There is no single rule that will help you become more successful with women. It’s not like you can just flip a switch, and suddenly, there’s a line of women at the door, waiting to be with you. The truth is, attracting, keeping and being successful with women is a dynamic thing. It involves compromise, evolving, changing tactics, and a whole bunch of other things that you may or may not have control over.
Sadly, too many men think that they just need to do this one thing, and they’ll be the Casanova they’ve always wanted to be. Don’t be that guy. Be the guy who can change and modify his moves in order to snag a date with the woman of his dreams.
How to be more successful with the ladies
Being able to attract women is a trial and error thing. What works wonders for one woman might repel another. So to cover all the possible bases, here are 22 little things to keep in mind when you’re out there trying to get the woman you want.
#1 No one is out of your league. Not because you are Superman, but because of this one little thing: leagues don’t exist. Seriously, they don’t. And if the stuck up princess at the bar stares you down and tells you your job or looks are not good enough, well, it’s her loss. [Read: 9 tips for dating a woman whom you think is out of your league]
#2 There are, however, women who are genuinely not interested. Although not pleasant, this is perfectly normal. People are different. Their tastes, needs and desires vary widely, and do not necessarily correspond with what you have to offer. Do not take it personally, and do not feel offended. There are plenty of women that are not to your liking either.
#3 There is also a friendzone. Getting out of it ranges from tricky to almost impossible. Successfully, that is. Take your openings when you see them or risk being stuck in one of the last places you want to be, when trying to win a woman’s heart. [Read: The ultimate guide to getting out of the friendzone]
#4 Know when to back off. Fighting for your interest is all well and good. In fact, one side’s determination is often what gets and keeps many couples together. Just know that there is a fine, fine line between being persistent and being obsessively intrusive. Make sure you don’t cross it. [Read: 10 signs you need to back off a girl]
#5 Take rejection like a gent. In case you didn’t pick that up on the four previous points, if you have to step aside, do it graciously. This means no insults, no screaming, no talking and playing games behind the other person’s back, and this should completely blow over by itself. It may not seem like it at the time, but being the bigger person always pays off. [Read: 9 reasons you got rejected by the girl you want]
#6 Have your own style. Don’t follow fashion blindly. Bend the trends and make them work for you. It’s infinitely more important to be classy than to be trendy. Who needs swag when you’ve got class?
#7 Eye contact has a certifiable magnetic pull. Many men don’t fully utilize it, because they consider it a woman’s weapon. Others avoid it, because they are shy and are not sure how to do it right. Both of those are grizzly mistakes. Learning how to make potent eye contact is easy and brings enormous rewards.
#8 Smile often. Some men wear their frown as a parade uniform and it suits them very, very well. Others are so quick with a smile that it is almost as if their faces are in constant standby, waiting for a reason to curve their lips. What you need to understand is this: smiles are insanely fresh and sexy, when you use it the right way. [Read: 25 things that make men attractive to women]
#9 Your body language speaks volumes. The way you walk, sit and gesticulate tells a lot about you. Women pay close attention to body language, even if you may not notice it. Make the best of this knowledge, and learn how to project an image that is both confident and attractive.
#10 Be a wordsmith. Whether you are the talkative type or not is irrelevant. What matters is that you don’t fall in the extreme categories of Blabbermouth and Silent as a Stone. What matters most, however, is what you do with your words, how you pick them, arrange them in a sentence, and how vividly they convey your emotions, thoughts and intentions. There’s no need for pickup lines in this regard. All you really need to know is how to use the right words to pique her interest.
#11 Silence should not be awkward. “Why isn’t she saying anything, should I say something, why can’t I think of anything, oh my God, this is a disaster!” If this is what your brain sounds like five seconds after the conversation has come to a halt, you’re in trouble.
You see, not every pause is awkward. Sure they exist, but in most cases, this is just the topic coming to its natural end. You should use these seconds to reflect on what was said, and make a transition to the next subject of discussion, without panicking.
