You’ve made up your mind: you’re bidding your love adieu. It’s time to move on. Wait a moment, and ask these questions before you leave it all behind.
Goodbye is perhaps the most bittersweet word one can ever say. This word can leave quite an impact on your life and may forever be etched into your memory. Perhaps the saddest goodbyes are those that are said without reason, and are said without warning.
Relationships come and go. As much as we want our romantic relationships to last forever, there are just those that weren’t meant to be. There will always be relationships that will inevitably end, no matter how much time or how many tears are invested in them.
Learning to let go
The hardest part of letting go is that it can feel impossible to say goodbye to something you hold dear. You might find yourself clinging to the tiniest shreds of a beautiful ideal, while you try to blind yourself to reality.
Goodbyes always leave you with a feeling of uncertainty. You might even feel fear, because you are brought into the world of the unknown. Leaving someone who meant so much to you can be heart-wrenching. The experience can be traumatic for both parties, and can cause your heart to grow bitter.
When can we see the good in goodbye? When can we no longer be drawn to tears when this word is uttered?
A successful relationship is a two-way street. You can never expect a relationship to succeed if one of the parties decides to go about it half-heartedly. Feelings can fly out the window when your heart grows tired, weary, and hungry. There are those who try to salvage what they can of the relationship. Unfortunately, there are those who discover that there was nothing in the relationship that was worth saving. Many of these unfortunate ones find out about this when it is too late, and hearts are mangled. [Read: How to fall out of love when you see no future in the romance]
Before you bid adieu
Before you make the crucial decision to leave someone, be sure to do some introspection. Goodbye is a serious word, and shouldn’t be said lightheartedly. Saying goodbye out of the blue can leave a traumatic scar to the other person involved.
Before you decide to leave someone, ask yourself these questions.
#1 Why am I leaving? This is perhaps the all-important question to ask yourself before you decide to leave your partner. Really give yourself time to answer this question, and be sure to dig deep. Remember that the reasons for leaving someone have to go beyond the superficial. Has the relationship become abusive? Do the sad moments outweigh the happy ones? When you find that you can no longer save the relationship, have that talk with your partner, and let go now before it becomes too late. [Read: 12 reasons why so many couples drift apart over time]
#2 Would I still be myself if I left this person? There are too many people who have lost their identities because of a relationship. Once they found themselves in a relationship, they distanced themselves from everything that they identified with—hobbies, passions, and even friends and family. They latched themselves on to their partner and lost their identities in the process.
It is because of these reasons that many people have forgotten who they are, once the relationship is over. Before you decide to leave someone, ask yourself if you lost your identity when you entered the relationship. Will you still be yourself once the relationship is over, and can no longer be identified as your partner’s significant other?
#3 Where do I see myself with this person in the next five years? When you have been with your partner for quite some time, you are most likely thinking about the future. The years can take a relationship two ways: either you are in it for the long haul or you are not. When you find that you are having doubts, ask yourself: do I still want to be with this person five years from now? Time can change people, and if you feel like time won’t be your ally in the relationship, it is time that both of you rethink your partnership. [Read: 16 signs it’s time to move on and end the relationship]
#4 Does this person make me feel happy? A healthy relationship should make you feel happy. It is true that no relationship is perfect and that there will always be storms. The struggles that these people face will make their relationship stronger.
#5 Am I a better person because of this relationship? Human beings are very stubborn creatures. They never change, unless there is something that drives them to change their ways. When you are with your partner, ask yourself: do you feel that you are a better version of yourself, because of the relationship?
When your partner makes you want to be a better person, and you want to change your bad habits for the better, you’ll know that you are with the person who brings out the best in you. But if you feel that the relationship brings you nothing but resentment, anger, and other negative feelings, it is time to detach yourself from what is unhealthy.
#6 Do I love this person, and not the version of themselves that I want them to be? Love is quite complicated and, more often than not, we tend to look at everything through rose-colored glasses. People will change their ways only if they want to. Remember that it all comes down to free will. Do not continue to kid yourself that you will continue to love a false version of the person you are with. If you cannot love them now, will you be able to love them in the future? Remember that there is great pain in staying in a false relationship, and neither of you deserve that. [Read: 7 big signs you’re trapped in a troubled relationship]
#7 Will there be regrets if I don’t end it now? Letting go of someone you love is difficult. Look to the future and see where you find yourself five years from now. Remember that living with regrets can scar you for life, and you will keep beating yourself up because of it. There are far worse things than having to stay single for a while. Remember that you shouldn’t yearn for the past, just because it is comfortable and familiar. An unfulfilling relationship can only eat away at your happiness and there is no sense in prolonging it.
#8 What value does this person give to my life? There are people who add value to our lives. They are the people who make the world seem brighter and more cheerful. Does your partner make you feel this way? If your partner helps you see the joy in each day, and helps you see the light in dark days, you have found someone worth fighting for. When you find yourself in doubt, always ask yourself if the relationship is worth sacrificing your happiness for. [Read: 14 valid reasons to break up with someone you love]
#9 Are we dedicating time and commitment to the relationship? Human beings find time to be a very precious commodity. While many of us find ourselves overburdened by obligations, and stressed for time, we can always manage to make time for those we love. Remember that no one is ever too busy, and they can always make time for you. Never allow yourself to be placed in the backseat all the time because of constant obligations.
#10 What will my life be like when I have left? Look to the future once again, and imagine what your life would be like without this person around. If you find that you will be at peace without your partner in your life, you’d better come clean while both your hearts are still intact.
Breakups can be tumultuous—but, like all storms in life, they do not last. You owe it to your heart to cleanse your life of negative feelings, because life is too short to live with regrets. If you feel it is time to let go, cut the cord while time is still your friend.