When you’re constantly surrounded by negative events, it’s easy to start wondering, am I a bad person? If things seem to be falling apart for you at the moment, or you’re not spending as much time with those you care about as you normally would, repeat after us—you are NOT a bad person!
The world is strange and uncertain a lot of the time. It’s no wonder that many of us are feeling a little low or even anxious about what’s going to happen in life. That can cause you to feel indifferent about yourself and it can also end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy – If you expect bad things to happen, then happen they will!
[Read: 15 signs of a toxic person to recognize the bad ones in your life]
Look at the world we’re living in – it’s such an unfair, upside-down, backward place sometimes. Why can’t we all just be friends and get along? It makes you wonder, that’s for sure. Within all of this, mental health starts to suffer. [Read: What to do when you’re emotionally exhausted and just can’t deal]
When things go wrong, one thing after the other, it’s easy to assume it’s some kind of cosmic karma. But let us tell you something—we know countless wonderfully positive and kind people, and for some reason, nothing goes right for them either. They would never fall into the ‘bad person’ category, so it’s very likely to be the same situation for you.
Life can be like that sometimes.
Let me tell you a story. A year or so ago, a series of events left me wondering whether all the negative things in my life were connected. I questioned whether I was actually some kind of undercover narcissist, or whether I was actually being punished for something I’d done in a former life. [Read: How to stop feeling blue and break free from the comfort of misery]
I had a string of friendships that ended rather abruptly. My relationship went a little strange for a while. I had no energy and couldn’t focus on anything for long. I wondered whether all of this was somehow my fault. Was I a terrible person and a terrible friend? Was I really to blame for everything negative that went on around me?
It might sound drastic when you’re not in the situation, but when a series of negative events occur in your life, within a short time scale, it’s very easy to wonder why.
At the time, the only so-called ‘reasonable’ explanation is that it’s down to you. You then question, am I a bad person, and you come to the conclusion that you must be, somehow. [Read: Am I a bad friend? The bad friendship skills that push people away]
Of course, the chances of this actually being true are extremely remote. I now know that I was simply going through a rough patch. I can’t be blamed for the fact that a few friendships ended for no specific reason. Of course, I might have been to blame in some small way, but it was probably mutual and maybe those friendships had simply run their course.
Deep down, I know now that I’m a good person with a kind heart, and sometimes, a run of bad things just happen in life. What makes the difference is how you cope with it and how you bounce back. [Read: How to stop feeling sorry for yourself, end the pity party and break out]
If you often sit and ponder, am I a bad person, ask yourself these questions:
– Do you deliberately set out to hurt people?
– Do you think about only yourself and don’t care about anyone else?
– Before you do whatever it is you’re thinking of doing, do you think about the consequences of your actions? [Read: 10 Common mistakes that women make in relationships]
– When you know you might hurt someone, do you press on and do it anyway?
– Do you refuse to take accountability for anything you do?
Now, dear reader, we don’t know you personally, but the fact you’re sitting there and wondering if you’re a bad person tells us that the above points don’t apply to you. The reason? Because a truly bad person wouldn’t even care whether they were bad or not! They wouldn’t spend any time wondering about it. The fact that you are, means you’re actually good and kind at heart.
There are a million reasons why you might ask yourself this question, but the likelihood is that you’re simply affected by a circle of negativity around you. [Read: How to stop negative people from sapping your energy]
However, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t something lingering in your past that is causing you a little upset right now. If this is the case, be brave and identify what it might be.
Own up to it yourself and question what you can do to make things better, if anything at all.
It could be that the ship has sailed and life has moved on, but you still feel a niggling amount of guilt at something you said or did in the past. If you want to apologize to someone for something that happened in the past, you can do so if you want to. However, it’s also just as wise to leave the past where it’s meant to be… behind you. [Read: How to let go of the past and be excited by the future]
Forgive yourself, vow to do better next time, don’t dwell on something you can’t change, and simply do your best to move on.
Nobody is perfect. Not even Beyonce.
We know, shocking right? [Read: How to become a better person by following these 9 golden rules]
Mistakes make you stronger in the future. They teach you lessons to help you do better. I have a friend who used to be a terrible partner in the past. He’ll own up to it now if you ask him, and he’ll show remorse too. He used to gaslight, cheat, refuse to call back, he was a terrible partner. It’s no surprise that his relationships never lasted long.
