Have you ever asked yourself over and over again why you keep attracting douchbags? We all love the idea of a bad boy, or the guy with tattoos, or the hottie who chain-smokes, or the one your parents don’t approve of, or that guy who looks just like your favorite rock star. Or maybe you just prefer the guys who are super arrogant, and treat you like crap. [Read: 9 reasons you’re still with the wrong guy]
Whatever type of jerk you’ve been dating that has led you to always have unsuccessful and unhealthy relationships, it’s time you stop doing what you’ve been doing, because it’s obviously not doing you any favors.
How to stop attracting awful relationships
There will come a time when you think that enough is enough, and that you deserve to be in a great relationship. But if you have no idea how to change your dating habits to attract healthier relationships, here are a couple of tips.
#1 Evaluate your appearance. Sure, looks aren’t everything, but the way you present yourself is important. We all care about how we look, whether on interviews, on first dates, or even on a regular day. The way you dress and present yourself to others is a big factor in how others will see and treat you.
If your attire always seems to attract the same bunch of douchebags that you end up dating, then changing your wardrobe to reflect a more mature persona would be a good start. Instead of wearing short shorts that attract pervy creeps, opt for a classy dress. Instead of wearing a borderline Goth ensemble that attracts fetishists, go for something a little more subdued but still reflects your personal style. Dress to impress, and you’ll find your choices more impressive.
#2 Stop being dramatic. If you are an open book to anyone and everyone that will listen to your love life, it’s time to stop. Stop being an overly dramatic open book on your social network. This is super unattractive, and the guys you want to actually date aren’t going to want to date you for several reasons.
For one, they don’t want to become just another status update that you bash, and they also don’t find it attractive that you air all your dirty laundry. If you need to vent, keep a diary, but not one on social media. No one likes drama queens, especially one who proudly displays her latest love disappointment. [Read: Why social media is killing your relationship]
#3 Have class. We all know those people who post half-naked photos on their social media accounts. Sure, posting a sultry photo on your instagram or Facebook page might garner you tons of likes or comments, but it won’t get you the guy that is going to treat you right.
For one thing, most guys would be uncomfortable with dating a woman whose goods has been seen by almost everyone in her friends’ list. Not only that, but even though you have every right to post whatever you want to post online, wouldn’t you like to save something for the decent guy who’ll treat you right?
#4 Be confident. The most common reason that girls continue to attract the losers is because they don’t know their self worth, and they don’t have the confidence. How do you except anyone to love you when you don’t love yourself? If you don’t appreciate yourself, no one else is going to. And if you let someone treat you like dirt, they will. You have to teach people how to treat you.
When you decide to love and appreciate yourself, that is when you will start to rid yourself of these unhealthy relationships. When you know that you deserve better, act like it by rejecting the guys who don’t treat you well, and actually entertaining the guys who put in the effort to try and make you happy.
#5 Start saying yes more. If you’ve always been attracted to a certain type of guy, and ignored any guys out there who don’t fit your usual type, it’s time to give the other guys a chance. Just because you don’t find a guy immediately sexy, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give him a chance.
So start saying yes to the guys you normally write off for simply not being your type. For example, if you go on a first date with a guy and really don’t know how you feel about him, give him another chance. Try again! Just because you may not feel something right away, does not mean you won’t. Remember, in love and in life, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. [Read: 9 reasons your ideal man wish list isn’t working for you]
#6 Set standards. I don’t mean having a list of 100 things you want in a man, but it is important to have a general idea of what you are looking for when it comes to love. Set standards, and think about all the things you want in a relationship that you clearly haven’t been getting.
Stand firm in your standards, and don’t let a guy have a free pass simply because he’s cute. Know what your non-negotiables are and always keep them in mind. So the next time you go on a date with a hot guy who’s misogynistic or racist or lazy or just plain rude, forget how hot he is and just dump him immediately!
#7 Quit throwing pity parties. No one likes a Debbie-downer. We all know one, but we don’t ever want to be one. If you throw yourself a pity-party every time a guy treats you like dirt, you’re never going to attract the non-dirt bags.
Instead of hopping on the pity party bandwagon, take the more positive route by pampering yourself or having a good time with your friends. Lift yourself up, revel in how you deserve better treatment, and remind yourself that a guy who treats you like dirt deserves to bite the dust! [Read: 8 ways to stop moaning and stay busy after a breakup]
#8 Focus on you. Like I mentioned before, when you stop looking for love, it’ll find you. If you have spent so much of your time on wasted, failed, unhealthy relationships, it’s time to stop wasting your time!
Start spending your time wisely, start spending it on yourself. If you have found yourself to usually be the one who cares more in your failed relationships, it’s time to stop. Start focusing on yourself and what you want. Maybe join a gym, or start taking more yoga classes. Stop being so available, and make yourself and your time more valuable.
Stop being the girl those guys can always count on to be able to hang out or do something. Start having a life for yourself! So many times we forget about what we want and how important our time really is. When you start focusing on yourself, and living life how you want, you’ll start attracting the types of guys that want to be a part of your life, and not the guys who want you to change your life to fit theirs.
#9 Believe. When you believe in love and believe that good things will happen, you will start to see that they really do happen. If you only focus on the negative things in life, you’ll only end up attracting more negativity and more people whom you can wallow in misery with. Chances are, the people who encourage your negativity will just end up holding you back.
Instead, genuinely believe that you’ll find someone who will respect you and treat you the way you deserve. Believe that even if the odds are against you, there are still ways you can turn the odds around and find love. Believe that with a few tweaks in your dating habits and a bit of faith in yourself, you’ll eventually attract someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. [Read: 8 daily reminders to keep you going forward]
There is no perfect way or technique to find your soul mate and to have a perfect relationship. But there are guidelines, lessons and mistakes we make along the way that teach us more about the things that do and don’t work, and the lessons that we do learn, we shouldn’t ignore.
The most important thing to remember when it comes to love is that you are good enough, always! When you are with someone who is really right for you, and who truly loves you, they will make you feel good about yourself. When it’s right, you won’t find yourself crying every night. You won’t find yourself second-guessing everything.
When you take the initiative to change the way you think and the way you handle relationships, you will soon learn that finding someone who makes you feel loved is only a matter of knowing what you deserve and never settling for less!
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