38 Psychology Secrets to Stop Being Horny & Relieve Sexual Tension ASAP

Wondering how to stop being horny and calm your urges fast? Here are quick fixes and deep insights to help you master your libido with ease.

If you’re googling how to stop being horny, chances are your body’s all fired up, your brain’s a blur, and you’re not exactly proud of whatever you’re feeling, or about to do next. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. When your sex drive suddenly spikes and you can’t stop thinking about it, it’s more than just “feeling horny”… it can start messing with your focus, motivation, even your sleep.

Biologically, it’s totally normal, your brain’s reward system, powered by dopamine, is doing exactly what it’s meant to do. But sometimes, it does it too well. And when that urge feels like it’s taking over your day (or night), it’s completely okay to want to get it under control.

In fact, psychology says trying to suppress a thought (like horny urges) often makes it stronger, it’s called the Ironic Process Theory. So instead of pretending the horniness isn’t there, the smarter move is to learn how to manage it, physically, mentally, and even emotionally. 📚 Source: D M Wegner, 1994, Ironic processes of mental control

Whether you want a quick fix, or a deeper understanding of your desire, here’s everything you need to know about how to stop feeling horny, instantly and in the long run.

[Read: Why Am I So Horny? 21 Signs, Reasons, Hypersexuality & When to Seek Help]

Why Am I Always So Horny?

While it’s common to experience these feelings, understanding the factors driving this heightened state of horniness can be enlightening.

Research shows that libido can fluctuate for many reasons, hormonal cycles, neurotransmitter changes, stress, or even overstimulation from screens. 📚 Source: Bittoni et al., 2022, Paradoxical and Nonlinear Associations of Sexual Desire

Let’s explore the reasons behind why your sex drive might be through the roof.

1. Hormonal fluctuations

Testosterone in men and estradiol *a form of estrogen* in women can significantly influence libido (📚 Source). Women may notice an uptick in desire during ovulation, while men might find fluctuations during the day.

While stress can lower libido in many, for others, high cortisol levels actually trigger more sexual urges as a coping mechanism. Your body might be chasing that dopamine boost to self-soothe. 📚 Source: Chrousos, G.P., 2009, Stress and disorders of the stress system

2. A fresh romantic interest

When you find someone new who tickles your fancy, neurotransmitters go haywire, prepping your body for intimacy.

This is essentially the brain’s way to ensure the species goes on. But remember, sex isn’t always about procreation, sometimes, it’s just recreation! [Read: 28 thirsty signs you’re sexually frustrated, horny, and need sex ASAP]

3. Natural variances in libido

Some people biologically have a higher sex drive. Factors like genetics, upbringing, and personal experiences can play a part.

If you’ve always been a naturally more fired-up person, then there’s no point in worrying about if there’s something wrong with you now.

4. Overstimulation

Engaging in frequent masturbation can, paradoxically, lead to increased sexual desire. This is due to the release of neurotransmitters that might lead you to crave more of that dopamine high. [Read: Chronic masturbation – 30 side-effects, signs, and ways to stop masturbating]

5. Digital stimulation overload

These days, it’s almost impossible to escape constant erotic triggers, whether it’s TikTok thirst traps, endless dating app swiping, or Reddit NSFW spirals.

These repeated micro-doses of dopamine from suggestive content rewire your brain to constantly seek sexual highs, making you feel horny more often than you naturally would. 📚 Source: Kühn & Gallinat, 2014, Brain structure associated with pornography consumption

This overstimulation doesn’t just spike arousal, it dulls the brain’s reward center over time, meaning you’ll need more stimulation to feel the same excitement. It’s a vicious cycle that’s best broken by taking breaks, detoxing, or at least being mindful of what you’re consuming.

Whether it’s hormones, stress, or just scrolling too much, there’s no single reason you’re feeling this way, and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It just means it’s time to understand your body and mind a little better.

How To Know If You’re Too Horny and Need To Fix It

Before you let that shameful voice in your head tell you that it’s wrong to feel horny, shut it up right now! Horniness and lust are perfectly normal feelings to have, even if you don’t have someone to release those feelings with *wink, wink*.

