Not everyone was born a social butterfly. But if you find yourself wondering why you have no friends, here are some reasons you might be friend-less.
Our world really values extroverted personalities and being social. But maybe you feel like you missed the memo on that one. You might be home alone night after night, with no friends, and with no one to call or text. While you might like it that way, it does get lonely… doesn’t it?
Reasons why you might have no friends
Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out why you have no friends. Everyone is different, so not all of these reasons are going to apply to you. But if you read them and say to yourself, “Oooops, that’s me!” then you should start taking a good, long look in the mirror.
I have to warn you, some of these might be uncomfortable for you to read. It’s always painful to look inside ourselves and admit that we have flaws. And it’s even more difficult to decide to change them and improve ourselves. But it can be done.
#1 You’re selfish. Ouch. No one wants to admit that they are selfish, do they? I mean, don’t people always point the finger at other people instead? Yes, yes, they do. But don’t be one of those people.
Do you always want to do things your way? Is your attitude always, “It’s my way or the highway?” Yeah, ummm, I’m here to tell you that just doesn’t fly with most people. I mean, come on. How would you feel if you never got anything you want? Exactly. So, don’t do that to other people. If you do, they won’t want to hang around you. And then you’ll continue having no friends. [Read: 12 signs you’re the selfish one in your relationships]
#2 You’re too introverted. Now, this isn’t something you can change very easily. We are who we are. It’s not like you’re going to go from a shy hermit who barely leaves the house to a social butterfly overnight… or ever, for that matter. But that doesn’t mean you can’t change a little.
Some introverts really do go into hermit mode and they never contact people. After a while, their more extroverted friends take it personally, or at the very least, give up on them. It’s not fun having a one-way friendship. You have to give, at least a little, in every relationship. So, try to reach out to people more, and maybe they’ll start coming around again. [Read: How to be more outgoing – 12 ways to step out of the comfort zone]
#3 You don’t take personal responsibility. There is nothing worse than someone who thinks they can do no wrong. I mean, do you like people who never take responsibility for their part of something? Of course not! And what’s even worse is if the person blames you.
So, if you’re one of those people who is always dodging taking responsibility for your actions, or if you’re making up lies to avoid getting caught, then why would someone want to be your friend? I know I wouldn’t. I drop people like that like hot potatoes. [Read: 23 secret signs of narcissism people overlook until it’s too late]
#4 You’re Debbie Downer. I have a friend who, when I first met her, I thought was super friendly and fun. We worked together, and she was a great conversationalist, and laughed a lot. That’s why I wanted to hang out with her.
But… then I saw the REAL her. Every time I saw her and asked, “Hey, how are you doing?” She’d always respond with a laundry list of things that are going wrong in her life. And they were always the same things. She was overworked at her job. Her kids were being buttheads and weren’t talking to her. She would moan and groan and complain.
Guess what? I don’t hang out with her anymore. I just got to the point where I couldn’t stand her negativity. Sure, we all have problems. But do you really need to unload all of yours on your friends? All. The. Time. No, you don’t!
#5 You’re a drama queen/king. I have another friend who, whenever I’m with her, she’s always telling me about the fight she’s having with so-and-so. And that she’s having an affair on her husband. You know the type. Some people just crave attention and drama. They just do. They can’t truly connect with other people because they are too busy getting wrapped up in drama.
I don’t know why they do this. Maybe it’s so they can feel alive, even though it’s negative aliveness. But if you’re one of these people, maybe the reason you have no friends is because they just can’t stand your drama anymore – especially if it involves them. [Read: Drama queen alert! 12 ways to calmly deal with the diva]
#6 You’re a liar. Who likes a liar? Not me. I dropped another friend for that reason. Obviously, I didn’t know she was a liar at first. It took a while for me to notice it. But she was a liar on a level I had never seen before. She told huge, creative lies that I think she actually believed herself.
#7 You’re chronically late. Don’t get mad at me for this one. But this is one of my pet peeves, and another reason I dropped the chronic liar friend because she was always late. And I’m not talking 5 or 10 minutes late. I’m talking about the kind of late where you sit for an hour or two waiting for her to show up to the restaurant. And then she waltzes in with no apology. Nope. Gone.
Other people’s time is valuable. Don’t be selfish and waste it! If you’re late, then try harder to be on time. It’s rude to keep people waiting, and it could be a reason you have no friends.
#8 You’re a flake. Oh, I think I must have had all of these kinds of friends. The flake friend is one who makes plans with you and either forgets, or bails on you at the last minute. You can never count on them.
#9 You take things too personally and can’t forgive. Listen, everything is not about you. And other people’s behaviors aren’t about you all the time either. Their actions represent who they are, not who you are.
So, if you are the kind of person who blows up at other people because you take things too seriously and too personally, and then you hold a grudge forever, umm, that would be a reason you have no friends.
Yes, yes, I have an ex-friend like that too. I dropped her because she got mad at me for stupid stuff. And even after I apologized profusely, she would hold a grudge and not talk to me for 8-9 months at a time. Really?! Like are we second graders here? I felt like I was always walking around on eggshells around her. And that’s not a real friendship. [Read: Good friends are like stars – How to build lasting friendships]
#10 You’re an energy vampire. If you’re a Debbie Downer, then you’re also an energy vampire. What I mean by that is that you suck the life out of people. You pull on their energy so much that they feel drained in your presence. They don’t feel uplifted and happy, they feel like they have to go re-charge their batteries because you just sucked everything all out of them.
Like I said, this was probably not easy to read. But if you want to figure out why you have no friends, then it all starts with examining yourself, changing who you are, and only then, will people want to be around you.
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Dr. Carol Morgan
Dr. Carol Morgan has a Ph.D. in communication and is a professor at Wright State University where she loves corrupting young minds. As a relationship and succes...