Sex is fun, exciting, naughty, intimate, and sometimes… pretty unsatisfying. For men, the permanently visual motivation helps them finish, but there are instances when they don’t. Usually, it’s just due to stress or tiredness. It can also be traced to bigger issues, like boredom after the woman does nothing to contribute to their sex life for several months or years.
Meanwhile, for women it’s a process. Touch the right spots at the right times, and she’s going to purr, moan, and groan.
In other words, a woman can be attracted to you, love you even, and still feel like you’re lacking in the sack. Women are harder to please, and far more willing to take time to unleash passion.
Are you bad in bed? The ten basic clues to swear by
So how do you know when your woman really feels it or just faking it to make it end quicker? How do you know when she’s not enjoying your “moves” at all?
#1 She flat-out tells you. Whether it’s in a harsh, blunt way or a gentler letdown. Granted, this is a blow to your ego, but you owe this woman pretty much everything right now. Not only did she tell you what the women before her didn’t *assuming you weren’t a virgin when you two got it on*, she gives you a chance to learn what she likes and dislikes.
Asking her what bothers her, and what she enjoys the most, are two very important questions. Also, ask if she likes different speeds, angles, positions, or certain levels of roughness/gentleness. [Read: Awkward signs you’re having bad sex with your lover]
#2 She’s stiff as a board. She also looks uncomfortable when you touch a certain area. Alright, time to roll your eyes at us. All women have that one part of their body that they just don’t like being touched. It doesn’t matter how flawless you think she is.
No matter if she is gorgeous and confident but still has one spot where she gets uncomfortable. For instance, if she gives you a hand-job and you place your hand on her back or waist, and that’s the bad spot for her, she tenses up a little. Maybe she tries to disguise it or distract you into touching another spot on her body instead. Sometimes, she’ll let it happen, but you’ll sense her rigidness when you do it.
#3 You literally and figuratively hear the crickets, but you’re not outdoors. Again, this applies to every single woman. She can be quiet as a church mouse in bed, maybe she’s that type, but she’ll always moan softly or breathe heavily.
If your better half remains so quiet you have to change positions and look at her face to make sure she’s not asleep, there’s something awful going through her mind. “I wonder what it feels like for him, because I feel nothing… I wonder if there’s something new on Netflix.” [Read: 20 things you can do to get your woman really horny and in the mood]
#4 She used the fake orgasm. How men fall for this is a mystery to every woman everywhere. It gives off a bad impression of women. Truth be told, as you get older, women and men mature about this topic. Women realize men need to be trained, so to speak, and the only way men learn how to please their woman is by listening to their responses when he does something.
Women who moan in pleasure when the guy does nothing satisfying do themselves and their partner a disservice. Giving clues when something is very good ensures you experience a satisfying climax every time. [Read: 22 common reasons why women fake an orgasm in bed]
With that being said, if she has an orgasm, you can tell. There’s going to be a build-up, where you sense her getting closer and closer to climaxing. She’ll shake *if you do your job fantastically*, and her vagina tightens. This means if she’s quiet and, suddenly, you hear a loud, dramatic “orgasm,” but didn’t see any of these signs, your girl faked it.
Before assuming the worst, she tries to be nice and make you feel like a man. She doesn’t want you walking away knowing you failed to get her off. However, chances are it’s not your fault! A female orgasm has more to do with her mental state than what you’re doing. But that’s an important part of it too. [Read: How to make a woman orgasm – 15 secrets to master the art]
#5 She gets worried and asks questions that makes your dick soft in about five seconds. If she asks why you take too long, why you finish so soon, why you’re going limp on her, or if anything is wrong, you basically mishear her correctly. Your dick gets it though. You’re not doing a particularly spectacular, firecracker-throwing, car-chasing, vagina-wetting job.
She wonders if you’ve uncovered something else that gets you off quicker, or if you’re going to finish before she even busts out an orgasm. She wonders if you’re going soft because something is the matter, or if you experience some type of early-onset erectile dysfunction. All these worries, you guessed it, aren’t doing much for her climaxing department. [Read: 20 effortless moves to last longer in bed without any difficulty]
#6 She looks bored while she finishes you up. And possibly yawns. Say your partner is finishing you up, be it with a hand-job, blow-job, or regular sex. If she yawns at any point in time, you’re boring her stupid. This is always the case, unless she’s sleep deprived, yet horny, then it’s a moot point, but you’re a terrible person for not focusing on her so she can get some sleep. Come on, be a gentleman.
If she’s doing her thing, and looks like she would rather be doing something else, anything else, well… that’s because she’s thinking of other things. Droopy eyes, sighs, straight lips, stiffness, and silence tend to be giveaways.
Now, if that’s just how she always does it, then congratulations, you’ve found yourself the most boring girl to have sex with ever. Imagine your sex life in ten or twenty years! [Read: Mind-blowing sex: 12 moves to go from boring to oh-hot-damn]
#7 She wiggles out of whatever you’re doing and starts taking the reins. This is hot for some men. For other guys, it feels pretty hurtful. If you do it all wrong, and she’s fed up with your shenanigans, she may reach the point where she wiggles out of your grasp, and takes control herself.
If this is the case, let her do her thing. Rather than take it personally, see it as a learning opportunity. She shows you what she likes, and how she likes it, so take note.
Now, sometimes she can just be very into it, and takes control for the sake of pleasing you. There’s a difference. She’ll be into it and say something. If she looks more like she’s taking control so she can finish, then cross your fingers and hope you’re graded on a curve. [Read: 18 sex tips for men to make her crave for more]
#8 She keeps readjusting herself and you. For instance, she readjusts her position and asks you to stop so she can get comfortable. She could be switching from doggy-style to missionary, then ask if you can try it up against the wall or on the dresser. Of course, this gives off the impression she’s into it, but don’t be fooled, there’s a difference, yet again.
If she’s into it and switching positions, you’ll know. She talks dirty, or gives you bedroom eyes, or leads you to other parts of the house. On the other hand, if she’s doing it to try and get comfortable, she looks frustrated and probably won’t lead you to the spots she wants to try.
#9 You’re hell-bent on making her orgasm, and she knows it. This is more about you than it is about her. When you’re hell-bent, you probably try your all to make her orgasm. Perhaps going too fast, or too deep, or changing positions every two minutes to see if she climaxes.
The more you do these things, the more pressure she feels to orgasm. It doesn’t relax her, it stresses her out. Can anyone say “so not sexy?” [Read: Cunnilingus pro: 16 ways to use your tongue and blow her mind]
#10 She never initiates sex. Or she asks if everything’s alright when you don’t do it. If she never does this, then she isn’t that interested in having sex with you. Or, perhaps more realistically, she prefers taking care of her orgasms herself, without you.
When a woman loves the way you do her, she wants to get it on and let it be shown by coming onto you. Or by asking you if you’re too tired, assuming you haven’t done it all day/night.
[Read: How to spice up the bedroom: 22 tips to set the bed on fire]
If your girl isn’t enjoying the sexy time you’ve been giving her, don’t lose heart. Something as simple as asking her what she likes, or listening and watching for clues, solves your problem.
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