But as with everything else, there is such a thing as too much. There’s feeling horny enough to masturbate frequently, and then there’s too much horniness.

Think you actually have a problem and your libido is affecting your life? Look out for these signs:

1. You’re not able to concentrate on anything else.

2. You’re stressed, and can’t relax unless you have sex or masturbate.

3. You’re experiencing relationship problems, because of your unusual demand for sex.

4. You spend more of your time looking for a way to release your sexual tension.

5. You’re addicted to porn or masturbation.

[Read: Horny Girl: When Are Women Horny & 27 Signs She’s Aroused Around You!]

How To Stop Being Horny and Calm Your Mind

If you genuinely are worried about your feelings, and sex or masturbation just aren’t scratching that itch, there are ways to stop being horny and calm yourself. Give these tips a try, and you’ll achieve a calmer state of mind soon.

1. Take a shower

The old wives’ tale goes: when in heat, take a dip. However, the effect of a cold shower against horniness varies for each individual.

Some say it helps calm them down. Some say it’s “meh,” and a few believe that it’s actually counter-productive as standing wet, naked, and caressing yourself all over invites more of those urges in. Still, it’s worth a try.

Efficacy rating: 50%

[Read: 20 physical signs of female arousal to recognize a girl feeling horny]

2. Exercise

Someone leaning towards Freudian psychology (📚 Source) or even New Age philosophy would tell you that getting strong sexual urges is the effect of pent-up sexual energy that needs release.

And of course, the perfect way to release it is by way of a strenuous physical activity none other than sexual intercourse.

But instead of intercourse, divert that energy by doing other forms of exercise. So the next time you feel horny, jump into your tracksuit and do twenty laps, hit the gym, or pour it all out on the punching bag. Exercise has been shown to reduce sexual arousal and intrusive thoughts in clinical studies. 📚 Source: Koukounas, et al., 1997, Exercise effects on sexual arousal

This helps you release that tension and distract your brain from your other urges. And you’ll be too tired after anyway.

Efficacy rating: 80%

[Read: 22 horny signs to tell if a guy is turned on and is aroused as because of you]

3. Sexual transmutation

Want to convert all of that sexual energy into something more positive and life-goals-oriented? Enter sexual transmutation.

When you have a certain amount of sexual energy building up, it can be difficult to think straight. It can be a hindrance to productivity and make it hard to get anything done without errors. However, when you harness the power of that sexual energy and pour it into something else, the results might just surprise you. 

The word ‘transmutation’ basically means that you’re taking one type of energy and turning it into something else. So, don’t let this energy irritate you, take that sexual energy and turn it into creative energy, as one example! [Read: Sexual transmutation – How to harness your horniness and convert it into another energy]

Efficacy: 40-100%

4. Change your diet

Just how aphrodisiacs supposedly increase your libido, certain foodstuffs do the opposite when you consume them.

However, take note that these don’t work like medication that takes effect an hour later. You might need to gradually incorporate these into your diet if you feel you’re oversexed. [Read: Nom-nom, no-nos – 17 foods to avoid before having sex]

Carbonated drinks – drinks with more sugar than water in their formula make you dehydrated and feel less pleasant than normal. So if you feel horny, chug a little bit of the unhealthy drink.

Canned foods – high levels of sodium and potassium to keep these canned foods somewhat fresh not only guarantee to make you lose your sex drive, but they also make a man’s spunk taste horrible.

Soy and cheese – soybean products are a major source of phytoestrogen (📚 Source) while cheese gives off a large amount of xenoestrogen. What do they do? They screw up your hormonal balance which manages your libido. So if you want to stop being horny, gorge on these.

Fats and oils – good old grease may taste good, but it also floods the body with a lot of free radicals screwing up the body’s hormonal balance. Feeling horny? Treat yourself to a good double bacon cheeseburger.

Alcohol and coffee – combine both in some sort of a speedball and you instantly get limp. Alcohol is often thought to be a form of aphrodisiac, but it does the opposite. It screws up your mental state and sex drive. [Read: True sex talk – alcohol’s effect on sex and your libido]

Efficacy rating: 80% but use at your own risk.

