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12 Biggest Signs Your Friend Is a User & Doesn’t Care About You

Signs Your Friend Is a User

Nobody wants to admit their friend is only around when it suits them. But understanding the signs your friend is a user can save you from heartache.

Friendships are sacred. When you have a friend you can truly trust, they’re your ride or die, the one who’s always there for you, and the one who you would do anything for. However, not all friendships are quite so positive, so recognizing these signs your friend is a user helps you weed out the good from the bad.

Think about your friendship pool. How many true friends do you have? By true, I mean how many friends can you count upon no matter what? It’s likely that it’s in the single numbers, or maybe you can count them on one hand. For me, I can count them on two fingers, but you know what? It’s quality over quantity in my eyes.

[Read: Do you have fair weather friends who don’t truly care about you?]

Signs your friend is a user and you need to cut them out of your circle

Learning how to spot a user is key. There is no space for such behavior in a friendship but unfortunately it can and does happen.

It’s sad, but learning the signs your friend is a user can spare you the heartache over the long term. And it allows you to focus your time and attention on the real friends you can truly count upon.

#1 They’re only ever interested in what they can get. A true friend isn’t interested in what they’re getting out of you, they’re simply interested in being around you and spending time together. If you have a friend that only has one aim in mind, you can guarantee they’re a user and should change your focus towards those who really care. [Read: 15 signs a friend is using you and draining the happiness out of you]

#2 If you have a problem, they’re never really there for you. A true friend can be counted upon in a crisis. While you shouldn’t expect them to bend over backwards and drop everything, they will be there for you as much as they can be.

However, if a particular friend simply doesn’t seem to show an interest in your troubles, you can guarantee they’re only interested in the positive things they can get out of you. It’s one of the big signs your friend is a user, unfortunately.

#3 You only ever hear from them when they need something. It’s likely that the only time they call you is when they want something. It’s frustrating, isn’t it? Friends should spend time around each other during good and bad times and everything in between.

But if your so-called friend is absent whenever everything is going well for them, you can pretty much guarantee they’re fair weather at best. [Read: One-sided friendships – 15 clear signs it’s time to cut them loose]

#4 Everything is on their terms only. They will only meet you at a certain time, in a certain place, on a certain day. Does that sound familiar? If so, it’s one of the signs your friend is a user, and they’re only focused on themselves.

Friendships are about give and take. You should have an equal say in when and where you meet, what you do, and what you talk about. If there’s no equality to it, they’re using you, and it’s a toxic friendship.

#5 They do just enough to keep you there. Users aren’t stupid. They’re pretty clever when they need to be. That means they will do the bare minimum they need to keep you around. They know that if they let it slip too much, you’re going to lose interest in them and move on. But if they do just enough, you’ll always entertain them when they come calling. Be on the lookout for it, as it’s one of the biggest signs your friend is a user. [Read: Narcissistic relationship pattern – The 7 stages you have to constantly play]

#6 If they had to answer questions about you, they wouldn’t know what to say. They don’t really know you because they’ve never been interested enough to find out about you. Of course, they know enough to trick you into thinking they’re a true friend. If they were really pushed on knowing about you, they’d struggle to come up with the answers.

#7 They talk about you behind your back. Untrue friends never have your back and will always chat about you with others. A true friend will never do this and will stick up for you whether you’re there or not. It’s one of the signs your friend is a user. They’re simply not true. [Read: 16 reasons why people find it so easy to take you for granted]

#8 They only hang out with you when it makes them look good. Perhaps you’re going to a certain place, and they have a crush on one of the staff. In that case, they want to go with you but if you choose to go somewhere else, they’re not interested. As mentioned, it’s everything on their terms. If it doesn’t suit their agenda, they’re not going to make an effort. [Read: Selfish friends – They take so much and give nothing in return]

#9 They don’t respond well to not getting what they want. A great way to test a user is to just refuse to do what they want and see how they respond. If they’re not using you or they’re simply trying to be a little cheeky, they’ll shrug and carry on. It won’t affect how they treat you. However, if they’re using you and you refuse to conform, they’re likely to become annoyed, aggressive, or even pushy with you.

The aim here is to make you back down and change your mind. Don’t do it! It’s one of the biggest signs your friend is a user and you should take note.

#10 They’re always in charge. Do you usually get a say in anything when you meet up? Probably not. In that case, you’re dealing with a friend who has a total agenda, and it’s nothing to do with being true to you. Again, they’re all out for what they can get and using you to get it. [Read: How to recognize a fake best friend before you get betrayed or hurt]

#11 They know exactly what to do to manipulate you. Users are pretty smart sometimes, despite their intentions being shady. They know enough about you to know how to get you to do what they want. Sad, but true.

They’re excellent manipulators and often use passive aggressive behavior or the silent treatment when you don’t do what they want. Of course, they hope that you’re going to change your mind, but it’s time to wise up! [Read: How to spot manipulative people and stop being the victim!]

#12 They have no idea about boundaries. A user is likely to call you 50 times if you don’t pick up. They want to know why you’re not dropping everything for them, because in their mind, their call is more important than anything else. They’re also likely to call you when you’re with your other friends or even out on a date. They want to push themselves to the front of your mind and keep your focus on them.

How many of these signs your friend is a user can you spot in your friendships? Perhaps you already have a friend in mind, and you’re using this list as confirmation. Maybe you’re not sure and just learning. Either way, having a user in your friendship circle is damaging and something you must act upon. How? Kick them out!

[Read: Do you have selfish friends in your life? Why they take so much while giving nothing in return]

Understanding the signs your friend is a user means that you can turn your attention to the important things in your life. Let them take their using ways elsewhere!

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...

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