The next step is happening, or at least been talked about already. You’ve mulled over the possibility of making things official, monogamous, or taken it a step further and considered moving in or getting married. Your situation seems to be pretty logical, and needed, but is it the right move? Are you rushing into commitment?
Could you regret a rush into commitment?
Sometimes people rush into commitment and regret it shortly after. Perhaps they feel pressure from others, or even from themselves and their partners. So they rush into situations they’re just not ready for. It doesn’t mean you don’t love the person you’re with, it simply means the choice was made at the wrong time.
If you’re wondering if this applies to you, consider these signs of rushing.
#1 That gut feeling doesn’t lie. If you get that “rock bottom” feeling in your stomach, it feels like a mixture of nervousness and straight up hesitation, then you might not be ready.
Of course, this is a reaction to change, so people who actively want to take the next step may get this too. When it resembles more dread than excitement, vocalize your wants and needs to your partner. [Read: Are they wedding jitters or signs to back out?]
#2 You plan and talk about the next step, but you hesitate to do it or put it off. If you spend your time having conversations starting with “when we,” but then never take the steps to achieve that goal, you’re taking your time for a reason.
People who want to take that next step find a way to make it happen, they’ll put in the time and effort to make it a reality. If you talk about it, and never do anything else, you might not be ready. [Read: 18 tips to fall in love slowly, like you’re in a fairy tale]
#3 You still maintain communication with exes. If you’re in a relationship, monogamous or not, and you’re talking to exes, then you’re not ready. To be committed to someone, you should hone in on that one person, leaving everyone else in the past. If you’re not monogamous, you’re not really committed—your attention is spread out.
If you talk to exes, then you’re either not over the breakups, or you’re keeping options open in case someone goes back on the market. Because there really is no way to be “just friends” with an ex. Some try, but eventually, something always ends up happening, intentionally or not. [Read: All the reasons why staying friends with your ex just doesn’t work]
#4 Seeing others take the next step doesn’t motivate you. Your friends could be moving in with their partners, getting married, having kids, or just making things official. If you’re standing on the sidelines not particularly jealous or motivated, then you’re not in a rush.
#5 The love is there, and you show it, but as a way to overcompensate. It could be that the love really is there, and that your partner means the world to you. You could even be the most affectionate partner of all time, but if you’ve been doing it more than usual, then you’re overcompensating.
You’re using all that sex, the cuddles, the small attentive behavior, and the back rubs, to make your partner feel loved and hopefully settle down about the next step. [Read: 15 mistakes women make when she wants a guy to commit]
#6 You’ve been a little more overprotective about your independence and alone time. Perhaps you’ve been asking for more time alone or with your friends. Maybe you’ve been using work as an excuse to stay home and think about things *or try not to*.
If this is the case, you’re being a little overprotective about your quality time alone or sense of self. You’re using it to avoid having the inevitable conversation that might push things in the direction that, frankly, you’re just not ready for. [Read: 8 ways to get your “me time” in amidst a hectic schedule]
#7 Whenever the subject gets brought up, you quickly find something to distract you. Hypothetically, if you’re planning on moving in together, and your partner brings over a pile of potential real estate agent numbers, places to look at, and a list of amenities they’d like to have at the new place, how would you feel?
If you’re not excited, but rather, quickly nod and fake happiness, only to retreat into the kitchen, or turn on the TV, then you’re really not trying to move in. The same goes for any step, like marriage or kids.
#8 When people bring up the topic, you pull off a fake smile. Surely, your friends already know, and so do your partner’s friends. The topic is inevitably going to be brought up. When it does, you force a smile or two. If the grin of happiness isn’t genuinely going from ear to ear, there’s something very, very wrong. [Read: Commitment phobia – 15 signs you’re just not ready to commit]
#9 You still have wandering eyes. When you’re in complete and utter love with someone, all other individuals seem to blend into the surroundings. Making them the equivalent of trees in your line of sight. You may notice if someone is wearing a vibrant color, or if they’re very unsightly.
Otherwise, even with attractive people, you either not notice or just don’t care. If this isn’t you, and you’re actively letting your eyes wander, then you’re not ready to commit yourself to one person. [Read: Dating vs Real Relationship – 14 signs to really know your status]
#10 You’ve been taking it easy, opting to stay in with your partner and do quiet things together. When you go out, you show your dynamic to others, whether you realize it or not. You publicize your relationship. You do things together that bring you both joy or a sense of productivity.
If you’ve been hermitting with your partner, and it’s not because of tiredness, work, or stress, then you might be using it as an excuse to hide from the world and the inevitable choice you need to make.
[Read: 18 undeniable signs you’ve found “the one” you can spend your life with]
Moving in with someone, getting married, having kids, or simply making things official with someone are all giant steps not to be taken lightly. Only you decide when you’re ready, not your partner, and certainly not anyone else.
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