Now, he sat down one day and asked himself, am I a bad person? He realized that yes, he had made mistakes, and yes, he needed to do better. But does all of this make him rotten at his core? No. The reason why? Because he realized his mistakes and vowed to change. [Read: Move on, learn how to forgive yourself for cheating and not telling]
Nowadays, he’s in a committed relationship with a lovely girl who he treats like the queen she deserves to be. Is he perfect now? Of course not, but nobody is. The point is, if you’ve done something bad in the past, as long as you acknowledge it, forgive yourself, apologize where necessary, and learn from it, how can you be bad?
If a series of negative events seem to be popping up around you, take heart in the fact that you’re not alone. None of this is your fault. The world is just pretty negative right now in general. However, that doesn’t mean YOU have to be negative. Focus on cultivating a positive mindset and see how different it makes you feel. [Read: How to deal with guilt & drop the baggage weighing you down]
It never hurts to try and boost your karma points. Nobody is perfect in this world of ours and you might want to do a little self-improvement work on yourself. Good for you! In that case, you might be wondering how you can become a better person.
Remember, there’s nothing wrong with you as you are! We’ve already established that you’re probably not a bad person at all and maybe a few bad things have just happened at the same time. However, there are always things we can do to improve – we can all do better, after all! [Read: How to be a better person – 13 Ways to grow into a kind human]
You have no idea what other people are going through. By walking a mile in their stones, metaphorically speaking, you can understand them much better. As a result, you can help them.
Use your empathy by trying to place yourself in the same situation as someone else. How would you react? Does that explain their behavior and words? With that information, what can you do to help them?
We all think we know how to listen, but how many actually do? Few! Active listening is about not only listening to the words and letting them float in and out of your brain, but looking out for other cues too.
Body language, speed of speech, facial expressions, hand gestures, tone of voice, whether they’re making eye contact or not. These are all things you need to pay attention to when learning how to listen. When you can really listen to someone, you can help them feel better. [Read: 10 ways to be a better listener in your relationship]
Every day, make sure that you do one good deed. It doesn’t have to be anything earth-shattering; it can be as simple as holding the elevator doors as someone is rushing towards it.
Small and random acts of kindness might not seem like much to you, but you don’t know the impact they have on other people.
How many times in the past have you committed to something and then tried to wriggle out of it?
Maybe you’ve said you’ll do something for someone and then not done it. You’re asking am I a bad person and while these things don’t make you bad, they don’t make you good either!
If you say you’re going to do something, simply make sure that you do it. And first, don’t agree to anything you don’t have any intention of doing! [Read: 19 life quotes to motivate you to live a better life]
It’s very easy to let your emotions get the better of you. Perhaps you say something in the heat of the moment and then regret it afterward.
If you want to learn how to be a good person, you can start by making sure that you take a second to think before you speak. That way, you’re not accidentally hurting someone with your words or tone, when you really don’t mean to.
Again, you don’t have to move to another country and volunteer but you can research charities and causes that interest you and need your help. Then, work out how you can make a contribution, even if it’s small.
It’s not the size of the contribution that matters, it’s the fact that you helped in some way. [Read: How to be kind to yourself & others, and love life instead of hating it]
A little earlier we talked about owning your mistakes, but a way to become a better person is to remember that sometimes an apology is needed.
Many people are scared to apologize or their pride won’t let them. If you do something wrong or hurt someone, whether you meant to or not, put your pride aside and apologize sincerely. Admit your mistakes and own them. We’re all human, after all!
The fact that you’re reading about how to be better after asking, am I a bad person, means that you want to change. Whether you need to or not, that’s never a bad thing. It also shows that you’re not bad after all – if you want to change, that means you recognize a need to do so and you admit that there may be a problem. [Read: How to improve yourself – 16 powerful secrets of self-improvement]
Remember, we’re all human and make mistakes sometimes. That doesn’t make you inherently bad. Simply own your past mistakes and be willing to work on yourself to improve over time. When you do that, the future can only be positive.
[Read: Why am I so unhappy? How these 8 changes will change you for good]
Regularly asking yourself, am I a bad person, is actually more common than you’d think! When surrounded by negative events, it’s easy to wonder whether you’re the one causing them.
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