#12 Listen. Pretending to pay attention to someone only so you can get on their good side is two-faced and morally wrong, every way you look at it. Yes, we understand that it is no way equal to, say, hurting animals or committing larceny, but it does mean you are being a hypocrite, and that is not a good relationship foundation. And besides, what do you want with a woman, if you can’t be bothered to listen to her? [Read: How to win a girl’s heart effortlessly]
#13 Respect women. Not just your woman, mind you, WOMEN. This includes your relatives, her relatives, friends, the annoyingly slow and grumpy cashier at the grocery store and the waitress that just messed up your order and couldn’t apologize enough for it.
Having your woman up on a pedestal, while objectifying and mistreating others, does not make her feel like a princess. It makes her feel vulnerable and on edge, because she never knows when this attitude of yours will be redirected to her.
#14 Be smart. This is not about being book smart, although this is usually a plus. This point is all about you being quick on your feet: quick to read a situation, quick to choose the best course of action, quick to improvise, successfully at that, if your carefully constructed plans go out the window. If you are rolling your eyes at this and thinking, “Who cares, all women want is looks and money!” you, friend, have been living in the dark. Women notice and value far more than you give them credit for.
#15 Be generous. You don’t need a ton of money, you just need the desire to help and the will to follow through. It’s not even about doing charity, although this is something the world clearly needs more of, regardless of whether you are trying to impress a woman or be a decent human being. Be generous with your time and efforts. Help out friends when they need it, help strangers if you can.
#16 Being emotional and/or vulnerable is not a sin. The days of silent warriors who display about as much emotion as a brick wall are over. Gone. Never to come back. Women like to know they are around actual human beings, capable of being happy, sad, hurt, affectionate, and even a little silly when the occasion calls for it.
#17 Have passion, have purpose, have direction. This may sound like a line from a “discover your true potential” type of seminar, but these are three things we all need in our lives. A man that has them is seen as complete, a man that doesn’t is a child running around in a possibly very hot body, but a child nonetheless. Being in the process of figuring them out is perfectly ok. You can’t have all the answers by this or that deadline, just be on the path.
#18 Penis size and shape are a genetic lottery
Too small? Get over it!
To the side? It is what it is.
So big? Stop patting yourself on the back, it’s not like you made it! Oh, also, don’t get lazy thinking you’ve already brought enough to bed.
Size and shape don’t count for half as much as skill and willingness to learn.
We know this point broke our bite-size plan, but this one is kind of a big deal… or you know, a small deal… or a little to side… whatever it is, it’s fine! [Read: What does she really think of your junk?]
#19 Be comfortable with your sexuality. Pleasuring your partner is a huge part of the whole sex thing, we get it. But another huge part is you, getting just as much out of it. If you are ashamed to say what you want in bed, you’ll never get it. Simple as that.
#20 Let your past go. Don’t let the ghost of relationships past haunt your every move. What worked once is not bound to work in all of them, the same goes for what was broken. Reinventing yourself is a big part of starting a new relationship, a vital part at that.
#21 Let hers go, too. Her past is exactly that: hers and past. As long as you are both clear on that, you’ll be fine. Don’t make the mistake of hogging her about every ex, every crush, every everything. Respect her past, and aim for her future.
#22 Don’t forget to have fun. Far too many people treat getting a girl as a matter of life and death or a covert, stealth operation that will somehow make or break their manhood. Don’t stress yourself out over it. Just take it easy and enjoy yourself. You’ll find you’ll win a lot easier that way.
Trust us on all of these. As simple or counterintuitive as some points may sound, they are there for a reason. As obvious as others may be, take another look at how you behave and search for room for improvement. If you are honest with yourself, you’ll usually find it. And don’t feel bad if you find more tips than you expected. It just means you get more chances to sculpt a better and far more dateable you.
[Read: 13 rules of etiquette for the modern gentleman]
Successfully being able to date a woman doesn’t have to feel like a huge make or break test. It’s a constantly evolving, constantly changing endeavor that requires tweaking from time to time. Keep these tips in mind, and you’re already a step closer to knowing what to tweak in your strategy.
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