An area of life which many people worry about being judged upon is the number of sexual partners you’ve had in your lifetime. Personally, I don’t think this number matters one iota. As long as you’re safe and enjoying yourself, what does it matter? However, judgmental times means that how many sexual partners is too many is a question many people ponder.
We live in judgmental times.
Let’s be honest, we’re either too large or too small, too curvy or too skinny, too lazy or too driven, too quiet or too loud, too sexual or not sexual enough. We can’t win!
What do you think? Do you think there’s a cut-off point which suddenly takes someone from normal to too many? And if so, what is that number, and how do you define it?
[Read: Why being sex positive matters and why you should get on board]
If you’re wondering ‘how many sexual partners is too many’, the good news is that although you can do surveys of populations and find out an average, the real number doesn’t exist. People don’t tell the truth about their magic number. Many men think they should inflate their number to look more sexually active; while many women think they must reduce their number out of fear of being judged as too promiscuous.
Why judge? Does it really matter?
The number of people you’ve slept with in your lifetime does not define who you are or the type of person you are.
[Read: These 13 benefits of being sexual activity make sex oh-so-worth-it!]
How many sexual partners is too many for you?
The thing is, if you meet someone new and they disclose this number to you, you’ll probably make your own judgement in your mind about them as a result. You’ll come up with a number in your own mind that you think is somehow acceptable. Anything over or under that and you judge them for being too cold or too flighty.
We really can’t win in this day and age.
The bottom line? As long as you’re happy with yourself, as long as you’re not somehow sleeping around to make yourself feel better *and probably failing*, and as long as you’re practicing safe sex, nothing else matters. That number means nothing. Hey, if you don’t want to tell anyone about it, you don’t have to. Some people don’t even bother counting and that’s fine too!
[Read: How often do people have sex to maintain a healthy relationship]
How many sexual partners is too many and how many is too few isn’t a debate that really has much importance, but it’s one we linger on because it’s a little controversial. We all like a little controversy from time to time!
Numbers of sexual partners varies from person to person and also depends upon the time in your life too. Maybe you’ve gone through a dry patch for years and then suddenly it’s like waiting for a bus. You wait a while and then five or six come along at once! However, let’s talk averages to give you some idea of what people are saying about their numbers. Remember, people lie!
The general average for men and women in the USA is around the 7.2 mark. However, many surveys have found that more men lie about their sexual history than women; despite the fact that both genders have a very high incidence of telling lies about how many people they’ve slept with.
If you’ve slept with less than 7.2 people *I’m not sure where you’d get the .2 part from but there you go*, that’s fine, no issues at all. If you’ve slept with more than 7.2 people, that’s also fine, still no issues at all.
Why fret about something so unimportant?
[Read: The ins and outs of modern sexual exclusivity]
Would you refuse to date someone based on their magic number?
It’s an interesting question to ask. If you really liked someone, but you learned the number of people they’ve slept with is considered too high or too low for you, would you date them or would you refuse?
To make that decision, you should have a clear idea in your mind of how many sexual partners is too many. But, what do you base it on? Do you assume that if someone has slept with more than a handful of people they’re somehow addicted to sex? If someone has slept with only one or perhaps no people, do you assume that they’re completely allergic to intimacy?
Neither of those statements are true. See, this whole numbers and averages thing is pointless.
People make mistakes in life. They go through patches when they’re perhaps looking for someone special and they end up kissing several frogs in the process. That’s an easy way to increase your number without even trying. On the flip-side, someone might have had one serious relationship early on in their life. Since, they’ve not wanted to get close to anyone or not felt ready. That’s an easy way to reduce your number.
As you can see, it really depends upon the situations you’ve encountered in life as to what your number is.
[Read: How being sexualized can make or break you]
What is your number?
How do you feel about your number? Do you give zero thought to it? Do you wish it was lower? Or do you wish it was higher? Then, ask yourself why you feel that way. Why do you give any amount of time or attention to a number that literally means nothing?
As long as you’re safe when you’re with a sexual partner, there are no issues. As long as you feel okay about your sexual past, there are no issue. And as long as when you start a new relationship you’re open and honest about any STI problems, there are no issues.
[Read: What you need to know about how to avoid getting an STD]
Can you see how literally pointless this entire situation is? In that case, asking ‘how many sexual partners is too many’ is a waste of time.
Being made to feel bad about your sexual past is something which society has forced upon you. Seriously outdated ideas make you feel bad if you’ve had a few partners in the past. Then it makes you feel equally as bad if you’re less experienced. How many people you’ve slept with doesn’t change your ability to connect with a person, to love them, feel empathy towards them, to treat them well and to have an exciting and fulfilling sexual life with that person, within a relationship.
Seriously, just stop counting
My take on this? Don’t even count. Seriously, don’t. What’s the point? You’ll only make yourself feel bad either way, because it’s what society expects of you.
You don’t have to do anything unless you’re happy with it. Afterwards, as long as you’re okay with it, nothing else matters. Treat people well, be okay with yourself, be honest about anything you need to be honest about, and that’s all you need to do.
Forget societal rules about how many sexual partners is too many. At the end of the day, that ‘too many’ number doesn’t exist, just as ‘too few’ doesn’t either.
[Read: Getting rid of sexual insecurity for a better sex life!]
Asking yourself ‘how many sexual partners is too many’ is like asking how much sun is too much, or how windy is too windy. There is no solid answer!
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