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42 Reasons, Types, Signs & Steps to Stop Lying to Yourself & Everyone Else

Do you lie a lot? Do you keep getting caught up in your own untruths? If you’re a serial liar, this feature will show you how to stop.

how to stop lying

Do you want to know how to stop lying? To be honest, sometimes it’s alright to lie. A white lie can be better than the harsh truth, and lying can seem like a better or safer alternative when reality bites. As long as you know how to manipulate the truth without being caught, lying can be used for good.

It can make you seem more innocent and a generally nicer person. And it’s so easy! However, what starts off as a little white lie now and then could turn into something deeper and darker. It’s just as easy for lying to go out of control. [Read: Should you ever confess to cheating on your partner?]

If you tell too many lies, you can damage your relationships – with yourself and with your partner. This feature will show you the damage lies can do, why it’s important to tell the truth, and how to stop lying.

Why tell the truth?

Truth is important. It builds our self-worth and strengthens our relationships with others. If we can’t trust somebody to tell the truth, we don’t often want them as a friend. This is because being honest is a key part of building a bond.

If you still don’t understand the gravity of how bad lying is, let’s quickly talk about catfishes. Have you ever heard the term “catfish”?

It’s when somebody starts dating a young, hot person online, only to meet up with them IRL and find they’re an old, ugly troll. So, what’s the relevance here? Well, if you lie to somebody, even if it’s not about your appearance, you’re being a catfish.

[Read: Is he lying? 21 ways to tell if your guy is a liar, and how to see through his lies]

You’re showing them a false persona instead of the real you. Remember, strong relationships are based on honesty and trust. If somebody falls in love with a fake version of you, how can they ever hope to love the real you in a deep, genuine relationship?

Plus, if they don’t love the real you, that’s going to lower your self-esteem. You won’t feel loved for who you are. And you won’t get to see yourself through your partner’s eyes and understand that even your flaws are loveable.

That’s why it’s important to tell the truth at every stage of dating. Whether you’ve just met or are going strong, you always need to be truthful with your partner.

[Read: 20 big-but-subtle signs you’re talking to a liar]

How to stop lying

If you have lied before… don’t beat yourself up. It can hurt when your partner catches you in a lie, but the only reason you were doing it is because you wanted to spare them – or yourself – some pain.

Lying to someone you care about will save you a few explanations, but it’ll lead to you feeling guilty all the time. And it’ll damage your relationship. So, if you want to lead a better life, you need to free yourself from lies.

Wouldn’t it be better if you could just tell the truth straight out? You could feel good inside instead of guilty, as you’re no longer concocting lie after lie to maintain your web of deception.

[Read: 46 must-dos to build back trust after lying in a relationship]

Besides, after all is said and done, is lying even worth it when it only makes you feel worse?

If you want to know how to stop lying to yourself, your partner, and all your loved ones, you need to get to the bottom of your lies and understand where all your lies begin.

Why do you lie?

People lie for a lot of reasons, but your lies could affect your life in more ways than one.

When you lie, do you try to convince yourself that what you’re saying is the truth? If you cheated on your partner because you were horny, do you tell yourself that it was because your partner neglected you? [Read: How to confess to cheating in love]

Stop trying to convince yourself. Most people lie to themselves because they want to convince themselves that the lie is the truth. And it’s a dangerous game.

Eventually, you’ll only believe what you choose to believe, and you’ll start to erase all other thoughts that make you look bad from your mind.

On the other hand, do you avoid telling the truth because you’re afraid the truth will make you appear weak or vulnerable? Maybe you don’t want to reveal your weaknesses, so you lie to cover them up. [Read: The types of liars, and how to confront them without losing your cool]

Whatever the truth is, you should never be afraid to share it with somebody you love. The whole point of being in a relationship is to give each other mutual, unconditional support. After all, if you can’t tell your partner, who can you tell?

The real reasons why you’re lying

Here are seven common reasons why people lie compulsively. Do you find yourself agreeing with any of these reasons?