5. Get it out of the way, masturbate

Sometimes, you just don’t have a choice. Your mind is foggy, you can’t think straight, your blood’s flowing through your loins and your brain’s losing blood fast.

If you’re having a very hard time concentrating on anything, don’t hate yourself for it. Just walk into a private space and flick your bean or choke your chicken.

There’s always another day and another opportunity to control your sexual urges.

Efficacy: 100%

6. Kill the mood with anything counter-erotic

People, sometimes you get horny because kinky thoughts run through your mind. Just like bad sex, you can put your urges at bay by doing stuff that usually kills the mood for you when you’re about to go at it.

Watch, read, or listen to comedy – laughter is good except in the bedroom. Watching your favorite sitcom realigns your focus away from sex.

Or you can choose something more depressing – we’ve been depressed at some point in our life. And one thing for sure is sex is the last thing you’ll be worried about when you’re feeling blue. The brain parts that function when you’re depressed shuts off the other parts making you horny. [Read: 41 best sad movies to heal your broken heart, make you cry, and feel better]

Even scary stuff – a quick jump scare scene definitely deflates your boner. Try it!

Efficacy rating: 70-80%

7. Physical pain

\We’re not saying you should hurt yourself, but we’re just letting you know experiencing physical pain would definitely whisk that horniness away.

Unless you are a masochist, that is. It may feel silly just imagining it but if you don’t mind giving yourself a pinch or a slap *and if you’re desperate enough*, give it a try. [Read: 37 health benefits of masturbation, bad side effects, and other must-knows]

Efficacy rating: 40%

8. Meditation

Feeling horny is a state of mind as much as it is a bodily function. As Buddhism teaches, one can control desires and urges by practicing mental discipline through meditation.

Mindfulness and meditation reduce sexual preoccupation and improve focus. 📚 Source: Amaia Miren Ciaurriz Larraz, et al., 2024, Mindfulness-based intervention and sexuality

You don’t need to practice Buddhism altogether. The basic requirement for meditation is simply a quiet and peaceful space where you empty your mind and let go of your desires. [Read: Why am I so horny? 21 signs, reasons, hypersexuality, and when to seek help]

Efficacy rating: 75%

9. Schedule a time for it

If you want to know how to stop being horny and find that controlling your urges is extremely hard, then maybe you can start by scheduling a time for it each day.

By doing this, you can distract yourself even if the thought pops up because you aren’t stopping yourself from masturbating. You’re just pushing it into its own place in your schedule.

Efficacy rating: 0% because you’re not solving anything there, and just prolonging the inevitable. But it’s a start!

10. Engage in cognitive distractions

Distract the mind by engaging in activities that demand cognitive attention, such as puzzles, reading a dense book, or delving into strategy games. The key is to occupy the brain and channel its energy away from erotic thoughts.

Distraction techniques reduce arousal and are used in CBT for impulse control. 📚 Source: Marta Meana, et al., 2006, Cognitive distraction during sex

By immersing yourself in intellectually stimulating tasks, the brain is less focused on sensations and more on problem-solving and critical thinking.

This shift in concentration can effectively help relieve sexual tension, offering a mental reprieve from those persistent urges.

Efficacy rating: 60%

11. Practice mindfulness

Although meditation is a type of mindfulness, integrating mindfulness throughout daily activities can also be beneficial. Focusing on the current moment and being fully present can help reduce the intensity of distracting urges. [Read: How to be chill and learn to live a happier life as a result]

Efficacy rating: 75%

12. Deep breathing

Take a breather, quite literally! Dive into some breathing exercises, think of it as giving your lungs a mini workout. Take a deep inhale, play a quick game of ‘hold-your-breath’ *just for a few seconds*, then let it all out, pretending you’re cooling off a big plate of your grandma’s freshly baked cookies.

This simple act doesn’t just give your lungs a good stretch, but it also helps your body and mind chill out, making it an easy way to relieve sexual tension and stop being horny.

