with someone? It may be awkward for a lot of people. But here’s the good news. If you matched with someone, then they already have an interest in you!

So, don’t be shy. Contact them and see if you two might be compatible. Here’s how to start a Tinder conversation.

#1 Actually start a conversation. If you have used Tinder before, you know what I’m talking about. Many times, you’ll match with someone and get all excited. But then… crickets. They never message you. And you’re just waiting around bashing your head against a wall wondering why they changed their mind and don’t like you enough to message you.

Well, why don’t you be the one to take charge and start talking? Who says you have to wait for the other person? It seems a bit silly to say you like someone by swiping right and then never even talk to them. Knowing how to start a Tinder conversation is really not that difficult, and it starts right here. [Read: 11 must-know tips to start an online conversation with someone you like]

#2 Don’t just say “heyyy.” Okay, so you’ve decided to take the step and send them the first message. Great! Congratulations. Good choice. But now, what do you say? Ummm… not  “heyyy.” Or any variation of that for that matter. Not “hi” or “what’s up” or anything like that. Why?

Well, the reason is because it’s not meaningful. And it kind of looks like you’re too lazy to put any effort into starting a real conversation and learning about them.

In other words, it seems like you are just sending that short line to everyone you match with *which you probably are*. But people don’t want to feel like they are one of many. They want to feel like they are special. So, make your first message meaningful. [Read: 40 unbelievably cute things you can say to your crush]

#3 Don’t be cheesy. Believe it or not, there are worse things to say in a first message than “heyyy” or “hi.” There are a ton of cheesy lines that people use. But please, don’t do it. Don’t say anything like “Your eyes are as blue as the ocean” or “Did you just fall from Heaven?” or any other goofy pickup line like that.

I know Tinder can be a “hookup app” sometimes. And yes, there are people on there who only want to have sex and nothing more. So, if you’re one of those people, perhaps “heyyy” or one of the cheesy lines might work fine.

But if you’re actually trying to find a meaningful relationship with a respectable person, then you will have to stay away from the cheesy and bad pickup lines. [Read: Creative Tinder lines to snag you a date on the first try]

#4 Say it’s nice to meet them and introduce yourself. So now we know that you should stay away from cheesy pickup lines and one-word introductions, but what exactly should you say? Well, what do you say when you meet someone in person? You say your name, say it’s nice to meet you, and eventually you tell them something about yourself. If you want to know how to start a Tinder conversation right, this is how to do it.

Something like, “Hi John, I’m Jessica. Nice to meet you! I really liked your profile, and I think we have a lot in common. I’m a sales rep for Proctor and Gamble. What do you do for a living?”

Or sometimes it’s great to start out with introducing yourself followed up by, “How have you been enjoying your experience here on Tinder?” That always works well because almost everyone who has used Tinder usually says it stinks. And then you can laugh about it. It’s a great ice-breaker. [Read: Signs a girl likes you on Tinder – 15 things to keep your eye on]

#5 Don’t say anything possibly offensive. One thing you have to remember is that when you are communicating over text/messaging, everything can be misconstrued. You might think that your sarcasm is hilarious, but if someone doesn’t know you, they might not catch on to your sarcasm.

Or even if you think someone is hot, don’t go and comment on their body parts… that’s just gross. Save that for when you’re in a relationship with them.

Getting too personal or saying things that could be offensive to someone definitely won’t win you a date. So, err on the side of caution until you really get to know the person well.

#6 Write back. If someone messages you first, write back! Even if you have changed your mind about them, politely tell them so. You don’t have to be rude, but you can some something nice like “I just met someone and I am going to see where it goes with them. But I wish you the best of luck on your journey to find love!”

Ignoring someone is one of the worst things you can do. It’s like you’re treating them as a non-human… as if they don’t even exist. So please acknowledge everyone who messages you first. You would want them to do the same if the roles were reversed, right? [Read: What is ghosting and how it affects you as a person]

#7 Ask questions about them. People like it when others ask about them. After all, you’re potentially looking for a relationship, right? Even if you’re looking for something more casual, you will need to know something about them. So… ask! Ask them what they do for a living, if they have kids, what they like to do for fun, or anything else you want to know.

Basically, think of it as if you are talking to them face to face. What would you say? What questions would you ask them? What questions would you want someone to ask about you?

#8 Ask questions that are important to you. When I’ve done online dating, I ask things like if they are an introvert or extrovert, what they are looking for *dating, casual, relationship, marriage, etc.,* if they have kids, how long they have been divorced, and other questions of that nature.

I ask them these things because they’re all important to me. And based on their answers, I can tell whether or not I want to move forward with them. [Read: How to spot the liars on an online dating site]

But you have your own questions that are important to you. Maybe you’re very active, so you want to make sure they can keep up with you. Or you don’t want to date someone with small children. Whatever you think is important, ask them about it.

#9 Keep writing back, and don’t disappear. Part of knowing how to start a Tinder conversation is that you don’t disappear. There’s nothing more frustrating than when you are messaging someone back and forth and then they just disappear. And you wonder, “Did I say something wrong?” It’s not a good feeling. So, don’t just slink off into the night with no warning. That is not a classy thing to do.

Instead, if you have lost interest in them, then tell them. It’s not easy to let someone down, but they will respect you for it. Just let them know that you don’t think you are a good match for whatever reason.

[Read: Online dating woes – 8 most common Tinder horror stories]

The dating world can be really fun if you know how to do it right. So, if you have ever wondered how to start a Tinder conversation, try these tips and you’ll get a date in no time!

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Dr. Carol Morgan
Dr. Carol Morgan
Dr. Carol Morgan has a Ph.D. in communication and is a professor at Wright State University where she loves corrupting young minds. As a relationship and succes...

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