1. It comes naturally, and it’s easy

It’s like waving hello to someone on the street. You’re so used to lying you don’t think before you do it. The untruths just come out naturally.

2. You feel ashamed

You lie to cover up a few things about yourself that you’re ashamed about, be it your upbringing, your past relationships, or something else. [Read: The right way to talk about past relationships]

3. You don’t want to hurt someone else

You fear you’ll break someone else’s heart by telling the truth. In most cases, you’ve done something wrong intentionally, and you know that revealing your weak moment will only hurt the one you love.

4. You don’t want to be judged

Some people just can’t imagine letting anyone else know their deep, dark secrets. If you live a secret life and don’t want people to judge you negatively because of your interests, you may end up lying.

5. You don’t want to get hurt

It’s easier to lie than face the consequences of your actions. But at the same time, if this is why you find yourself telling lies, you should realize that your lie may get someone else in trouble later.

6. You think it’s the easier way out

Telling the truth is complicated and very difficult. Sometimes, it can affect you negatively and make your life messier. So, to save the mess, you tell a simpler lie. [Read: How to spot a compulsive liar – the signs it’s time to walk away]

7. You don’t respect yourself

Maybe you don’t think you have a genuine answer that’s convincing enough. You think you aren’t good enough, and no truthful reason you have will convince someone otherwise.

The different types of lies

Now you know the reasons why you tell lies and the effect your lying habit can have on yourself and your relationships. But you still have lots more to learn if you really want to stop your lying problem in its tracks.

When you think of lying, you’ll most likely imagine a simple definition: saying things that aren’t true. However, lying can be far more complex than that. There are many different types of lies.

Some of these types are very straightforward and easy to recognize. You’ll know that you’re lying when you do them, and you’ll know you’re doing something wrong. [Read: Why do people lie in relationships? The reasons why we fib]

Yet other types are more sneaky. They may not seem like lying at all. However, these subtle kinds of lying are just as dangerous as the obvious kinds – and can cause just as many problems. Let’s go through the different types of lying.

1. White lies

White lies are often considered the least serious kind of lie. If you’re telling a little white lie with good intentions, you’re not doing anything bad, right? Wrong.

White lies are still lies, and they will break your partner’s trust. Finding out you weren’t honest will hurt them much more than whatever you were lying about.

2. Lies by omission

Have you ever left a couple of details out to make a story sound better? Or maybe you let your partner believe things were a different way and decided not to correct them? These are both examples of lying by omission.

Lying by omission means leaving out key information in order to mislead somebody. Also, it means choosing not to correct somebody’s misconceptions. Unless you give someone the whole truth, you’re lying! [Read: How to tell if somebody is lying about cheating on you]

3. Exaggerations

Sure, making parts of your story more exciting by adding a few things here and there might seem harmless. But it’s actually a form of lying. Exaggeration is, in fact, lying – it’s distorting the truth, and that’s dishonest.

4. “Gray” or subtle lies

It’s not quite a white lie, but it’s not an outright lie, either. So, it’s a gray lie. Gray lies are like white lies but less selfless; they’re partially to help others but mostly to help ourselves.

It’s easy to tell yourself you’re only telling a gray lie to save somebody’s feelings – but are you really being kind? Even if what you’re saying seems like the truth, it’s still lying and still wrong.

5. Complete untruths

Complete untruths are the traditional type of lie: saying something that just isn’t true. You’ve most likely known these were wrong since you were a child, so avoid them at all costs. [Read: All the lessons I learned from being lied to for 5 years]

Ways to stop lying

The benefits of lying may be several, and it might seem like a good idea. But in the end, it all comes down to this: do you like the person you’ve become? Do you like lying to the ones who love you and trust you with all their heart?

If you genuinely want to stop lying and transform your life into a happy, guilt-free, and less panicky existence here’s what you need to do.

[Read: 50 signs of a good relationship that show it’s a keeper]

1. Understand the fact

Realize that the lying is getting out of control. You don’t like the fact that you lie so much to everyone, so why lie?