Efficacy rating: 40%

13. Limit stimulants

Decrease your intake of caffeine and sugar. This can help in lowering overall physiological arousal, potentially reducing feelings of horniness.

Efficacy rating: 50%

14. Avoid triggers

Identify and understand what tends to trigger these feelings for you. It could be certain types of music, movies, or even specific places or scents. Being aware and either limiting exposure or preparing mentally can assist in managing your undesirable response. [Read: 50 best steamy romance movies to get you both hot, naughty, and in the mood]

Efficacy rating: 90% if you can fully understand and avoid your triggers.

15. Sleep well

Ever noticed how everything, including that leftover pizza, looks more appealing when you’re sleep-deprived? Well, missing out on Zzz’s can crank up those horny feelings, thanks to our body’s sneaky chase for that feel-good buddy, dopamine.

So, if you’re aiming to hit the ‘stop being horny’ button, maybe try hitting the snooze button first. Tucking in early or snagging that extra hour of dreamland can make a world of difference in keeping those urges in check!

Efficacy rating: 75%

16. Talk about it

As daunting as it might sound, sharing feelings of persistent arousal with a trusted individual, whether a friend, partner, or therapist, can offer a sense of relief. Sometimes vocalizing feelings can decrease their intensity.

Efficacy rating: 100% especially if you work alongside a therapist to curb your desires

17. Progressive Muscle Relaxation *PMR*

Progressive muscle relaxation (📚 Source) is like giving your muscles a brief “stretch and relax” routine. Start at your feet and move upwards, focusing on each muscle group. For each set, tense the muscles as hard as you can for a few moments and then release, allowing them to fully relax.

It’s like letting each muscle have its mini workout followed by a well-deserved break. By systematically addressing each group, you help your body release pent-up tension.

As a bonus? This relaxation can be a handy tool in your toolkit when you’re looking to curb those heightened feelings of horniness.

Efficacy rating: 40% – this could either calm you down or rile you up.

18. Try a mini dopamine detox

If you’re overstimulated and feel like your libido’s stuck on overdrive, it might be time for a dopamine reset. Try taking a 24-48 hour break from all high-reward activities: porn, social media, dating apps, even junk food.

Research shows reducing external dopamine triggers can lower compulsive urges and restore baseline reward sensitivity. 📚 Source: Lembke et al., 2021, Dopamine nation: Finding balance in the age of indulgence

Even a “dopamine light” detox (no TikTok or adult content for a day) can help you feel more in control.

Efficacy rating: 80% if you actually stick to it.

19. Use the 10-minute delay trick

Here’s a simple brain hack: Don’t tell yourself “no,” just tell yourself “not yet.”

When the urge hits, set a 10-minute timer and promise yourself you’ll wait, and do something else intensely during that time. In most cases, the urge loses power when you don’t feed it immediately.

This aligns with the psychological principle of “urge surfing” in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), where cravings rise and fall like a wave. 📚 Source: Bowen et al., 2009, Urge surfing and craving regulation

Efficacy rating: 85%

20. Keep your hands (and eyes) busy

A big part of the horny spiral is idle hands and wandering eyes. Keep your hands occupied with something tactile, drawing, gaming, cleaning, building, even playing with fidget toys.

The sensory engagement helps redirect your nervous energy, and if you also look away from visual triggers (like your explore feed), you double your chances of calming down.

Efficacy rating: 70%

[Read: Mutual Sexual Tension: 49 Signs, Causes & Secrets to Get More Horny]

Why Are We Even Horny?

Humans have forever been puzzled and intrigued by the mysteries of desire. If you’ve ever pondered, “Why am I always so horny?”, you’re not alone.

Before we delve into ways to stop being horny or relieve sexual tension, it’s essential to understand the machinery behind these urges.

1. The limbic brain: Headquarters of desire

The limbic system, often termed our emotional brain (📚 Source), is the epicenter of our feelings, including desire. Key structures like the hypothalamus and amygdala play pivotal roles.

