Limerence is a crazy form of obsession that may seem like deep love, but in fact, it may be the worst deception of love. You may think it’s an infatuation that you have, but limerence can turn your life into a rollercoaster of misery and happiness.
If you’ve read the introduction about crushes and limerence, you’d know that there are quite a few stark differences between love and infatuation, physical intimacy being the biggest one.
Are there any other big differences that may be secretly concealed under the blanket of love? Read on…
Limerence and love – The real difference
Limerence lasts a lot longer than puppy love, infatuation or romantic passion. They can last for several months, or at times even several years.
Limerence has several periods of time when the person would not feel any sort of affection towards the limerent object. But these low-level periods are always alternated with feelings of deep infatuation and hope for reciprocation.
Reciprocation and limerence
In love, you sincerely love a person irrespective of whether there is any reciprocation or not, but in limerence, happiness comes only by reciprocation, however small it is.
How do you know if it is limerence?
There are no clear-cut signs that can clearly pinpoint if it is limerence that you are feeling, but there are a few things that are most prominent only to feelings of limerence.
A person who is going through a stage of limerence will find it hard to think about anything but the limerent object, and he or she will have an intense craving for reciprocation more than any other emotion, not even love. Even a small gesture of reciprocation can make the person feel elated and on top of the world.
Most of these reciprocations may even be something trivial as a second glance or a smile. There will be a craving for appreciation and the person will try catching the attention of the limerent object, and will become furious if someone comes in the way of this attention seeking activity.
If you ever experience limerence, you would probably walk on air when you make any form of contact with this person. Any circumstance that you shared with this person, however trivial would become a very special memory, and you would associate several activities of yours, or songs or movies, with this person so you can think of this person you have a crush on at every opportunity you get.
You would try making memories and special moments out of nothing at all, and over time, these little or nonexistent moments can become the centre of your world and you would be the happiest reminiscing about these moments.
The hopes and fears of limerence
Limerence can make a person feel really happy and elated when the limerent object reciprocates the glances and moves, but with every intensely happy moment, comes another moment that can create the opposite emotion. With limerence comes a fear of rejection.
The fear of rejection causes self-doubt and a lot of uncertainty, which causes pain and at the same time, an uncontrollable desire to fantasize about the limerent object. Limerence can hit us when we least expect it, and can even make us feel miserable at times.