2. Have self-respect

Most liars don’t have self-respect. They believe that the truth would make them appear bad.

But believe in yourself and respect yourself. You’ll become a better person and refrain from doing anything that may force you to lie.

3. Have moral principles

If you have strong principles and follow them, you won’t have to lie to anyone. Be your own judge and avoid indulging in something that you have to lie about.

If you have to lie about it, you know that whatever you’re doing is wrong, so why do it in the first place? [Read: How to resist temptation in love and stay strong]

4. If you’re wrong, you’re wrong

Learn to accept it’s your fault instead of letting someone else take the blame. Sometimes, the consequences can feel better than the guilt.

5. Don’t answer too fast

It’s alright to take time to think. Compulsive liars don’t think before they talk. Lies just flow out even before they make up their mind about whether they want to lie or tell the truth. So pause before answering and make the choice to tell the truth.

6. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes

Would you like to be lied to all the time? Wouldn’t you feel hurt if you knew that your partner is constantly lying through their teeth for no reason at all? Well, we hate to say it, but that’s how your partner feels. [Read: The 80/20 rule in relationships and why it’s so important for happy love]

7. Talk to someone you trust

Find a trustworthy person that won’t judge you and tell them your deepest secrets. If you don’t feel brave enough, do it on paper, with an anonymous friend, or share it in the comments below. You’ll feel better about yourself.

8. Examine your triggers

Is there a certain situation where you always find yourself lying? Ask yourself: what is it about that situation that makes you less truthful? Try and find what it is that triggers your urge to lie.

9. Practice setting — and sticking to — your boundaries *so you won’t have to lie*

Set boundaries that keep you away from situations that might make you want to lie later. In short, try and avoid doing bad things! Stick to situations that won’t make you feel guilty or shameful.

10. Ask yourself, ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’

If you did tell the truth, what’s the worst that can happen? Would the damage really be as bad as you think, or would you be even worse off if you lied? [Read: The things you should never lie about on a first date]

11. Take it one day at a time

Nobody’s perfect. As you begin your journey toward becoming a more truthful person, you won’t get it right every time. Forgive yourself if you tell a few small lies along the way.

12. You can tell the truth without telling all

Sometimes it’s possible to tell the truth without telling the whole truth. If there are parts of the truth you’d rather keep to yourself, a half-truth is always better than an all-out lie.

13. Consider the goal of the lie

Why are you lying? Are your intentions good or bad? Helpful or hurtful? If you think that your lie is a noble one, consider if you’re really just being self-preserving or evasive.

[Read: Are you hurting people with pathological lies?]

14. Practice acceptance

It’s important to accept the consequences of our actions. This is one of the most valuable lessons we learn in life! It might be easier to lie but think of toughing out the hard road as a learning experience.

15. Avoid trying to justify or validate dishonesty

Being dishonest has seemed justifiable all through your lying life – it’s time to break that habit. Our brains have a nasty way of making us believe unforgivable things *like dishonesty* aren’t really that bad.

16. Ask yourself if a lie is really necessary

Look yourself in the eye and ask if a lie really is the only way. You’ll probably find that your usual knee-jerk reaction isn’t the only way at all!

17. Check if your lying feels compulsive

Do you feel like you can’t stop lying? Do you find yourself lying when you don’t want or ‘need’ to? If your lies are compulsive and making you feel bad, it’s time to recognize that you’ve got a problem.

[Read: How to build trust in a relationship and learn to be loyal]

Getting to the bottom of your lies

Why do you lie so much? It could be childhood experiences or a life-altering experience that convinced your mind to start lying.

So why do you lie? Do you have a cheating past, or do you have one major experience that revealed the good side of lying to you? Ask yourself when it all began and find a way to let that old you know that it’s alright to tell the truth.

[Read: Perfect things to talk about in a perfect relationship]

Find Alternatives to Lying

You know why you lie and that you want to stop. One way to do this is to find alternatives to lying. Utilizing these is easy – when you get the urge to lie, there are strategies you can use when you’d usually tell a fib!