Hypothalamus: This little nugget regulates hormones by communicating with the pituitary gland. These hormones, in turn, affect our sexual desires (📚 Source). Feeling a rush of excitement? Thank your hypothalamus.

Amygdala: Responsible for emotions, survival instincts, and memory. It’s the amygdala that might remind you of that ex when a particular song plays, but it doesn’t mean you should dial them up!

2. Neurotransmitters: Chemical messengers of lust

Dopamine: Often dubbed the ‘pleasure chemical,’ and for good reason, this is a chemical you want in your system. Elevated dopamine levels can make you feel good and increase the urge for sexual activity. It’s dopamine that gives you that ‘high’ when you’re around someone you’re attracted to.

Serotonin: Regulates mood, and low levels can sometimes lead to increased libido. It’s a balance of dopamine and serotonin that sets the stage for how horny you feel.

3. Evolutionary perspective: Propagation but with caution!

From an evolutionary standpoint, our primal purpose boils down to passing on our genes. We’re biologically wired to seek mates and reproduce.

But don’t worry, evolution also gave us the neocortex (📚 Source), the brain’s rational part, which tells us, “Maybe texting the ex at 2 a.m. isn’t the wisest idea.” [Read: 23 ways to get someone to have sex with you, be it a stranger or a friend]

Sex and Arousal Aren’t Bad Things!

Many people feel terrible guilt each time they feel themselves getting aroused.

As much as you’ve heard someone tell you that feeling horny is a bad thing, it’s not. All of us experience it, and it’s just another sign that your body is functioning, and everything down there is in perfect order.

So if you feel bad for getting wet or hard, relax, and just remember that it’s nothing to be ashamed of!

[Read: 28 thirsty signs you’re sexually frustrated, horny and need sex ASAP]

Myths vs. Facts

When it comes to understanding our bodies and desires, there’s a sea of misinformation out there.

Navigating this realm can be confusing, especially when you’re trying to stop being horny or seeking ways to relieve sexual tension. Let’s set the record straight on some widespread myths:

Myth 1: Blue balls are life-threatening

Fact: While “blue balls” refer to a real sensation of testicular discomfort due to prolonged arousal without release, it’s by no means life-threatening. It can be uncomfortable, but it won’t cause lasting damage. [Read: Blue balls – why guys get epididymal hypertension and how to cure it ASAP]

Myth 2: Everyone’s doing it, all the time

Fact: People have varied sex drives. Just because it seems like “everyone’s doing it” doesn’t mean they are, or that you should feel pressured. Everyone’s rhythm is unique.

Myth 3: Men think about sex every seven seconds

Fact: The idea that people, especially men, think about sex every seven seconds isn’t backed by scientific evidence.

While it varies from person to person, it’s nowhere near as frequent as this myth suggests. [Read: How men think about relationships and 18 secrets on what they want from love]

Myth 4: Masturbation will make you go blind or grow hair on your palms

Fact: Old tales to scare people from self-exploration! Masturbation is a natural activity that many people engage in. It doesn’t cause blindness or any wild palm growth.

Myth 5: If you’re always horny, there’s something wrong with you

Fact: Sex drive varies greatly among individuals. While persistent arousal can be a sign of certain medical conditions, simply having a high libido doesn’t mean there’s something amiss.

Being Horny Isn’t a Bad Thing, But You’re In Control

Let’s be real, being horny is not a bad thing. It’s literally your body working exactly as nature intended. But when those urges start taking over your brain, your schedule, or your ability to focus, it’s completely okay to pause and learn how to stop being horny, or at least how to manage it.

Whether you’re doing it for your mental clarity, your productivity, or just to avoid texting your ex at 2 AM again, you’re taking charge of your desires, and that’s powerful.

So don’t shame yourself for your sex drive. Just teach it when to chill. Horniness isn’t your enemy. It’s just energy, and now you know exactly how to handle it.

[Read: Sex addict -30 subtle signs you’re turning into one and what to do about it]

Being horny is a good thing, but it should learn to know its place. If you do want to stop being horny, use these ways to convert sexual tension into something more positive and enjoyable for yourself.