Now that there’s a new guy in your life, you may need some tips for letting your parents know. Here’s how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend.
So you’ve met somebody and for the first time, you’re in love! And as if it’s meant to be, you hit things off pretty well, and now he’s your boyfriend. While you’re ecstatic and all the butterflies are aflutter in your tummy, you have no idea how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend.
It’s not always easy to talk to your parents about your personal life, especially when it’s about your love life. Maybe you’re afraid they’ll disapprove, maybe you don’t want them to make such a big deal out of it, or maybe you already know that they would lock you up in your room so you won’t ever see the guy.
If you’re a little nervous about spilling the beans to your parents, don’t be! With these simple tips and tricks, you can get the weight off your chest in no time.
#1 Who to tell first. There’s always that one parent to whom you’re closer or who is more lenient than the other. If this is the first time you’ve had a boyfriend, they may be reluctant about the idea. Therefore, it helps if you have one parent on your side while you tell the other. It’s still ideal that you do tell both, though, so no one feels left out or ganged up on.
#2 Timing is key. Your parents may be busy with work and may often come home feeling drained on weekdays. Or maybe you have a chaotic household with small children running around. If you want to tell your parents about your boyfriend, you should choose a time when they are calm and in a relaxed, good mood.
#3 Choose a private place. You should also think about the right place to tell your parents. You don’t want this to happen in the middle of the grocery store or at church, because these are public spaces and you may not be able to talk as much or as freely. Pick a secure and private place away from distractions.
#4 Practice. While you don’t have to put off telling your parents, you shouldn’t be brash about it, either. Think about what you will say and how you will say it. If necessary, try writing down your thoughts so you can organize them. This way, you’ll have a better chance of expressing yourself clearly and more confidently to your parents.
#5 Try writing. If you’re the meek type who is just petrified of telling your rather overprotective parents, the situation may just overwhelm you. Verbalizing your thoughts may just be too much for you, and maybe you’re worried that you won’t effectively communicate your case. If this sounds like you, then you could try writing them a letter.
#6 Lay out your reasons. Clearly state why you feel you’re ready to date. Don’t just say, “Everybody in my class is doing it!” By being mature about your reasons, your parents will have more confidence in your choices, and you’ll have a better chance of getting their respect and approval. [Read: 19 clear signs you are ready for a serious relationship]
#7 Be honest. Once you spill it out to your ‘rents, there will, of course, be lots of questions. A mark of maturity is honesty, so if you’re really sincere about getting their approval, don’t hide anything from them. Own up to your relationship and answer their questions honestly. This will also allay their worries and help them trust you even more.
#8 Listen as well. Your parents care about you, there’s no doubt about that. So once you tell them about your boyfriend, chances are, they will have a thing or two to say about it. They might give you advice, or they might even explain some of their worries. Listen attentively to what they have to say.
#9 Avoid arguing. Of course, telling your parents about your boyfriend may not always result in a smooth conversation. They will have reservations and they will let you know all about them. However, you don’t have to be defensive and try to argue with them. Try not to provoke their anger, and try to keep it all positive. Hold your tongue if you have to—after all, they are your parents.
#10 Accept their point of view. So you think your dad is too protective or your mom is overly dramatic. However, you have to realize that whatever happens, they only want what’s best for you. Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand where their reservations *or disapproval* may lie.
#11 Be prepared. When thinking about how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend, realize that it can go one of two ways. Either they’ll like it or they won’t. Whatever their reactions or decisions are, you have to be prepared for the worst. More importantly, you have to respect it.
#12 Share about him and his family. Mention what your boyfriend does *if he’s working*, how old he is, where you met him, what his interests are, and even mention where he lives. Tell your parents about the reliable people who know your boyfriend. If your boyfriend has a great relationship with his family, mention this, too, because it is a huge plus. [Read: 5 things you need to know about your first love]
#13 Be open for negotiation. Your parents may set a few guidelines and rules for you to follow with your boyfriend, such as curfews and date rules. They may ask that you finish high school first before getting serious, or say that you can only go out with him on weekends. You should be open to these rules and negotiate with them *calmly and constructively* about those which you can and can’t accept.
#14 Show your appreciation. Whatever the outcome, you have to give it to your parents that they took the time to listen to you. You have to let them know that you appreciate their love, concern, and support for you. Let them know that you understand where they are coming from and that you won’t let them down.
#15 Suggest a meeting. Instead of suddenly springing your boyfriend at your parents’ doorstep, suggest a meeting. Let them know that your boyfriend might come to pick you up one Saturday night, or that he’s dropping by your house to meet them. [Read: 7 clear signs it’s the right time to meet the parents]
Imagine this: your parents love and adore your boyfriend as much as you love him, and he didn’t even mind that your family dog chewed on his shoes. So figure out how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend, and you may have everything in the bag. Good luck!
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Tiffany Grace Reyes
Tiffany is a wordsmith who has played with words ever since her letter-to-the-editor was published nationally at the age of 9. Since then her writing has gone f...