We all know telling the truth is hard. These alternatives are a stepping stone between your usual lies and the truthfulness you’re aiming for.

Finding alternatives to lying can help you break out of your usual cycle of dishonesty. Here are a few to consider going forward:

1. Start small

Start telling small truths – the easy ones. You can practice avoiding untruths and telling people things they don’t want to hear.

Don’t start your journey toward truth by airing your deepest darkest secrets; start small!

2. Be kind and tactful

Now you’re avoiding your usual dishonest approach to protecting those you love, you need to tell the truth in an equally protective way.

Be kind. Be tactful, gentle and consider the impact of the truth – if you don’t, the truth can potentially be as painful for the hearer as a lie!

3. Write it down

If you can’t say something out loud, write it down. Write a letter telling the person in question that truth you find it so hard to tell. A letter might feel impersonal, but it’s much better than a pack of lies.

4. Don’t share everything

Don’t overshare. Unnecessary details and information can be a way of concealing the truth; muddying the water is just another form of lie.

Start telling the truth by telling, say, the easiest twenty percent of what somebody needs to know. Tell the rest later.

5. Change the subject

When that old urge to make something up rears its head, change the subject. Turn the conversation around to something else that doesn’t make you want to lie. Lying is a crime of opportunity, so take those opportunities away.

6. Talk to a professional

If you really really can’t stop lying, then the first step is admitting you have a problem. You deserve better than hurting yourself and those around you.

There’s no shame in seeking professional help from a therapist, counselor, or even doctor that you trust.

[Read: Why women lie and think it’s OK to lie to you]

Signs of a Lying Problem

When something in your life is becoming a problem behavior, it can be tough to admit. However, if you have a lying problem, the effects will be obvious.

Are people around you starting to be affected? Does it hurt to lie, but you can’t stop? Do you lie when you don’t ‘have’ to, just because you can?

Many people struggle with compulsive lying. Before you seek help, here are some signs to look for if you’re trying to tell if you’re one of them.

1. You tell lies for no justifiable reason

Have you reached a point where you no longer know why you’re lying? People with a lying problem don’t lie because they need to or even want to, but just because they can. Lying has become like breathing.

2. You find ways to excuse the inexcusable

Dishonesty isn’t excusable, but in your head, it is. You think your lies are necessary to protect people you care about from the truth. In reality, the opposite is the case. Your brain’s just addicted to lying.

3. You make up people and events

Do you find yourself bringing up people and places that don’t exist? Whether you do it to seem more interesting or even to save embarrassment, it’s just not healthy to create a fantasy world. Your imaginary friends will start to replace your real ones.

4. Other people start to comment

Are you becoming known as a liar? Do people mention that you ‘make things up’? Comments like these aren’t positive. When other people notice, it’s a sure sign that a problem exists.

5. People close to you no longer trust you

As you become known for lying, people will trust you less – even those you love the most. If you want to maintain a life filled with people who support and care for you, confront your dishonesty problem ASAP.

6. No one knows ‘the real you’

A lying life is a lonely life. When we tell lies, we put up a wall between ourselves and everybody else. Nobody can get to know the real, wonderful you if you present them with a cheap, fake copy!

7. Your lies have led to disastrous consequences

People with a lying problem are approaching disaster. Your job, relationships, work, or other opportunities can be in danger as a result of your lies.

No matter if you’ve reached this point or you’re just coming close, it’s time to do something.

What happens if you don’t stop lying?

Well, the short and simple answer is this… you’ll lose yourself. You won’t know who you are anymore. You’ll just be a machine that spews lies all the time without even thinking.

And at times, your lies may seem so silly and fake that people around you will realize you’re a serial liar – and start distancing themselves from you!

And before you know it, no loved one would even trust you or care about what you say because they’d be convinced that all you do is lie.

[Read: Tips to deal with a complicated relationship]

Lying may seem like an easier way out. But unless you have no choice, learn how to stop lying, both to yourself and to the ones who love you. You’ll feel a lot better on the inside, and you’ll have better relationships too!

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...