Learning how to get out of a toxic relationship and not go back is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Ending it isn’t as easy as you may think.
If you’re at the point where you know you need to learn how to get out of a toxic relationship, well, you overcame a huge step. But now, it’s the time to take action. Get yourself out of the relationship. But like I said before, easier said than done.
So, if you’re feeling stuck at this point, don’t. I have a couple ways for you to get yourself out of the relationship in a healthy way and maybe with your dignity intact. You may be leaving a toxic relationship, but you don’t want to bring that toxicity with you on your way out the door. [Read: Here is how to recognize a toxic relationship]
How to get out of a toxic relationship
I had a bad string of relationships where I just couldn’t seem to break the pattern of being with someone who didn’t respect me. Of course, it wasn’t just them. In essence, I didn’t respect myself because I allowed them to treat me this way. Now, you’ve probably received advice from people and most of them say, “just end it.” But is it that simple? Of course, it’s not.
Firstly, people with toxic partners don’t necessarily realize it until much later on in the relationship. Secondly, when you have feelings for someone, ending the relationship is hard to do even when you know it’s the right thing. Doing what’s good for you isn’t always easy. You need to end the toxicity.
#1 Accept your part in the relationship. It takes two to tango, right? What I’m trying to say is you need to accept your role in the relationship. Though you may not have done things that you think were as bad as your partner, you’re certainly not blameless.
#2 Stop making excuses. I know it’s hard to leave a relationship. Honestly, most of us stay in unhealthy relationships because we become accustomed to them. Simply, we’re comfortable. But stop making excuses as to why you’re in the relationship. You need to ask yourself some questions. Do I want to spend time with x? Do I feel good after spending time with x? Do I genuinely like x? These are simple yet important questions to answer yourself. [Read: 18 critical signs of a clearly unhealthy relationship]
#3 What are the benefits? Even the shitty relationships have some benefits. There’s a reason why you’re staying with this person. Now, you need to figure out what those reasons are before you try figuring out how to get out of a toxic relationship. Maybe they make you feel attractive or is a good parent towards your children. There are reasons why we stay with people who are inherently bad for us. Figure out what those reasons are.
#4 Fill those benefits. You’re staying with this person for specific reasons, right? But you do know that they’re not the only person that can provide you with those benefits. You have the power to give those positive feelings to yourself. This is where self-reflection and self-love come in. Find alternative ways to make yourself feel whole. [Read: How to love yourself and find self love and happiness]
#5 Stop all contact. Yes, I know, this is going to be really hard. But you have to do this. If you really want out of the relationship, then be very strict regarding the contact you have with your ex. If you have children with them, then you’ll have to have contact, but keep it at a minimum. If you’re single, well, then just cut them out, and do it cold turkey. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works]
#6 Surround yourself with love. You need to make sure you’re surrounded by a strong support system that loves you. This will help you when you’re experiencing hard moments after leaving your toxic relationship. When you’re surrounded with support, the likelihood of going back to them reduces. You’re able to start living a healthy life.
#7 Remember your value. Through all of this, remember who you are and what you’re worth. It’s easy to go back to a toxic relationship when you forget what you’re worth. To leave a toxic relationship, you need to always remember what you can offer and who you are.
#8 Focus on your emotional states. You’re probably going through various emotions. One day you’re sad, the other you’re angry. This is all normal when you’re planning on leaving a relationship. But you need to be able to recognize the emotion and where it’s coming from. That way, you understand your feelings in hopes of being able to express them openly.
#9 Express your feelings. You still may be with your partner or just recently broke up with them. Whatever state your relationship is in, it’s important to express your feelings. If you avoid expressing your emotions, they’ll build up and you’ll resent your partner. If you want to leave the relationship in a positive way, repressing your feelings won’t help you.
#10 You’re going to go through self-healing. As much as we try to push these feelings down, many of the adult problems we suffer from are due to childhood trauma. Now, rid yourself of the shame that we have when leaving a toxic relationship, dig down deep within yourself.
#11 Forgive your ex. This isn’t for them, this is for you. If you want to fully move on from your partner and leave the relationship, then you need to forgive them and their part of the relationship. If you’re holding feelings of anger, sadness, or regret, then you’re only going to hurt yourself. In order to completely leave the relationship, you’ll have to let go. Otherwise, you’ll still mentally be connected to them.