So you’ve met somebody and for the first time, you’re in love! As if it’s meant to be, you hit things off pretty well, and now he’s your boyfriend. While you’re ecstatic and all the butterflies are aflutter in your tummy, you have no idea how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend.
We feel you. This is a nerve-wracking conversation to have. You’re not sure how they’re going to react and you really don’t want to talk to them about this kind of stuff!
However, it’s important to remember that they just want the best for you and as long as you’re happy, they will be too.
It’s not always easy to talk to your parents about your personal life, especially when it’s about your love life.
Maybe you’re afraid they’ll disapprove, maybe you don’t want them to make such a big deal out of it, or maybe you already know that they would lock you up in your room so you won’t ever see the guy!
Whatever the case may be, you owe it to your parents to tell them if you’re seeing someone, especially if that someone is already your boyfriend. Even if you try to keep it a secret, they’re bound to find out anyway, so why not get it over and done with?
[Read: 14 undeniable signs your boyfriend wants to spend the rest of his life with you]
For sure, you don’t have to jump in and tell them after the first date. By all means, wait until you’re comfortable and secure, and you know he feels the same way. Do it when you’re ready, but don’t hide it.
Your parents aren’t stupid. They can see that your behavior has changed. You’ll no doubt have a dopey smile on your face and you might have lost your appetite. The chances are that you won’t even have to learn how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend, because they’ll already know!
But it’s important to tell them because it’s respectful.
Sure, you might think that it’s your life, so why do you have to tell them what’s going on behind closed doors. Basically because they care about you and they want to know that you’re happy and safe. That’s really all it comes down to. [Read: First relationship advice: 13 things you wish you knew already]
Of course, some people have parents who are quite disapproving of dating.
If that’s the case for you, you need to take your time and show your parents that you’re mature enough to handle this new phase in your life. You also need to show them that your boyfriend is a good person who isn’t going to hurt you needlessly.
Should you let them meet him at this stage? Probably not, but at least tell them a little about him and let them see that he’s good for you. [Read: Overprotective parents and 13 mature ways to get them off your back]
If you’re a little nervous about spilling the beans to your parents, don’t be! With these simple tips and tricks, you can get the weight off your shoulders in no time.
There’s always that one parent to whom you’re closer or who is more lenient and understanding than the other. If this is the first time you’ve had a boyfriend, they may be reluctant about the idea.
Therefore, it helps if you have one parent on your side while you tell the other. It’s still ideal that you do tell both though, so no one feels left out or ganged up on. [Read: New boyfriend guide: The do’s and don’ts every girl has to keep in mind]
Your parents may be busy with work and may often come home feeling drained on weekdays. Or maybe you have a chaotic household with small children running around.
If you want to tell your parents about your boyfriend, you should choose a time when they are calm and in a relaxed, good mood.
You should also think about the right place to tell your parents. You don’t want this to happen in the middle of the grocery store or at church, because these are public spaces and you may not be able to talk as much or as freely. Pick a secure and private place away from distractions. [Read: A guide on effective communication in a relationship]
While you don’t have to put off telling your parents, you shouldn’t be brash about it, either.
Think about what you will say and how you will say it. If necessary, try writing down your thoughts so you can organize them. This way, you’ll have a better chance of expressing yourself clearly and more confidently to your parents.
If you’re the meek and mlld type who is just petrified of telling your rather overprotective parents, the situation may just overwhelm you.
Verbalizing your thoughts may just be too much for you, and maybe you’re worried that you won’t effectively communicate your case. If this sounds like you, then you could try writing them a letter.
Clearly state why you feel you’re ready to date. Don’t just say, “everybody in my class is doing it!”
By being mature about your reasons, your parents will have more confidence in your choices, and you’ll have a better chance of gaining their respect and approval. [Read: 19 clear signs you are ready for a serious relationship]
Once you spill it out to your ‘rents, there will, of course, be lots of questions. A mark of maturity is honesty, so if you’re really sincere about getting their approval, don’t hide anything from them.
Own up to your relationship and answer their questions honestly. This will also allay their worries and help them trust you even more.
Your parents care about you, there’s no doubt about that. So once you tell them about your boyfriend, chances are, they will have a thing or two to say about it.
They might give you advice, or they might even explain some of their worries. Listen attentively to what they have to say and accept it. [Read: How to know if your boyfriend is the type of guy you can show off to your mom]
Of course, learning how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend may not always result in a smooth conversation. They will have reservations and they will let you know all about them.
However, you don’t have to be defensive and try to argue with them. Try not to provoke their anger, and try to keep it all positive. Hold your tongue if you have to — after all, they are your parents.
So you think your dad is too protective or your mom is overly dramatic. However, you have to realize that whatever happens, they only want what’s best for you.
Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand where their reservations *or disapproval* may lie. [Read: How to be mature: 25 ways to grow up and face life like an adult]
When thinking about how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend, realize that it can go in several ways. Either they’ll like it or they won’t. Whatever their reactions or decisions are, you have to be prepared for the worst. More importantly, you have to respect it.
Mention what your boyfriend does *if he’s working*, how old he is, where you met him, what his interests are, and even mention where he lives.
Tell your parents about the reliable people who know your boyfriend. If your boyfriend has a great relationship with his family, mention this too, because it is a huge plus. [Read: 5 things you need to know about your first love]
Your parents may set a few guidelines and rules for you to follow with your boyfriend, such as curfews and date rules. They may ask that you finish high school first before getting serious, or say that you can only go out with him on weekends.
You should be open to these rules and negotiate with them *calmly and constructively* about those which you can and can’t accept.
Whatever the outcome, you have to give it to your parents that they took the time to listen to you. You have to let them know that you appreciate their love, concern, and support for you. Let them know that you understand where they are coming from and that you won’t let them down.
Instead of suddenly springing your boyfriend at your parents’ doorstep, suggest a meeting. Let them know that your boyfriend might come to pick you up one Saturday night, or that he’s dropping by your house to meet them.
This doesn’t have to be right now or even very soon, but let them know that you’re happy for them to meet him. [Read: 7 clear signs it’s the right time to meet the parents]
This is something you need to be prepared for. Of course, you know your parents better than anyone so you’ll have an inkling of which way this conversation may go.
If you really feel like your parents aren’t going to approve, perhaps for personal reasons or simply because they’re overprotective, prepare yourself for this.
Don’t avoid telling them because that’s just going to add fuel to the fire. They will find out themselves and if you’ve hidden it, they’ll just feel vindicated in their disapproval.
By being open and honest, you’re showing that you’re mature enough to handle a relationship. Hiding it and sneaking around shows a lack of maturity instead. [Read: The most simplest ways to calmly deal with difficult people]
If they disapprove and tell you that you cannot see your boyfriend anymore, you have a problem. It really depends on your situation as to what you do next.
Calmly sit your parents down and explain that you understand their concerns, but that you’re sure of your boyfriend and you feel ready.
Listen to every argument they put forth and give your reasons against it in the same calm and mature manner. Suggesting a few rules or guidelines might help them to come around to the idea too.
At the end of the day, for as long as you are living under your parents’ roof, you have to abide by their rules and wishes. However, does that mean you shouldn’t live your life in a way that suits you, provided it’s mature and safe? That’s the sticking point.
The only way through such a problem is communication. If your parents love you and care for you *which they do*, they will come around.
[Read: Real soulmates – 20 signs you’re actually met the love of your life]
Imagine this: your parents love and adore your boyfriend as much as you love him, and he didn’t even mind that your family dog chewed on his shoes. So figure out how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend, and you may have everything in the bag. Good luck!
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