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Are You a User? 15 Uncomfortable Facts to Help You Face the Truth

Maybe you’re starting to notice you don’t have any real friends. All the people around you don’t even know who you are. Are you a user?

are you a user

Are you a user? Sure, there are times where we may manipulate someone to get what we want. I’m not saying manipulation is rare, even the kindest of people may manipulate for their own personal gain. We all have our flaws, and I understand that. But being a chronic manipulator and user is something else.

This means you have built your life around lying and using people for yourself. Everyone around you is completely unaware of who you really are. They don’t know you’re only spending time with them because you need something from them.

Now, it’s sad for the people around you, but it’s a really sad life to live as a user. You don’t have any genuine friendships, or people that you trust. Instead, you live your entire life finding ways to get more from people around you.

[Read: Am I manipulative? The 11 behaviors that show you manipulate people]

Hard truth: Are you a user?

Though you may get money, fame, or clothes from this, it’s not actually fulfilling. After reading these 15 signs, if you notice you use people, evaluate your life and what you really want out of it. Because if you continue down this road, you will die alone. It sounds harsh, but it’s true.

Maybe it’s you that’s the problem. Are you a user?

#1 You ask for favors but don’t reciprocate. You’re not shy to ask your friends for a favor, but when it comes to reciprocate, you’re not there. You may borrow some money or get them to drive you somewhere, but you never do small favors for people. And this is simply because you’re a selfish person. Sorry to break it to you like that. Wait, I’m not sorry. [Read: How to stop being selfish and stop using the people you love]

#2 You stretch the truth to get what you want. We all stretch the truth every now and then, but you’ve made it your full-time job. You tell a lot of white lies to get what you want and use guilt as a way to manipulate people. You make sure to change your lies, depending on what you need and who you’re talking to.

#3 You never think of others. Your friends and people around you have their own lives, and that means they go through their own personal struggles. But you don’t think about those things or even want to know. Why would you? If it doesn’t benefit you from hearing about it, you would rather not waste your time. [Read: Why don’t people like you? The 20 most commonly overlooked reasons]

#4 You wouldn’t describe yourself as trustworthy. If you think about secrets people have told you or things they’ve trusted you with, you haven’t done a good job at keeping those secrets safe. People have said or done things for you out of trust, but you’ve gone behind their back and betrayed them. 

#5 You take advantage of relationships. When you’re hanging around someone who wants more out of the relationship, whether it’s platonic or romantic, you use that as a way to get more from them. It could be through gifts, favors, or money. The point is you use their kindness as a way to propel yourself forward.

#6 You’re always in charge. People who manipulate aren’t going to let others make decisions for them. Instead, users are always going to try to be in charge of their surroundings. If not, it opens the chance for them to lose control. If you’re someone who fits this description, then you may be a user. [Read: 17 kinds of bad friends people unfriend from their lives in no time]

#7 You justify your manipulation by someone else’s actions. You have an excuse for everything, and let’s be honest, who wants to admit to themselves that they’re manipulative and selfish? So, instead of taking responsibility, you shift the blame to someone else and go by the idea that if you didn’t do it, they would have done it to you.

#8 You never pay. Your friends and family have taken you out hundreds of times for dinners and lunches, but you never take out your wallet to pay. As a user, why would you? Why would you pay for a meal when you know someone else can? Sure, you offer to take them out for lunch or dinner, but that never ends up happening.

#9 You only talk to people who can do things for you. Why would you have a friend around you if they can’t do anything for you? Well, most people don’t form friendships out of self-interest, but you do. All your friends can offer you things you need, whether it’s a hook-up to the best parties or a discount on Gucci. The point is you only hang out with people who can offer you something. [Read: Shallow people lack depth: Do you swim in the shallow end?]

#10 When your friend has a crisis, you vanish. The whole point of friendship is to support one another through good and bad times. But for you, you’re only there for the good times. When your friend is in a serious crisis and needs help, you avoid doing anything for them and will place the responsibility onto someone else. 

#11 You’re very nice when you want something from someone. This doesn’t mean you’re not a nice person, but when you know someone is useful to you, you become even nicer. You act like a true saint for as long as needed until you get what you want. Then, once you get it, you move on.

#12 You’re pushy. As a user, you’re not going to get your way by being relaxed and easy-going. No way, you’re going to be very pushy until you get what you want. Of course, you’ll use guilt-like terms to make your friends and family go the extra mile and help you out. If you’ve used phrases like, “I thought you were my friend,” well, that’s classic manipulation.

#13 You know what buttons to push on people. Since you’re a user, you know the people around you well. You know what each friend can do for you, and how you need to act for them to help you. So, that also means you know exactly what buttons to press, including using people’s insecurities against them.

#14 People are afraid to say no to you. You’re so pushy and manipulative that people have grown to fear you, and don’t want to say no to you. They’re scared of your reaction and don’t want to deal with it. Now, this will work for a time, but eventually, they’ll stop picking up the phone for you. [Read: Don’t stay stuck – 16 strategies to get your shit together fast]

#15 No one really knows the real you. Here’s the thing, when you think about your relationships, none of the people around you really know who you are. Isn’t that crazy? You don’t actually have any real friendships. Because if they knew the real you, they would probably ditch you.

[Read: How to be an adult! 15 mature ways to start acting like a grown up]

Are you a user? If you identify with more than a couple of these signs, it sounds like you may be. It’s time to change your life for the better.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...
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